Reflections years after being sure I did NOT want reconstruction

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CLC
CLC Member Posts: 1,531
edited June 2014 in Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy

Hello, everyone! It's been a long time since I popped in here. I hope you all are well. I am now two and a half years out from my umx. I decided it was time to say something about my decision not to reconstruct. I am now separated from my husband and very happily in love with a fantastic man. And it seems to me that many women tangling with the reconstruction decision might like to hear from someone on this end of it. I knew at the time of the mx that I did not want to reconstruct, yet many folks (doctors and friends) pushed me to at least go to a plastic surgeon and find out my options. I did that, but never once seriously considered reconstruction. I totally understand that recon is a blessing for many, and I am grateful they have the option), but I knew that I did not want to go that route. So many told me I would regret it. I have never once regretted it. Not even when faced with the daunting prospect of becoming intimate with a new man. I struggled with the practical issues...how would I dress and what prosthetics would I use and all of that...because I didn't want to go half flat at work, teaching high school. I was concerned about issues that might raise for teenagers and I did not want that responsibility. But other than that, I have had zero fallout. I go half flat everywhere other than work...the gym...out for dates with my wonderful guy...to drop off and pick up my kids at dance...running down the street. And no one ever gives me a second glance...even when I am wearing tight workout clothes. (And I am a D cup on the other side). I do still consider the idea of a reduction on the other side...but that is because the idea of never seeing another bra in my life has a certain, shall we say, appeal... :) Sending my best wishes to all of you. Claire

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  • wallycat
    wallycat Member Posts: 3,227
    edited May 2014

    What a beautiful post!

    And congratulations on meeting a man that is loving and kind.

    Happy to have read you don't regret your decision.

    I go flat all the time (yes, I consider it a badge of honor never to have to wear a bra for the grief of cancer).

    I don't know how I would feel if I were out in a dating situation.  You have at least one breast for men that "need" a visual.  I would like to think that as I get older, men get wiser and realize that there is more to a woman than a breast or any other body part.

    Thank you so much for sharing you insight and story!

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  • CLC
    CLC Member Posts: 1,531
    edited May 2014

    The only issue in the new intimacy arena was not the presence and/or absence of breasts, but the scar.  He was worried that it might be too difficult for him to look at the scar.  But it ended up being a non-issue very quickly.  When I lost the breast, I discovered that, for me, a breast is not what makes a woman beautiful, nor is it what makes a woman a woman.  I imagine it might be a non-issue precisely because I feel that way.  He simply has accepted my take on it all and followed my cues.  

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  • IndigoMont11
    IndigoMont11 Member Posts: 1,095
    edited May 2014

    I remember so well my appointment with the surgeon, when I expected to have the conversation about immediate recon - because I thought that was just "what you do."  And how stunned I was when he very gently told me that in my case, recon would have to wait.  I healed well from rads, and I've kept recon in my back pocket, so to speak.  But as time has gone on, for me the reasons not to have recon outweigh any reasons I'd want to do it.  For one thing, the risk of complications is a huge turnoff.  I've met some amazing, wonderful ladies who have had experiences ranging from constant, low-level discomfort, to implant failure, hernias and infections, and even recurrence in a reconstructed breast.  The PS told me that the best choice for me was lat flaps, and while I'm not an athlete, I wasn't crazy about that idea either.  And as far as the outcome; well, I've been married for going on 33 years now, and DH still believes I'm beautiful.  (I am - but of course I want to hear it, lol!).  I have heard from several doctors that my surgeon did an especially good, neat clean job as far as the scars, and there is something about having boobs that you can wear or not wear as you like.

    Yesterday while shopping, I met another lovely lady who happened to be an IT rep (the company that makes the Brow Power pencil that is donated for the LGFB kits).  We chatted and yep - she had BC too.  I told her that I hadn't had recon and had no plans to do so, and she said, "Oh, good!"  She went on to confide that her experience with recon was also a rough one, and she's never been happy with the result.  

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  • Annie62
    Annie62 Member Posts: 1,081
    edited June 2014

    Thanks for posting this. I am 3.5 years out with a bilateral mx and was recently thinking about this. Shopping is somewhat limited whether I'm wearing prosthetics or going flat but it mostly doesn't bother me.   The only time I really 'regret' not getting reconstruction is swimsuit season. I'm still searching for the a swim top that works for me at my pool club. I go flat around town but know I can always camouflage with scarfs, collared jackets, layering when I might feel self-conscious but in a bathing suit there is no hiding my flat top and wide bottom. :) Last year I did fine sunbathing but the top kept drooping when wet. Maybe this year will be the year I find the perfect tankini top and then I'll have no regrets at all. :)

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