In shock

Happy birthday, Movie!

Still in San Francisco at airport, flight to Vancouver delayed, and we don't think we're going to make the connecting flight home tonight. DH pacing the airport like a caged tiger - he has to work bright and early tomorrow - LOL.

See you all when I'm home!

Shirlann. Congrats in 15years. Great to see news like this



Liefie hope u made it home. Love the 'lol' that hubby has to work!!

Hi all,

i'm not sure this is the right thread to post on, but I'm going to give it a whirl hoping that you might be able to help.  I'm not sure I'm still in stock, but I might be!

I'm almost three months post diagnosis, and a month post surgery (lump + SNB).  I've been pretty lucky on the pathology front, except that I have multiple areas of invasive cancer (10 on the original pathology although my rad onc is having it redone at her hospital, so we'll see what comes back) and multiple types (IDC and ILC plus some DCIS and LCIS).

I was given a choice for surgery -- we knew there were a couple of confirmed areas of IDC before surgery, but they were in the same quadrant, so lumpectomy was technically feasible.  I elected a lumpectomy even though I wasn't 100% sure because I wasn't able to meet with a plastic surgeon who did the type of reconstruction I was interested in (DIEP) at the time (I'm in Toronto -- there are only a handful of surgeons who do this surgery and I wasn't at one of those hospitals).

So, I'm blessed with clean margins from surgery, but now the rad onc tells me that the studies done re: the effectiveness of radiation don't apply to me because of the widespead nature of my cancer (spread over the quadrant that was removed, which was large -- 15 cm x 14.5 cm x 3.5 cm).  So back to me to make a decision re: radiation or mastectomy. 

Not sure all of that context is necessary, but maybe its the requirement for me to make these decisions that is causing me to be "frozen".  I think to the outside world, I'm sort of coping -- friends tell me I'm doing great.  I expect I project the appearance of being in control with my binder and research, but inside, I can't seem to get back engaged in work, and during the summer, I was a write-off at work.  Luckily our summer is slow, so I haven't missed any client deadlines yet (I'm in professional services), but things are starting to pick up, so I need to figure out a way to get reengaged, as I have a lot of responsibility at work.

I see my med onc tomorrow, and I made arrangements to see one of the radiologists who read some of my imaging and did my wire locs tomorrow.  I want to talk to her about surveillance if I don't decide on mastectomy, as none of my cancer was picked up on the mammograms and ultrasounds that I had as recently as September 2012.  Then on Wednesday I meet with a plastic surgeon who does DIEP to talk about my reconstruction options.

Maybe its all of the uncertainty that's still left (chemo or not, radiation or mastectomy, unilateral or bilateral mast, type of reconstruction, etc.), but I need some techniques to start functioning.  I could go on short term disability, but I'm not sure that's the answer as I think it might be worse to be at home where I could google all day long trying to determine what I should do (I'm single - 46 -  and don't kids, so it would be easy for me to go into full time hermit mode).

So -- if you've read this far -- first -- bless you -- second -- what did you do?  How did you re-engage and stop being consumed with researching/reading/googling?  Any suggestions?

Thanks all,

Ridley

Nihahi -- thank you so much for responding -- I'm going to print out your response and read it through a few times. 

Analysis paralysis fits the bill. 

I've been reading the DIEP 2013 thread to understand more about the process and just wanted to say that that thread and this one have such a lovely, gentle, encouraging vibe to them -- beautifully done.

I'm going to try to get back to work now!

Ridley

A tennis racquet comes in handy too, nihahi. Sometimes, I just want to beat the crap out of that ball coming at me...

Liefie - glad you finally made it to the island and that they treated you well, sorry DH had all that stress re: work

So nice that you are all set for the wedding, must be such a relief to have that taken care of - you will look amazing



Ridley - Nihahi has given you such good advice. All I will add is that I found it very hard to concentrate at work, especially when they were making plans for weeks and months and I wasn't sure what my treatment was going to be yet. Once you have a firm treatment plan it will help. I was advised to stay off work after my mastectomy until all treatment was complete and I did this, but I did try to keep myself busy and away from Dr. Google. I am alike Liefie, I did not have a choice re: mastectomy due to previous lumpectomy (quandrantectomy in 2009) and extent of IDC/DCIS.

