Mentally Ill family member with breast cancer

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Bmg9f
Bmg9f Member Posts: 6
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hello All,

I have a very urgent and complicated issue to find advice and suggestions for. My mother is 63 years old and Is mentally ill. She has also recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. We do not yet know the stage. One of her breasts is very swollen and red and obviously larger than the other so it's not an early state one. Because she is mentally ill she is in complete denial of reality and is refusing treatment saying that the doctors and everyone are lying to her and that she does not have any problem. However at other times she admits something is wrong but refuses to get treated because she says that in her " next life" she will be punished and crippled. She does not want breast removal however the doctor said that it is inevitable. She had hidden the issue from her family for a few months and now the problem is more serious than it would have been had she told us immediately.

It's as if she doesn't care whether we are devastated if we lose her. We know that she does not see it that way as she is mentally ill/ schitzophrenic and is not in touch with reality.



Has anyone encountered this situation. We are trying to explore every avenue to convince her to voluntarily do the chemo and then the surgery. However if she resists I have been thinking of obtaining medical power of attorney in order to get treated. Has anyone out there had do this before? Would they put her in an institution and force her to do the treatments there? Is this possible ?



I am at my wits end and am desperate for help. Please help!

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  • MelissaDallas
    MelissaDallas Member Posts: 7,268
    edited April 2013

    Bmg, I don't know whatstate you live in but here you would have to seek guardianship. The court would order a medical/psych evaluation & determine if she is competent to make her own decisions. If she is declared incompetent she would not necessarily be institutionalized but a care plan would have to be developed. Whoever is declared guardian would have to set up some kind of safe living situation. Also, when these are filed, you have a guardian of the person & a guardian of the estate (finances). Sometimes this is the same person & sometimes not. Also, until this is determined the court appoints an ad litem to represent the best interest of the person who has been proposed to be incompetent.

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  • marywh
    marywh Member Posts: 2,280
    edited April 2013

    Im so sorry you're going through this. I know it must be very frightening. It sounds to me like someone needs to become her medical poa. A good place to ask some questions would be your local county mental health offices. I really hope you can get some answers soon.

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  • MelissaDallas
    MelissaDallas Member Posts: 7,268
    edited April 2013

    Yes, mental health dept. or a probate attorney, but you can't just get a medical POA without competency testing unless she agrees to give you one. The problem with that is that if she is incompetent she is not competent to sign one.

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited April 2013

    Bmg9f - I am not sure it is even proper to attempt to wrest power from your mother on medical issues. Even though her views may be partly due to her illness, they are views that some share. Do you really want to put her through that at this time? One of the worst thing that cancer patients can endure is pressure or outright coersion from family - it may make things worse and not contribute to her overall well being at all. It would behoove everyone to look at this from a holistic perspective and consider not just the cancer but also her happiness and well being given her values and knowledge. Family members, well meaning, often do not realize that they are imposing their value system on others.  And sad as it is to see your own mother go through this, it is her life and no one else's. She has the rigt to make at least the most important decisions.

    If you mother understands that she has cancer and that there is treatment, I do not see how a judge can or should deny her her right to make her own decisions. Nor do I see how that would contribute to her stability or the family's well being at a time of crisis. 

    Your mother may also be hesitant to agree with you on treatment if she perceives that you are judging her harshly, or thinking that she is being selfish. People with schizophrenia can become easily overwhelmed, as you know. She may be backing off partly as a defense. Maybe some family counseling with her doctor may help?

    There is a BCO thread on cancer and pre-existing mental illness which I started. It might be helpful both for you and your mother. Here is the link:

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/142/topic/796282?page=3#post_3469274

    I am very sorry you find yourself in this situation and I understand your concern! I would be freaking out! It is important to realize, though, that there are many ways to approach or not aproach cancer, mentally ill or not.

    But I have one thought. Perhaps she would consent to one treatment and not the other?

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited April 2013

    I am Guardian for my Aunt who had mental illness and then Alzheimers.  We had to go through Probate Court to establish a Guardianship (this was Michigan) so we could get her the proper care and treatment for health issues.

    I am so sorry you have to go through this.  It is all so stressful...

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  • Bmg9f
    Bmg9f Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2013

    Hello All,

    Thank you for the responses. My sisters and I have been periodically trying to convince her to get the treatment (nicely at first), however she gets belligerant and goes into one of her crazy fits. At first she denied completely having anything wrong with her. She said there is nothing wrong with her breast. But, It is twice the size as the other and swollen/red! The doctors have told her what the test results are. My Aunt who also had breast cancer and survived tried to reason with her and told her she had to do the same in order to live. My mother still does not listen. She went into a rage saying that the ultrasound did not show any tumors in her breast, and that those were actually "unborn babies". She has already named the babies as well. When we continue to urge her to get treatment, she says she won't get treatment because then we'll all 'end up in the trash can'. None of this makes sense to anyone here, because it is a part of her mania, delusions, and psychosis. She hears voices in her head and talks back to the voices. She also believes satellites in the sky beam down death rays to kill and injure people and give them sicknesses. She has been in multiple mental hospitals, and for various reasons, including suicide attempts.

