Ashamed

Heather_Allison

I have the most  beautiful cosmetic surgeon in the world. 

I went from a 34B to a 36C, and my breasts are beautiful.

I was fortunate enough to have a breast  surgeon who performed the nipple sparing surgery for me, so they would look real if I were 10 years younger. 

But I feel ashamed. They are huge. Should I have a reduction?

I have a young daughter and am active in my very conservative church community.. . I just find myself wondering if I should be ashamed at odd times. So now I'm thinking of having them reduced.

ziggypop

Hi Heather 

I think a lot of us grapple with why our breasts are of importance to us, whether we are vain in wishing to look attractive, etc. I can't know what your feelings about this are or where they are coming from, but here is one of the things I thought about when I was considering whether to have reconstruction at all (because I was questioning myself about it). Then it was put to me this way - if you were in a car accident and your teeth were knocked out, and you didn't 'need' your teeth, but you had the option of having caps put in, would you? And if you did, would that be vanity? What if the doc said to you - "say I can give you caps that are a little whiter and straighter than what you had." If you said yes, would you be ashamed?

If you feel like your breasts are huge and it makes you uncomfortable, then sure consider a reduction, but if you like how you look (and it sounds like you do) then why should you be ashamed of that? Are you trying to attracts other women's husbands? Then that wouldn't be so good but it just doesn't sound (to me) like you have anything to be ashamed of.  

AZ85048

Heather_Allison - I agree with ziggypop.  I don't exactly know how long ago your reconstruction was, but I tend to think that it may have been recent.  Why not wait a couple of months, and if you continue to be uncomfortable, then go for the reduction?  Remember that this is a lot to go through both physically and emotionally and it all takes some getting used to.  My suggestion would be to give it some time and not be too hasty.  Try getting used to the 'new you' and I have faith that you'll know in your gut what's right for you, when the time comes...  You certainly have nothing to be ashamed of whether you keep what is obviously a result that makes you very happy, or opt for the reduction.  Either way only you know the answer.

Susie123

Oh sweetie, at first we are all a little paranoid of looking different, even if we went smaller instead of larger. We all feel like people are looking and noticing the change, and some times they are because it's human nature to do so. I understand church community, working in the church community and being actively involved in everything there and I applaud you for that. You couldn't have your child or yourself in a better place. It sounds like you might be experiencing a little guilt because you got something better out of a bad situation. As Christains in a conservative community I feel we do tend to judge ourselves much harsher than anyone else would. My advise would be to not make any harsh decisions right now. Take a while to live with your new breasts to get comfortable with them. If you find that you truly can't get comfortable with them you can always have them reduced later, but I truly feel you're just going through a transition period right now. (( hugs))

Heather_Allison

Thank you Susie, AZ8 and Ziggypop, 

I will give it some time.

I've only had these implants four full days - today is my 5th.

Some of my friends haven't even seen me yet. I do like how they look. My clothes actually fit for the first time in my life. My figure looks better. I have to get used to the fact that I can't just throw on any tanktop anymore because my breasts are too big for that now. Maybe I am just trying to find something wrong with them. Maybe it's just that I want to be taken care of by my plastic surgeon forever. I am struggling with being attracted to him. This is all very confusing and unsettling. I am married and have a child. Middle aged. Oldish with new breasts. Thanks again for your advice. I'm going to go slow and give it some time.

sarahjane7374

I'm bigger now too.  I went from an A to a C, maybe even D depending on the bra.  It was my idea - I asked for them.  But....it's a learning curve. I like them.  I'm just realizing there are certain things I can't wear, unless I want to look like I'm interviewing for a Hooters job.   

I'm 6 months out from my exchange and still adjusting to my new look.  I'm not thinking of reducing, just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

Give it some time to see if you become more comfortable with them.  Once you've been "seen" by everyone who may notice the difference - friends, co-workers, relatives, etc. and the initial introduction period is over, you may feel less self-conscious. 

My PS is freaking adorable too.  So I hear you on that 

Heather_Allison

I find myself thinking of my PS all the time. I want to ask him to have an affair!

This is crazy and not at all like me.

So on one hand I am worried that I don't look modest and on the other hand I feel like a harlot home wrecker. This is a really weird place to be at this age. I feel like my marriage is dead and serves only the purpose of providing the needs of my daughter. My husband and I are not intimate and I don't want to become intimate. We've been married 15 years and I'm just sticking it out until my daughter is old enough to be able to handle a divorce. I wonder if any other women have experienced this after having been diagnosed with cancer and gone through treatment to arrive on the other side with a beautiful new body and a shaken sense of mortality. I mean, is this it? I lived through breast cancer. I'll be around for my daughter for a few more years, thanks be to God, but what about me? Ugh, I feel like I need a support group.

sarahjane7374

I'm going to go out on a limb here I think.

You have a marriage that you consider dead and now you just went through a very traumatic, life changing experience.  Your PS is the beautiful man who put you back together and will help you feel normal again.  I think what you're feeling is understandable and probably very common.

For me, my experience changed a lot of things about me.  My appearance, for one, but I also have a different view of my life.  I believe that I deserve to be happy - not sure I realized that before.  I find myself a little more selfish now - I've spent my entire adult life raising 5 kids and never really did anything for myself.  I am trying to change that.  I've made some very positive changes in my lifestyle and habits - I eat much better, exercise more, and am just very much aware of the real possibility of having the rug yanked out from under my feet at any time.  All this and I didn't even have cancer.  My surgery was prophylactic. 

I don't want to give you advice about what you should do.  Believe me, I'm definitely the wrong person to do that.  But I hope you are able to move forward on whatever path you choose, and that you will find peace and happiness.  You've been through a lot and you deserve it.

DocBabs

Do not have an affair with your PS and do not ,under any circumstances, tell him of your feelings. It is quite normal to develope these feelings especially if your PS is even the slightest bit attractive. You are in a very vulnerable state and your home situation is not helping. Sometime in the near future you need to see a therapist to talk out everything.. This is the one person that you can confide all your feelings to. Till then just relax and enjoy your new "girls". I had the same NS surgery and am not at all happy with mine. I don't like my PS very much but,  that too , will never be said. 

Barbara