Unexpected silver linings and breast cancer

1Athena1

Having my hair short saves me an hour and fifteen minutes a day which adds up to nineteen days in a year.

LOL- BarbRocks - I love you attitude!

Goodie

1.  Okay, so best silver lining is my new brownie recipe!  OMG oh so good.  I can't imagine using a box again!  LOL  Kind of funny too because I think we got more brownies than any other treat.  DD was shocked and kept wanting  chocolate chip cookies so my dear mother has made her several batches when she comes to visit.

2.  My skin was so soft during chemo treatment but not so much after chemo has stopped.    But I did enjoy it during treatment!

CityFi

So maybe silver lining is not the best way to describe it, but I do believe that any difficult experience can be an opportunity to learn and change for the better. Whatever the situation, the person in it is the one who gives it meaning (or not.) One thing I'm learning right now is that cancer changes some things and doesn't change others. Now if I choose to make changes that I otherwise might not have - be it physical, emotional, spiritual - had I not been diagnosed with breast cancer, that gives it meaning for me and actually gets me through it. Maybe I would'v made these changes anyway. Maybe not. And I sure as hell would've wanted a less exacting wakeup call. But in the end, it is what it is. This is my path, I embrace it... and kick this disease in its ass. 

Kaara

CityFi:  Very well stated!

7of9

Subway egg sandwiches (mom picks them up on her way to pick me up for Chemo-Thursdays)

Watching a chick flick during chemo.

No immune system the week in between means no company or plans. Nice down time.

Not fretting about gray hair, shaving legs or armpits

Meeting other fighters/survivors who are cool, funny, admirable, or who  I can inspire.

Neulasta shot - dad takes me and we go catch a show or bike ride after.

1Athena1

I'm loving this thread. it's breath of fresh air.

Anonymous

I agree 1Athena1 ~ this thread is a breath of fresh air.

I think silver lining is a great metaphor in this case.  The cloud of BC came looming over my head, but it wasn't all gray doom and gloom...there were some shiny positives that surfaced during the storm. 

Like others have said.. the outpouring of support from family, friends, employer, etc was very touching and humbling.  Most surprising was my employer (had only been there a little over a year).  They were extremely supportive from day one...before they even knew my prognosis...told me to take as much time off as I needed (with pay!) because I was like family.  Made me cry.

I surprised myself how I have handled all of this.  I have suffered from panic attacks before.  Been a little bit of a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" type of person in the past.  But for whatever reason, I muddled through, kept my sense of humor and feel like I came out the other end stronger and with a little sunnier/peaceful perspective on life.  I definitely take things less seriously now (which could be a bad thing sometimes .  

I've made connections online and in person with some amazing people that I would not have ever met had it not been for BC.   

I can think of many more..but that's just off the top of my head.  Again, great thread. 

1Athena1

Susan, I have surprised myself too. I never expected to show the grace that I did. It's nice to learn good things about oneself. Cancer also taught me my limits and gave me the self-confidence to act on my values and principles.

Anonymous

"It's nice to learn good things about oneself."

Agreed.  ...also having others constantly remarking how they admire the way you are handling it is a nice boost.  Though sometimes I didn't think I was doing anything "special" ~ I was doing what I needed to do..it doesn't hurt to get a few extra brownie points in other people's eyes once in awhile.

KCB

Goodie: please share the brownie recipe!!!!

KCB

How BC had changed me? Or what I've learned....?

Still learning, I guess.

But I have also been surprised to find myself feeling peaceful. Maybe that's denial, I don't know. And sometimes I do wonder where he anger and sadness is hiding, and how and when it might burst out... But so far, I feel very much in the moment, knowing I can't know at all what the future holds (tomorrow, next week, next year,etc...) Which takes alot of pressure off of today. Sk today becomes simpler and more peaceful.

Also saying I love you is easier. And thankyou.

And accepting loving offers of help, instead of the insinctive "we're fine thanks".

Appreciating tiny joys when they present themselves, like warm sun on your back, or a beautiful piece of music or when food actually tastes good!

Alice, thanks for this thread, something like this has been brewing in my mind for a while!

CityFi

VR, I truly hope that BC is the last freakin' health issue you experience in life. You've had way more than your fair share. 

