Unexpected silver linings and breast cancer
Comments
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Justine: I'm sorry you had to join our club, especially at such a young age but I'm glad you found us.
You won't have to "look" for the silver lining.....it will find you.
I tell everyone that will listen that breast cancer wasn't the worst thing that has happened to me, the death of my sweet Momma was the worst. It's a wake up call for sure.
My DH and I are members of our local breast cancer support group and have been blessed to meet so many new friends. We are also very involved in cancer fundraising. He even runs in a "high heel dash" with other men when our community has the yearly breast cancer month fundraiser.
God bless you,
LaDonna
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It's always a pleasure to drop by rhis thread.
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KCB and FilterLady,
You are 100% right, it does suck. But I can only look at it that it will make me stronger than I already am (and I'm pretty damn strong in my book!). But it is nice to know that there are a lot of women here to support and who understand what I am going through!
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Justegan: we UNDERSTAND. This is a great place to say what you need to say.
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KCB,
You have said it. There are days where I just feel so sad but then I remember that there are many other women going through a similar or worse situation than I (not that I am comparing of course...it sucks for each and every one of of us!). We all have our own stories and things we lose (including our boobs for many of us)...but we are strong and will or do come out the other side shining and bright.
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What a great topic! I have made a lot of positive changes in my life that probably never would have happened without my diagnosis.
First and most obvious, I have begun to lead a healthier lifestyle. I exercise daily and eat healthier. This has led to an 80 lbs. weight loss and I imagine has decreased the possibility of a lot of other illnesses as I grow older.
The second is that I have realized how strong I really am, and that I can handle anything that comes my way. That is a very empowering realization.
Finally, I have realized what is really important in life. Before BC I was caught in the rat race, spending valuable time on things that are superficial and really don't matter to me anymore. I have stepped off the hamster wheel and have begun to really enjoy my life, especially the little moments spent with my children, friends, and family. I don't think I ever would have gotten off that track without my diagnosis.
So, while I wouldn't consider my diagnosis a blessing in disguise, it certainly was an opportunity. God gave me a second chance, a reminder of how fragile life is, and the opportunity to change while I still have the time!
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I guess for me, the "silver lining" would be the things I'm grateful for as a result of my cancer experience.
1. BCO was a blessing in the middle of a very dark night for me in 2004.
2. The friends who stood beside me:
- ----- They let me talk, talk, talk.
- ----- They put me on so many prayer lists that I thought I could feel them coming through the windows when I drove down the highway
- ----- So many friends offered their very best in the very best way they knew: I had prayers from Christians and Muslims, and advice on meditation from Buddhists. (...And the aforementioned great listening from all 3).
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3. *I* used to be the one that said the "stupid things" to cancer patients. Now I ask about their day or their week, and I LISTEN, and respect whatever place they're in that day.
4. I've since mentored 4 close friends through bc (one currently).
5. I'm presently at several major crossroads in my life, and thought perhaps "volunteering" would be an appropriate response for some of what I'm going through. This is a place I can participate and try to be of use to other women. I can help keep this a safe place for others going through cancer.
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A friend of mine found this article and sent it to me in a series of Hallmark cards. One card after the other arrived with this man's message, bless her. It helped me so much that this morning I searched the internet and found the article so that I could share it with you. May God bless Jeff. His words will help and inspire many ... and he's only 28!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-tomczek/cancer-advice_b_1628266.html
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thank you Katharine for sharing this, it is inspirational .... and so real
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Katharine, I ditto Joanne's post. Thanks!
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Loved the article, thank you Katherine. And what a thoughtful thing for your friend to have done.
SillyMama, those dogs in your avatar always inspire a smile, as does this thread!
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It is funny that I found this sight because I have always said that there would be a blessing in this and today I was actually thinking about my blessings...
1: I learned that my kids can with stand anything because even at such young ages they have great faith in our Lord
2:I have learned to show my feelings a lot easier, use to I wouldnt cry in front of others now idc who is around Im gonna express my feelings.
3: I have learned to stop depending on just me but to lean on my husband and more importantly God!!
