The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

I had to get a mammo and US for new lumps, only 3 months after the last one.  The technician said "that's a bit close together, we don't want to give you cancer".

Warning, long post: Ok, I should be able to let this slide, because obviously he doesn't know better, but... but...

My husband, who has serious emotional issues of his own, mostly wrapped around me, has not been able to come to terms with my decision to have a BMX.  Tried to pressure me out of it (even after two lumpectomies failed to give me clean margins).  Keeps trying to convince me I did the wrong thing. Writes to "someone" (I'm not meant to know who, most likely not even someone real) this text, and sends me a copy:

   "Remember I mentioned to you that it's hard enough already.  A woman's hair, her "beauty" is of course gone cuz of the chemo.  Ok, it'll come back.  Not her fault.  So God took one breast but that doesn't excuse her for unilaterally and secretly deciding to to take the other in the name of "symmetry" and a very slight marginal increase in long term odds ands some diminution in worry.  Done without keeping me in the loop.  I found out about it by accident and it was a done deal then.  [He doesn't mean that I actually did anything before informing him, but that I didn't include him in the decision-making.  No kidding, I didn't want heavy pressure!]  That decision was made so rashly [after much thought and consultation with others] that an expensive out of network doctor decision [my own money] was glossed over when there is no indication whatsoever that an in-network doctor would have been any different [except that my own breast surgeon didn't know of any of the in-network names, and highly recommended this plastic surgeon].  Sorry to be blunt, but there is no comparison whatsoever between an artificial breast and a natural one.  Meanwhile there are no nipples either.  She has aged physically tremendously in a short time as well.  [Hello, I'm not older, just seriously anemic from chemo!]  I try to overlook these physical matters, but her lack of libido, and her priorities overpowers it all.  She doesn't take anything to help withthat tho it's a well-known side effect.  No interest to do so.  If she had no energy or was in pain I'm no boor, but there is plenty of energy to do other things."  

And on and on and on.  I have learned to let a lot slide, saying "He's ill", but this was really - IMHO - mean.  Even if he really didn't send it to "someone", just to me.  I just had to vent.  Thanks for your support.

Abyldec vent away His issues or not are still very heartless!!!!!! It was/is very hurtfull! From what you say it sounds like no matter what you say he will never get "IT" no matter what you say! I'm so sorry that the one that is to be with you in "sickness" is NOT! Life trumps ALL!

Timbek2--I've had bilateral recon with very notable difference in skin color, and no nips.  I would LOVE to go to a Bra Party, just to see the reactions!   I understand how your feel, though, there was a time I felt that way, too. 

Ablyldec--your husband needs serious help.  It's all about what HE wants, it's all about HIM.  That is mean, crazy, and inexcusable.  He needs repeated doses of brick therapy (application of a brick to his head from a distance of 3 feet with considerable force).  Yeesh. 

Ablydec--- what the heck.

Relationships and coping at the same time... Hard.

I read on facebook. My friend told her suicidal daughter that if she had cancer she wouldn't want to go throught it alone. duhhhh

A good family friend said 'everyone has cancer, you almost feel left out if you don't have it' 

See, the thing about OUR breasts and what we choose to do to treat the cancer is visible to the world. Whereas when men go through prostate or testicular treatment people don't generally look at their crotch. Right?

In another rationale, would anyone argue about taking part of the colon for cancer there? How about the thyroid?

Then they shouldn't second guess our decisions on lumpectomy vs mastectomy or any treatment for that matter. It doesn't make us any less a woman or who we were before cancer. We are the ones that get cut, chemo'd and rads.

It sucks to have to make the decision, but you have to go with your gut, as well as the best information and guidance available.

I once felt bad for being a little snippy after someone inquired about my lack of hair at a cancer event. "What kind did you have?" I answered "boobie" and that shut them up. Maybe inappropriate but didn't know them at all and didn't want to elaborate.

Cancer sucks, until one has been there and done it, they have no idea really.

indenial - call me in denial too!  I can't believe you had to deal with 4 such clueless, thoughtless people, and one of them a health professional too!  

Omg some horrible and dumb comments people make!

My co-worker today tells me "You are stage 1. That's almost like NOT even having cancer at all! That's like stage 0 and I don't know why you let it stress you out so much!"



Ummmm hello yes my cancer is stage 1, I had invasive cancer and DCIS, I lost both my breasts and was on the borderline of needing chemo. I have to live the rest of my life worrying if/when it may come back. My cancer could have killed me! Sorry if I don't agree with you. Just hope YOU never have to deal with a cancer that is NO big deal as you put it!



Ugh where is the stupid button when you need it?! Lol



Jen

Best thing for people to do is not say anything or they will insert a foot, some not meaning to others are just plain stupid. The comments about knowing someone who died of cancer are the worst and most stupid of all comments I hear. We are all going to die of something.

"You are stage 1. That's almost like NOT even having cancer at all! That's like stage 0 and I don't know why you let it stress you out so much!"

Oh my God, I never thought of it that way!  You are so right, multiple tests, surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and 5 years of hormonal therapy are NOTHING!  Why, there isn't even any risk to any of that treatment!  Why did I not see that earlier?  Thank you so much for sharing your experience with breast cancer.  When were you diagnosed?  

love the snarky....  hee hee

I wish I knew who the ignoramous is that wrote the letter to the Health Department  complaining that I have a "contagous desease" that I am "exposing vulnerable seniors to by volunteering to cook at our Senior Center".  The Health Department of course had to send someone out to check.

Native love the snarkiness! I find it refreshing that I no longer sit back and put up with ignorant people's comments anymore. Guess having breast cancer just makes you not give a s**t if you offend someone who obviously knows nothing about the disease!



Comment yesterday from my cardiologist: "I think mammograms are overrated and they are doing too many unnecessarily!" Hmm really cuz my mammogram detected my bc and saved my life!



Maybe what should be happening is giving mammos to the young girls in their twenties with a family history. Too many young ladies getting diagnosed too late! Just my two cents.....



Jen