Good day

I was dx with my 2nd BC (1st was dcis in 2007), July 2nd 2013. I was so muddled emotionally at the time that I waited almost 2 months to have the bmx surgery with immediate reconstruction on 8/28/13. After that DD chemo for 14 weeks; my last Taxol was on 1/30/14. I worked through the first half of chemo then stayed home for the 2nd half.

I lost all of my hair (kept a few hairs until the end of chemo when I went totally bald).

I was weak and had problems with my digestive system that were worse than the effects of chemo. I also developed some mild neuropathy in my feet that hasn't resolved.

Even though I was in "battle mode", i.e. keeping myself together and doing what I had to do to get through treatment, I was often depressed and frightened. Quite frankly I still am at times.

Anyway, I went back to work a couple of months ago and I'm slowly getting back my strength -- I'd say maybe 90% of it is back. Today I decided that I would not wear my wig to work anymore because I hated it, even though people told me I looked fine. My head is covered with about an inch of hair that is going everywhere. I got so many compliments on my hair that I'm now wig free!! It's a little thing but it marks a big step for me. I am beginning to feel that life is beginning to return to normal (a bit). Don't get me wrong -- my life will never be the same after what I've gone through, but little things like going without a wig, working full time, being strong enough to do chores/activities that I did before treatment makes me feel like it's over and I am moving on.

I still think about cancer (especially recurrence) a lot but I am beginning to feel that I made it and that things will continue to get better. I guess what I am trying to say is that THINGS DO GET BETTER. I got through active treatment and am making it to the other side. Somehow taking off that wig and wearing my "real" hair has really made me feel like I am going to be alright. I know I don't know what the future holds and I know I will always deal with the aftermath of treatment in some form. But I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter and that I am close to settling in to my "new normal".