What breast cancer has taught me....

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jennyboog
jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I truly believe things happen for a reason, even BC.  I'm a different person than before dx. and even though I did not enjoy having BC I have to admit it taught me some things I might not have learned otherwise. Post what you have learned too, it could be a positive spin on a usual negative situation :)

-to not sweat the small stuff

-to smile when it's just arthritis pain because it could be much worse

-to really STOP look, listen and feel

-That I am not invincible, things can and will happen to me

-I'm stronger than I thought

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited June 2013

    Jenny.....Thanks for this thread.  I think the big one is that breast cancer is now layered among the other experience in my life.  I think too that I have more courage, and more at home in my own skin (bien dans sa peau).

    • I am better at saying "no" to no win situations.  This has included work that was high on the pain index and low on the monetary reward scale.
    • I appreciate all the people who have dedicated their lives to saving the lives of others.
    • I cherish every single day.
    • Just love my hair now, and overall the way I look.
    • The importance of staying fit and strong.  I was on this one anyway, but think has made a major difference in my journey.
    • How lacking in basic science and math education this country is as a whole.
    • The importance of prayer.
    • To give back and help others
    • To redefine what "success" means for me.  It's about being valued for my contributions, much more than money or status.
    • To add "fun" into the "to do" list.  (Going camping this weekend!)

    Anyway, this is all now a part of me, and I know that my life is different than it would have been otherwise.  For one thing, I am doing on the board of a nonprofit devoted to helping brain tumor patients.  So able to make a major contribution that way.  Plus doing other interesting work.  It's all a work in process.

    And I am so grateful to have been given the opporunity to live this part of my life.  Beyond grateful. - Claire

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited June 2013

    BC has taught me how fragile life is and how quickly change can happen.  I certainly see time differently now.  I'm still learning, every single day.  My list would probably look just like yours, Jenny!

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  • footprintsangel
    footprintsangel Member Posts: 43,890
    edited June 2013

    That every day is a gift and to enjoy it and

    be grateful.

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited June 2013

    One of the things BC brought into my life was insight, understanding and clarity to relationships!! Without this post becoming a book I'll share that not all relationships make it through a BC journey...that is painful! I was a fixer, pleaser and the strong one in negative situations....sadly most of my life was spent filling this role in my family ( parents and siblings ).it was my value! When I was at my weakest ( 4 days after dx) my mother came to my home and said" I always knew you'd crash and burn" and than went on to tell me all the things I have done wrong to get cancer!! She and my father separated themselves from myself, husband and children...painful!

    Through counseling I came to realize that sadly some people like to assure themselves they won't get cancer by figuring out( and telling you) why you got it...it separates them from you...this was the case with my parents...people I had sought to please, serve and care for!!

    I no longer strive to please, fix or over do to win people's approval...that is a gift from BC in my life!! It's a wonderful freedom !!!

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited June 2013

    Before BC I focused on my family. I made sure my kids had clothes, shoes, went to the doctor regularly. I had no time for myself or gave myself anything (in terms of attention), I barely went to the doctor myself. Life post BC has taught me that its ok to get a new pair of pretty shoes for ME just because (even though I still feel a tad guilty). I enjoy spending time putting makeup on myself and get myself a pretty dress now and then. Happy mom makes happy kids and hubby :)

    And you know what if that smoked mozzarella at the deli is expensive but I want it, I'll get it because life is shot, if I wanna eat smoked mozzarella today, I will!

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited June 2013

    Hi Jenny Good to see you. I believe we learn the most from the challenges we go through in this life. A stage IIIC BC scared the bejesus out of me initially.

    The lessons I have learned is take nothing for granted.  I Appreciatel, truly appreicate what I have in this life, not what I don't. I know in my heart who loves me and values me.  I smile and belly laugh everyday. We all don't know what's around the corner for us , but it's how we live today and treat each other which counts. 

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited June 2013

    I've learned that putting yourself first is sometimes necessary and important.....cuz if we don't, who will? 

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited June 2013

    I can only echo the rest of you:

    Take care of #1.

    Buy pretty shoes ;) definitely!

    Laugh.

    Say no to boring things and people, miserable undertakings, pointless drama etc.

    Even if the overall situation is bad, there is always some room to laugh and enjoy.

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  • sciencegal
    sciencegal Member Posts: 1,120
    edited June 2013

    What a wonderful thread. I agree wholeheartedly with all the bullet points posted above.



    I learned finally how to take care of myself and that I really am what I eat!!! no more quickie cardboard boxes of food during late nights in the lab.



    And I learned that humans really do need more than four hours of sleep. I am a slumberbug now.



    I learned to hydrate- seldom without my water bottle now (BPA-free of course).



    And I learned who my friends really are. My friends who did not get scared off and my husband and I are closer than ever.



    Hopefour I am so sorry about your parents. I hope fences can be mended, life is too short. If not, I hope you have a "family of choice" to get you through this, rather than your biological one. awful what some people say/do when they find out about our diagnosis. My heart goes out to you.

