Fuzzy's Romp Room

If it wasn't constant and just a few jabs here and there I would be ok with where I am... but... Anytime I do anything - even with the gaba, it haunts me and comes out of nowhere and keels me over.  I guess I should feel blessed I don't have pain everywhere... feel so guilty because many of you are suffering every moment of every day alot worse than me..

I'm sorry for the two losses we had in this sisterhood.

I'm speechless..

Just popping in to sat hi.

Big hugs to all

LOL I'm glad that it was Shiela who asked

Welcome back granny.

(((Hugs))) Euro

HEY EVERYONE.............SHE'S BACK...............BITCHIN AND A MOANIN...........GIVE HIM HELL GRANNY.............KNEW YOU WOULD...........LOL, LOL.

GIRLS, this one is for Fuzzy.  Will write to you all in a couple days from now or so. GG

My Dearest, Sweetest, Heartfelt FUZZY BEAR,

First of all, may God bless your mother, I am so sad she has passed, but God bless YOUR heart and soul, too.  I cannot  imagine how you could comfort her, whilst you were still in your general post-cancer miserable horribles, for you understood what some people never do, which is death up close is a fearsome thing.  Your Mom knowing she was dying and yet having someone she trusts nearby, is a true blessing for you and your mother, for God did his good works thru you.  I hope  you can find ways to turn your deepest sorrow into your highest achievement or best contentment.  I hope you will talk to Cindy (crog) for sure, becuz of her Moma leaving our world at the same time as yours.  And Lily55's idea about the crystal, she must be worth talking to also, which of course is becuz I gravitate towards the spiritual stuff.

By the by, when you went and had your boobs looked at yet AGAIN (ugh!) and they all finally agreed instead of looking at a killer, that you just had harmless scar tissue, I thinks to myself, for crying out loud, how many tests does it take to tell the diff.???  Even the police know within seconds who the bad guy is.  SIGH.  But you mentioned headaches, and I don't know, but if you skip any regular coffee, you'll wind up with a headache.  Too-tight muslces right on top of the shoulders is the other reason.

PART I
But the toughest enemy you got is some confusion, I THINK from medications.  I mean, if you like your meds, nevermind my jabering here. Your medicine is not my business, nor do I sense any kind of problem with Fuzzy deep down in thy soul.  In fact, you do not have a problem at all, but I DO think that one of the meds you are on, or are going off, or going on, one of those is scrambling your thinking rather endlesssly.  I've been there more than once, that's for sure, and it's a pain in the neck.  The diff between you and me is you're stuck there at the moment, and it's absolute hell.  You can barely get thru your day.  I feel for you, hon, but there are ways out you may try some manner of.

Of course ALL of us are dealing with cancer.  Now, more than a few girls thruout this website have had trouble with the anti-hormone pills (I couldn't do them), and steroids are real beasts, also some women trouble with SSRIs, getting on or getting off, and to think they feed that crap to kids!  Nope, a month of tricyclics is all anyone needs to pull them right out of their blues, plus two or three visits a week to psych to talk it out, etc.  But some people DO need constant meds for mental clinical depression (me, from pain) and other problems that are lifelong (me, from pain).  Yours is sort of a mix of "shit, eff this, eff that, painful loss, I love you, I need you, and some communication complications."  Me, until just recently, it's "pain, eff everyone, I love everyone, more pain."  Haha!. 

So, you may consider writing a list off what pills you are taking, and right underneath that what problems you're having. Show it to all docs you have appointments with, and see if they got better ideas on what you ought to be on!  And keep in mind if you still are not sure about your mental doc, you can go to a large group place, that's where I go, it's called the Pisgah Institute, two-stories, two wings, some docs are great, some so-so, most talking psycologists are very good, so I could find the right fit.  And PLEEEZ, do me a favor, when they get to the part on a list to see where your attitude is, the one about whether you've thought of doing away with ourself, PLEEEZ just simply say, "No, I have not."  "Have you EVER thought of it?", "No, I have not, for I love my life!"