4:My relationship with my parents and siblings is much closer
I realize that all of these things would have come to light at some point, but knowing them now we help me with my life going forward. Today I was folding clothes and I realized that a year ago it took all I could do to get enough energy to do just that simple thing and didnt know why, now only a few days away from being a month out of treatments I am cleaning house, playing ball with my son and teaching my daughters how to do a cheer how can that not being a blessing or sliver lining? My husband also showed me that he could step up and do what I needed him to do for not only me but the kids to. I will never be able to express my appreciation not only to him, my kids,family and friends but to people I dont know. The love and support I got from so many over whelmed me, it made me realize that people do truly care for others you just have to be open to recieve it!!!
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I don't know if you'd say it's a silver lining or not but...
My parents were huge gardeners. We grew and canned enough veggies to carry us well into the winter. I have maintained just a bit of that tradition, a couple of rows of green beans, a tomato plant or two, a few squash. I usually buy a few lugs of peaches to freeze. Until this year. I was in the middle of rads when I would normally have been planting, and I basically sleep walked (slept walked?) through June and July. By the time I started thinking garden, it was way to late to put one in given our short growing season. So, I signed up for extra fruit from the farmers market and counted my blessings. My LE arm probably wouldn't like picking and processing produce anyway.
Now heres the silver lining. We've lived in this house for 8 years. There's an apple tree out back, that never produces much, maybe enough apples for a pie or two and a batch of apple sauce. I've threatened to have it taken out several times as it's obviously past it's prime. But I never got around to it, and it still provides nice shade for the back yard, and it's far enough from the house that even if a limb blows off it won't end up on the roof... So the tree lives on.
I just picked 30 lbs of apples from that past it's prime tree. This is the 3rd weekend in a row I've picked apples, there are hundreds of apples higher up, that I can't reach. If I'd planted a garden I'd never have had time (or energy enough) to deal with the apples. I'm taking this weeks batch to a friend who plans to make apple butter. Maybe he'll give me a couple jars when he's done.
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Cindyl: I live the story of your tree. Call me corny, but I find it deeply symbolic actually, the past-it's-prime tree that soldiers on and produces beauty and nourishment when you least expected it...lovely.
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I don't often read the active topics but stick to my two favorites. My daughter found bc.org for me when I started to sink into that black hole, I read but never posted for quite a while till I found WNY women and the Stop Smoking support thread, then I began posting. I found a new best friend on the WNY thread who lived in my small town. We met for coffee, talked in PM's and on the phone, I find it really difficult at this age, 65, to make good friends, she was the best, the heart of our group. As is obvious we lost her last February, I miss her dearly and cried mightily till my therapist made the observation. "would you rather never have met her or feel the pain you do now?". It was an epiphany statement to me, as I never would have missed knowing her, the hurt was felt by our whole group but we supported each other in our distress. I got to sit with her the day before her passing and just hold her hand, a comfort the family gave me. If not for bc.org, I would have lived in my small community without ever knowing her. She is my silver lining. Plus, like Athena, I quit a 30+ year habit with the support of some truly fantastic women. The heart of our group lives on as the WNY'ers meet for lunch or dinner each month, such strong, empathetic, funny friends. As God closed a door, he opened a window for me in a new best friend my daughter's age. We post each day, she too is a joy I would have missed. Yes the silver linings are there, if only we keep ourselves open to them. Karen
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we also go a couple hundred apples from a tree we've never gotten more than a few from. Made the best apple butter in the crock pot......:)
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When life hands you apples, make apple butter... a good rule to live by.
The friend I gave the latest batch of apples to is a veterinarian. He makes all sorts of jams, jellys, syrups etc., then he takes most of it the the state vet society meeting where they have an auction. Often sell his jams for $50 - $100 a jar, so hopefully my apples with help with some young persons vet school education, or will help so stray dog who needs a hand...
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These are such inspiring posts. Thank you all for your thoughts about friendship, families, faith, and of course apples as unexpected silver linings.
Shayne, about that crock pot apple butter recipe...care to share?