I agree re: you better start wearing clothes with big pockets - we are here for you



Take care everyone

Ridley, welcome to this great thread. So much is thrown at us in those first few months it's hard to keep track. Try not to add to it by getting online, turn here and other threads for help.

I didn't have a choice of which to have, on my right side but did have a choice to have them take the left as well. I chose not to have both taken. It was what I felt in my heart was right for me. Take a deep breath and search within. As the other ladies said keep big pockets available for us.



Liefie, so glad you had a good trip and made it home finally. I love SF such a cool place to visit and great places to eat.



Dakota, I hope you are doing ok, you have been awfully quiet.



My friends daughter is still in the hospital, her stomach started to bleed so they had her in icu. She is doing better today.

The sun finally came out today, so hopefully rebuilding can begin. Over 1000 houses destroyed and 1700 damaged. Hundreds of roads and bridges torn apart. Still over 200 people unaccounted for. From rain it's mind boggling.



I hope everyone is getting along well.

Evenin' all! and welcome Ridley!!



I'm like websister, I haven't worked since my first surgery, last November. I went on to a Mastectomy in December, six months of chemo then 16 rads, so finished a month ago. I plan/hope to have DIEP reconstruction at some point, +/- prophylactic mastectomy of my right breast.



Regarding work/don't work, I recently saw my brother's wife in the UK, who has also recently finished treatment, and unfortunately had to have a hysterectomy/oophrectomy following on from that. Well she told me she hardly had any time off, and I felt she was being somewhat critical of me, but I was chatting with my brother, driving back to the airport, and I feel, out of the two of us, I am by far the more "well", even though just finished treatments.



He feels her working was kind of a denial that there was anything really wrong, but he's worried that she is exhausted physically and quite depressed overall. I just decided that I needed to concentrate on me during treatment, and now I am bouncing around, walking 5k a day, and feeling quite ridiculously good overall. I have a slight issue with lymphedema, but that's all.



I've been advised to stay off until the new year, but I have this plan to go back in November, just part time to start with. I feel that by giving myself time to embrace the situation and deal with it, rather than pretend none of it is happening, I will have a quicker and more complete recovery.



What suits me will not suit everybody, of course, but personally I'm glad I didn't struggle on trying to be normal, when my world was turning on its head!

Movie....your daughter, although understandably motivated, needs to exercise a bit of caution, if she lives alone and is gone during the day. I understand (COMPLETELY) the "need" to do something, and this person might become her lifelong friend, but there are "personally safer" ways for her to help. The other thing for her to consider, is that displaced people are often better helped in "organized shelter" environments, as they have access to support services such as medical, psychological, community resources. They also are fed well, provided with clothing and hygiene supplies, families have ways of getting in touch with them, and, they have access to current info as to what is going on, as authorities "know" where they are. I did have a couple people I didn't know, that came with my daughter while she was evacuated (she didn't know them either). But, I was home all day with them, and my husband was home at night with us. We also knew there was a tentative return date, and that they had a secure, safe place to go back to...not an unknown length of time or circumstances. Just my opinion, re: your daughter. 

morwenna.....I think you did the wiser thing too, although, as you say, we are all different. I'd lay odds, that at some point in the next year, your sister in law is likely to crash and burn, emotionally and physically. You can only "deny" the impact of this crappy disease and tx for so long, before things start to crumble. Better to "crumble as you go"....the pieces you have to put back together seem to fit together with a little less collateral damage! Again, imho.

Gotta dash (per usual). Love to you all.

Re: working.... I never missed a day of work all through chemo & rads. But, my job is part time, very flexible, and not physically demanding. I also enjoy it. So it was good for me to keep a normal routine and be around people that care about me for a few hours a day. If I were alone laying on the couch all day my mind would probably go to some dark places. But, everyone is different. And if your job is physically or mentally stressful, you'd be better off taking time away and concentrating on healing.

Hi all,

Thanks for all the helpful comments re: your experiences in decision making, working through treatment, avoiding Dr. Google.

I went walking with my one of my best friends last night, and had a good discussion with her.  We walked at 8:30 right after she put her kids to bed, so I got bonus hugs from an 8 and 5 year old, who are sweet.  It was a beautiful crisp night out, which is my favourite kind.