    I am not entirely sure she understands she has cancer. Or how serious it is. Its seems like a combination of denial/mental illness mania. One minute she says 'leave me alone i want to die', and the next she will be cursing and saying the people who are behind the "voices in the air "are trying to kill her with the cancer treatments. She thinks the voices are controlling us (myself and sisters) and trying to make us get her the treatments to kill her. Her behaviour is erratic, and contradictory.

    Athena - i did read the posts onthe other site sent the link too. However, those people admit that they are mentally ill, which means they have light forms of mental illness. They are able to coherently communicate without delusional stories. Their words make sense. People who are truly crazy do not admit they are crazy; my mother thinks she is sane and the rest of us are stupid and crazy.

    The option of only doing the chemo for now might be plausible as it is the surgery she was against (due to her delusions about losing her breast and being condemned in her other life where she says she is 500 years old).

    I honestly do not think these are her 'values' and 'beliefs'.

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  • Bmg9f
    Bmg9f Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2013

    It is bad enough to deal with one or the other of these diseases, but then they are combined, it is 100 times worse. The only thing I can do is go to the social services/mental health dept to discuss the options, and what can be done to help her...or hope and pray that she will change her mind herself (chances of that are extremely slim i think).

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  • Bmg9f
    Bmg9f Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2013

    Another thing I am trying is to call out the pastor from the church we go to. He has agreed to come out tomorrow to talk with my mother to try to guide her and hopefully convince her to get the treatment. Not sure if it will work, but its worth a shot.

    She has been living with myself and one of my sisters for 8 years now because she has no way to support herself. She cannot hold down a job and has no skills. (Just some more background on my situation.)

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited April 2013

    However, those people admit that they are mentally ill, which means they have light forms of mental illness. They are able to coherently communicate without delusional stories. Their words make sense. People who are truly crazy do not admit they are crazy;

    With all due respect, that is all dead wrong. The people on the thread are seriously mentally ill. I know many schizophrenics who know that they have delusions - and still have them. I wouldn't make assumptions based on a person's level of self-awareness or lack thereof. Craziness does NOT preclude self awareness. And self-awareness does NOT preclude episodes of psychosis.

    Other than this, I am sorry for what you are going through. Your mother sounds as though she has not benefited from treatment from her mental illness. Some types of schizophrenia also come with significant cognitive impairment. That has to make communication hard for you. I wish you the best.

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  • Schauer63
    Schauer63 Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2013

    I have a mentally ill sister who is also a little slow and has stage 3 breast cancer. She was diagnosed in Jan and had to opt for the lumpectomy instead of full masectomy. Val was unable to be completely put under because of her emphysema and carbon monixide in her blood. Yes, I said monixide. Probably due to smoking the last 20 something yrs in her apt with the windows and doors shut! Val refuses to quit smoking in order to improve her O2 sats. This has prolonged her getting the masectomy and follow up radiation and chemo. Val may never be able to have a masectomy. The anesthetist won't touch her right now with a 10 foot pole! My sister is very stubborn and hard headed when it comes to doing what she is supposed to, even when it's a matter of life and death. Kinda hard to distinguish how much of her bad choices are due to the mental illness and how much is just plain stubbornness. Val has been rebellious and stubborn most of her life and its cost her dearly. The only thing you can do for a mentally ill person with cancer is to be there as much as possible, listen to them and pray a lot!!! Don't beat yourself up about the choices they make. You are not dealing with a sane person. It's ultimately our choice in how we choose to live or die. Yes, even for the mentally ill or you will become mentally ill yourself. Learn what your limits are and get other family members, neighbors and friends involved with your sisters plan of care. There is no one but me, a neighbor and occasionally my brother. I work full time, 40 miles out of town and have a husband and teenage son at home. I know my sisters illness is not about me, her breast cancer or the mental illness. I've always been resentful deep down inside because Val wasn't the sister I was supposed to have and now she's got cancer! But like i said, its not really about me. Taken me years to realize that. Val is also insulin dependent and has CHF. Yes, I pray a lot and still hoping for a miracle. My mother is mentally ill, had a brother who was mentally ill as well as my father. Out of 6 people in my family, 4 were mentally ill. Trust me, don't get too caught up in your sisters issues. Do what you can for her and pray about the rest. God never intended for you to be burdened down by something you have no control over. Best wishes to you and your family in this situation. I pray your sister will come around but just realize its ok if she doesn't. You can't change who she is. Prayers going up.

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  • cinnamonsmiles
    cinnamonsmiles Member Posts: 779
    edited May 2013

    I have severe depression with bipolar, severe anxiety and agorophobia.I do not like to be called crazy. I do crazy things,have crazy behaviors, but I am not crazy.I am mentally ill.It's an illness.

    I see this two ways. One as her, one as you.

    You want her to get treatment, you want her well.You understand that she is stricken with schizophrenia.She may or may not.

    She is mentally ill. I wonder, is there some part of her that just doesn't want treatment like someone who is not mentally ill? Is the mental illness covering up sane thoughts of not wanting treatment? Or is it the mental illness guiding her to not want treatment.

    This is such a heartbreaking thing to go through. I wish you and your family all the best as you figure out what to do.

    I take it your mother isn't on medications or if she is, they aren't working to clear the fog?

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