Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

I think most of us are control freaks.

And we're so used to thinking--being taught--that "knowledge is power."

But I think sometimes what really puts us in control is knowing when to let it go. If the treatment isn't going to change really anyway unless/until we become symptomatic, then "knowledge" that mets are there that we aren't DOING TONS OF THINGS ABOUT would simply make us feel more out of control.

I think taking back control of those other aspects of our lives --- still important--that we've had to let go for a while during treatment, taking back control of our own minds and hearts and spirits, is much more beneficial.

Because if any of us do, or will, have mets or a recurrence, we've ALREADY done all we can to control that. We're doing it still.  We ARE on top of that situation.

Set it and forget it.

Thanks to all you lovely ladies for asking about my dear hubby.  He is home. Has a hard time walking and has to use a cane.  On a tremendous amount of pain as his surgeon had to really manipulate his spine to get the mass out.   She now feels it wasn't a tumor but a weird slipped disc.  We are waiting on pathology to find out just exactly what is it.  I am just so happy to have him home with me 

I did receive some bad news.   Seems I also have Melanoma skin cancer.   I go every year to get checked over by a Dermatologist.  The last six years have been done.  Nothing found.  This last February I went for Annual exam and she thought it best to slice off a small mole that has started to change color.  I never thought about it twice.  Until I received the call.  Conformed Melanoma.  It is thin however does have dividing cells.  Doc felt two swollen lymph nodes near the area it was removed so onto surgery I go. Will have a Sentinel Nodes dye done again on opposite are.  Oncologistay stop chemo until after surgery which worries me.  He also wants a PET scan done again as he is concerned about the two swollen node.  We see the surgeon this afternoon to see what the plan is.   On a good note my bone scan was clean!  Yay for my bones!

Sorry I have just been lurking.  Last week has been a long one!  Wishing all a great week!

Northwinds, it's first one thing and then another, isn't it?

So good to hear that the situation with your husband might not be as dire as it first sounded though! I'm so happy for you on that one.

Sorry to hear about the melanoma though, but at least you had been seeing a doc regularly and should be on top of it. I feel confident that this situation will turn out just fine for you, too, in the long run. Just another bump in the road.

Big hugs!

Northwinds - I'm truly sorry to hear about your new diagnosis. You have been going through a lot with your husband, BC and now this. But from all your posts you sound like you are a strong cookie and will get through this too. My thoughts are with you.

Smlvr - Your post reminded me of how much I depend on my DH. I can only imagine how scary things must have been with your husband. I hope all turns out OK for him. (((hugs)))

Amazon - It was great talking to you today. (Yes ladies, Amazon and JAB TALKED!!). It made me think of how hard BC must have been before the internet and how lucky we are to have this line of communication and develop these friendships. It must have been so isolating 20 years ago to have BC.

What a great bunch of ladies you are too. After reading and rereading all the responses with regards to "knowing if your stage 4 or not" I was called today to get both anopther CT Scan and a PET. I am getting both. Although rationally I think not knowing and just living my life to the fullest makes the most sense, my nature is to know stuff. What impact it will have, I will need to manage. Anyway, it was really great to hear you voices on this. It reinforces what I already knew. Your a great bunch of women.

l am going to start signing off like I do with my friends,

YF

Judy

@jab The right answer for one person isn't always going to be the right answer for another, and I'll be looking forward to your news that your PET and CT came back clear as can be.   We all have to do whatever it is that allows US, personally and individually, to get a few good hours of sleep at night.

"Crash day" for me today; you'd think I'd be used to it by now, that day (or sometimes 2 or three days) after chemo when I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin, and can't concentrate on anything for more than a few moments, and don't seem to have total control over things like my fingertips (typing is a bitch.) I hate it. I just told my husband that honestly I sort of wish the taxotere shooting pains would go ahead and start up so I'd have an excuse to take the hydrocodone and just sleep through this phase. Yuck.

Hope the rest of you are having a good day.

I'm doing taxotere, not taxol, but yes. Lots of trouble typing especially the first few days after treatment, and I do drop things -- my favorite being dropping an entire glass full of iced tea onto the side of my bed--and myself, a week or so ago. Haven't broken anything (yet) but it's a miracle that I have not. I'm sure that if I had to hand wash my dishes instead of having a dishwasher that the break toll would be quite high by now.

I think it will get better.

Edited to add: I don't feel any numbness or tingling or anything. Just don't seem to have complete control of my fingertips. Have to remember to get a grip.

Hi Ladies, thinking of you all often...  Sending all the best wishes to those of you still navigating your chemo journey- and your rads journeys!  And yay to those who have finished....  It's been a crazy crazy journey....still shake my head that I went through this AGAIN...but feh...