Yesterday I posted a picture I was to post here, to let you know that sometimes I don't think you realize, Fuzzy, at just how purty you is, inside and out, and I'll always smile and also feel comforted of the pictures of you in the loft of your barn, plus your mysterious and actually power-look holding your little puppy doggie who stayed with our sickly girl the WHOLE WAY THRU.  Your hair look so "kuell."  I think if we had a poll set up, that said something specific like, "Do you love Fuzzy?" that it would ALL be YES YES YES, and there would be no NO's.  SMILE.  I love you Fuzzy, yes I do.  Perhaps I should be more politically correct and say, "I am quite fond of Missy Fuzzalina." HAHA.  Since this is running long, it might end up on the next page, so here's the pic, AGAIN (sorry, I am a mess too!!!), becuz I have something rather important to mention about it:

STEAMPUNK FUZZY EYES
One thing  wanted to point out in the pic that I hadn't really paid a lot of atention to before was, on the right, the latch type part that has the word "Zenith" on it, and just that one word alone makes me feel you have several easy chancec to beome a healed person, AND ALSO, as you are climbing to the top of a mountain, which is a picture description of being at the top where you can one day see 360 degrees down and all around you, and from that Zenith in your life (and there will be several over the years), you will know exactly what you want to do in all things, how to do them or the courage to try new things.  It is a magical place, so when you feel that big relief, you'll know what it is and be able to take advantage of it.

PART II
In the extreme near future, I do ASK (command) you to do this relaxation technique, just a couple times, or as many as it takes to relax you all the way down, and aside from a very well-done massage or a knowledgeable genuine acupressure or puncture specialist, there are three things together that will do it:  Please Fuzzy, take a few long hot bubble baths or very warm soapy sloppy showers, not so much to get clean, as to REEE-lax.  Eventually could be one day you'll just jump in there and feel great.  But for now, add in:  candlelight, a picture or object you totally love where you can see it easily, and "Tribal Music."  They will take you away from this world, the struggling, hurtful, dreadful parts of life.  And once again, you may take an item or two out of this practice, but for the first two times, arrange to put them all together.

Last time I heard some Tribal muic, it had a name with "Grand Canyon" on the label, by a lady whose name starts with "M," altho any Tribal Music with a title that appeals to you is good, get a couple in case one is no good, and you can ask the shoppe owner.  It SHOULD have Native American deep and loud sets of drums that come alive by soft-covered drumsticks.  On that particular one I mentioned, I could hear the wind blowing, sand spraying, light-sound howling, and when I heard the heavy beats of the drums, I was so pulled in that I forgot where I was near'bout, and later I had an image of a warrior on a paint horse (love those big color patches on a white background), and he come racing up in the desert tumbleweed-like lands at the top of the canyon.  You see, Fuzzy, an image like that, for you would be how I've always seen you, leading warriors with an engraved bright sword.  So, I think doing something like that music, in your own way would really help you make it to your Zenith and finally you'll be filled with ideas you cannot now, because you are a tad jumbled with confused thoughts, overwhelming sadness, and not knowing what path you are on.  I DO see you WILL find a path, way into the coming long spring, and many more over the years.  And since I am rather older than you (just call me Grizzly Gail), I can tell you that even tho I can't hardly do nothing, I have so many daydreams and wishes, and still hpoe beyond all hope that I might put at least some daydreams into the reality category.

