Thinking Out Loud.....

A friend brought some AG from her garden and I grilled it last night - it was yummy. 

We have been working hard planting our garden beds and our containers.  DH and I both love to do it but we are total opposites about how it should look. He likes to just plop them in the dirt and see what happends and I like to coordinate my thrillers, fillers and spillers. 

Really nice weather this weekend.  And so nice to stay home from the cabin for once...

Sheila...huggggs sista.

Miss talkin to you.

Services tomorrow, then I will bring him home and will figure what we want to do with the ashes.  In due time, not ready to let go yet.  He loved Lake Winnipesaukee.

Deb, I don't think we are ever ready to let go of a loved one...and there is probably no such thing as the right time....so let time be your guide and you may know when you are ready.  I pray for strength and good memories to help your family heal.  Hugs...

Peace Deb.........you have done your best, and the good Lord says. "Job well done my good and faithful servant"............hugs

(((((((♥Deb♥)))))))

Well, I'm digging out my suit and going to schlep into the city (well, our city - a small town compared to NY or Boston - lol)  I contacted that recruiter that called me twice, though I was discouraged talking to him on the phone. I don't know why he called me - I thought he had come across my info, but now I'm wondering if all he had was my name...

 I'm a nervous wreck(because everything makes me a nervous wreck these days), but I'm trying to think of it more as I am interviewing him - trying to find out why I am not qualified for any job.  Perhaps just his company doesn't do that much with entry level jobs - I don't know.  But there has GOT to be SOMETHING I can do for someone...so pathetic. 

The job I have now is only part time and very stressful - I would not want more hours even if they wanted to give them to me.  So, I really do need to find something else.  I hate to waste the investment I've made in the PT job - if they want to give me some evening hrs, I might keep doing it, but otherwise, I can't depend on this job for the income I need. 

Would have been nice to be able to ease myself back into the workforce - being able to work only PT so I could recover on the days and hours off in between while I learned the job and maybe had a chance to become more comfortable, but I feel this pressure -I'm living my life saying - I only have to make it through such-and-such a time and then I can relax...(ha ha) - every day.  So today - I only have to make it through - let's say - 2:00...then I'm good until tomorrow..  that's no way to live... is it?

Chris good luck it will be fine!!

What Linda said!!

Christ.......lived it...believe me your not alone......stayed, never left...lived from "mood to mood" walking on eggs too many times"......he died young....57......pancreatic cancer.......loved him dearly, and he deserved better.....I always believed there was a loving person inside him, but not able to show that side of himself..........I always say now........I do miss him, but if he came back tomorrow, before he crossed the thresh-hold, he would be told my rules..........you don't like them.......turn around and go back.......and I would mean every word.........I will answer to no man ever again.....



Good luck.....

Phew - it's after 2 and I'm still alive.  Found my way home - lol.  Now I'm scared he'll call me with a job. lol

I need to stay under my rock.

sorry again to be complaining about my stuff when Deb is going through what she's going through...

((((((Deb))))))

I am always amazed at the stories of women who worked through chemo, raised small children, and got divorced - some, all of the above.  You got a full time job - DURING chemo?  I know - you did what you had to do - I'm not sure I could have done it.

Chris....Everything TOL said......

You are under so much stress maybe that's why you are forgetting things

Brain is over flooded (This is not a joke) 

You do what's right for you......

It's time to take care of Chris...You are very important

We love you and are here for you always...hugs♥♥♥♥

PS: I understand and feel what you're going through

You can do it, Chris.  Stress at home can easily overflow in other aspects of your life.  Just try to use your job as where you can shine.  Not thinking about home.  Enjoy your job even if you feel the stress. (I know easier said than done).

Oh, I also decided to start dating a couple of months after I started chemo.  Maybe I was/am crazy!

(((Deb)))  I hope the service went as well as possible and that you are holding up.

(((Chris))) I agree with what all the others have said here and just want to remind you that you are such a talented woman - you just haven't yet figured out how you can use your special gifts to make money.  As for "D" H, you must take care of yourself - stress plays a huge role in cancer and your job as a mom is far from over.

Sheila - getting close to wedding day

As for me, my second GD was born early this morning and all is well.  They still haven't agreed on a name but I'm sure I'll hear soon.  I feel a strange loss on behalf of my first GD - she's so little and has to share her parents already.  She had sad eyes when I skyped her yesterday.  I;m clearly reading way too much into this!

Chris - been there, done that.  I am the product of 2 failed marriages.  After 10 years of marriage my first Ex was having an affair with my best friend while attending Med. School at GWU.  Quite a blow and a long, long story.  SHE was already married to an MD and she and my EX tried to kill him for $$.  Crazy nuts and sociopaths the two of them.  They would never face me and ran off to Tampa where it appears they are living happily ever after.  It is not like me to say this, but I wish skin cancer on both of them.  Sorry Lord.  My second soon-to-be Ex. left me last July when I got sick.  Seems he was to busy wasting his $80,000 degree from American U. in WDC where I lived for 29 years.  He wanted to be a bartender which means I spent MOST of our 9 years alone.  When he was not at work he was playing golf, coaching youth football, playing softball, refereeing football games and more.  Also, he was a pot dealer (quite a hypocrite too - working with kids!) who would not cease and desist in MY house even tho I begged him for an entire year.  One day in April of 2009 when I was working in NYC and the suburbs in CT. thank God, the police knocked my door down with a battering ram and raided the place.  Very nice, huh?  I should have thrown him out then as when the chips were down for me he bold facely said he did not have time to take care of me and I should go home to PA and live with my parents.  I thru him out the next day, made a bundle on the sale of my home in Reston, VA. which I did not have to share with him and try not to look back.  But the pain and hurt still accompany me daily especially as I anxiously await the arrival of the divorce papers.  Who knows how long that will take him to get it together?????!  I have a wonderful man in my life now but we are playing the long distance thing as he is back in the DC metro area.  Hopefully, we will be together within a years' time when I am thru RADS, ovary removal and can say I am well and get a job again.

Sister, you do what U have to do to get thru this pissy time.  PM message me if you ever want to talk by telephone.  I would enjoy helping out another Sister who I can sympathize with.  Do your best everyday and try to keep that stress level down.  It is bad for your health!  Huh, what is not bad for our health these days????

Deb - I hope you and your family are holding up.  So sad for U.  HUGS and prayers coming your way several times daily.

Ok, I must go now and dry my eyes.  Keep the faith everyone and Peace, Love and Blessings to all my Sisters!  And please wish me good luck with the start of RADS tomorrow.  I am a nervous wreck today just thinking about it.

CB