Ashamed

Hi Heather 

I think a lot of us grapple with why our breasts are of importance to us, whether we are vain in wishing to look attractive, etc. I can't know what your feelings about this are or where they are coming from, but here is one of the things I thought about when I was considering whether to have reconstruction at all (because I was questioning myself about it). Then it was put to me this way - if you were in a car accident and your teeth were knocked out, and you didn't 'need' your teeth, but you had the option of having caps put in, would you? And if you did, would that be vanity? What if the doc said to you - "say I can give you caps that are a little whiter and straighter than what you had." If you said yes, would you be ashamed?

If you feel like your breasts are huge and it makes you uncomfortable, then sure consider a reduction, but if you like how you look (and it sounds like you do) then why should you be ashamed of that? Are you trying to attracts other women's husbands? Then that wouldn't be so good but it just doesn't sound (to me) like you have anything to be ashamed of.  

Oh sweetie, at first we are all a little paranoid of looking different, even if we went smaller instead of larger. We all feel like people are looking and noticing the change, and some times they are because it's human nature to do so. I understand church community, working in the church community and being actively involved in everything there and I applaud you for that. You couldn't have your child or yourself in a better place. It sounds like you might be experiencing a little guilt because you got something better out of a bad situation. As Christains in a conservative community I feel we do tend to judge ourselves much harsher than anyone else would. My advise would be to not make any harsh decisions right now. Take a while to live with your new breasts to get comfortable with them. If you find that you truly can't get comfortable with them you can always have them reduced later, but I truly feel you're just going through a transition period right now. (( hugs))

I'm bigger now too.  I went from an A to a C, maybe even D depending on the bra.  It was my idea - I asked for them.  But....it's a learning curve. I like them.  I'm just realizing there are certain things I can't wear, unless I want to look like I'm interviewing for a Hooters job.   

I'm 6 months out from my exchange and still adjusting to my new look.  I'm not thinking of reducing, just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

Give it some time to see if you become more comfortable with them.  Once you've been "seen" by everyone who may notice the difference - friends, co-workers, relatives, etc. and the initial introduction period is over, you may feel less self-conscious. 

My PS is freaking adorable too.  So I hear you on that 

I'm going to go out on a limb here I think.

You have a marriage that you consider dead and now you just went through a very traumatic, life changing experience.  Your PS is the beautiful man who put you back together and will help you feel normal again.  I think what you're feeling is understandable and probably very common.

For me, my experience changed a lot of things about me.  My appearance, for one, but I also have a different view of my life.  I believe that I deserve to be happy - not sure I realized that before.  I find myself a little more selfish now - I've spent my entire adult life raising 5 kids and never really did anything for myself.  I am trying to change that.  I've made some very positive changes in my lifestyle and habits - I eat much better, exercise more, and am just very much aware of the real possibility of having the rug yanked out from under my feet at any time.  All this and I didn't even have cancer.  My surgery was prophylactic. 

I don't want to give you advice about what you should do.  Believe me, I'm definitely the wrong person to do that.  But I hope you are able to move forward on whatever path you choose, and that you will find peace and happiness.  You've been through a lot and you deserve it.