Starting Chemo June 2013!?!?!

My photo shock moment came at the DMV.  I had to renew my driver's license.  I was bald at the time due to chemo.  I went to their office and they said I needed a new photo.  I went over to where the photos are taken and the lady who does it was whispering with another lady.  I was called to the counter and the lady informed me she was the manager and that I would have to remove the scarf covering my bald head for the photo.  I asked why.  She said the photo couldn't have anything in it that would cover up my head/face.  I told her people take those photos with makeup on, colored contacts, wigs, weaves, etc.  Half the time they don't look anything like the way they were born.  She said she was sorry but they didn't have a choice, rules were rules.  I took off my scarf because I needed my license but it was embarrassing to have to do this in a room full of people.  What really bugged me was that a few months later I wanted to get a state ID card and they (the same DMV) let me keep my scarf on for that photo.  Go figure!

This time when my cancer returned, I went to the DMV to get that bald look off my license and ID card before my hair fell out again.  They weren't going to let me retake my photo because they said for security reasons you could only have your license/id replaced with a new photo when your license is about to expire.  Since it was over a year away for mine to expire they couldn't do it again.  Luckily the lady waiting on me felt horrible about my situation and went to the head of that office and asked for a exception due to my special situation.  I explained to her I was Stage IV and would be bald by the time my license expired and I didn't want my picture that I had to use for EVERYTHING to be bald forever.  I just wanted to be able to give people that ID with the way I use to look and not the sick, bald lady standing before them.  I wanted them to know I wasn't always like this and that I really was just like them.  It might seem like a small matter but for some reason it was important to me.

Sorry for the long post but your photo discussion made me remember those times at the DMV.  

I can completely relate to the image in the mirror, give's me a fright sometimes, especially after being sick and catching a glimpse!!  I just feel like ripping my head scarf off and being free, I feel so clostrophobic but I couldn't handle all the looks I'd get, how do you get the confidence to rock your baldie??  Anyone just not care and do that?

I've been engaged for 12 years as I can't stand the thought of everyone looking at me at my wedding day - so I complelety chickened out when it comes to rocking my shiner out in public (although man I'd love to!!!!

I renewed my licence two months early before I lost my hair I get the forgot you don't have any......almost every time I wash my little hair I bend down to dry with the towel.....and I swing my head up as uf I had my long hair lol !!!

Hi Arya - swelling has been a big problem for me in last 10 days and today some is gone. Like SpecialK and others told me, it goes away with time. The wait is not easy but hearing others' stories was most helpful. As for your last round, I suggest extra patience. I had my last Monday, am still in bed in pain, and ALL I hear from people is that I should be happy that chemo is over - completing dismissing my current pain and discomfort. I just breathe deep an slow and think of the gift of this forum and the sisters and brothers on it.



Aaoaao - Your story about the DMV got me mad! And your patience and kindness did too. I wished your son would have been there, thats what my heart was feeling as I was reading. The way you handled it shows you are mentally in a stronger place than me. I have been a complete idiot about covering my head, and clearly you and others remind me there is quite a bit of "room for growth" for me in this area...and I mean inside my head!



Health to all, Nisa

Nisa, you're right I should have been less understanding of these ignorant people.  Sometimes I do have, or did have, a tendency to let people get away with things I shouldn't.  I've learned to be stronger and more protective of my rights.  I use to do whatever the doctors say and not stand up for what I want.  I've gotten braver about  speaking up.  I figured since I'm Stage IV I will be seeing doctors and getting treatments/tests forever that I have to take care of my needs more.  I now ask more questions and will reject unnecessary pain from procedures. 

As for being done with your last treatment, congrats!  But I agree that people don't understand that you're not instantly healthy.  After effects can be extensive and long lasting.  Some may never go away.    You still need to rest and people still need to respect how you feel.  This board is a great way to vent since we do know what you're going through.

kmurphy - I kind of lost it in the infusion chair with the first round of Taxol so they added Ativan to my cocktail and I'm so glad they did!  It make it a little easier to do the infusion.  I sleep.

