34 years old and do NOT want reconstruction.

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Well I am turning to this site again for support.  After being DX almost two weeks ago and a double MX scheduled for May 15th.  I have decided against reconstruction.  I am a 36 D right now and I just feel like something in my gut is saying do not do it.  Almost everyone around me although they support me in my decision does not agree with it.  They think I will regret it when I see nothing there.  Honestly I feel like I am scared but the only thing that this beast of a disease is going to get is my breast!!!  I am going to be reminded either way of this battle I have a head.  I can do without all the extra time and surgeries to make me right for society.  It may be the "C" talking and the fear  taking hold but I have a husband who backs me up and I want to put this behind me (if everything is ok when they do the MX ).  I have learned a lot about time and how valuable it is.  I do not want to waste time doing this surgery.  Am I being crazy or not thinking straight?

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Comments

  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited May 2014

    i don't regret avoiding the extra pain and recovery time but i am much older.  It is your body and your choice.  Good for for not caving to pressure.  

    Best of luck going forward.

  • Marple
    Marple Member Posts: 19,143
    edited May 2014

    I had a single mastectomy with no recon and I do not regret it.  I think you are thinking very clearly.  It's your decision and with your husband backing you up you have all the support you need.  What others think they 'might' do if confronted with the same problem means nothing IMO.  They do not have to live with your consequences either way.

  • lemon68
    lemon68 Member Posts: 684
    edited May 2014

    cammychris- I think its okay, only you know what is okay for YOU. I am happy your DH is supportive. Even after the MX the door isn't closed if later your not happy and want to reconstruct. Do what you want and don't listen to others, your body, your choice. Best to you.

  • lisa137
    lisa137 Member Posts: 569
    edited May 2014

    Go with your gut, especially since your husband backs you up. It's YOUR choice, not that of those who disagree with you; THEY aren't the ones who would have to go through the extra surgeries.

    Besides which, every single doctor I've talked with since my diagnosis has asked me if i planned to do reconstruction, and when I've said "no," ever single one of them has said, "That's something you can change your mind about later, even years later."

  • iammommy
    iammommy Member Posts: 213
    edited May 2014

    I had a pbmx w no reconstruction and have never regretted it. I go flat all the time and feel great about it. Dh was behind my decision 100%. Neither of us wanted me to go through more surgery than necessary. You'll do great!

  • RhodyMMM
    RhodyMMM Member Posts: 455
    edited May 2014

    Cammychris, I know exactly where you are coming from. Reconstruction was never an option for me. Thankfully, my husband was very supportive in my decision. I made my decision on two reasons: first, I have always felt that "if it's not mine then I don't want it." Second, I wanted to be sure that there would be nothing in the way to cover up or mask any recurrence (although my BS assured me that would not be an issue). I had my BMX last June with no recon. When I look in the mirror and see my scars and flat chest, all I think about is "IT'S GONE!" I consider them to be battle scars.....I intend to win this war! If you choose not to have reconstruction at your initial surgery, you can always rethink it later and do it then. Keep that in the back of your mind since you are young (I was 53 at diagnosis).

    There are inconveniences related to not doing recon, but they are offset by other positives. It's hard to find bathing suits, and they are expensive, but my insurance pays for my bras so I guess it balances out.

    I wish you all the best, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers on May 15. Please be sure to let us know how you make out, or feel free to PM me if you want.

    Martha

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited May 2014

    I am another who had a single Mx and no recon. I am much older than you, but have had not a single regret about my decision. My Surgeon told me the "Door wasn't closed!" if I wanted to do recon later. I have no desire to do it, but it is good to know the possibility is there.

    My Husband is completely on board with my decisions too. It makes such a difference to know you are supported. It is a big change, but nowhere near as bad as you might think.

    I wish you all the very best! Let us know how you get on, and ask anything, we are always here and willing to answer any questions that may help you. Take care!  

  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited May 2014

    I felt the same way, cancer got my breasts but nothing else. And I never reconstructed. But many women have the chance to reconstruct for a few years after the mastectomy, so the option is still possible.

