Suicide

Options
135

Comments

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited April 2013

    THank you Mods - hope she contacts soon, not a good environment to be in with BC.......

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • my2boys
    my2boys Member Posts: 339
    edited April 2013

    Hello my friends. I just read through all of these responses to my cry for help and it left me in tears. Thank you all so very much for your caring, love, support and private messages to me.



    You are really a very special group of ladies who "gets it" about what one goes through while fighting this hideous disease.



    I spent the day yesterday shaken and scared and I prayed very hard for strength and guidance. I also had a helpful visit with the social worker at my cancer center. Today I spent the entire day with a very good childhood friend who also happens to be a psychologist. We talked for hours and she actually accompanied me to the cancer center for one of my lymphedema treatments. She knows my husband and me very well and she was saddened and shocked by this latest turn of events. She sat with me and cried with me and helped me to understand that perhaps this isn't something I should be dealing with alone. She recommended a good friend of hers for me to call and perhaps visit to talk with from time to time.



    My kids are....well.....my kids. My teen is still as difficult as ever and he seems to see that I am in going through something and asked me several times if I feel okay. My younger boy has been such a little sweetheart and so helpful to me. He sat and held hands with me while we watched a ball game together and he reminded me that he loves me because I love baseball just like he does.....it's just that simple to him.



    My husband apologized and said he was overwhelmed and sad because there doesn't seem to be any relief from this treatment schedule. I am still extremely upset with him, but I am choosing not to deal with him right now. I am trying to take this one hour at a time.



    I won't ever forget how desperate I felt on Sunday and it really scared me so much...even more than cancer!



    Several of you reminded me that feelings pass if you can just hold on and ride them out. I now see that you are right, but I never felt that way before and it scared me. I am glad that I was able to draw on my faith in God to get me through this.



    I am especially glad that I have come to know all of you wonderful women and that you did the most marvelous thing on Sunday.....you saved my life. You really saved my life.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited April 2013

    my2boys, we're so pleased that you're doing better - thank you for letting everyone know!

    • The Mods

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited April 2013

    (((my2boys))) I am glad you have derived strength from the support. I think your attitiude of concentrating on yourself is great. Good always outdoes evil in the world. I hope you never again feel as you did on Sunday, but know that you have this place to come to if that happens.

    Hugs again!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wenweb
    wenweb Member Posts: 1,107
    edited April 2013

    my2boys,  LaughingLaughingLaughingLaughing  I've been watching and reading.  I'm so happy to hear that you are better able to deal with your situation.  Your note brought tears to my eyes.  Please keep us posted and know that we are all pulling for you.  Cancer sucks...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • indenial
    indenial Member Posts: 504
    edited April 2013

    I am so glad you're OK, for the moment. Perhaps you can write yourself a little list of what was helpful in getting through the last couple of days, in case those feelings arise again... things like, "The feelings will pass," and "Talk to God," etc. Just little reminders to yourself. Are you & your husband involved in therapy or a support group? What about couples therapy? I'm sure the last thing you want right now is ANOTHER appointment but even just a few sessions with someone really good might make a big difference.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited April 2013

    my2boys...I am so relieved to see your note and to hear that you are feeling better.  It sounds like you really do have a good support team around you.  Please let them be there for you when the hard times come.  I am hopeful that your husband was also just having a horrible day and that he will never say those kind of things to you again.

    Thank you so much for posting and letting us all know how you are.  Please keep in touch.  I, for one, am so happy to know that this group of amazing women exist and that you are only a click away.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited April 2013

    please remember to use your supportive friends, you have great ones and no one should try to get through all this crud alone

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited April 2013

    my2boys....You are a very smart lady for taking actions and helping yourself during this very difficult time......

    I wish you well......