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  • Myleftboob
    Myleftboob Member Posts: 1,469
    edited June 2013

    Great thread, a few things I've learned;

    • who my real friends were.  I've always had alot of good friendships but was blown away by the lack of contact by my oldest ones.  Yet the ones I had come to meet over the last 10 years were (and are by far so amazingly supportive
    • that I was able to leave a so so very long term relationship with my now ex that took a turn for the worse after DX
    • That I love living alone
    • I now buy the cheese and the shoes LOL!
    • gratitude and the power of prayer
    • being good to myself by feeding myself properly
    • yoga
    • the benefits of a good night's sleep, banished the TV from my bedroom forever and rediscovering the joy of reading
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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited July 2013

    Jenny,

    I always say that I wish it didnt take this happening to me to really open my eyes to the tragedies  that happen in the world, but now after having gone through what I've gone through (my own cancer plus my DH's death from cancer) I've really got a unique view of things.  Now, I look around and see all the terrible things  that happen (kids dying from cancer, people's lives being wrecked by infidelities and divorce, drugs, depression, etc.), and I realize that none of us ever gets through this life unscathed, and that the best we can do is live and love fully, however that is defined for each of us.  I have friends that I dont even talk to about my cancer history because they get so wigged out about it, and they themselves are facing terrible things in their life that I'm so glad I'm not going through.  So if we can find happiness no matter what our current situations, I believe that to be a wonderful thing.

    Love

    Bobbie

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited July 2013

    Another one from my weekend.....to literally TAKE THE PLUNGE.

    I haven't done this one yet, but I did go camping with friends, and now have added river rafting to my bucket list.  Looks like so much fun, and can't wait to do it.

    Prior to BC, I never went camping, much less river rafting.

    I am also going to be doing a run later, followed by a swim in Green Lake.  Hot here.....and the difference in the combo is that I will be doing a run, not a walk.

    So a whole new intensity to exercising.....and to life. - Claire

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited July 2013

    Thanks for responding everyone!  BC has definitely opened my eyes to things...good and bad so, I'm glad to see I'm not alone.  It did a lot of damage in my life and tested me, my family, my marriage.  Because of BC I'm better in someways and not so much in other ways, the healing continues but life is looking better! 

    @hopefour...I'm sorry to hear about your parents and I hope you are at peace with what has happened or can mend the relationship.  My dad reached out to me after my dx, after I've not had a relationship with him for years.  I was slightly offended, why did it take me getting BC for him to look me up, he wouldn't have otherwise.  I still don't have a relationship with him and don't care too with or without BC.

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  • kar123
    kar123 Member Posts: 273
    edited July 2013

    Love the lists on this post!  I think I learned that I really picked the right guy to marry.  He was my nurse, my therapist, cook, maid, and biggest support through the whole thing and now.  It brought us closer together when alot of times a diagnosis like this can tear couples apart.  It also taught me that I am not a hypochondriac and I wasn't "too young" to get breast cancer.  (Although when I get an ache or pain, I just tell myself to stop it you're a hypochondriac!) Wink

    PS I love, love, love the quote from Letlet : "life is short, if I wanna eat smoked mozzarella today, I will!"

    Kelli

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2013

    Thank you all for helping with a fresh perspective on shoes, family and friends, and cheese! Loving this thread.  Smile

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited July 2013

    Thank you for your understanding, compassion and concern. As I shared before, my post would be a book if I gave all the details concerning my mother behaviors and parents separating themselves from me after BC dx. I am so thankful that my husband, friends and children encouraged me to get into counseling rather than continue in my typical behavior of figuring out how it "fit it" and " please" behavior! Even though my mother had her worst melt down of anger while I was in surgery, followed by she and my father leaving before my surgery was done....I saw their behavior as a statement of my value. Thankfully through counseling I realized their behavior speaks of themselves.



    I shared a bit of my story because it was so painful to have someone you love try and tell you why you got BC just to assure themselves they won't get it! I also share because, as so many of you have shared, BC forced me to find new tools to do life with and that can be a very good thing! I have new tools to use in dealing with life's issues and the tools of "fixing it'" and "pleasing" have been laid aside as well as the stress that goes with it!!



    I am presently speaking to a counselor and my pastor concerning how to move forward in regards to my parents! For now though my husband, children and friends love the new me...less stressed out trying to please and fix life, more confident being me and expressing more of what I want for my life...yeah go me!!! I just might go get some smoked mozzarella cheese too today!!!

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  • gildedcage
    gildedcage Member Posts: 139
    edited July 2013

    I love this thread too. I'm only at the start of what will likely be a long road with BC. Since my diagnosis and lumpectomy I've learned how to receive. I've worked as a nonprofit for years as a therapist, social worker and I've been the "go-to" person in many of my relationships with friends. Never have I been in the role of needing help from others. Now I find myself in that place. Initially it felt uncomfortable but now I'm starting to see the value and importance in allowing others to care for me, in emotional ways and in practical ways. It's a new experience and, I have to admit, I like it. Innocent

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited July 2013

    Here's mine--

    Life is not a dress rehearsal.  I have this one chance to live, and whatever I'm doing, I will do my best to do it well. 