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Here is the link. I left out the sugar. The sweet apples I used came right off my tree - and the apple butter was delicious! The apples were very small so I used about 30 of them - this made a quart of apple butter. It was a bit tart for my daughter, so I did add a T of honey after it was done, and it was perfect!! I also recommend peeling the apples. It takes a minute, and there is no way you want to pick out the skin after it cooks. I pureed it with an immersion blender.
http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/10/crockpot-apple-butter-recipe.html
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My silver lining is that my right breast that got the lumpectomy now matches my left as it was always larger than my left. I told my surgeon to take large margins as there was plenty of breast and he said he would equalise them then - and he did, they match really well now. My right breast was the infected one and had gone "weird" anyway, which was my symptom. The shape was a bit different.
Because the margins were large, they were also clear.
My guy gave up smoking after my diagnosis. I gave up alcohol completely and will never drink again (since it triples ones chances of BC returning).
I exercise more and because I don't drink I have lost 4 kgs and am at my perfect weight.
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Alice, thank you so much for this topic! I'm just seeing it for the first time and so enjoy this! I'm adding to my favorites!
Silver linings? Definitely YES even if I didn't know it at the time. I've actually had 2 different BC's, one in each breast, 2 separate mx's (as you can see by my stats) with lots of great insights into both. Will address just my first occurrence now:
Back in 1996 was dx'ed 1st time. So different than with no Internet to speak of. Had to rely on old-fashioned ways. My silver linings:
- like so many others, found out who my true friends were. Many made meals, many sent cards which I collected in a binder, still look at periodically.
- after chemo, my stick-straight hair grew back in curly
- I actually told off my first BS (as I know now, he was only a general surgeon who was obviously young, stupid, and full of himself!). He would check on my progress to see how far I could raise my arms. One time he said I wasn't exercising enough. I told him I had a strip of paper, like a register receipt, vertically hanging on the wall, I'd mark daily progress so I definitely knew I was progressing each day and if it wasn't quick enough for him, TS if it took me a little longer than his expectations! He treated me differently from then on! And I learned to stand up for myself even with authority figures
- as a lot have already mentioned, bc gave me courage. When situations were difficult, I could say to myself that "I survived cancer, I can get through this too"
- I learned how precious my life is
- my kids were stronger than I knew possible. DD wasn't yet 3, very intuitive, made me her famous PBJ&S (sprinkles) sandwiches to make me feel better. My dear step-son (14 at the time) stopped hating me for a while
- back in 2008, started teaching elementary spec Ed and one boy's Mom (who was single at thw time) was dx'ed with bc. She called to let me know why he might be acting quieter than usual and we developed a friendship of sorts when I shared what I went thru. She explained he was extremely fearful she would die. I got her permission to speak with him alone (with one of my instructional assistants present of course) and let him know I had what his mom had and I was perfectly fine. He suddenly had hope and mom noticed a big improvement at him. Helped that I shared DD's PBJ&S story and to give him some task that he could do for her like bring her tea, rub her shoulders or feet, sing to her... Something he could do that older sibs didn't do for her so he felt he was part of her get-well routine.
- and the final silver lining..... Drum roll, please..... That doctors are only people and not always right. They told me to get my affairs in order, probably be my last Christmas EVER and here I am 16 years later!! Neener, neener, neener, screw you, docs!!
There's probably more from my 1st bc experience, will have to edit. Then I'll post my silver linings from 2nd DX, and there are actually miracles among those..... -
Thank you all - we can always count on smiles and inspiration from this thread!
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I'm continuing the silver linings I've discovered as a result of my 1st DX:
There are so many blessings here regarding my daughter, the love of my life. Since she wasn't even 3 when I was diagnosed, I decided to have only the UMX and no recon as I wanted to be back to normal as quickly as possible. I had chemo but no rads, there are some funnies here, but not noted now. Since I didn't have recon, I always had a concave chest, my constant reminder of bc, until this 2nd bc DX. My DD has always known that cancer has been part of my life and it has left its mark on her. The good that has come from this:
- she's very smart and had to do science fair experiments almost every year. At the beginning of her freshman year in high school, she saw a study about the effects of soy on breast cancer. She adapted the study as she didn't have the access to equipment used in this particular international study. End result: she won school, district, regional awards and went to state fair with this project.
