So Tired of the Worrying

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kar123
kar123 Member Posts: 273
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer


Hi,


Just need to vent because I feel like I am going to explode with anxiety and don't have anyone to talk to about my cancer fears. My back has been bothering me. It's happens every once in awhile. I get this creeping, itchy, burny type pain along my upper spine and sometimes between my shoulder blades. It usually happens if I have been sitting for a long time (I tend to sit on my knees and cross legged a lot). Usually, it goes away for awhile and then will come back and go away etc. I know if it's still here come Nov. (my next onc. appt) I will mention it to her. Usually, it goes away and I never say anything. I started the web search/self diagnosing thing this week and have worked myself into a frenzy. I'm convinced it's the worst and while I know odds are it's not, the reality is it could be. I am so tired of having to worry about this crap all the time. I know the steps I need to take to find out what the problem is, but I am so mad that I have to go through them. I'm just tired. Sick and tired!!!

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  • IllinoisNancy
    IllinoisNancy Member Posts: 722
    edited October 2013


    I completely agree. Every time I get any pain at all...I get CANCERITIS! It takes over my mind and I need to remind myself to enjoy each day and try not to worry. We all have anxiety at times and for me October is the worst. I was diagnosed both times in October when everyone is wearing pink and talking about BC nonstop. It is all for a good cause but at the same time it makes me think about it all the time. People are always asking how I feel and I really don't know, it changes minute to minute. Some times I just want to give up but most of the time I love life. Please know that you're not alone and "sick and tired" is common in this website.


    Take care,


    Nancy

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited October 2013


    I've had one too many scares too kar. I wish I had the magic words to make it all better, but I'm in the same boat as you! Trust your gut, and bring it up at your next appt, even if it's better. Just for the peace of mind.


    Take care,


    Sharon

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  • Rachel1
    Rachel1 Member Posts: 363
    edited October 2013


    Take a look at my post about my shoulder and you'll see that I'm sitting in that same @#$#%#$ boat as you. I have had a lot of problems with back pain and work with a chiropractor. He knows what I've been through and has been good about being hands on, feeling an area and identifying if it is muscular. I know pretty quickly if he is correct, because he's able to magically make the pain go away. He and lots of ice to get the inflammation down. Rachel

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  • dutchiris
    dutchiris Member Posts: 855
    edited October 2013


    I get it. Anything hurts, I think cancer. It hasn't been that long for me since treatment ended. I had a CT for pain in August and now they want to biopsy a lump on my lower leg. Its all so draining.

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited October 2013


    Thanks! I knew you guys would get it. My husband is great, but his way of dealing is "don't worry" and my friends and parents would drive me insane worrying for me. October is bad for me too. Just a reminder of everything that's happened. I haven't had to have a scan for anything in 3 years, so I just really hate to go back there and those feelings. That was the worst, waiting for results is the pits! Not to mention I don't really trust scans because none of them showed anything until we got to the pet/ct. Anyway, thanks again for making me feel like I'm not alone!


    Just a side note, went with my kids and parents to a local Amish tourist trap (Kitchen Kettle Village) to just get away for a fun fall day and as we walked through, it was littered with pink ribbon flags and every store was offering specials and donating proceeds. So much for forgetting for a day :/ !!!


    Kelli

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited October 2013


    How fun going to the Amish country...sorry it was over run with pink hype! The fear is exhausting and waiting for tests so very hard. It does take you back to all the shock, fear and so on. I also numb myself which make me very quiet and to myself...than my family knows I am struggling with all the emotions once again of BC. I try to remind myself that until I know I have hope...to not live the worst out in my head until I do know. The battle for our minds is where the war is most times...not our bodies. You say it comes and goes...maybe it is a response to inflammation either by diet or exercise....I am hoping with you that its nothing and no need for a scan! But, please do let us know if you have a scan so we can hold your hand!!

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited October 2013


    my onc always ask about aches and pains especially pain that last 2 weeks or more.....remember we can get aches and pains that have nothing to do with cancer!!! but I hear you about the fear...sure hope its nothing!!

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited November 2013


    Just an update. I haven't had my appointment yet, but the pain has gone away! I think I am going through SE from Letrozole. I switched from Anastrozole to Letrozole in June and I think the SE's are starting to hit me now. The back pain has gone away and has been replaced with foot pain and a little shortness of breath (seems to come on right before bed and then subsides). I have been taking a Zyrtec with it now and it seems to help a little so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this was the problem. I will still bring it up at my appointment. Thanks for the support!

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  • fondak
    fondak Member Posts: 376
    edited November 2013


    Sorry you're having foot pain but that also sounds good and very familiar!


    I had pain for 18 months on aromasin and it was really worrisome. The pain would move from one place to another. Then my right hip began to hurt. Everything I read didn't sound good. It was constant. I couldn't get comfortable at night and when I went back for my 3 month check up it was still hurting. The nurse practitioner ordered a bone scan. Not the DEXA but the one looking for mets. I really expected her to say it was the aromasin. It turned out to just be the aromasin.


    Then, when I did have the DEXA is showed osteopenia had started in my hip and spine. She told me to be sure that I divided my calcium into 3 doses and take vitamin d with it. Well, I was taking 5000 a day because my vitamin D was on 33. For awhile I took 5000 3x a day because I kept forgetting to pick up 1000mg. At the next 3 month, visit I felt like a different person. The Onc asked what I attributed it to and I didn't know but a week later found out from my medical doctor my vitamin D level was up to 80!


    I don't know if your oncologist tests your vitamin d. I was assuming mine did because she checks my moms who also had breast cancer but when I asked they hadn't been. That's when I asked them to check it and it was 33. Then I went for my regular visit with my family Dr and he began checking every 6 months. My moms vitamin D was 27 and she takes a prescription vitamin D.


    That is wise to still bring it up at your next appointment. I think you'll just feel better running it by them.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2013


    kar123, You are definitely not alone in your worries. This is so real for all of us. When I was first on Arimidex, I had the worst bone pain through my hip and lower back, and my onc didn't take any chances that the pain could be SE's He did all the scans which came out fine, and i soon went of the Arimedex and went on to something else. Truthfully, it is my decision to not take any more antihormonals due to these painful side effects now. So for me it's quality of life right now.

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited November 2013


    Yeah Kar123..so thankful you're feeling better and hopefully the fear has also subsided!

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited November 2013


    Update, saw my onc today, she said it did not sound like it was cancer or Femera related. No need for scans at this point with the way my symptoms are presenting. She goes, you know you are in your 40's now...I told her to Shut it!!! Anyway, feeling relieved and finally graduated to 6 month appointments. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited November 2013


    Don't you just love when the appointment is over and you get to LEAVE!!! Thankful you are feeling more at peace!

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  • Gina925
    Gina925 Member Posts: 35
    edited November 2013


    Hi Ladies, I will be having my first scan. This would b after the dbl Mast, chemo & radiation treatments.. that I have gone thru from last dec 2012 thru August 2013. .My final exchange surgery is scheduled for Dec 19th & my scan is Dec 3rd. I am looking forward to getting the expanders out. Ive had them in since Dec 26th. But, I'm really nervous about the scan. The fear just seems to get the best of me. I try to hold it in & keep my mind from freaking out. but the reminders of the bc are always in your face and the fear is real. Im really scared and cant stop worrying about it.

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