Unexpected silver linings and breast cancer

Justine:  I'm sorry you had to join our club, especially at such a young age but I'm glad you found us.

You won't have to "look" for the silver lining.....it will find you.

I tell everyone that will listen that breast cancer wasn't the worst thing that has happened to me, the death of my sweet Momma was the worst.  It's a wake up call for sure.  

My DH and I are members of our local breast cancer support group and have been blessed to meet so many new friends.  We are also very involved in cancer fundraising.  He even runs in a "high heel dash" with other men when our community has the yearly breast cancer month fundraiser.  

God bless you,

LaDonna

KCB and FilterLady,

You are 100% right, it does suck. But I can only look at it that it will make me stronger than I already am (and I'm pretty damn strong in my book!). But it is nice to know that there are a lot of women here to support and who understand what I am going through! 

KCB,
You have said it. There are days where I just feel so sad but then I remember that there are many other women going through a similar or worse situation than I (not that I am comparing of course...it sucks for each and every one of of us!). We all have our own stories and things we lose (including our boobs for many of us)...but we are strong and will or do come out the other side shining and bright .

I guess for me, the "silver lining" would be the things I'm grateful for as a result of my cancer experience.

1. BCO was a blessing in the middle of a very dark night for me in 2004.

2. The friends who stood beside me:

• ----- They let me talk, talk, talk.
• ----- They put me on so many prayer lists that I thought I could feel them coming through the windows when I drove down the highway
• ----- So many friends offered their very best in the very best way they knew: I had prayers from Christians and Muslims, and advice on meditation from Buddhists. (...And the aforementioned great listening from all 3).
• .

3. *I* used to be the one that said the "stupid things" to cancer patients. Now I ask about their day or their week, and I LISTEN, and respect whatever place they're in that day.

4. I've since mentored 4 close friends through bc (one currently).

5. I'm presently at several major crossroads in my life, and thought perhaps "volunteering" would be an appropriate response for some of what I'm going through. This is a place I can participate and try to be of use to other women. I can help keep this a safe place for others going through cancer.

thank you Katharine for sharing this, it is inspirational .... and so real

Loved the article, thank you Katherine. And what a thoughtful thing for your friend to have done.

SillyMama, those dogs in your avatar always inspire a smile, as does this thread!

• The Mods

I don't know if you'd say it's a silver lining or not but...

My parents were huge gardeners.  We grew and canned enough veggies to carry us well into the winter.  I have maintained just a bit of that tradition, a couple of rows of green beans, a tomato plant or two, a few squash.  I usually buy a few lugs of peaches to freeze. Until this year.  I was in the middle of rads when I would normally have been planting, and I basically sleep walked (slept walked?) through June and July.  By the time I started thinking garden, it was way to late to put one in given our short growing season. So, I signed up for extra fruit from the farmers market and counted my blessings.  My LE arm probably wouldn't like picking and processing produce anyway.

Now heres the silver lining.  We've lived in this house for 8 years.  There's an apple tree out back, that never produces much, maybe enough apples for a pie or two and a batch of apple sauce.  I've threatened to have it taken out several times as it's obviously past it's prime.  But I never got around to it, and it still provides nice shade for the back yard,  and it's far enough from the house that even if a limb blows off it won't end up on the roof... So the tree lives on.

I just picked 30 lbs of apples from that past it's prime tree.  This is the 3rd weekend in a row I've picked apples, there are hundreds of apples higher up, that I can't reach.  If I'd planted a garden I'd never have had time (or energy enough) to deal with the apples.  I'm taking this weeks batch to a friend who plans to make apple butter.  Maybe he'll give me a couple jars when he's done.

I don't often read the active topics but stick to my two favorites.  My daughter found bc.org for me when I started to sink into that black hole, I read but never posted for quite a while till I found WNY women and the Stop Smoking support thread, then I began posting.  I found a new best friend on the WNY thread who lived in my small town.  We met for coffee, talked in PM's and on the phone, I find it really difficult at this age, 65, to make good friends, she was the best, the heart of our group.  As is obvious we lost her last February, I miss her dearly and cried mightily till my therapist made the observation. "would you rather never have met her or feel the pain you do now?".  It was an epiphany statement to me, as I never would have missed knowing her, the hurt was felt by our whole group but we supported each other in our distress.  I got to sit with her the day before her passing and just hold her hand, a comfort the family gave me. If not for bc.org, I would have lived in my small community without ever knowing her.  She is my silver lining.  Plus, like Athena, I quit a 30+ year habit with the support of some truly fantastic women.  The heart of our group lives on as the WNY'ers meet for lunch or dinner each month, such strong, empathetic, funny friends.  As God closed a door, he opened a window for me in a new best friend my daughter's age.  We post each day, she too is a joy I would have missed.  Yes the silver linings are there, if only we keep ourselves open to them.  Karen

When life hands you apples, make apple butter... a good rule to live by.

 The friend I gave the latest batch of apples to is a veterinarian. He makes all sorts of jams, jellys, syrups etc., then he takes most of it the the state vet society meeting where they have an auction.  Often sell his jams for $50 - $100 a jar, so  hopefully my apples with help with some young persons vet school education, or will help so stray dog who needs a hand...

Here is the link.  I left out the sugar.  The sweet apples I used came right off my tree - and the apple butter was delicious!  The apples were very small so I used about 30 of them - this made a quart of apple butter.  It was a bit tart for my daughter, so I did add a T of honey after it was done, and it was perfect!!   I also recommend peeling the apples. It takes a minute, and there is no way you want to pick out the skin after it cooks.  I pureed it with an immersion blender.

 http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/10/crockpot-apple-butter-recipe.html

Alice, thank you so much for this topic! I'm just seeing it for the first time and so enjoy this! I'm adding to my favorites!