    My husband is my rock, and our love is deeper, happier, and more companionable than it's ever been.

    God will walk every step of this journey with me, and someday, whether it's today or fifty years from today, he'll carry me home.

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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited July 2013

    Jenny,

    great topic!!!

    I am still learning everyday, finding my way..........I know God has blessed me because I am here, simple and true!!

    My kids are so amazing!!! I really see them!!!!!!!!!

    , I really listen,  I am present!  I no longer worry about the future, can"t

    control that one! I have learned to stay in the day and I call that freedom..........we can"t control the future, we never could but, boy did I try!! No longer do I worry about the things I can not control!! I trust God with every ounce of my being...........I really love my husband, in a deeper way then I think I ever could have....... not to say BC did not try to ruin us, we beat the odds and made a choice to love through it all.........I have learned medicine is a good thing and I am grateful  for it. I KNOW i AM REALLY STRONG, I REALLY DID NOT KNOW THAT BEFORE..........Its a work in process

    but, I think as hard as it has been, I am a better person.........I hope I will keep growing learning and trusting !!!!!

    Blessings girls

    Oh yay, I am learning to be selfish, take better care of me!!!!! Thats a big one!!!! xoxo

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  • sciencegal
    sciencegal Member Posts: 1,120
    edited July 2013

    Great posts ladies! I have also learned to live in the moment. No more pace addiction.



    I sat next to the pool for an hour just talking to my husband and enjoying our beautiful yard last evening, havent done that in our ten years together!



    Each day is a blessing.

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited July 2013

    I just wrote on this topic on my Blog on July 5, 2013 after I saw my former brother-in-law who is

    a 35 year survivor of Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma.  We had a long talk about what it really means

    to be a cancer survivor and how it has changed us.  He has much wisdom in 35 years! 

    To sum it up:

    1) Reevaluate life

    2)  Appreciate each day

    3)  Take no crap from anyone

    4)  Don't stuff anger

    5)  Little things don't matter

    It won't let me post the link to my blog, but I posted it on July 5, 2013.

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  • doubledelightrose
    doubledelightrose Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2013

    Thank you for this!

    I agree and have tossed the aromasin and decided to live each day one at a time and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering!

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  • Robyn_S
    Robyn_S Member Posts: 197
    edited July 2013

    Great reading thanks Jenny!

    I am a different person to the one I was before dx.

    For the first time in 46 years of life I had to confront the fact that I am going to die. Fact - we all are eventually- no exceptions!

    I have done my best to make sure that it is later rather than sooner!

    The real gift is that each day now I celebrate that I am alive.

    I live every single day with a simple joy to see a sunset, sit in the garden or read a good book!

    It took confronting my mortality to truly appreciate and be grateful for my present.

    I changed career and have a job that I love now. I am taking the celebration cruise in October. I tell my children how proud I am of them. I make memories with my grandchildren.

    Life is good because the alternative is eternity and I am prepared but not ready just yet!!!

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  • kdrez
    kdrez Member Posts: 65
    edited July 2013

    Found out who my lifetime lover really is...LIFE! Still amazes me, because all these years of searching, Life was in front of me every second and I didn't see Life as every moment or every second. This is an incredible journey of loving, giving and learning. And everyday I am so thankful and blessed from those upstairs who give me strength each day! Positive vibrations to all of you strong remarkable women!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2013

    I can only echo everyone else's posts.  I find I don't turn down any invitation to watch my 6 month old grandson, or give my daughter or husband an extra hug or kiss.  And if someone ticks me off, they will know it.  Life is too short to take any crap.  If anyone has "done" something to get bc, it would be me.  Not only a family history, but I was a "light" smoker for over 25 years.   I think I did because my folks didn't smoke, and I had to try it. But it didn't help that I married a tobacconist either. 

    I'm thankful for the beginning and end to every day! 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2013

    Hi Jenny

    Thanks for this great topic.  Your list echoed my own feelings, and then I read on and saw so many others have spoken my own feelings about what breast cancer has taught me.  Breast cancer has shown me that I am stronger than I thought, and then each year I go on I realize yes I did have breast cancer, I got thru it as well as  every other health issue and surgeries I faced following this diagnosis.  I think the main thing I've realized is that there is always something to look forward to and life can be good even after breast cancer.

    image

    Barb
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  • melmcbee
    melmcbee Member Posts: 1,119
    edited July 2013

    I learned that I really dont like pink.

    I learned that working fast isnt always efficient.

    Slow and careful will work for me now.

    Stress is a useless emotion because I cant fix it so why try.

    All doctors should experience the procedures they order.

    All of the glam and makeup does not make a beautiful person. Nor my breasts.

    Everyone has different priorities in life and what is good for one may not work for others. Who am I to tell someone else how they should do there treatment. I am someone who should support anyone in their treatment choices.

    I am blessed that so many giving souls are here to help or just listen.



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