Denise-G

I'm still undergoing Chemo, but have already learned some silver linings:

1)  The people you meet along the BC journey - Chemo nurses, medical professionals, and Cancer survivors.  They all have been such an inspiration to me!

2)  You learn who your true friends are, and you have the courage to rid your life of those people who were just hangers on anyway and not healthy for you.

3)  I have determined to do what is healthy for me and stay away from what is not healthy for me.

4)  Cancer has given me courage not to be afraid of myself, my thoughts, my feelings.

5)  Every day I wake up, I am grateful to be alive.

6)  My Blog - I have always wanted to write and now I am.  I've even been contacted to have some of my articles published!  Amazing to me!  Cancer gave me courage to write my story and speak my truth.

7) And last but not least, I am grateful for all of you on these BC Boards who have given me hope, courage, and strength to keep going!

CityFi

Denise, congratulations on getting published. Share links when you have them. I'm a writer so I know how good it feels to heed the muse and have that decision affirmed! 

Pessa

I learned about the caring of my religious community.  I'm a single mother of 2 teen-age boys.  People brought me dinner every night during my post-op recovery and during my 4 months of chemo.  Amazing feeling of being taken care of.  I am now trying to do the same for others.

Also loved not having to dye my hair and go for hair cuts.  Loved wearing the wig (no bad hair days), but am now happy to have my hair back and being back to dyeing and cutting.

Trisha-Anne

One of the great things during chemo was that mosquitos kept away from me completely I usually get eaten alive lol

Trish

webwritr65

My silver lining is that chemo cleared my pesky skin rash that I had for more than 30 years!! Saves on dermatology bills!! Plus my showers are fast with not having to wash hair! What no hair! Yes!! Saves on shampoo! ;-) I have never done this much researched or learned about anything in detail. Now with this challenge, I learned a lot and I am constantly looking for alternatives!

Goodie

Denise you say it so well.  I too am very grateful to everyone on this BC board.  I don't post often but I read it every day for support, answers, and information of what I may expect next!  (I start radiation soon.)

I was so blessed with so many meals for me and my family!  It was especially helpful during my first round of chemo because I couldn't take the smell of food cooking!  One of my BFFs also made these brownies with our meal and I fell in love with them!  Plus it's kind of funny because the recipe is/was on the back of my cocoa!  Yup, it's from the Hershey box of cocoa.  I don't think it is on their current labels so here is the recipe:

Hershey's Brownies

1 cup of butter (2 sticks)

2 cups sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla

4 eggs

3/4 cup Hershey's cocoa

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt (don't use if you are using salted butter)

1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease 13x9x2 baking pan.  (I use glass)

2. Melt butter in microwave safe container (I use glass measuring cup) at medium power (50%) for about 2 minutes or until melted.  Mix melted butter, sugar and vanilla until creamy.  Add eggs, one at at time, beating well after each addition.  Add cocoa; beat until well blended.  Add flour, baking powder and salt; beat well.  Stir in nuts if desired.  Pour batter into prepared pan

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until brownies begin to pull away from sides of pan.  Cool completely in pan on a wire rack.  Frost if desired.  Cut into bars.  About 36 brownies. 

Recipe can also be found on their website but beware they have so many yummy looking things to make!!!!!!!!!!  I think this one is called "Hershey's Best Brownies".  They have pages and pages of brownies and bars with pictures!

KCB

Goodie! Thank you for sharing... every little delish treat helps along the way...

kltb04

Thanks for starting this thread Alice!

Before I list mine, I agree on the brownies - we got more brownies than anything when people would bring us food (that and lasagna!) That recipe sounds great!  If I only had butter, I would make it today!

Here are mine...

-I had people come out of the woodwork to support me.  We have lived in our community for about 6 years but I don't have a lot of close friends besides family.  I had an acquaintance (parent I knew through the schools) organize meals for the first few weeks of chemo and people showered us with food (she used the site takethemameal.com - highly recommend this)

-I have grown closer to family.  Literally.  My parents both are early retirees and had talked for some time of relocating to our area from 2 hours away (bro/sil live here too).  My dx forced a decision and they just did it.  The cards fell into place seamlessly - they were able to sell their house in one week! and buy a small new construction house immediately and pay it off.  They now live less than 10 miles away.  Right after my dx before they moved, they lived in my yard in their RV and were lifesavers.  My dad took the kids to school and shopped and cooked and my mom cleaned the house and accompanied me to drs apps so DH could go to work.

