Why Us? What Do I Do?

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sej6f4
sej6f4 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Why Us? What Do I Do?
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  • sej6f4
    sej6f4 Member Posts: 2
    edited June 2013

    So, I am home for the summer from college, and recently thought to myself, this is the best summer I have had in a couple of years! I have also been so proud of my newfound happiness after being "diagnosed" and working through my depression of about two and a half years.

    Funny joke, world. Today, I was summoned home from the mall via an urgent call from my dad to "come home right away." Many possibilities of what could be so important crossed my mind, and, in fact, this was one I thought about right away. I wish I had been wrong-- I would rather most any other scenario to happen.

    Lately, my peers and community members have been dealign with death, it seems, quite frequently. Within one week, two girls I went to elementary school with, and whose parents I knew, both lost their fathers. I have always given my thoughts to these people and their families, feeling sorry for them, and yet, feeling so grateful it wasn't me going through what they did.

    It scares me that I just may. I am so scared, so sad, and so mad that this happened to such a lovely woman; such a great wife and mother. I am mad for many selfish reasons, such as the fact that if this stupid disease wins, I do not get to have my mother in my wedding pictures...my children will never know who raised their mother...my family will be heartbroken and, being the control freak I am, I will not be able to do anything about their sadness.

    Most of all, I am all sorts of emotions for my mom. I hate seeing her cry so much, and I hate that she has the pressure of having to be brave and not give up mentally with this fight. I hate that we don't have enough information yet...and have to wait until MONDAY to see a doctor.

    I just needed to vent, so to those of you who read this, thank you for your time. Any advice? Anyone know the odds of beating this, I repeat, STUPID disease?! :'(

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  • footprintsangel
    footprintsangel Member Posts: 43,890
    edited June 2013

    Try journaling I took care of my Grandma and father

    through cancer, and know it help to write thing down

    and then if You facing a challenge or need a date its there

    and remember to have a grateful journal in it and help You

    remember the good things. Please let me know how You are doing

    Hugs and prayers. Debbie

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  • Fifi834
    Fifi834 Member Posts: 9
    edited July 2013

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It really DOES suck.

    I, too, was diagnosed with depression about 12 years ago (I'm 42 y/o). And, YES, it does seem unfair that, once we finally start feeling better with ourselves ... BOOM ... cancer throws in a monkey wrench. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV BC in 1/2009, and I honestly can say that the day I was told of this was the worst day of my life -- until 5 days ago.

    Mom amazed many doctors and medical experts with her body's response to various treatments when first diagnosed. At the time, she was 65 and in pretty good health, otherwise. 5 days ago, we (my mom, dad and myself)  were told that my mom's breast cancer had spread to her central nervous system, spinal fluid and outer brain membrane (but not in the brain yet). Basically, with treatment, we MAY get another year with my mom. Without treatment - 3 to 12 months. Sucks, huh?

    For us, it's not a "WHY ME?" Instead, it's a "WHY NOT ME?"  After all, what makes it okay for others to get this terrible disease, but not us?  Have others not faired bad fortune, too?  What makes us more deserving than others to avoid cancer?

    Answer: we do not deserve to be excluded from cancer.

    Just take it one day at a time. It sucks. And it's going to continue to suck. But just try to enjoy any and every bit of time you can with your mom.  She doesn't expect you to put your life on hold because of her illness. Life goes on. Just do whatever you can.

    Hope this makes sense. Keep me posted. 

    xo

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  • Suncitydave
    Suncitydave Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2013

    As a new caregiver for my wife with BC, here's some things I learned you may find helpful:

    1-stay off the internet prowling medical cancer sites....the terminology alone can scare you do death, plus you're not a doctor and will often misinterpret things.  Consult your doctors when you have questions and trust in their knowledge.

    2-don't listen to other BC survivor stories.  Their treatment was specific to them, and your loved one will very likely have a different one with different results and side effects.  Politely shut them down.  Every cancer patient has a different, specific treatment, plus each patient will react differently.

    3-this is not a death sentence.  Most of them are very treatable.

    4-attitude is everything, both for the caregiver and the paitient.  Your gal is going to be scared...listen to them.  Cry and laugh with them.

    5-use your friends and relatives.  They want to help, so let them. 

    6-take care of yourself.  Take time for yourself.  Don't give up your hobbies in total.  You need to stay strong for them, and that means you have to have some downtime.  Couple this with letting others help.

    7-take advantage of support groups and web pages like this.

    8-let her do what she's capable of doing and wants to do.

    I'm still learning, and its not easy becoming the nurturing caregiver that my wife naturally is.  But every smile I get from her is another trophy for me!  I certainly don't have all the answers, but those are a few points that help.  Good luck to you.

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  • BayouBabe
    BayouBabe Member Posts: 2,221
    edited July 2013

    Suncitydave - your wife is very lucky to have you. Keep collecting those trophies! Laughter AND smiles truly are the best medicine.

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