Help balancing Chemo and young children at home... ??e

Jen, your photo is beautiful. So sorry you are dealing with this crap at your age with young kids at home. I am sure other moms will post with coping strategies. I have worked with young children for years. They are the most resilient. 

You are their world, and they might not get your "best" for the next few months, but that's ok. You are doing what needs to be done. Let dad & grandparents & friends help out with trips to the park or zoo. 

I took on the motto during chemo, one day at a time. 

A friend told me, she let her kids draw on her bald head when she was in treatment. They loved it. I shaved my head, when it was falling out & messy. But left a stubble because I was afraid of nicking the scalp. But if that idea appeals, you could have a professional shave your head. Sounds silly, but she said it was a good memory for all of them.

my daughter was two and a half when I had chemo last summer/fall and I went through some of the same emotions as you are going through. Here's what we did and what worked for us as a family, every family is different though.

Like you, we told my daughter the minimum she needed to know. I don't think she would have understood if we told her more, we kept it at a level she could understand. We told her that I had a booboo and that I go to the hospital to get medicine for my booboo. I'm not sure she picked up on the fact that I felt like crap after chemo treatments. She was in day care and we kept her in day care during my treatment. It was important to us that she had a routine and that she could see her friends during the day. I made sure to rest while she was a daycare, or when she was napping on the weekends, so that I could take advantage of the time I had with her. That might be a bit harder with slightly older kids.

We also took advantage of the days where I felt better to do the fun stuff as a family. I don't feel we missed out on the seasonal things.  We still went Apple picking and pumpkin picking and to the park. We just timed those outings on the days I felt better. She still took part in swimming and dance lessons which I took her to on most days she had lessons, if I felt bad then my husband would take her. There were days where we did just sit and cuddle and read or watch TV. Yes, I did feel guilty about the fact that she was watching more tv than I would have liked, but after a little while I realized that this is what we needed to do at the time to get through it. I found I felt less guilty about being sick and not being there as much if I I maximized being the fun and attentive mommy on the days I felt better. 

Basically, my husband and I agreed that we would do what we needed to to keep life as stable for our daughter, so that she would be the least impacted by it. sometimes that meant not doing something around the house or having take out for dinner so that I would have the energy to be there for my daughter. 

For me the biggest thing that helped with the guilt was taking advantage of the days I felt good and adjusting our activities on the days I felt bad. Hopefully my experience will give you a few ideas that might work for your family. Just remember to do what you think is right for you and your family, there's no one answer or right way to go through this.

Jen I am sorry you have joined us....BC stinks!  My son was 4 when I was dx three years ago.  I also said the boo boo thing and he accepted it.  He is now 7 and still has no idea I had cancer or what cancer is.  I will tell him when the time is right.

I did try to focus on the things I COULD do with him instead of the things I could NOT do with him.  You could rent movies and watch them in bed with the kids...if you fall asleep at least you are still cuddled up with them.  Maybe find a few low key activities or games you can play when you feel up to it.  I know you have guilt....we all do, but you have to take care of yourself right now.  When you need rest - rest.  This will be over soon and you will be back to regular mom again.

Good luck!

my daughter was 5 when I was diagnosed last year.  It was very hard during chemo and post surgery.  I just kept remembering what my oncologist said--you give up a year of your life to hopefully live many more.  One day, your kids will know how much you fought to be healthy to be with them.  My hair loss was the hardest for my daughter.  My hair is growing back now and she hates it, is so embarrassed by it.  I try not to sweat it.  It is a concrete thi g that they can latch on to when the rest is so nebulous.  I too told my daughter I had a boo boo on my chest and needed to have it taken care of.  Take care--it will get better!