-I appreciate each and every day.  I am very much a planner and want things to be perfect.  I have a hard time living in the moment.  I want X and Y to be done before I even think about Z.  This dx has made me appreciate every day and every event as it happens.  Still working on this one I admit.

-I quit a job I didn't really like and I have no intentions of ever going back to a career that I know I won't love. I have a degree in elementary ed and only taught a couple years before quitting to be a SAHM - which I have never regretted.  But I had been working for a few years in retail, just part time for "extras" and while it served the purpose at the time - got me out of the house, interacting with people, etc - it had become a strain.  It was most weekends, I had to work a lot around the holidays, it was commission based and I had just gotten a pay cut.  I was missing out on things with the kids for a job that was never going to be a career.  I was on the verge of quitting for months but if I did, I was going to go back to subbing - which I also didn't like.  I have nothing but respect for teachers but it is really not for me.  So now I am a SAHM again and will think long and hard before I go back into the work force and when I do, it will be something I want to do.  Luckily, my DH had just gotten a pay raise so we don't miss my income at all.  I am extremely fortunate to not have to worry about working during this time.

-I have made some great new friends here.  I truly believe that "Internet friends" can be just as close as people to you in real life and I have met some people on the March chemo board that I am sure will be friends for life.

On a lighter note, my wig looks 110% better than my real hair ever did    I hate it and only wear it when I am going out but it looks really cute.

1Athena1

kltb04 - What a great post. It sounds as though there were lots of blessings for you - that's wonderful to hear.

lago

Has to be all the new "breast friends" (I can't take credit for that one) I have made mostly from being on this forum but a few others I met at treatment.

The LGFB program. I look better now because I'm applying my make up properly. The new uber short haircut might help too. Granted I had it this short in the 80's but it was spiky in front.

I still don't think this experience changed my personality very much. I'm still me and I'm "good" with that.

CityFi

kltb04, I, too, have such a challenge being present. One thing that I restarted since diagnosis was meditation. They don't call it a practice for nothing! 

Iago, did you discover new contours to your existing personality? Like, I kinda new I was a tough chick, but facing down BC made me realize that I was a lot stronger than I had given myself credit for not just physically but emotionally. I even had a dream once that I was topless, flexing my biceps while looking at my back in the mirror and pleasantly discovering all these muscles that I had developed without trying (another thing I did when diagnosed was stick to my exercise program.) It seemed like a message from my subconscious saying, "Girl, you girl this!" When I find myself tripping over one thing or another, I remember that dream. 

lago

CityFi actually I am a pretty strong gal. I was shocked when first diagnosed who emotionally out of control I was for me. I cried like I never cried before in my life at times. I was so scared till I got more information and finally had my initial treatment (BMX). I was scared of pain, that I would never feel good again, telling my mom (and dad). Dying before my mom/dad (73/78 at the time) and leaving my husband alone. I had just watched my MIL pass of lung cancer 2 years prior. OMG hated that my husband had to go through this again. I went to the same treatment center too.

So to add to my silver lining is I'm still me and I feel and look great!

CityFi

Iago, that was so inspiring to read. I, too, was not much of a crier, and I'm realizing now that wasn't healthy. On the contrary, it's a sign of tremendous strength to be in your feelings however painful they may be! Just to have them, let them go and keep moving rather than suppressing, avoiding or rationalizing them away. I'm starting think that, if at the end of any given trial, a person can say, "I am who I am - virtues and vices alike - and I don't need fixing," then the experience was worthwhile. Much continued health and happiness to you!

lago

Thanks CityFi and the same to you. As time passes you too will feel like the old you again.

1Athena1

I feel like a new me and it's a better me. My personality didn't change and I was always very self aware, but I had never tested my limits quite like this so I just have a greater feeling of certainty and comfort about things. You are uncertain because you know you may die and suffering may yet come in even worse forms, but you are CERTAIN about who you are. I mean "who" when tested and taken to my very limit - not "who" in the everyday sense. Who in the deepest of senses. I wouldn't trade that for anything.  

GrandmaV

I originally posted this on the November chemo thread: 

I remember the first time I put on my wig and was rummaging through a dresser drawer looking for something and looked up and caught sight of myself in the mirror and laughed and  thought, "V isn't going to like it that you're going through her drawers".   And even though it was kind of amusing, I also realized at that moment that I was forever changed.   After a good cry,  I thought, this isn't the first time I've changed.  Many life events have changed me to a certain degree.  Graduation, baptism,  marriage, births of babies, deaths of loved ones, especially my Mother, kids leaving home and getting married, births of grandbabies, on and on.   Seems I've played many different roles.  I thought, now I have to figure out how this has changed me, who am I now.   I'm still working on that, but I do know it's ok to change.  Change is part of life and I've decided to accept it and embrace it, and try to move forward, with a better understanding of how precious life is, what really is important, and to enjoy every minute and prepare for the next life event, whatever that may be. 

kltb04

GrandmaV -   very well put.

Regarding personality, I really think this can only change me for the better.  I like who I am, don't get me wrong.  I have been told I am enjoyable to be around, I am funny/snarky/sarcastic at times, I love my family above all else but I also tend to be negative, snappy, and short tempered.  I am having to work very hard not to play the "cancer card" with my family.  I realize I have been quite fortunate as far as my support system in this journey.  I have not for one moment had to worry about who will take my children to school or go to events, about housework or laundry, or even about our family's financial situation (don't get me wrong, we have financial issues, we are repaying a 5 year Ch. 13 settlement, only one year left! but we can pay our bills and have good insurnace). 

But as a result, I feel a bit like a spoiled child.  I find myself being unreasonable and selfish over petty things and expecting people to defer to me because I have cancer and I am horrified at that thought.  My DH has always been the more passive member of our relationship but I cannot continue to take advantage of his nature and expect him not to resent me to a degree, cancer or no.   So all that said, if nothing else, I am becoming more mindful of how I treat people...

Sorry for rambling.  Got a bit OT there

FeelingtheMagic

Silver Linings.. oh let me count the ways.
Besides finding out and actually being stunned by how much people care about me, my humour has come back in a huge way.  It faded while my daughter was on her healing journey from a rare ovarian cancer. She is doing ever so well now! 

That same daughter has taken the lead hand in my care.. rounding up meal makers, checking in regularly, planning activities I love. She would not let us do that for her. She would have killed me if I'd called continuously to see what she needed.  I love that she is doing this, so healing for her, for me, and our bond has become so strong.

I've come 'out of the closet' in my business practise: meaning.. my purpose as a life coach is to help others find their own answers, and in that process I tended to not say a lot about me, because coaching IS about them.  I've just had a mastectomy 10 days ago, after having had a lumpectomy a month earlier.  (Sorry, my diagnosis is not updated on this site. Initial was DCIS. Now, mucinous carcinoma. waiting for results from mastectomy to determine what's next.)  At some point, I decided to be open about what I was going through, and sharing more of 'me' has been the most valuable thing I have done for me, but strangely, I suspect, also for my business.   

As a single person and owner of a small business, without any extended health or disability options, my finances to support me through this were nearly non-existant. The two years that my daughter was healing from cancer, had also put me in a fair amount of debt.  Between people raising money in a fundraiser, family and friends providing all my food, my lawyer convincing the bank to have a heart, and some other creative financing that I would never have known existed before... I actually am feeling less stress financially than in the past and can take a pause to heal comfortably.

I get to work on my books and other creative projects that I haven't been getting to. A friend bought me a laptop so I can be free from my desk to do these things.

Actually as a direct result of this diagnosis a lot of things in my vision book are coming true.

I did go back to the vision book and create a page that yells "HEALTHY BODY, MIND and SOUL"   because of course I did not want breast cancer to be the reason other things came true.  The fact that they have, though, is the silver lining. 

And now, onward to focussing on the healthy body, mind and soul! 

What a beautiful discussion to start here, Alice the Cat. Thank you.