    My thoughts, no, I am not *happy* with my flat self, I wish I had breasts, but fake breasts that hurt to get and are numb won't make me happy either. I am making the best out of having the mastectomy by buying fun scarves.

    Wishing you the best.

  • Cammychris
    Cammychris Member Posts: 99
    edited May 2014

    Thank you all. I feel so close to everyone on this site. I know in my heart this is the right choice for me. I don't know if god willing I will change my mind eventually  but honestly I don't even see it as a option for me it is not a easy choice either way but my gut is telling me it is the right one.

  • caaclark
    caaclark Member Posts: 936
    edited May 2014

    I also chose NOT to reconstruct.  Had a single mast. in 2006 and everyone thought I would regret not reconstructing.  I'm still waiting but so far no regrets.  Listen to your own voice, not the voices of others who are not walking in your shoes.  I had just turned 40 at the time of diagnosis so I am now 48.

  • aunt_paula
    aunt_paula Member Posts: 271
    edited May 2014

    You know yourself better than anyone else does. I'm 44, and had a BMX in January this year, with no reconstruction. I am happy, and I didn't want a surgery of the magnitude I'd have had for reconstruction. Trust yourself to know what you want.

  • AKJ
    AKJ Member Posts: 190
    edited May 2014

    Go with your gut. Like you, the idea of more surgeries repelled me. I also see my scar as a battle scar. I only care about getting through all this and living my life again.

  • Rosiesride
    Rosiesride Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2014

    all of you gals are an inspiration and your stories help when struggling with the question of what to do?  I have breast conservation and just met with a 3 rd breast surgeon this morning to go over report to assure me that if I choose to keep my lumpectomy, it would be ok...then of course it comes back to what I am comfortable with and if monitoring my diseased breast will be difficult or not.  BUT after much discussion, research, reading about others on the boards here, I feel that if I did need to remove my right breast, I would not go through reconstruction.  I am 54, and many of the reasons I would go that route has already been stated in the above posts !  It's just nice to have support on the decisions we make!  Thanks! Rosie

  • Rosiesride
    Rosiesride Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2014

    all of you gals are an inspiration and your stories help when struggling with the question of what to do?  I have breast conservation and just met with a 3 rd breast surgeon this morning to go over report to assure me that if I choose to keep my lumpectomy, it would be ok...then of course it comes back to what I am comfortable with and if monitoring my diseased breast will be difficult or not.  BUT after much discussion, research, reading about others on the boards here, I feel that if I did need to remove my right breast, I would not go through reconstruction.  I am 54, and many of the reasons I would go that route has already been stated in the above posts !  It's just nice to have support on the decisions we make!  Thanks! Rosie

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited May 2014

    I have had recon, but I am very clear on this issue. Every woman needs to do what is best for her. If your instinct is telling you that you don't want recon, resist what anyone else tells you and follow that instinct. Breast cancer is enough to deal with and if you know that you don't want the added procedures/recovery associated with recon, then don't do it!

  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited May 2014

    I am 65 but have made the determination that if I have a re-occurance, I will have to do a mastectomy (BS and I have discussed this 2 years ago when they needed to biopsy something seen on mamo) and also that there will be no reconstuction

    it is all personal and what you are comfortable.

    Also, a gym pal of mine, waited over 2 years till she decided to do reconstruction on her breast so the decision came evolve 

  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited May 2014


    It is your body and your choice.((hugs)) Besides, if you ever change your mind about recon, you can get it later. Sometimes I think the push for recon is too much in the middle of a cancer dx and mx...at least for me it was. Good luck sweetie!

