Starting Chemo in December 2013

Hi ladies,

I hope everyone is doing well today! TGIF!

DJJ, what is the old saying..."with friends like that, you don't need enemies"? Gheez...sounds like she needs to work on some things! Time to do some weeding!

I hope those of you with port and rads issues are getting them resolved. 

jbokland, looking forward to seeing pictures! 

kim, a convertible ride sounds like a great idea! Love the analogies! 

oranje, great job with the girls. I know you are very proud of them! 

My hair is coming in wavy, which it always has been. Kind of stuck to my head, though! I guess we're never happy, are we?

Sometimes it's hard to grasp the fact that life continues to go on regardless of our own situation. It's so nice to have a place to come to where everyone "gets it"!

Thanks for being there, ladies!

Michelle, sorry you got the blues, I think this is the longest roller coaster ride life has to offer...you are on the final loopty loop so hang on!!! I went through a period last week of the blues. All through chemo my sister was here and she always managed to take me out 2or 3 times in between tx. I haven't really been out since she left the last day of my chemo to head back to NJ. I had to give up my car before being dx'ed b/c it needed so much work and the price of insurance. I was so sure I could walk and take the bus anywhere's I had to go and only on occassion bother one of my kids for a ride. Now it is too hot to walk and I am so out of shape I just lay around the house. But yesterday things snapped for me and I am in a better place mentally...yea I still have all of rads ahead of me and we are told in order to be happy and postive in our lives not to look back but in this case looking back and seeing what I have been through makes the road ahead look better so yes that is why I posted what I did last night b/c this coming year starting with my birthday in Oct is going to be way better than last year. I know the pain of having a loved one in prison....but I am a firm believer that all good things work out in the end.

Char

ROFLMAO!! Big ears and white girl problems....OMG too funny!! Just the pick-me-up I needed!

Michelle, sorry you are still in a holding pattern. That truly must be difficult. 

Murphy and his damned law need to hightail it out of our homes...

oh- forgot to say what started it:(. Had to give up the  paid trip to Cabo because my rads are now pushed to end July 28. Trip was too close to that.  Sucks so much.  But, even  paid I had to pay for food and really don't have that extra money after this summer extravaganza! 

Jodi, you are brave and strong to be there on your own with your little girls.  But.....i get your mom-guilt.  My kids are big kids....21 and 18 but I still have it as well.  I get jealous too when I see my friends out with their families on trips, or even just sitting around firepits into the late evening drinking beer and I'm here in bed by 8:00 each night.  I feel alone all the time.  I have 3 of my best friends that are always checking up on me and stopping in and just are there for me, but all the other "girls" have also gone on with their lives and i know would be there if i asked or needed them, but at the same time don't text or call like they did when i was first diagnosed.  This sucks for all of us.  I want my old, normal life back......but in reality know that life will never be.  It may be the same, but it will always be different.  

My RO told me on Friday i quite possibly have only 10 rads left, he doesn't think i will need the boosts, so that is a good thing! He said I could get my butt surgery done as soon as the day after i'm done as he is concerned about the infection and also the pain i'm in.....I guess I have that to look forward to.........NOT! ugh.  

I think of you all so often.......hoping and praying you all are having good days, that you are enjoying life, that you are out and about.  I don't know why i'm so freakin exhausted by all of this.  All my joints hurts, i'm exhausted.....just want can't wait for the end of this for ALL of us!

Enjoy your evenings....sleep well everybody.

Michelle

Jodi, I read your whole post as I always do with everyone's here. All your feelings are legit, I get it, we get it. We are here for you, wish we could see everyone here and meet sometime, and give you a {{{hug}}}

Lately I don't feel much like posting but i check up on everyone every day...a few times a day actually

Loved the big ear story! Hated DJJ's ex friend story...ugh dont waste your time or energy on her anymore. Hated seeing the skin issues of some of you...hope it's getting better. Let us know what you do.  Oranje, love the swim stories...aww summer swim meets...I miss them. Michelle, you've got so much going on right now... :-( {{{Huggs}}}.  Love the hair growth stories. Hate the scheduling issues.  Hate the lonely stories, but your not lonely when we are always here!

