Rethinking reconstruction

I share many of the views Crystal expressed - it really is a very individual choice and ultimately you have to decide what you're comfortable with. However, unlike Crystal, I don't find it so different living without breasts. I choose to wear breast forms (prostheses) and you would never know looking at me that I don't have breasts. I mostly wear lightweight non-silicone forms and generally forget I have them on. I can wear virtually anything I would have worn before (I didn't throw away any of my pre-mastectomy clothes or change my style of dressing in fitted tee shirts). 

Like Crystal, I've been married for a long time (41 years), so obviously not the same as your situation, but FWIW, since my surgery almost seven years ago, my sex life has been as good as ever. My mother-in-law had a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction and (after my father-in-law died) wondered if she'd ever find someone else (she was only 64 when he died). She did meet and marry a wonderful, handsome man. There are many stories like that. 

Some women who opt for no reconstruction prefer to go flat, others wear breast forms only sometimes, others always wear forms. I wear small (A cup) breast forms when I go out, but at home I often go flat. If you do decide to continue the expansion process, you can still decide later to have the implants removed. If you decide to remove the expanders now, you could still have reconstruction down the road, should you decide you want it.  

I'm a bilat flattie, having chosen not to reconstruct. I am married but will share the story of my great aunt. She had one breast removed due to cancer when she was in her 30's(this must have been sometime in the 1960's). No reconstruction. It probably wasn't available. She met a man who who she married. Went on to have 2 kids(the 1st one @ 40yr). Hopefully someone will come by with a more recent story. Best of luck with the decision process.

I am single, never married, and had a unilateral mx. My breasts have always been a major part of my sex life. I didn't worry about whether a man would like them, I loved them.  I am still waiting for recon, 5 yrs with a TE and counting.. I am tired of wating and wish that I had my recon finished. I have had sex since the mx, and I will say that having one good one left made a difference to me, and having two for him to hold onto made a difference to him. He did say that he wasn't sure if he could handle just having one and trying to figure out what to do. HE said it might have been easier with none. . could be because the TE is such a hard rock on my chest. I don't know. Is he the love of my life? No, but we have been off and on for over 15 yrs, since before BC.  I know he was relieved when he first saw the expander in place. I think it was more for me though. I think he was afraid  that I would have more issue with it than him, especially since he knew that they had been so important to ME. I will say that even without a nipple, my breast is still important to me. Just slightly less than my natural one, maybe because I still have feeling all over my chest? I still enjoy him touching it. Nevertheless, it is a personal decision and you need to be comfortable with it. If you are comfortable then  he will be. If he isn't... well... NEXT!

Well.. I never expected to have it in for 5 years either and it truly is a pain... My first PS delayed and delayed until I had no insurance. Not to mention constantly upping the fills until the TE was almost twice the size of my natural breast.  PS argued with me that I would love to have bigger breasts and he could easily fix the natural to match. I have a new PS, now but I still don't have the money for the recon. Insurance now will cover but not 100%. So I am responsible for the  rest and it must be paid upfront.  Both of them are at least 2hrs from here and I live alone with no other resources.  Welcome to my world...

Thank God! Finally someone that understands where I am!  I am disabled now from chemo induced disability. I have had more important thing to spend money on unfortunately... food, scrips, home repairs to keep it from falling down around me, paying off debt that came with disability. Believe me I wish my breasts could have come first. But recon wasn't that important to my docs or my creditors. I am so tired of hearing people tell me that insurance covers it. Not all of us have great health insurance that pays 100%, or a husband that can pay the bills and take care of us while we recover. I am on Medicare and it definitely won't cover the surgery 100%. The insurance I had at the time of my diagnosis would have paid 100% but my surgeons delayed due to my s/e issues until I lost the insurance. I am hoping that I can get it done before next summer... honestly, won't surprise me if I hit the 10 yr mark with this horrid ugly painful TE!

OUCH - I didn't know that - so sorry to hear of your experience - thinking there must be something that can be done at the state level, but then, I'm in MA - and I know many people who are covered by health insurance who wouldn't be if they lived in other states.  Wonder if the American Cancer Society might be of help giving you advice?

BTW- Love your dorothy parker quote, she was one of my favorite authors.

I love Dorothy Parker too!!! When I saw this quote, I thought yep! that's me! lol