AryaS - I love the way you say you'll have your "last treatment ever".  What is up with all the steroids?  I'm not taking any.  They put some in my cocktail and that's it.  I don't take any before or after.  I'm good with that but WHY?  My lung cancer friend is puffed up on steroids right now too.  Trust me - I'm not wishing for it.  Just wondering why (and grateful) I'm not on any.  But am I supposed to be?  Nothing changed for me when I switched from AC to Taxol.  Nothing added, nothing removed.  I'm still getting Neulasta shot too.  I wish oncs did things the same so we could make better sense of it all.

I said on here before that my onc told me we're basically doing 22 weeks of treatments and we should allow ourselves 22 weeks of recovery - now to convince our family and friends huh?

Quiet thread today. Hope no news is good news. Ocean I'm so sorry for you pain. I'm so grateful that advil and a mild pain killler keep mine under control. You're on some STRONG meds! I will send positive thoughts your way!

Hi everyone,

Been reading not posting but...

Rain hope you're feeling better. Kati and Dyvgirl and Ocean too..and everyone else...

Now five weeks post chemo.. I've been feeling ok.. Still get the taxotere rash every few days or so...Took three of my kids away to our local ski field, was physically fine (surprisingly) and mentally, it was so good to get away.. Recommend it for you all..A getaway immediately post chemo; a change of air....phewwww...

Back home to go straight to court with my ex who tried to stop our court case being adjourned on account of my health.. Didn't succeed.. The judge is a breast cancer survivor...

Now bit more tired than usual, hot flushes abound so must be in menopause but overall not bad.. So hang in there..!!!!!

Tamoxifen next step, and recon, plus court in november etc oh when will I get some peace and quiet.??

Chemo sucks but it ends thankfully....

Just hanging out for hair growth.. Have very fine white stubble... Soooo want more hair. Am trying the spectral products.. The kids tell me it's growing so maybe it's working...

Xxx

Had #2 taxol today!! Didn't get as loopy and sleepy this time, feeling pretty good!! Looks are questionable Im feeling overwhelmed thankful for my friends and family going above and beyond caring for supporting and loving me through this !!! So glad I have this thread

I had a really rough time with AC and I know my feeling good can change but today I feel good!! I still hate having all these chemicals in my body and since I get herceptin too I worry about long term side effects!! Im trying to take one day at a time living life when I can. It sure is a rough road I wouldn't want anyone to travel....

Still having a hard time.  While Taxol is better than AC for me I'm really having issues with nerve pain and in the night the pins and needles on fingers and toes is quite difficult.  Don't even feel like talking about it.  So tired and in a fog and sick of all the crap.  

annika12 - I hear you re: worrying about all the toxicity and side effects of the meds.  THAT is the most scary to me.  How long will it take to be back to 'normal'?

Ugh, I have no energy.  Be well everyone.  

I had number 5 taxotere yesterday, you could fry an egg on my hair - i'm red like a beetroot, yuck imgine what it's doing to my insides.

My eyebrows are nearly all gone, it has saddened me more than losing my hair - you can hide your hair but I feel "faceless" without eyebrows - does that make sense?

I have 1 chemo to go now and just wish I could have it next week so I can get beyond treatment and start living life again, and running around with my 2 little ones!

I'd ring Oncology Laka, not sure what your protocol is where you are, but we have to ring oncology ward and they tell us whether we should go in or not.

Work was tough but i got through it.. Today i am attempting to go apple picking with my girls and there friends. Hope i can make it. Laka it shouldn't be that hi call your onc i feel like they use anxiety for a lot of the answers. Who doesnt have anxiety going through this shit. Ok I'm going to invent brushed on hair with glue for eyebrows. I glue on my eyelashes everyday we can make glued on eyebrows. Hmmm that's a thought...