    Sending heartfelt hugs....♥♥♥♥

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LibraryLynn
    LibraryLynn Member Posts: 83
    edited April 2013

    I have been thinking of you often, sending you lots of healing calming white light. I'm glad you saw your way through what you were feeling. Please please please not only take care of yourself physically, but also take care of yourself emotionally and spiritually. Seek out the help that you need, and don't ever forget that we are here for you. Even though we are not there physically in your life, we are always here to listen and to support you. Yes, we do "get it". I have found myself buoyed by what others have said to me here. 

    Take care of yourself and look to the light and caring that we can provide, as well as friends and counselors that are in your life. This horrible experience of cancer has changed us all, and everyone here knows that. Find comfort and strength in others.

    Lynn

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited April 2013

    My2boys,

    I have been thinking of you often and am so pleased that your immediate crisis has passed. Everyone has given good advice and your friend sounds like a gem.

    Caryn

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited April 2013

    My2boys. I'm so glad you got support and that you spent time with your boy. Those are the moments that get us through. This stuff sucks so much that it takes a village to raise a cancer patient. We all need to stick with each other through this. :-)



    Hugs. Susan

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • profbee
    profbee Member Posts: 858
    edited April 2013

    My2, SO glad you logged back in.  Like many of our friends here, I was thinking of you.  I'm so glad that you were able to ride out those feelings too!  Lots of love

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • 1openheart
    1openheart Member Posts: 765
    edited April 2013

    gritgirl...you made me laugh with your "it takes a village to raise a cancer patient".  So true.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • misslene
    misslene Member Posts: 16
    edited April 2013

    I lost my father to cancer when I was 23. Although he wasn't sick for very long before he passed, I got sick of cancer pretty fast. Life was on hold. But no matter how tired I was of his cancer, hospitals, etc. I would have given anything for more time with him. Your son is a teenager and that's a tough time anyway. You're not robbing your kids of their childhood. Maybe they'll grow up a little faster than other kids their age, but that's okay, this is real life. Your kids are lucky to have a mother who loves them so much!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • melmcbee
    melmcbee Member Posts: 1,119
    edited April 2013

    My2, I amso glad that you checked back in and that you are feeling better. Healing hugs to you.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited April 2013

    My2boys, so glad you checked in, and let us know you are better now! Our feelings do change indeed, so you did the right thing not to act on it. Hope sincerely that you and your family can move forward from here. Big hugs to you!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Moiralf
    Moiralf Member Posts: 1,056
    edited April 2013

    Adding another set of good wishes to you My2boys. 

    You reached out and got help from both here and your friend. That takes strength and courage to admit how bad things are feeling for you.

    Loved how you mentioned your boys They do sound like they love you very much. We can all say things we don't truly mean at times. Never forget they do love you very much.

    Your husband needs help too maybe. He is stressed and overwhelmed, fair enough, doesn't excuse being mean though. He's an adult.

    Maybe the person your friend recommended could be helpful for him too.

    Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Be proud of reaching out and getting though a very tough time.

    Moira

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited April 2013

    I'm so glad that you are feeling better and have had a good conversation with your psychologist friend.......probably the best thing you could have done.  Take it one day at a time but always remember you are definitely not alone.....ever!

    Love n hugs.   Chrissy

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited April 2013

    I logged on today to see how you are my2 boys - my therapist told me its best to ride it out and just waiting- boy was I MAD when he said that but it was true, two days later I felt Ok......



    just remember we are your family too now.......and añ extended international one too



    X

    X

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 2,859
    edited April 2013

    Hi, I am glad you are back with us here. You have done some really important things these past couple days.    We really are here for you.  

    Love Ginger

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • kaza
    kaza Member Posts: 284
    edited April 2013

    So pleased you have posted....you have been in my thoughts and prayers...you will get through this, we are all here for you, only a click away.xxxxxxx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • softness1
    softness1 Member Posts: 217
    edited April 2013

    My2boys!! I am so happy that this is turning around for you in a positive way. Yay!! for that friend of yours.  My heart really goes out to you and I think on some level I can honestly say, I've felt lthe same way on a few occasions, but it really is the little things

    Your teen checking on you, the youngest watching tv and breaking everything down to the simpliest, basic level... You make me cry.. In a good way. I have been thinking about you so much!! So glad you checked in!!