Saw the medical oncologist today and spoke to a radiologist who has read some of my imaging.  Med onc doesn't think chemo will be appropriate, but is sending the oncotype to confirm.  I think I was fairly clear with him that I felt that the decision re: mastectomy vs. radiation was being left up to me to make on my own and I was struggling with that (analysis paralysis!).  He's going to have a chat with the rad onc, which hopefully will be helpful. The radiologist said we would follow with MRIs and mammograms every 6 months for 2 years, and then annually if I didn't do mast + recon, and that I could expect additional biopsies in my future due to the sensitivity of the MRI. 

At the end of the day, I'm going to have to really listen to what my body/gut/spirit is telling me.  Right now, I'm still wavering.  I'm used to making risk decisions at work, but I have a level of expertise and lots of experience. I'm going to try to get back into meditating to help me with the stress and anxiety of the decision.

I'm off to get some more steps in make it to 10,000.  Nihahi and Movie -- I read your threads and saw your pictures hiking -- looks fantastic.  I walk with a group every Saturday morning to train for a 60km walk we do every year for Princess Margaret Hospital (Weekend to End Womens Cancer) and 4 of us from the group went on a week-long walking tour of the Ring of Kerry in Ireland last year.  Was harder than we thought it was going to be, but awesome.   This year, we had booked to go to Cape Breton and the Cabot Trail (Nova Scotia) in Oct, but I had to cancel when I got diagnosed, as I had no idea where I would be in treatment.  My friends didn't want to go without me, so we're going to try and go next year.  I've been before a long time ago, and it is fantastic.  I hope we'll go again next fall, as I expect the colours will be gorgeous.  

Thanks again for all of the support -- I'm hoping that I can reciprocate and get to know you better.

Ridley

Oh Jennifer I am so sorry. Please cry to us we are here for u !!! I am glad u are getting such good treatment. Take a deep breath and one step at a time. U have done it once u can do it again !!! U got this !!!!

Just came on to give you all a virtual (((hug))). And to tell Nihahi that I said as much to DD ....... Damn kids.......



Ridley, welcome........these women are awesome........I feel like we've been friends for years.......and yes, we do like to hike.... tell me more about these trails in Ireland and Nova Scotia?????



Jenifer.....sorry you are dealing with this again.....please vent here any time......these women are the most sympathetic bunch on BCO.........I love them!.... I see by your screen you have doxies? Minis or standards? We have a mini doxie.......his name is Otto Von Wienerschnitzel.......(not trying to diminish what you are going through......just trying to get your mind off it all little bit ......I hope you don't mind....) and don't worry about us.....we ALL hate this damn disease.....



Dakota......hope you are ok?



Traii, Maria, Carla , Websister , Liefie , Edi , Caitlin, Tammy........



Had the day from hell stress-wise....even my pulled-up foobs are tight! Need to go to bed......taking a bottle of Advil PM (just kidding) so I can sleep!!!!!!



Love you all!



PS-Nihahi.......good luck with you RC training tomorrow....will be thinking of you!

Jenifer, I'm so sorry you find yourself facing this battle again. So unfair. You have spent the last year making yourself stronger in losing weight, exercising and eating well, and are going into this fight well prepared. Please stay around and let us know how you are doing.

Momof...sorry doesn't begin to be enough, but that's where it starts. Big hugs going out to you. Please do NOT think of this year of taking care of yourself and getting healthier as "a waste of time"....it will only help you going forward. Keep up the healthy lifestyle!!!! Keep walking those doggies...we're going to be with you every step. Recurrence does happen, sadly, but likely you have again been caught early. Stay in touch with us! We care about you!!!

Ridley....another hiker....whoohoo! It is a path to healing isn't it!!! I've driven the Cabot Trail in fall, years ago, and yes, it's a beautiful place. For those ladies who have never spent time in the northeast in autumn.....magical is the only word. So glad to hear how you have seemed to gather your "strength"....you sound so much more "focussed". It's a good thing that your onc is consulting with the rad onc....everyone needs to help you sort through the maze, and there is strength in numbers!

liefie....how was the bone scan yesterday??? You worry me that you are quiet.

edi....have you emigrated yet or is today your last day of sending hubby off to work???

movie...daughter's heart is in the right place....all we can do is point out the pros and cons. Is this the daughter with the health issues?....sheesh...!!!!! And WHAT, pray tell, happened to YOU YESTERDAY, THAT IT WAS SUCH A TOUGH DAY?????? (Iceberg alert......you know how to get there...remember!!!!)

traii, dakota, websister, benny, caitlin, maria, and all....what's up gang?