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited May 2014

    if immediate reconstruction is on offer for you then remember that this gives the best results, delayed recon is never as good, just saying thatsall, good luck

  • belleb
    belleb Member Posts: 170
    edited May 2014

    I was diagnosed at age 35 this January(2014). I had a lumpectomy w/SNB immediately and then they wanted me straight into chemo (I have triple neg). At that point they told me after chemo I would need either radiation on the affected breast or a mastectomy. From the very early days when I was lost and emotional to present day, when I have grown so much stronger, I have always felt I wanted to do not just a mastectomy but a bilateral mastectomy with no recon. I've had friends react weirdly, friends who high five me with a "you go, girl", friends who have begged me to reconsider, but deep down in my gut THIS is what I feel is best for me. The thought of radiation leaves me uncomfortable and the more frequent mammos I would likely face for the rest of my life adds even more radiation. I want to do this the least complicated way and not unnecessarily make my life more painful, more difficult and harder for my family to live with. I have two young kids who I don't want to spend anymore time looking or acting sick for. So, my two cents would be to go with your gut! Best of luck with this decision!

  • wallycat
    wallycat Member Posts: 3,227
    edited May 2014

    Quite a few threads very similar to yours....pages and pages of comments with like-minded people; I am one of them.

    Stay the course and go with your gut; surgery can always be done; undoing it is much more of a big deal.

  • bayareamom
    bayareamom Member Posts: 61
    edited May 2014

    I disagree with Lilly.  I had delayed reconstruction and have lovely results.  My doctors thought I wold need radiation and told me I would need to delay.  i was not sure I wanted to reconstruct, anyway.  But after all was said and done, I did want to have the reconstruction.  My plastic surgeon thinks he gets his best results with delayed.  I am very pleased with the outcome.

  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited May 2014

    You are completely thinking straight because you are listening to the little voice inside you instead of letting everyone project their fears/needs/desires on you.  It's such a personal decision!   FYI, my reconstruction had a complication and now I am looking at a total of 4 surgeries with long recoveries instead of just one simple one.   You may just love the simplicity after having large breasts.  I tried to get smaller breasts and mine still came out large!  I think plastic surgeons think everyone wants to have a large bosom.  Best wishes for an easy procedure and quick recovery!  Getting the "C" out is what it's all about!  

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited May 2014

    bayareamom what kind of recon did you have please? 

  • DLB122
    DLB122 Member Posts: 2
    edited May 2014

    I had my double mastectomies in 2005 and I thought the same as you are now.  Y only advise looking back on my decision is  really consider the reconstruction now versus maybe later when the affect of having no breasts hits you. And it will. I had a really hard time for a while and recently while wearing the external prosthetics which tend to move around and clothes just aren't made for them!!  I just wish I would have done reconstruction.  

  • aunt_paula
    aunt_paula Member Posts: 271
    edited May 2014

    My PS also said there are advantages to delayed reconstruction. I'm not taking him up on it, but knowing that helped relieve some of the decision-making pressure I was feeling.

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited May 2014

    Cammychris please go with u' r tru feelings and on top of that u have a supportive husband so that even helps u'r decision. When my Dr. asked me I said no immediately just get rid of them I said but it[s more surgery and who really wants that. Good Luck. U sound pretty clear minded to me.Happy

  • Cammychris
    Cammychris Member Posts: 99
    edited May 2014

    I have decide for now to NOT do the reconstruction.  I feel like this is the right decision for me.  Slowly everyone else will understand.  If not then they can slowly step aside.  Life is to short to worry about how others think I should live my life.  Surrounding my self with positive and Love from now on!  Thank you for all the support!

  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited May 2014

    Go with your gut, Cammy.  And you are welcome to join us on other threads, should you want to be in the company of like-minded sisters.  ROCKIN' FLATNESS LIKE A BADAS$ is for sisters who do just that -- no recon, no prosthetics.  And NEW AND FUTURE FLAT SISTER WITH QUESTIONS has a whole bunch of different kind of sisters on it -- some uni, some not; some who rock prosthetics, some who don't.

    We are all with you! XXX

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited May 2014

    Cammy stick to your gut instincts and they will guide you through the maze......there is so much to consider with a cancer diagnosis, its overwhleming at times

  • lekker
    lekker Member Posts: 594
    edited May 2014

    Cammy - I hope your surgery goes well and that you have a swift recovery.  It sounds like you are confident that you are making the right choice for yourself.  Please don't let anyone take that confidence away from you!  

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