- sophomore year she adapted the study yet again using knowledge she had learned from previous year. She also had a major personal project due and chose to write a book on breast cancer. She again won local science fairs, went to state and won awards along the way. (She also continued researching and experiment junior year but due to absence for surgery there was a miscommunication from her science teacher and missed out that year. Her participation wasn't required senior year so she decided not to expend the major effort required)
- somewhere in all this, she has decided to continue her education in this area and has chosen to become an oncologist. Recently, however, she has become interested in entertaining the idea of maybe becoming a breast cancer researcher instead.
Please note that she has decided this on her own, no pressure at all from me. -
2nd time around, thank you for sharing....I love your silver linings, and all the silver linings written here.
Pat -
Thanks for your story secondtime around.
Did you have radiotherapy first time around? I couldn't see it in your medical stats?
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Thanks, Patty and Raspberry! Trying to turn my lemons into lemon meringue pie - much more complicated than lemonade, but so much sweeter and worth the extra effort!
Raspberry, you're correct, didn't have to do rads. Part of the misdiagnosis I went thru the first time. Still completed chemo (was originally planned for 4 chemo, can't remember how many sessions of rads, then 4 chemo. My second and third opinions said to only do 4 chemo total and skip the rads. This second bc dx was NOT a recurrence, but a totally new cancer.
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That's interesting secondtime around, usually radiotherapy is first port of call for basic breast cancer, instead you went straight to chemo. I have never come across skipping rads before (I so would love to, am about to start and am rather weirded out by all the technology).
Your second diagnosis does have characteristics different to the first doesn't it? it seems more favourable? Grading is a biggie isn't it?
Ah, I am such a newbie, and treatment is the same but different, all over the world, if you know what I mean? It seems chemo is used more often in America? but radiotherapy is international, however, each country seems to favour a slightly different regime, as far as I can tell. Not sure if this is "latest technology" related or not. I am having the shorter, stronger treatment, which is new-ish, but still whole breast irradiation plus or including boosts.
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Raspberry, I can't really to the latest and greatest, just what I've gone through. Yes, rads are usually done now, but now sure if it was the same 16 years ago, as technology and therapies have changed. Am told my 1st occurrence was the worst possible to treat (triple neg), and this go-around it's the easiest to treat. Any way, I feel I've put in my time with this cancer and want to consider myself DONE. It's very confusing to explain, it was hard enough to wrap my brain around it all, but I went locally the first time and that medical team was actually behind the times. I thought I was having trouble shortly after, drove about 25 miles away to a more advanced specialist team and they came up with different results after looking at the original slides. Turns out they were correct as that cancer has not come back.
How are you doing with your recovery? Sorry that you have to be part of this cancer sisterhood, something we'd all like to have missed out on. What are your next steps? Hang in, it does get better!
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I am total chicken&@$! about the upcoming radiotherapy, but I think its just the big machines - that bad science fiction movie in my head, ray beams and technicians that freaks me out
I know its all just silly though. Reality is usually quite friendly.
So the advanced team 25 miles away did have the good info for you?
My lumpectomy and SNL removal was a breeze, bar the pre-op jitters. The breast area healed great with little discomfort, tho the lymph node site has not healed well, has a hole in it and is infected, plus a very hard lump beneath the site unrelated to the infection, and a very cord like vein running from the site. Nothing that is going to kill me though.
I do know what you mean though, you just want it wrapped up and OVER with.
My best wishes to your speedy trip through this next bit and happily, healthily out the other side, and on with living ones life! Clink! to us both
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I think this is a great thread to have! I was just telling someone that theres not one good thing about this whole process, but to see silver linings is very helpful. I've just started this journey and so will be looking for the good. One thing that I have decided is good...the whole better hair coming back. My hair has started thinning now that I am 47 and in perimenopause (always was thick)..so if it will come back thicker and a bit of a wave..I'll be excited!
My happy thing that did happen..the week after surgery we had a thunderstorm come up..after it swept by..the sun came out..then it started raining again..we were looking out the window remarking on the whole "devil beating his wife" myth..when this perfect colored wide rainbow appeared from in the woods across the street..came over the street , into our yard and ended in our spirea bush near our side porch..it was about 12 feet off the ground. I have lived my whole life and never seen the end of a rainbow..much less in my front yard! It was there only 5 minutes..but we stared with mouths wide open..it filled me with such a sense of hope..I still can't believe it happened!
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