I am pretty much back to my "normal" routine.  I started back to work full time Feb 17th.  It's been so great to be back to work.  I have had such an outpouring of love.  It has just done wonders for me emotionally.  A little tired at night, but nothing radical.  I started back at the gym, so that has made me happy too...

I have my (implant) exchange surgery on March 24th.  Will be out of work for 2 weeks.

Veronica - I know you asked about Tamoxifen and stopping before surgery.  I had my pre-surgical testing on Tuesday, and they told me to stop the Tamoxifen immediately - the nurse mentioned the blood clots.  She said I can resume the tamoxifen post surgery.  She also told me to stop taking my multi-vitamin.  Vitamin D and lexapro were ok to continue with.  

I wear my wig only occasionally at work.  Everyone has been so fantastic, I was whipping my wig off on the first day back and no one blinked.  They all said I had a really nice shaped head.  Nice to have such supportive co-workers...  The hair growth in just the few weeks I have been back has been dramatic, so I figure after my exchange surgery I will say goodbye (once again) permanently (hopefully!) to the danged wig!!!  Was in a managers meeting earlier this week with my Director and I had a hot flash and just whipped the wig off...I'm sure there was steam coming off my head!  So funny...again, no one blinked.

Hugs and love to you ladies!!!!

Virginia

Hey! Pam, what can I say. So sorry you're going through so much s@&t. Judy, whatever happens, life is there waiting.

I'm getting philosophical. I went to the local support group at my hospital, per the social worker's suggestion: I'm sorry, but what a group of whiney women. Our group here is just so much stronger. Apologies to anyone whose religion I offend, but I truly feel born again as I leave active treatment. I feel baptized by fire, poison and knife. There seem to be those women (at that support group) who insist on clinging to the notion that they can return to life as it was before. Hah! This is a truly life-changing experience. We not only have met the possibility of death, we are forever changed physically. We bear scars on our body, we may have deficits in cognition, energy, beauty, we may have pains to endure, losses of function, among other losses. But we have life. We have sunshine and sunsets, and people we love, and pets we love, and flowers, and cozy blankets. We have so much. Maybe we don't have everything we had a year ago, but we still have a lot. And we have the ability to stop and savor what we do have with perhaps more appreciation than people not baptized into our sisterhood.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Yes, I was in considerable discomfort from the radiation aftermath. But I lay in bed with cozy blankets, my cat purring at my feet and got to talk on the phone to my best friend from high school. I (know it sounds twisted) almost wish a life-threatening disease for him. He is so caught up with the internecine problems of his academic department that he cannot enjoy his life. He's a novelist, a professor, in a long-term relationship, but he's miserable because he feels ignored by other faculty. He can't see what's important in life! I'm so much happier than he. I know I'm embarking on a new life. I'm scarred and will have to cope with long-term effects, but after all, I did get a deadly disease. And right now it's gone. I'm an injured little bird finally set free to fly: sure I can't fly as straight or as far as before, but who cares when the sky is waiting for me!

Your so right Pat. Somehow, it makes the sunsets more beautiful, the blankets warmer, and the the love we give and get deeper. You are expressing what I was refering to as the 'gap' I feel. It's like you have a new secret that is impossible to share with those who have not been there. Anyway, I hope I can hold on to that, becausr=e the risk is we get pulled back into the everyday as thsi experience passes.

Viriginia - Please keeep us posted on your exchange surgery - Are you having expanders put in? (sorry, if you told us already - chemo memory here...)

Pam (aka Northwinds) - My biopsy is happening after I'm off chemo. The reason my BS gave was it was dependant on my boold counts. Mine have not been great, but no transfusions required. Perhaps your surgeon has seen yours and they are Ok to go.

I had my LAST chemo today - 3/3 of Taxotere - It already seems crappier than the last but then again, at least I can type OK. Anywho, I will say that I do feel some relief, which, honestly suprises me I feel this so soon post last chemo.

So those to those still in the Chemo tunnel - I see you coming and I'm cheering you on!!!!

YF

JB (JAB)

Virginia- thank you for that info. I have asked both tbs PS and MO about the tamoxifan on 2 separate occasions and both have told me I do not need to stop the tamoxifan. I don't feel comfortable with that! I have stopped it myself today(surgery is the 21st). I will restart after the exchange. I have been on it for just over 3 weeks and so far the only side effect is night sweats,hopefully that's all I will have.

will try to catch up soon.....huggs and PRAYERS for all....rough month....love...

it is so funny how sometimes life flips you for a loop but God has as comical way of spinning it for some wacko WONDERFUL hoop!!!

It's great to see you posting, Paulette: Been worried about you!

Paulette!  You're back!  I'm with you...fuzz would be a generous characterization of what I have, but I have no lashes, no brows, and my blackened nails are separating from the nail beds...fun times!  Even with all the SEs, you are a ray of sunshine here!!!!!!!!!!