Good night ladies. Hoping for a peaceful night for you all

Thanks ladies.....here it is 2:40am.......guess sleep didn't last too long tonight!  Kim, I started Tamoxifen almost 2 months ago.  So far, no real side effects such as hot flashes so i'm thankful for that.  Have you started?

Jodi, those of us who had low dose taxol last, have a 4-5 week advantage on you. At 7 weeks PFC I have about an inch in the back but still a bare 1/4 inch on top with lots of scalp still showing. Whir and silver gray mix. My decision, at age 60, is to look my age or color it again. 

App is phonto!  I got another fun one that has premade sayings.  They even have a ribbon section that says survivor and bald is beautify lol!  That app is call photofy.  Just entertaining myself while in Texas lol!

I believe we are all just tired...tired beyond words and no matter how close our family and friends are they just don't get it....how could they...we all have these quiet thoughts and fears that we feel safe letting them go here b/c "we" get it. We are all physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually exhausted...all the worry, re-arranging plans, fear, dealing with SE's, some taking care of little ones, bodies that feel foreign to us, anxiety of all the what if's..., having to say I'm sorry I can't go with you or sorry just not feeling good today, and we look at what is ahead wondering if we will ever really finish. We feel hurt and let down b/c our lives are so different now and we watch from the window everyone else going about their normal lives....the neighbor cutting their lawn and planting flowers, the family across the street packing the car for a day on the beach, the lady next door coming in with all her bags from a shopping trip, people walking their dogs....everything we were doing last year. You know what??? We earned a good cry and we earned the beauty to dream of a better tomorrow...WE WILL DO ALL THOSE THINGS AGAIN....in time...we will have a better "normal"....like I mentioned in one of my other posts this Christmas is going to be awesome...decorating was becoming such a chore and as the kids left home and husband not present it was all on me...lugging in all the bins from the shed, lifting the heavy tree and plugging all the lights in the right socket, not to mention all the pre-cleaning and putting stuff away to make room for the decorations all the while reminding yourself YOU will be the one who has to take it all down, clean again and put everything back. Everything about the holidays was becoming a chore and less and less fun....the cooking, baking and shopping....then last year I couldn't do any of it since my chemo started on 12/12 and I knew I would not be able to put it all away. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year and I was heartbroken. So I just look ahead and tell myself I will decorate, cook, bake, clean and shop this year and I am going to be happier and more joyful as I do it. I am looking forward also to my sister the snow bird returning the end of September and instead of taking me to chemo we can do some fun day trips like we used to do. I guess that is how I am managing my blues right now....it's still hard and it is still lonely but it is going to change....I have changed hopefully for the better and I will be able to look back at this journey and find things to be grateful for...such as the new friends I have made in all of you and I will have more empathy as I will be looking at people with clearer eyes, trying to find that woman in the crowd that is under the headscarf or wig, the one who is crying silent tears and hopefully be able to reach out to her and let her know she is not alone and find a way to make her day a little brighter. Jodi, I don't know how old your children are but make a sheet tent fort get some coloring books and crayons and PLAY....b/c all too soon you will be too busy running errands, cleaning, planting and grocery shopping to have that time with them again!!!!

just beautiful Michelle. Really lovely! 

Here is my 17 days PFC.  Much thinner on the front of my head. 

Michelle, absolutely beautiful.

Charusa, thank you for your words.  I was just getting ready to have another cry and they made me feel much better.  I'm so emotional this week. 

Michelle, you are one very brave and beautiful woman. 

Charusa, well expressed

JB looking like you will have just enough hair for the wedding. It will match your dress LOL. 

Trying to get myself psyched for another week of RT. At least I am at the halfway point but expect skin reactions to start at some point. Definitely the skin feels different on the radiated breast, drier and wrinkles more when "pinched". 

oh no Holli, that looks sooo painful.  Hope it heals quickly once you are on the boosts.  How many txs did you have when that started?  

Michelle, beautiful picture.  And it looks like they did an amazing job on your surgery.  I just stepped out on the back patio for the pics, was still in my nightgown . Love being secluded and def not getting in the sun, just the heat outside bothers it.

Holli, that looks so painful, my armpit hurts for you.

Char, there is so much they can't see from our perspective.  

Jbok, love your hair.