October 2013 Chemotherapy

Hi JayBird

I guess many of us notice how the calls/emails dwindle unless we are one of the lucky ones with a very close active support system.

That said: I was pleasantly surprised to find some acquaintances I didn't have much contact with before really have made an effort to stay in touch & how some life long friends ignored me. Ya never know! I got messages & cards the first couple months from people. But not anymore...maybe because my treatment is so long...a year...??!!!! I know one gal I told in Aug of my diagnosis never called, so I spoke to her the other day, she thought after all this time I was all *done* & fine. (sigh)

Hey Gals, Do you have a support group in your town, at the hospital or somewhere that meets weekly or monthly? The cancer center has one I hope to attend once a month. I am also hoping to find out about my insurance covering some mental health visits.

Hang in there! This forum is great support!

I know there is a support group here but with my work hours I am not able to meet. Quite frankly I think I would be too tired to go as I just don't have the energy right now for anything sadly.

I had my 4th (of 12) Taxol today, so far so good. I did ask to have my steroid/decadron dose lower, it was down to 8, so today it was halved to 4. I like it in some ways, go go go all day chemo day, feel great & next day too but geesh no sleep. And then crash by Friday. Hopefully this will be enough to do it's job but not too much.

My wbc was almost normal rbc still low but looks like the anemia is on its way out! YAY!

No Herception SEs that I can figure. A couple nurses thought I was half way through my weekly Taxol, oh how I wish.

2 hour season finale 10-12 of Sons of Anarchy tonight (only show I follow) so glad I am feeling awake. I even made some gluten free cookies. Nice to feel *normal*.

Hope you Ladies are doing ok. I didn't see much for new posts but will check in later.

VintageGal

Vintagegal, love the Sons. Loved the finale. Still can't sleep.

glad you guys are checking in. Good luck Kim. Hoping for no allergic reactions! Lgk shovel snow, two weeks out. Wow!!! Good question about the hair. I would be curious to know. All my brown hair fell out and it left my greys!! Does the hair keep falling out or does it grow back before the end if chemo? I have one TC left and the my exchange. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Shifting from warrior mode to survival mode!!

Sending out hugs to everyone today. I do read but am mostly too dim to post. I think about you all and hold you in my heart. xo

Thanks for the hugs, Wrenn! Right back at ya!!

Hi uds,

I took off work for the duration of my treatment, so kudos to you! I think people say that to make themselves feel better. They have no idea, and I hope they never do, how hard this is. I speak to people only on my good days, someone called me today and I could barely speak form exhaustion. She said "bad day", I said "yes" she said "okay. bye". That;s what I needed no apologies.

I also make sure I am put together when I go out, makeup etc, but that's just a facade, people grab that because the other option is unthinkable.

Hang in there (((((hugs)))))

uds17

makes sense to me! I posted something similar I think....it is a struggle, I don't feel or look like me, & when people say I look good & chemo must *agree* with me I kinda want to scream! Or at least vent & tell them I feel like crap & do they want a list of the side effects I am dealing with? LOL

We're traveling this road together, we understand! Vent here anytime!

uds, I totally agree with you and all the comments the other ladies have made. People don't really want to know the list of bad SEs we can give anyone who really wants to listen. And we all try to make it easy on people we meet and say yeah we are coping with it all right. But only we know what these toxic chemicals are doing to our bodies.

I dread going back to work next year and facing the "How are you feeling" questions because i don't think you can answer that honestly except to a few close friends. Thank heavens for this site where we can vent whenever we want.

I am sure you are all familiar with the painting "The Scream"? Well that is how I really feel. I took a similar picture of myself for a record of how crappy this has all been in reality. I really look like the original which I am posting below.

i'm doing the happy dance, well at least waving my arms around, cause i'm sitting in bed.  I made it through my 2 of 12 taxol today.  

Yesterday I was so miserable, hadn't slept in two days, crying, did not want to go today. My worst SE have been heart palpitations, on a 30 day recorder.  I was so hoping it was the AC, but I still had an event yesterday and it broke me, I couldn't take it anymore. 

Today,I took a xanax before I went, got benedryl in my pre-meds and I was out cold before the benedryl was finished, slept thru the pepcid and 50 minutes of the taxol.  Only reason I woke up was nurse sitting at the desk asking what's that noise and my fiance said it was me snoring.  I stumbled to the car, fiance got me lunch and I was out cold again.  I woke up a new person, smiling and happy.  Next week will be chemo half way point, I made it half way, I'll make it the rest.  Agreeded being done will be great but making it half way is a major milestone for me.

Take the good moments, forget the bad, take chemo out cold, and the world is a better place :-)

Uds & others, I totally agree. The "You look great!" comments rankle, and they seem to elicit a listing of some of my "bumps in the road" -- I get this evil need to see them look horrified sometimes. Just depends on the day, though, because other times I feel complimented because it is a good day and I know that I don't look like a zombie.

Another comment that rubs me the wrong way is "It will be over before you know it." Really? It feels like it is taking a frickin' eternity! My DH is guilty of this one, and I know he is trying to keep a cheerful attitude to see me through it, but I find it annoying to be sitting there scratching and queasy and have him say "Just one more, it will be done before you know it." Hits me so different than the cheerleading on this thread for those who are closing in on the finish line -- I guess because you all KNOW what it feels like, so it is you I want in my pockets, not my DH screwing on a smile and muttering platitudes.

Some people get creative with their support, though, and I appreciate that -- A coworker gave me a copy of The Little Engine That Could and a little china Christmas train today. In the card he said that he is in awe of the courage it has taken for me to keep teaching throughout my chemo. I was touched.

This is the place where we can rant -- and all will understand. That's why I love you ladies!

And Wrenn -- hugs back atcha, kiddo. Hope that hair just grows right back in a hurry for you. Have you talked to you MO yet?

Hello everyone, home from TCH # 3, halfway through on TC......let's see what goodies it brings this time. Right now I feel great. Going grocery shopping as soon as kids get home (early release day), then cooking and a bit of laundry.....Dryer is on the fritz...repair person comes Monday...so doing small loads to hang up arounnd the house/garage.

To all who had chemo, may your SE's be minimal if at all....

Take care,

Vivian

Viji, If you can run upstairs your doing good in my book!

So I am in the big girl chair! getting part one of my last tx -- but just so BC could F with my holidays, now they have decided I am getting Abraxane, and they don't know when because they want to wait to see if I have any allergic reaction to the Cytoxan first. arrrrrrgh! I have gotten to a point where I cannot stand waiting for decisions or sudden changes when I think the plan is set. BC has robbed me of my ability to be flexible and go with the flow!