    (((((hugs)))) all around!!!!

    Ann 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BrooksideVT
    BrooksideVT Member Posts: 2,211
    edited April 2013

    You found strength and resilience in the depths of despair are are an inspiration for all of us. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2013

    my2boys - how GOOD to read your post, and thank you too for understanding how important it is to communicate, especially in the darkest times, and how WISE of you to ask for and RECEIVE help.  I don't know if St. John the Divine had breast cancer, but he certainly wrote wise words about "the dark night of the Soul."  We ALL have them, and dealing with the multitude of treatments for breast cancer, in addition to trying to maintain a solid supportive family life, seems impossible sometimes.  AND MAYBE IT IS.  All the more reason every good cancer center has a certified Social Worker there, to help us when we need it.

    I hope you will arrange to talk with a psychologist, or a therapist too.  AND ask if additional medicine ( anit anxiety, anti depressant) might be helpful for you during the most difficult time.

    Also you've reminded me how wonderful a healer baseball can be.  My grandfather took me to my first baseball came when I was 11, at Yankee Stadium in NY, I can STILL name most of the players of that time, and it was more than 50 years ago.  Now back "home" in New England after living in many other places, and in MA, my childhood friends have come to accept my support of the RED SOX. ( even beating NY on opening day) - SO, please keep doing what you love, with the people you love who love you,

    Be as gentle with yourself as you can be - this $@#%#! disease is awful - but we're all still here!  From your sign on date, looks like you've celebrated the "Five Year" point too...hope you & your son are watching baseball together for many, many years to come.  Best wishes....again, BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF, as you would be with anyone who needs the same help, be there for yourself, as we all know you'd be for them.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • gonegirl
    gonegirl Member Posts: 1,871
    edited April 2013

    Amen, Sunflowersma, amen.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • my2boys
    my2boys Member Posts: 339
    edited April 2013

    Thank you again...ladies. The sunny weather helps. I am going to call today and see about getting an appointment with the person my friend recommended to me.



    This really scared me and although I didn't think it was courageous to reach out for help, I guess it really is because on some level, you want someone to remind you that this will pass. All of these years of tests, treatments and appointments with doctor after doctor can wear a person down so much that you don't realize how vulnerable you are. Then without warning the rug is pulled out from under you and you find yourself falling into such despair. My marriage was always the strong and happy one, but over time I guess that everything was falling by the wayside, including that. You ladies are truly remarkable and I will never forget what you did for me.



    With God's help I will feel better with each passing hour.



    Sunflowersma, your post made me smile because the Yankees lost on opening day and my husband is a HUGE Yankees fan....



    My son and I are fans of the other New York team that won!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Connie07
    Connie07 Member Posts: 636
    edited April 2013

    Hi my2boys,

    Your week was sucky for sure. Glad you're feeling a good bit stronger.



    I lost two friends to death this week, its tragic & sad. I was already feeling down and did not need to feel these losses. I usually wonder why me? But neither death had anything to do with me. Still, emotions run rampant in adults who are close to the death and it is hard to dig yourself out. Knowing women who care can help lift the fog so eventually we will see their outstretched arms waiting to lift you up. Women who get it... Priceless.

    Congrats on lifting up out of the fog. May you have strength and courage.



    The responses to your post helped me today!

    ~Connie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Joan811
    Joan811 Member Posts: 2,672
    edited April 2013

    (((my2boys))) These hugs are for you for dealing with a rough few days.  They aren't your first, and probably won't be your last.  But you are gaining the tools and wisdom to get through. 
    I do better on sunny days, too.
    Hugs & prayers,

    Joan

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • minxie
    minxie Member Posts: 484
    edited April 2013

    My husband has said and done some very painful things to me because of this cancer. I know how alone you feel and have often wanted to just end it as well.  I'm so glad you've been able to find friends and counselors to help you out of the darkness. Our children do love us, and will forever... we always have them!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories