Fuzzy's Romp Room

luvmygoats

Veggy's not leaving buttprints in the sand but spittle marks on her computer screen. LOL. Love you ye of few words.

Anonymous

dunesleeper

Sorry for ranting again.

I went to the oncologist and she noticed I was not "myself." She sent in a psych social worker who was very nice. We talked, and she offered to help me get hooked up with some of the help I need. I told her I could not take the financial assistance she offered because my mom will help me and there are others out there who may not have someone who can help them financially. I hate taking the money from my mom but I'll just try to get work and pay her back.

I talk to my lawyer on Friday about this whole work thing. The SSDI decision won't come until at least Spring time. I hope that working part time won't keep me from getting SSDI, because I really don't think I can handle full time work. I'm too unbalanced. I just have to see what she says on Friday.

I had an interview of sorts today. I think they are doing a background check and when that is done they will notify me to go online and take the assessment. It's with Royal Farm Stores.

I decided it would be better to ask my mother for money than to make her cry, so I went ahead and made an appt for a vision test and (at the advice of the psych social worker) an acupuncture appt. Acupuncture has helped me in the past. I don't know how good this person is, but she accepts my insurance so it will only be a $20 co-pay. In the morning I'm getting my car repaired.

It just seems that every month there is another huge bill that causes me to use up all my retirement check and even have to take from my meager savings. I've never lived on the edge like this before. I don't know how to do it, especially when the only cuts I can make are the cuts to the supplements that I use as my cancer treatment. I'm just going to try not to worry so much about it though. I only hope that any money I may have to borrow from my mother I will be able to repay. I will feel like crap about myself if I cannot, but I felt lower than low having made her cry because of how upset I got about the car.

Alyson

duckyb1

Dune.......why did you refuse the public assistance......you needed it..you felt guilty about your Mother, and will feel worse if you can't pay her back.......you don't have to pay back any money you get from social services............why not accept the help from them, and if needed the rest from your Mom.....



Obviously you need it as much as the next guy.......I really think you should reconsider your decision......money is there to help those who need it.......you néed it.

chabba

Dune, Just think of taking public assistance as a refund of the taxes you have paid  already.

dogeyed

DUNE, I'm glad you're getting your life into some sort of order now.  Keep going with it.  You'll get thru.

LILY, I wnt to tell you something about boob scars.  They look like hell for a couple years.  Not too attractive, because after all, they surgically remove an entire boob and everything.  And it don't help to have rads burn it all up.  But a plastic surgeon makes better stitches than a regular surgeon.  If you don't want to wait 50 million years to get restoration and making nice all this stuff, there are procedures that some plastic surgeons can do a lot sooner, and he might can refer you.  And as for how scars go every whichaway and look awful, scars DO heal up plenty good; the trick is to get it to all look smooth.  Also, you were talking about your big white tummy, and once you heal up enough, that's what tanning beds are for, lots of walks, and liposuction for flab is for.

You can worry about beautifying yourself once you talk to your plastic surgeon again.  If you're worried about having relationships with a funny-looking body, that's what camisoles and candles are for.  And then there's the VERY interesting tattoos you can eventually get done that can look like flower tendriles all around, to where you cannnot see the scars that are the ugly ones.  If someone cares about you, they are NOT worth keeping if a little boob surgery scares them off.  SCREW THEM.  Your dog won't care, your doc doesn't care, and these other minimizing things like a tan and tattoos will help things out a lot.

One last thing, and God forgive me for saying this, but I HAVE to.  Nearly all of you who really think your ship is sinking, just remember, it's almost always (a) fear of cancer, and (b) hormone-blocking pills.  I think everyoe has to make up their minds about the hormone pills.  Me, I'm pretty sensitive, I've had numerous nervous breakdowns since my carwreck from the poor pain conrrol I get, and I KNEW when they give me a horone reducing drug, which I already went tru the change oce and lost my mind, I knew it would happen again, and boy did it ever, IN SPADES.  But so as not to throw all that out the window, some people dcan ideed manage this stuff.  It's just I could not.  I was SO ruined, life turns against you and EVERYTHING SUX.  VERY hard to get used to.  

And LILY, really, when you think about it, by the time they get your body in some sort of natural appearance, some tanning and lipo and exercise, scars healing up and new ones healing up, your hormone stuff will be close to ending, too.  It's just a long ass time to fool with all this.  So, you gotta go for the reward system.  Every time you get thru a season, you reward yourself.  This can include everything from getting a spa treatment, to hair styling, to a nice hotel on the beach, to shopping for something special you save up for.  WE SURVIVED CANCER, and this is a VERY big deal.  Just 50 years ago, when my grandmother died of ovarian, she didn't have a chance in hell.  Now we're almost at a cure.  Even with the most serious cancers, percentges are excellent for staying well. 

I'm living proof, three cancers in one boob, two very deadly, and I get NED.  And I threw the hormone pills out the window ages ago.  You get used to all this crap.  And you'v been thru the worst of it, altho boob beautification is tough.  Me, I just said to hell with it, no reconstruction, I don't even wear fake stuff.  just no boob there, tough beans.  Now, if I had to go to a high school reunion, I'd get all dolled up and duct-tape fake booby stuff on there.  SMILE.

I'm all burned out, folks.  Keep on keeping on.  keep telling us what's up.  Take some advice and leave the rest.  We've all bee there, done that, and it's hell on earth, to be sure.  But the thing is, WE ARE ALIVE.  I love all my sisters very much, so love always, Gail 

GmaFoley

I haven't posted pictures in a while - sorry - been really upset lately - Lets try to put all of us in a better mood.

View from my walk:

kathindc

How calming!  You are truly blessed with the nature that surrounds you.  But on another note Gma I know you are going through a lot right now.  Hound your doctors.  Call them out if you have to and let me know you are sick and tired of the run around.

Lily55

GMAF - please trust us...you give so please ask so you can receive?

GmaFoley

First I called the US place and asked if there was an appt earlier than next weds - I got one on monday.

Then I called the pain med doc to let him know about the ultrasound and what the BS said yesterday. Also asked if this depression, heavy sweating and headache is Lyrica withdrawl.

Then I called my BS office back  - told his assistant about the appt change with the US and then explained how I was feeling about my appt yesterday. I also told her that a few people have mentioned the pain might be Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and it is referred pain in that spot in the breast.  So I asked BS's assistant to refer this information to him to see what he thinks being he knows where my pain is after yesterdays visit. 

I just can't stop crying today... just really down - I should be happy - at least he is looking into the neuroma idea with the ultrasound, but he couldn't feel it... that is what is scary.. this has got to be combination of pain and withdrawls talking... I really hate this!!!!

Lily55

so sorry sounds horrible, don´t know enough to offer any suggestions but I do send you a big hug......xxx

GmaFoley

Thanks

kathindc

((((HUGS)))) Gma.  You sure are trying.  Just wished the docs would listen to you.

duckyb1

GMA....hugs and prayers..

chabba

GMA Hugs and prayers for better days.

Linda-n3

LMAO, GrandmaF at your comments on the previous page, thanking you for the photos of nature, and sending you lots of hugs and a shoulder to catch the tears. Lots of special thoughts and prayers for you tonight - you give so much here, know that you are loved. Thank you.



And Veggy, I love the animations. Wish I could post them with IPad - it's not as easy as with PC.



Dunes, special thoughts and prayers for you as well.



And hugs to everyone tonight. I am grateful that I had a day with an old friend, a chance to paint, a chance to walk in the sun with DH.

dunesleeper

You are doing all the right stuff GmaFoley. Pain does wear a person down, and I'm sorry you have felt so depressed today. I'll be hoping that your spirits are better tomorrow. Sometimes that happens for me. I'll just go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow and it happens. Not lately, but it did used to happen. Hopefully I'll be able to check with you in the morning before I head off to get my eyes examined. I am in desperate need of new glasses, and now that it looks like I will be getting a job, I will feel less stressed about buying them.

GmaFoley

Morning Colors - it was this morning.

kathindc

Serenity.

GmaFoley

Especially at 5:30 in the morning LOL.

chabba

Love it GMA

dunesleeper

Damn. I sure wish I had someone to talk to. Oh well. Nobody likes to talk to me anyway. I really need to get used to that fact. People just don't like me. I don't know why they didn't in the past, but I do understand now. Oh well. Eff the world. I want to get off anyway. And don't bother replying to this message. If the only messages you can reply to are the ones where I am suicidal, just fuck off.

Lily55

Dunes - you ok?

dunesleeper

Just dealing with more rejection Lily. How does one learn to accept the fact that they are not liked by others and just embrace being alone? I'll figure out a way one day or die trying.

How are you? Life handing you lemons or lemonade?

I think I have a job. I pick up the drug test today. It is with Royal Farms. My friend who works for Royal Farms got robbed last night. I just hope I can handle a robbery with as much courage as she showed. It sucks to have as much education as I have (B.A. in Poli Sci and M.Ac in Acupuncture) and to be thrilled to pieces to have gotten a job a the Royal Farm store. (If you don't have them where you live, it is like a 7-11 or a WaWa.) Maybe I have to learn more humility. And I complained about my other job not keeping me busy. Maybe I will be happy actually working at work.

Take care.

Lily55

Hi dunes - way too many lemons, ive forgotten the recipe for lemonade!



Can you not be an acupuncturist again? Maybe a brainless type job is what you need to give your brain a rest? Sometimes i envy simple souls content with little, rather than thinking too much as i can do...



X x

dunesleeper

It would cost way too much money to take all the CEU's, get re-licensed, and find a place to practice. I had to sell my treatment table and bolsters to try to get by since the unexpected early retirement. Nah. Not a possibility -- unless the SHTF pollitically and economically. Then I have a black market skill. The good thing about the Royal Farm job is that is should keep me hopping. I don't like sitting around doing nothing.

I know the recipe for lemonade requires some sugar, but I just don't know where to find that sugar when we need it.

Lily55

Thats a bummer Dunes but at least this is a start back to work, keep me in your pocket....x x



Stevia is better than sugar but more rare, i find all this cancer c..p exhausting on all levels

dogeyed

I've been gone a little while, computer glitches.  LILY, I feel bad now that I gave you so much advice, but dah'lin, you was so pitiful, crying and all, I just wanted you to know there's hope, even with things that seem impossible.  Anyway, I apologize if I got too bossy. 

DUNE, something is definitely backwards.  I hope you get the job, it'll be good to keep busy.  But something is missing.  You see so, well, empty.  That's no good.  Well, we'll go from when you get a job or not.

FOLEY, that early morning picture was stunning.  Those dark clouds over such a bright sunrise, really beautiful.

ALL, I hope I'm not stepping on anybody's toes.  Let me know if I am.  I have no problems whatsoever with tips, advice, dont' do thats, whatever it takes to make me less of a sweaty, greasy wonky woogonogt. 

Speaking of woogies, I am in need of a new woogie.  I got an on sale, on sale, discounted floor model of a small coffee table for $35 that I needed desperately.  You see, with neuropathy in hands and feet, I spill stuff all over the place.  I was using a small, curved-edged trunk to put my glasses and cigs and whatnots, and the spilled milk and drinks would pour down onto books I had stacked up next to it.  I figured if I got one that was NORMAL, you know, flat, large, with a shelf on the bottom for my fav books and new mags, things would go better.  Well, I canNOT believe it, but I rearranged the whole thing (what a huge mess) in a couple hours and my new coffee table thing is working perfectly.  Hoooray!  This is VERY good news on a several levels, and one happens to be it looks like after this 4th of July week, I'll be able to start up at some point with finishing with cleaning up the house.  Then I can ask my folks over again and anyone else.

Another big deal is we finally got some bushwhacker people over here to clear our lawn out.  I have never seen so much vinery, poison ivy, scrappy shrub junk, and in general a gigantic mess.  But get this. The very first thing I talked about with this guy, and I took him straight down there FIRST THING, was to point out a small area of stickers/poison ivy, a true briar patch with no bunnies in it; rather probably snakes.  It's only about 25' x 10', just on the other side of my fence next to my neighbor's property who of course keeps his lawn spotless.  I told him no on in Buncombe County will touch it.  Well, folks, he sure tore out every bad thing in my yard EXCEPT for one thing.  Right, you guessed it, my briar patch.  OHHHHHHH, I was so mad, I wanted to sock him in the eye and throw him in it.  SIGH.  I've thought about shooting all of it (I'm a crack shot), and I've thought of just a little dynamite, maybe a REALLY long water hose and some fire, DON'T ASK ME!  Oh, well, if that's all I gots to worry about, I ain't got no complaints.

Please, all, I wont' feel like a normal human being until i find out if (a) I'm an idiot, (b) I'm even worse than an idiot, (c) I'm a straight-A upright and gorgeous gal.  Thank you very much, no applause.  HA!  GG 

dunesleeper

Lily, I know Stevia is better for us, but damnit, to turn lemons into lemonade, one needs sugar. Sugar, the real thing. Sweet delectable sugar. Cancer be damned! Still, I haven't figured out how to do it quite yet. Just have to keep trying until I can't try any more.

Gail, you are certainly no idiot. I value your posts. You show a positive attitude (whether or not you are putting on a happy face I don't know) and an easy, flowing, interesting style of writing. So I'm going to guess you are a straight-A upright and gorgeous gal.

I am kind of empty, but I'm hoping the job will help. It really might be just what the doctor ordered. At least I finally GOT a job. Damn! I cannot believe I had such trouble getting a job with all my experience and credentials. Jobs must be really hard to get. Also, most jobs require you to apply through the computer, and you have to take an assessment test. Well, I'm very introverted, probably pathologically so. These assessment tests seem to be looking for extroverted, competitive people. As I have looked more into it, I am sure my applications have been immediately red-flagged and nobody ever even looked at my qualifications, simply because I am not a competitive extrovert. I think it was much better when you could hand an application to the manager and he/she could get a feel for who you are. This impersonal computer algorhythm is just bs. That's what I think and I'm sticking to it!