One more new thing, I have been seeing a lot of this, which I mentioned it in another post.  But I'll mention it again, that I see you wearing a hat, you probably already wear or have worn them sometimes, but this one is a little different.  It is an extremely special and attractve hat.  Oh, I don't know, perhaps a feminine smaller detective hat, or a light-colored broadish brimmed one with a contrasting band.  If  your community has outdoor concerts, with food booths, bunches of people, go to at least one with hubby this spring and summer.   Also, I DO see you having good fortune with your work/or non-work situation pattern, you'll be very happy to know.  FIRST I'll talk about the non-work way.  Keep in mind, if I can get disability, so can you.  Tip: Go to the Social Security website, and it will have a long, long list of names of disabling things, that link you to info, and the names are pretty much ALL they give SS Disability for.  And it was not my fractured painful back, or my very painful legs (husband often has to help me get off the couch).  Whichever of the two paths (non-work here) will run rigt to you, stand beside you, and soon the sun will come out as you are standing at your zenith, and you will realize what is best for YOU.  I used to love working in the newsroom, going out and talking to certain folk about news, come back and write it up, edit it, and then sent it to the main desk editor to lay it out into the news page.  There were many different parts to the job, it always had a deadline, which I liked, and actually "work drama" barely existed amongst us reporters, the proud, the brave, the Marines!!!  Hahaha. 

But the second choice, non-work or work, when I hit my 50s, and I have found this true amongst others when they get to some particular older age, everything I did for my whole life became impossible for me to do.  I had about three things I wanted to do before I quit it all, and I briefly did two.  But had to give up the third. "dog grooming" work, was gonna do it at home a while (for free and ONLY small dogs), then four of a van for no overhead, and then rent my own space on the ground floor of a bldg in town.  Somewhere in there, schooling at NYC's 3-week program cutting and washing dogs, day and night, is essential for licensure.  But because of my physical self finally being run into the ground, I CANNOT DO ANYTHING no mo.  So, I was done.  Each person is diff with their work.  And even them all jobs, in the end, are to pay bills, and hopefully in the least painful (HA), becuz not everyone can become a famous actor.  But I'm tellin' ya, girl, not having to drag myself to work, even tho I liked mine, was really SUCH A RELIEF.  I love every day because of that exact thing.  I don't WANT to go to work. It's a thing like, "Please, mazzer, don't hit me no more, don't hit me no more, mazzer."

This is a lot of stuff I'm a'tellin' ya, and Missy, you might do one, none, or most of them, but please do forgive me for intruding with my thoughts, even tho you did ask.  All I'm doing is giving you stuff YOU will undersand and would like to do.  It will also accidentally put you partway in the spirit world.  But hon, sweetie, don't do all this all at once.  NO, NO, NO.  Once you get your mom's situation straight, just goof off for a week or two at least.  You and your hubby this summer might like to stay over in Baltimore, overlooking the harbor that was renovated not too long ago, DUNES lives there, many beaches close by, and just relax. You could take a train there!  But for now, hey, I'm an expert on relaxation. If I'm not arting or plaing my 12-string, I lay aroud in front of the TV, loads of covers & pillows, plus table and bookcase with billions of books, mags, and my endless notebooks.  And there's times I like to have a think about stuff like...  well, my bestest online girlfriend Fuzzy, as in perhaps one day when I'm well enough to take the train to D.C. and we meet, or sketching thy eyes and amazing hai.  Husband is the REAL artist, tho. And when I'm a lazin' some afternoon, ready to consume a TV matinee, I got several eating items and a couple drinks, which our dog Smoke thinks is his personal buffet... HAHAHAHA.  So, please, girl, rest up for a while, give everything up.  Maybe even try some of those tub soakies to rest to the bone. (I remember when my girlfriend and her boyfriend and me lived together, we used to fight over using the tub with bubbles, even had diff types).  Piddle around the house, groom your doggie OR better yet, take him to an agreeable groomer, who will have at least one helper and often a half-dozen, and ask if they will groom your little man, if you could arrange a time when you can sit and watch, perhaps ask a couple questions.  Uh-oh, I'm talking about my past future!  Ha!  Well, i think I've done hammered resting in waaaaay too far.

And i want you to know, Fuzz, i wanted to finish this much earlier in the week, but I had my own meltdown and also slept late a few times, so this was as fast as I could go.  But one thing you can almost always depend on, I surely can talk up a breeze!!!  Really hope this helps you for the moment, Fuzzy, and if anything really big comes tomind, I'll tell you, like when i wrote a quick post to you that I KNEW someting really big was coming straight at you, and i didn't know what it was, good or bad, and dang if the next couple posts later from you, suddenly you tell us your Moma is a'gonna pass away from us.  So, while I might be an amusement park, my main points are very real.  I also would send you flowers, jammies (just use the IM here and tell me mailing place...but ONLY if you want to, tho), and as always I  send you my love, and many dreams to play with.  But your best bud will always be your puppy.  Love you, Fuzzy, and I'll improve I think, gradually, had a mixup that near-bout put me in a wheelchair, so you can actually realize that as you rest, so too will I be in a huge way resting, not your regular rest, but major rest.  From one rest to another, one loveydove to another loveydove, to my online bestie, I love you Fuzzy, with all my heart and in all the world and time, Gail

Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss.

Cindy I am so sorry to hear that... ****HUGS****

I have been on my feet since 6:30 this morning - busy day at the fabric store, then shopping for some tanks that had a bit of compression... Ross store, thank you again :-)  - Wish my breast would stop swelling  just a half hour out of compression and I'm in so much pain and my right is as big as my left.. Oh well, I'm talking to my BS on monday and ask him the dreaded question, "Will the nerve pain go away if you take it off..". I am coming up on my 2 year mark and I still have constant nerve pain in my breast, toward my underarm. 

Ok after all the whining I will leave you with a good night picture:

Cindy, I am very sorry that you have lost your mom and dad. Life sure has handed you an awful lot to deal with lately. How are you coping? ((( Cindy ))) Gosh, I just don't know what else to say. I wish I could be there with you to give you a real hug.

Thank you... Wren the dream you spoke of is so much like what happened with my Dad. The caregiver said more than once my Dad would reach out for something.. I believe it was my Mom telling him to come on and join her... I believe they are together again, after all they were together almost 71 years...



Cindy

CINDY, that is such a very sad but very beautiful thing that has happened to you.  Oh, how lonely you must feel.  But I l ike the others' take on it, that they're still together.  I imagine the two of them at their favorite ages, doing their favorite things, living in their fav places, talking away, and while they're gone, I gues the heavenly newspapaer, "As the World Turns," which will tell them what wild stuff is going on down here, they'll talk about things here and say, "Wow, I'm glad I wasn't there when such and so happened!"  SMILE.  Bless you, such a nice person, too, and I really cannot get over such a long, long time together, and the comfort of knowing by golly they're gonna go for another 70+ up there, really strikes me and I know will strike Fuzzy as unbelievable, and yet so sweet.  Your father hung in so hard for her.  Love always, Gail

That pic of an evening good night was truly fab, Foley. gg.

(((((Cindy)))))

I know you must be overwhelmed right now, just know that you are loved by many, and we will do what we can to help you through this. I echo the sentiments of those who look at how the love they shared will continue, that neither has to deal with the loneliness of living without the other. Your loneliness is real, too, but you still have work to do here, and many people to share with. Much love and prayers for healing as you grieve.

Good Morning World

GmaEsther, thank you for such a beautiful greeting today! I so enjoy your photos, am a little envious of your view. Many years ago I lived in Vermont and had a view much like that each morning I awoke. I would often sit on my deck with hot coffee or tea, wrapped in layers of blankets against the cool morning air, enjoying that cool breeze on my face, hot beverage keeping my hands warm, enjoying that beauty that is certainly God's gift to us.

Cindy, you really SHOULD get a lawyer to help. For someone who has never had need of one before, it was rather daunting to find one to get my will done. I thought I would just use some online guide, but quickly discovered it was a bit more complicated for that in my own case. Dealing with your own issues plus your parents' estate can be so overwhelming, and a good attorney can help sort through things, take a lot of stress off your shoulders. Get some recommendations from people you know and trust, much like finding the right doctor. Be prepared to pay, but also realize that it can be money well spent, certainly less expensive than some long-term therapy for stress-related issues! Much love, many hugs.

my daughter just got a call back for the mammogram she had done on Friday....she just turned 44.......I am sick, God help her......