So nervous about MRI

Options
Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I just finished neoadjuvant chemo, 4 DD AC followed by 12 weekly Taxol and Herceptin, with Perjeta thrown in every third week. Started out with a 7cm tumor and 5 involved lymph nodes on the pre-chemo PET scan (2 around 2cm and 2 in the subpectoral area). Palpable nodes couldn't be felt after first AC. Tumor has shrunk immensely but there is still something in there - feels like a ridge or thickened spot. Onc thinks it's probably just scar tissue and says that it's a very good sign that the edges are soft and indistinct. Surgeon seemed not nearly as impressed when she examined me. I've had no imaging done since the PET, except for an ultrasound after AC 3 that showed no change in size. Flipped out on my onc who told me about the "swiss cheese" effect and said that as long as he was feeling it shrink, he was going to keep me on the original chemo.

So I have my post-chemo MRI on Tuesday and I am freaking out! I'm so afraid it's going to show residual disease (or worse - mets). Onc says that if I have a complete pathological response or near complete response, I can be reassured that the chances of it coming back are slim. I want that reassurance so bad. My initial pathology was crap and I have a few other things working against me (being <30, Ki67 of f'in 90%) and I just want SOMETHING to go my way for once. Finding out that the chemo worked really, really well would be like a giant reset button on this whole miserable experience. And I want to move on with my life after I finish surgery and rads. I'm very recently married and want to be able to enjoy my time as a newlywed and not have cancer worries eating at our happiness. I know no matter what my final pathology is, I'll never completely let go of the fear but I want my life back.

I just needed to get that out. I thought other Stage IIIer's would get it.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited June 2014

    Oh boy, do we get it.  My original U/S and needle biopsy showed a 0.8 lump with good probability of Stage I.  After the lumpectomy and path report, I was gobsmacked to hear how nasty things looked.  And then another biopsy showed lympatic emboli in the skin of my breast, so after neo chemo, it was on to a wide-excision mx.  The path report from THAT showed good margins, but the original area of skin still showed tumor emboli, so no complete response for me.

    But B_A_U, my cancer is gone, gone, gone.  The chemo and mx wiped out the cancer lice, the radiation cooked any nits that were left behind in my chest, and the Femara keeps any other sleeping cancer cells asleep.  Forever.

    I'm just finishing up with all the DIEP recon surgeries and I look better than I have for years.  I bought bikini panties yesterday.  I feel great.  And on the other side of this big old speed bump, so will you.

    Hang in there, sister.  It's a marathon, not a sprint, but there's a finish line and you're on your way.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited June 2014

    Yes, we do get it.  It's stressful to say the least.  I didn't have a cPR after neoadjuvant chemo.  My positive lymph nodes no longer lit up and my breast tumor was significantly less active at PET before surgery but after pathology, I still had micro amount in nodes and tumor was still big.  

    I believe many do not have a cPR, if so, it's only a small number who do.  

    Please let us know how you are.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Kathleen26
    Kathleen26 Member Posts: 210
    edited June 2014

    I just want to tell you BAU not to let your wish for complete response be the be-all and end-all.   I had very little response to the DD AC/T regimen that I had, but my onc assured me that it probably did some damage to any other stuff that was potentially floating around.   The surgery I had after my chemo still found 8 positive nodes including extra-capsular extension.   I think the surgery plus the radiation and the hormonal therapy is the reason I am still NED 4 years out.   As an earlier poster said--it's a marathon and not a sprint.   The goal is to get through all of it and have a shot of making it at the end.   Don't let less than 100% positive news along the way slow you down.   That's a head game that's not worth playing.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lucca06
    Lucca06 Member Posts: 69
    edited June 2014

    PAU I'm another that didn't get a complete response from neo-adjuvant and had residual tumour and micro mets to my nodes at the mastectomy.  3 years later (v nearly!) I feel and look well and agree with the others about how there is a wide range of factors that influence your future not just the response to chemo.

    As the nurses always used to say to me, be kind to yourself and that includes not beating yourself up if your expectations aren't met.  Take care.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2014

    Thanks. I do know PCR is rare, but I also noticed that a number of you were Grade 2. I'm Grade 3 and Her2+ with an extremely aggressive cancer, which means a) I should respond well to chemo, and b) I need all the help I can get! I do know hormonal therapy is powerful but I'm also only 29 and I'm afraid if the chemo doesn't get the job done, I'll have to yank all my estrogen when I'm a newlywed who still wants babies and a good sex life. Not to mention avoiding damage to my heart and bones. Chemopause already sucks and I hate thinking about NEVER coming out of it.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ann273
    ann273 Member Posts: 209
    edited June 2014

    Hi BAU, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 29 years old myself and was married for seven months before being diagnosed. All scans showed just one lymph node and a 6cm tumor (with a lot of DCIS). After neo adjuvant chemo I had surgery and they found 11 positive lymph nodes, all less that 2mm. You can only imagine the shock my husband and I went through after the path results.I only just finished treatment myself and I can tell you that I feel better today than I did 4 months back. So I would like to think that it gets better with time. This forum has been my lifeline. I don't post much, but read every day. I completely understand where you are coming from and wanted to let you know that the new normal actually does get slightly better each day. I am on tamoxifen right now, and I dont have any side effects from it. I hope it is the same for you. Good luck with everything! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mary625
    mary625 Member Posts: 1,056
    edited June 2014

    You two are an inspiration at 29 years old, handling all of this.  I was 20 years older.  I am in awe of you guys and wish you all the best.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories