Fuzzy's Romp Room
Comments
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I did try to get him to settle down. He is on high alert, even after I took xanax to get myself calmed down. Also, he keeps pecking (not biting, just like maybe licking) at my chest, particularly over the foob. He never did this before, but he is obsessive about it lately.
I'll be OK. I just need to know one way or the other. Thanks for the reply though.
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Gosh, DUNE, and you too, ESTHER, both of you seem to be having a hard time! I wish I could step in and make it well. I think things will settle down soon for both of you. Try and do some relaxing things over the next few days, and soon news and budgies and days will settle themselves out and things will go along like before. I love you both!!! And OF COURSE I love all my other sisters too. GG
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I had to take my car to have a recall thing taken care of. They showed me a list of stuff that is about to break on the car: belts, breaks, something else. Comes to about a grand. I give up.
I tried to do some weeding when I got back but couldn't even do much of that. That usually relaxes me. I took a handful of xanax and went to sleep. Woke up a couple hours ago and now took another 4 xanax to try to get back to sleep. I just don't care anymore. I made sure the birds had plenty of food. Just in case . . .
Life sucks. I am not holding onto this shit. I never could figure how people could commit suicide over money but I do see it now. Can't get a job. Can't get any fucking help. Can only get hit with more problems. I am soooo done with all this shit.
Best of luck to the rest of you.
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Dune.....stop that talk......
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You got it. Done.
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Stop that line of thought too. You scare me when you talk like that.
Hugs
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Dune......you look great... Pay no attention to the damn bird........after all that weight loss girl......you can do anything.....don't make me come to Maryland and bitch slap you......it's gonna be ok.....hugs
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Dune going to bed....if you need to talk, call me.....nothing stupid...right.....don't pay attention to the bird.......you sure he's not cuckoo.......hugs
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Dune ups and downs seem par for the course.......but i hear you, i too can never work full time again due to lack of energy, ignore your bird, probably picking up on source of your anguish and wanting to pe ck it away
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Gosh, ESTER, what an encouraging little puppy. I love dogs. DUNE, as long as I've known you, when life changes happen, you fall apart. First cancer, then maniacs in the condo building, then living with Mom, and you name it, you've had it happen to yourself. Now, I got a little crazy when the pain from my old back injury got much, much worse, I couldn't think straight, so I filed for disability, I needed help from SS to fill it out, and on my SECOND try, I received it. WHAT A RELIEF. As for your stooopid car, you can just let them fix the recall crap that should be FREE and worry about all that worrisome stuff later. I say as long as you got fluids and tires, you're good to go. Now, your mood, this is undoubtedly caused by whatever poison medicine they're saying is so great for you right now. Well, it AIN'T. I had to give up some hormone-blockers becuz they drove me plumb crazy. I literally could not take it. Screw it. You do what's good for you. Daydream about how you want your life to look in a year or two from now, and squeeze in a little vacation, and you'll be good as new. DUNE, I care about you SO much. You are one of my favs. Yes, you are. Always my sister, always and always forever. Just get rid of what's no good and just plan for good stuff down the road. I gots to go do stuff I don't want to do. Get gas, go to the bank, talk to Mom on the phone, and then a stooopid lawn mower guy who is the type that bushwhackers the grass down to the dirt. Then I'll be done for the rest of the day. And I haven't slept for a couple days, I reckon,but I"m looking forward to this afternoon!!!!!!!!!!!! Write us back forthwith, our sweet bird-talker. We love you. Gail
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I talked to the yard man. You see, our regular mowers decided to cut back on their business, right smack in the middle of growing season after they sent out notices to let them know to come mow the lawn. So, we REALLY have a powerful bad-looking yard. Grass higher than me, terrible stickers and poison ivy everywhere, thick shrub/trees popping up here and there, it'll take them forever just to get thru that. So, I felt quite sad when he quoted prices, but husband and I agreed we'd take the lower price for a half-day, lots of workers he said could get a lot more done than we think. I'm already going to go out and do a few things ahead of time for them, to make it easier for them to understand what to do. But SOMEBODY has got to do that sticker area, it's not too big, but it's awful. We have the money, but yes, DUNE, money shocks are hard to deal with. But it's all part of upkeep and such. Maybe you could get disability. Go to the home page for Social Security Disability, they have a huge list of stuff that WILL give it to you, and if any of it looks like you, aim the whole application that way. Now, even tho I had a broken back and muscle spasms from it, what gave it to me was chronic severe depression, and my psychiatrist gladly wrote a note for me to send in. If you're seeing a psych for everything, and especially with cancer worries, you could at least get some to push you on through this rough patch. Also, remember, there is a very big full moon out this weekend, and I think this is how come I am unusually sad the last couple days. Take the bus to go see your brother, see what he says, and look up stuff online at SS Disability, and make a plan and figure it out. They may have more jobs in Atlanta, I don't know. Just try, girl. And only spend what you MUST. Screw the car for now, you don't have enough money. Go ahead and be depressed. And you sure as hell don't need FOUR Xanax to sleep. Just wait until bedtme, and take a usual amount, and you'll sleep reall well. Get some protein in you, a nice bean soup or farm fresh eggs in a vegie omelet. Get your sheeeeet together, girl. PLEASE don't throw it all away. That picture of you and your budgie whistling together was REALLY cool. I think it could go viral on You Tube. Get out some paint stuff and do some drawings, or use the paint program included on all PCs, creativity always makes a person switch gears. Remember, all us sisters are having a helluva time too, it's the nature of the beast. Write us back soon, PLEASE. Look at how many people came out of the woodwork to encourage you. Check out a couple great movies to watch and pull the curtains and nap, with budgie pecking, he's just feeling your broken heart. Doc can handle the rest. I saw a FANTASTIC movie late last night, it's coming on again midight tonight, it's called, "Limitless," Robert DeNiro plays a bit part, it's totally off the wall movie, REAL interesting. Let us know how you're doing, girl. Love always sister Gail
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Dune....you there girlfriend......check in......keep your head in the game.....we need to know your ok.......hugs
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Dune? I am thousands of miles away but still in your camp
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Ducky i talked a bit with Dune yesterday. She was a bit better.
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Good, was gonna call her, (she is on my Buddy list, gave me her number), but it was close to midnight......not sure so I kept sending her messages....thanks for the info....
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Was worried about Dune so came here to check. I don't post much but do read and think of you all each day.
Big hugs to everyone.
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Hugs back Aly girl.....
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Our property downhill from our house - Lots of natural forest for the deer and other critters.
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So peaceful. Thanks for sharing!
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This is from our paper - the effects of the supermoon from down under
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I decided to get the brake pads replaced and possibly the belts. We'll see. Mom keeps offering help, so I guess I'll have to take it. It's humilating having no money. No money to fix things that I really do need to fix. I do need to be able to eat right, and my teeth are just not right. No way can I afford a dentist. I'm really having trouble seeing, but I'm going to put off a vision test and new glasses a little longer. As far as disability, I did file. I got turned down twice and there is a 12 to 14 month wait to go before the administrative law judge. Really. That sucks. I have a phone consult with my lawyer next Friday. I had called and told them I was going to have to try to get some work because of the $1600 dentist bill and the need for more dental work and glasses and you know. Stuff breaks. I have to remember I am lucky to have my mom, but just how would it make you feel to have to take money from your 80 year old mother? I have the right to feel shitty about myself for even considering that. See how wonderful our government services are? You know what could happen to a person waiting 2 years to get disability, actually to even get the decision about whether or not they can get disability? I have applied for at least 20 jobs. So far not only have I not gotten a job as a computer repair tech (for which I was trained), I have not gotten a job at McDonalds (totally against my conscience), Burger King (again totally against my conscience), the Dollar Store (pretty much against my values), Home Depot, Chick Fil A, Staples, Best Buy, Redner's grocery store, Admissions at a local hospital, and on and on and on. I am extremely pissed off that I have been put in this situation by my jerk of a boss who sure as shit did not know how to appreciate me. I should still be working, having enough income to take care of problems that come along. Anyway, that's how I'm doing. I'm better but unstable. I'll try to get more stable.
Oncologist appt later today. That was also a stressor, as you all know first-hand. I look forward to learning what my bloodwork showed. I think she'll be ordering another ultrasound since there were some areas of concern in the other breast. Mostly like cysts though. I can actually feel something in there, and I did not feel the cancer until the day I layed my hand across my breast and felt that huge m-effer. As I understand it, usually cancer hides itself well and doesn't cause pain -- until of course it progresses. So since I can feel a sense of pulling in the left breast, I'm assuming it isn't cancer.
After the doctor I'll stop by the auto place to see if they can take care of my car or if I should return early Tuesday morning. I need to get it fixed so I can take my mom to a surgical procedure she needs done. And I'm about ready to scream fuck money. I am doing without so much: no restaurants, no carry out, no shopping (even though my clothes fall off me shortly after I put them on). I need financial help and I need it now but there's no chance of getting it for another year -- unless I can manage to land a part time job and keep it. This is all very uncool. I'm alone. I don't have a husband bringing in money. When things break I have to fix them myself if I can possibly manage it -- or else it likely will not get fixed. Another thing that will keep the house from selling. In MD you can't just walk away from your mortgage either. They come after you and sue you and garnish your wages. Again, not cool. When there is no way out, I totally get why people will off themselves. I refuse to take much of my mom's money. If I have to I'll take a little help. If God or whatever piece of shit force out there wants to rain down more than that, then I will kill myself. Don't bother worrying about whether or not I kill myself. Worry about whether or not I can stay the fuck afloat!
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Well, DUNE, I gotta say, it is MIGHTY good to hear back from you!!!
Dahlin, whilst you wait to get real glasses, why, just do what husband and I do, we go to the Kmart Department or Dollar Store and get some El Cheapo magnifying glasses so we can at least read and see the computer. And as for money from your mom, hey, we get some family money sometimes, I consider it help from relatives. EVERYONE runs out of money now and then. But now, real estate is the only way I've ever been able to make any REAL money. When I was in the wash cycle of the disability wringer, I figured up my budget, whcih consisted of zero money incoming, except a little from some paintings I did, so we decided to sell our house, made a fortune on it, altho it broke our hearts, and we bought a really good place free and clear just a couple neighborhoods over, paid off all debts including just a little left from the house, and put the rest in the bank. Plus, remember, I had applied for disabiliy by going by the SS Disablity website. I had applied a couple years earlier under someting that they don't give for. And you know what I'd do if I were you? If your last boss is giving out lousy recommendations, which you'd have to ask, go over their head and explain to their bossman what done happened to you, the cancer and call, and you'd like either she be ordered to give SOMETHING good about you, leave out the bad, OR you'd even take a part-time job somewhere else in the workplace. And since you're a computer fixer-upper, don't you guys have some sort of employment bank place or employmen security commission? You can talk to a counselor down here and they can at least look more into your field for you. You can also go to Dept of Social Services and ask about monetary assistance like foodstamps and little stuff like that to sew up the edges a little better. Let's see. As for all the people coming on here all of a sudden and wanting to jump off a cliff, may I please remind you that these so-called problems, well, just think of the worst-case scenario. THE WORST that can happen with no money is.... well, no money! Last I heard, there's no debtor prison. Social Services can help with a lot of stuff like utilities and food. There's plenty of poor folk wandering around the streets, but YOU HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE! This is a very good thing. That's half the battle. Thing are NOT going to get better until you get disability and social services and self something you know how to make. Sew up a beautiful quilt, perfectly done with some sort of stuffing in it, a "local craft" cut from old clothes and such. I bought a lap quilt one time, still have it even thit's fallng apart, and I LOVE IT. There's lots of stuff people do realy well and jut never thought of seling it.
Well, DUNE, I know you just wanted to get it off your chest, but I just HAD to reply in ways that should help a little bit maybe. Like one poster in a health group says sometimes, "Take what you want and leave the rest." Don't pile everything up in a big stinking heap! Just do easy stuff first, wipe off what you cannot do, and somehow manage the rest. These things happen when you get sick. You lose everything, which is what has happened to you. Take your bird cage and bird in it, with the bottom part with newspaper for doodie, and put a light spray on the cage, and try to get your budgie to whistle. Put it on You Tube. I think your bird is SO talented. Well, keep us posted as to your activities. You'll get thru this rough patch. Might take some doing and time, but eventually you'll get in better shape. You're at the bottom, so you can only go up! HA! Love to my sister always, GG
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Dune....why did your boss let you go.......lack of work?...that's fine, as long as another person was not hired to replace you.........did you get unemployment comp....if not .....why not.........have you checked with a lawyer to see if you have a case........especially if it was after the cancer dx......
What about welfare.......don't be too proud for that....it is meant for people who have fallen on hard times.......not a way of life.....
Have you inquired with any of the "cancer organizations"..........how about your Case Manager from your insurance company, or Nurse Navigator at your hospital, or at your Dr office.....
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There are many places out there.......don't rely on disability, in some states it's .....red tape, and bullshit that takes forever.........
You have a roof over your head, even if there is work needed to be done........deal with it for now.
Lost my husband 21 years ago to Pancreatic cancer......have lived alone ever since....so I ave no husband either.....his paycheck left when he did......I thought, how will I ever do this alone, but I did it........is it fun.......no......many times I thought of giving up, but didn't .......so shit happens.........it sucks, but you do the best you can.......
Don't give up till you have tried everything available...........remember.......a quitter never wins, and a winner never quits.........your a winner......you just have to put your "big girl panties" on, even if you need suspenders to hold them up..........you can do this.......we believe in you.......now it's your turn to believe in you too.....hugs
No more of that crazy talk........MAKE SURE YOUR PANTIES ARE LACE TRIM........MIGHT AS WELL BE SEXY........ -
Dune, Is there a dental school near you? It takes forever to get everything done but the price is certainly right. Ask the Lions Club about help with glasses. Problem with part-time job is that then SS won't think you're disabled. There's a whole underground cash only economy that doesn't show up on records. I know it hurts you to take money from your mother, but isn't she planning to leave it to you and your brother when she goes? Does she have enough to support herself in the future and help you out? In Washington, welfare will give people money waiting for Social Security, then collect what they've given from the back payment. I hated applying for welfare (twice), but it kept us from sinking and we didn't need it long.
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Dune, I don't like hearing you talk this way. I know you went through a dark period earlier in the year. You've got to realize that there are others who are worse off than you are right now. I know you don't think that is possible but there are. Accept your mother's help. None of us like doing it but when you need help and it's offered you've got to take it. Would you not do the same for your mother if the table was turned? I know what it's like to try to sell your home. I had to do it with my mother's place when the market first tanked. She was in a nursing home and going through her savings like crazy. First real estate agent did absolutely squat. Got a second one who knew what he was doing and it finally sold but unfortunately had to drop the price. You can do it girl! Just take one day at a time. We love you and care for you.
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Well i went to another surgeon and this one took a photo of me, then stored it on computer, i saw myself as others see me and am so upset, my chest area is the most awful UGLY uneven ridged MESS, i have been wobbling and shaking inside ever since........i looked at a number of scars before and mine must be about the worst.....i feel sick.....and seeing my flabby white scarred belly......just revolting......
I liked the surgeon but he says wait two years post op before recon, and then a further year before reduction on other side......so another 22 months before i can ever even look reasonable again albeit it with scars top and bottom of new breast shape.......horizontal ones.....i am really upset and tired of trying to LIVE in a nightmare... -
Dunes glad you are still around, take the help from wherever it is offered, you would give if roles reversed......
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This was an interesting take on "Footprints" Poem.
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