Ppl just don't get it! Ever want to shake them and say HELLO!

Tessa, sounds like your doing it really tough at the moment. Lots of people don't understand what we go through. I do think its good that you are looking forward and seeing issues and trying to plan for them now while you can. I'm assuming the surgery your referring to is the mastectomy in January? I only had one boob off and didn't have reconstruction so if you are having reconstruction hopefully someone else will pop along and clarify or amend my suggestions to suit you better. But in the interest of letting you know that we do care and that we want to help I'll give you some hints as to what helped me get through the post surgery time pretty well and with no major issues.

First off, a few hours after the op I went to the toilet on my own and needed no assistance from a nurse so I think you can forget that worry. Your pants are below your waist and the initial problem with the arms is getting them above chest height. It may tae you a minute or two, but you can do it and it wont hurt too much. Also they will give you exercises to do to get movement back in your hand and arms, do them diligently and often and you will recover full use of your arms faster. I lived alone and had no problems physically at any time due to the surgery. Don't get me wrong, everything took longer and it was hard to have coordination, but it was doable. With regards to the drains, the nurses gave me a little knitted bag that the drains fit in - u pop the bag on your shoulder and the drains inside and its not obvious to the average person - plus it stops the drains from being caught on anything and pulling at you. The drains can stay in the bag beside you when you sleep and I even went to the shops with them and no one noticed a thing. Wear button up the front clothes for ease, (nothing on top or bottom that is tight so you dont have to use force to put them on or off) and do that at both the hospital and at home for a bit (definitely not anything that you have to slip over your head). In fact at home alone that first few weeks, I often just went topless or had a cloth over my remaining breast and just let the air circulate around the surgical site - it didn't hurt anybody and it was by far the most comfortable and easiest thing to do You will know yourself as you are improving as to what you can and cant do. You will probably need assistance to shower that first 2 days or so though. I had my mum come over and gladwrap my chest to keep the site dry and then sent her out of the bathroom, hung the drains over the shower head and had what is still the best shower of my life lol. If I could have worked out how to gladwrap myself I wouldn't have needed mum, but I was worried about splashing and decided that was the best thing to do.

Its true you cant really raise your arms much the first few days, but toilet, getting drinks and pre prepared foods is manageable. Get some microwave meals into the freezer now while you can still get out and about, try to get most of the food and drink you will want at a level around chest height in the fridge and cupboards (certainly no higher) and make sure none of it is heavy. If your microwave is high in a cupboard, it wont hurt to have it on a counter for a week to help you make your life easier Im sure. Theres probably a thousand other tips and hints we can give you to ensure life is as easy as possible post surgery and from memory there is a thread here in BCO that does list a lot of these sorts of things.

I'm unsure as to how old your child/children are but if very young then you may need to see if a friend or family member can move in for a few days as I don't think you should be lifting a baby and anything to do with stretching is going to hurt for a bit. If you don't have access to anyone, then contact social services or see if your hospital can direct you to the department that can help you. You will not be the only person who has ever required assistance post surgery and they should have a lot of experience in guiding patients to gain assistance. If you can get that sorted out you can stop worrying about how you can wash,dress and feed your child/children if they are too young to do it themselves.

I think the main thing is to plan ahead now while you have time and try not to dwell on what you cant do for those few days and instead on what you can do to get through that time with as little pain and hassle as you can. This might also help to distract you from worrying about the surgery. In the meantime, all I can advise is that for me, concentrating on things like planning ahead and getting organised did distract me from stressing about what I was about to undergo and I got through the whole period pretty well emotionally and physically. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Tessa - yep, I am a Lemmon Holton girl too! The nerve block was kind of like an epideral. These wires were inserted in my back prior to going to the operating room. Attached to them were two small purse like bags that were at my sides and continually delivered medication into my skin. The bags had handles to carry around with me after surgery, which kind of made me fee like an octopus with drains and nerve block bags! They came home with me, continually administering medication, and deflating the bags as the meds were used up. There was enough meds for about 3 days after surgery. My husband then gently pulled the wires, and the empty bags were thrown away. This kept my pain in check and was a HUGE help in this regard.

One of my big fears was "who's going to wipe me after I go to the bathroom?" Lol.

Well, my period started the day before my BMX. So my heavy day was during surgery. Ugh!!!!! I had a rough first night at the hospital and that made me even more worried. BUT the morning after? I SLOWLY got out of bed, went to the bathroom, washed up a little AND brushed my own teeth!! Heaven!!!!!

You will make progress. You WILL be clean enough while you wait for that shower. :-)

Some PS's don't let you shower with drains. Some do. Mine did!!! I showered my third day home. By myself. VERY SLOWLY!! I even combed my hair after. I totally dressed myself every one of those days. Again....very slowly, kind of awkward, and with some pain.

My daughter (14) was a great fetcher and she helped me with the recliner. It was the most comfy place to sit, but it was difficult to get reclined by myself at first. Getting out was hard til I figured out how to scoot my behind forward and then push the foot rest down with my legs. (Good ab workout. )

My BMX was on a Tuesday and I was alone all day Friday. Got my lunch and everything. Leftovers in the microwave.

Try this: walk around your home right now doing your normal routine, but mentally pin your elbows to your sides. Move what you need so you can make that work. I was able to do more than that, but that's a great way to plan ahead. My most painful motion was pushing down. Opening medicine containers, wiping counter tops, getting out of bed.

Explain a bit to your son ahead of time. You may be quite surprised at what your little man is able to accomplish, AND how proud he can be to be man of the house! My daughter surprised me because she LIKED taking care of me! She decided she'd like to be a nurse. (I did inform her that nurses have to do the gross stuff too, which she never did. Lol.)

So....it's hard. But it's manageable. You WILL NEED TO ACCEPT OFFERS OF HELP!!! And if someone offers to bring a meal TAKE IT!!!!! But, you CAN do it.

But you cannot shovel snow. Not for quite a while. So see if you can get that one covered. Or maybe we'll have a mild winter this year??