Silver linings? Definitely YES even if I didn't know it at the time. I've actually had 2 different BC's, one in each breast, 2 separate mx's (as you can see by my stats) with lots of great insights into both. Will address just my first occurrence now:



Back in 1996 was dx'ed 1st time. So different than with no Internet to speak of. Had to rely on old-fashioned ways. My silver linings:



- like so many others, found out who my true friends were. Many made meals, many sent cards which I collected in a binder, still look at periodically.



- after chemo, my stick-straight hair grew back in curly



- I actually told off my first BS (as I know now, he was only a general surgeon who was obviously young, stupid, and full of himself!). He would check on my progress to see how far I could raise my arms. One time he said I wasn't exercising enough. I told him I had a strip of paper, like a register receipt, vertically hanging on the wall, I'd mark daily progress so I definitely knew I was progressing each day and if it wasn't quick enough for him, TS if it took me a little longer than his expectations! He treated me differently from then on! And I learned to stand up for myself even with authority figures



- as a lot have already mentioned, bc gave me courage. When situations were difficult, I could say to myself that "I survived cancer, I can get through this too"



- I learned how precious my life is



- my kids were stronger than I knew possible. DD wasn't yet 3, very intuitive, made me her famous PBJ&S (sprinkles) sandwiches to make me feel better. My dear step-son (14 at the time) stopped hating me for a while



- back in 2008, started teaching elementary spec Ed and one boy's Mom (who was single at thw time) was dx'ed with bc. She called to let me know why he might be acting quieter than usual and we developed a friendship of sorts when I shared what I went thru. She explained he was extremely fearful she would die. I got her permission to speak with him alone (with one of my instructional assistants present of course) and let him know I had what his mom had and I was perfectly fine. He suddenly had hope and mom noticed a big improvement at him. Helped that I shared DD's PBJ&S story and to give him some task that he could do for her like bring her tea, rub her shoulders or feet, sing to her... Something he could do that older sibs didn't do for her so he felt he was part of her get-well routine.



- and the final silver lining..... Drum roll, please..... That doctors are only people and not always right. They told me to get my affairs in order, probably be my last Christmas EVER and here I am 16 years later!! Neener, neener, neener, screw you, docs!!



There's probably more from my 1st bc experience, will have to edit. Then I'll post my silver linings from 2nd DX, and there are actually miracles among those.....

I'm continuing the silver linings I've discovered as a result of my 1st DX:



There are so many blessings here regarding my daughter, the love of my life. Since she wasn't even 3 when I was diagnosed, I decided to have only the UMX and no recon as I wanted to be back to normal as quickly as possible. I had chemo but no rads, there are some funnies here, but not noted now. Since I didn't have recon, I always had a concave chest, my constant reminder of bc, until this 2nd bc DX. My DD has always known that cancer has been part of my life and it has left its mark on her. The good that has come from this:



- she's very smart and had to do science fair experiments almost every year. At the beginning of her freshman year in high school, she saw a study about the effects of soy on breast cancer. She adapted the study as she didn't have the access to equipment used in this particular international study. End result: she won school, district, regional awards and went to state fair with this project.



- sophomore year she adapted the study yet again using knowledge she had learned from previous year. She also had a major personal project due and chose to write a book on breast cancer. She again won local science fairs, went to state and won awards along the way. (She also continued researching and experiment junior year but due to absence for surgery there was a miscommunication from her science teacher and missed out that year. Her participation wasn't required senior year so she decided not to expend the major effort required)



- somewhere in all this, she has decided to continue her education in this area and has chosen to become an oncologist. Recently, however, she has become interested in entertaining the idea of maybe becoming a breast cancer researcher instead.



Please note that she has decided this on her own, no pressure at all from me.

Thanks for your story secondtime around.

Did you have radiotherapy first time around? I couldn't see it in your medical stats?

That's interesting secondtime around, usually radiotherapy is first port of call for basic breast cancer, instead you went straight to chemo. I have never come across skipping rads before (I so would love to, am about to start and am rather weirded out by all the technology). 

Your second diagnosis does have characteristics different to the first doesn't it? it seems more favourable? Grading is a biggie isn't it?

Ah, I am such a newbie, and treatment is the same but different, all over the world, if you know what I mean? It seems chemo is used more often in America? but radiotherapy is international, however, each country seems to favour a slightly different regime, as far as I can tell. Not sure if this is "latest technology" related or not. I am having the shorter, stronger treatment, which is new-ish, but still whole breast irradiation plus or including boosts.

I am total chicken&@$! about the upcoming radiotherapy, but I think its just the big machines - that bad  science fiction movie in my head, ray beams and technicians that freaks me out 

I know its all just silly though. Reality is usually quite friendly.

So the advanced team 25 miles away did have the good info for you?

My lumpectomy and SNL removal was a breeze, bar the pre-op jitters. The breast area healed great with little discomfort, tho the lymph node site has not healed well, has a hole in it and is infected, plus a very hard lump beneath the site unrelated to the infection, and a very cord like vein running from the site. Nothing that is going to kill me though. 

I do know what you mean though, you just want it wrapped up and OVER with.

My best wishes to your speedy trip through this next bit and happily, healthily out the other side, and on with living ones life! Clink! to us both