how do you look at yourself after mastectomy ?

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  • 1NippledBandit
    1NippledBandit Member Posts: 78
    edited March 2013

    Lily55,

    If you are not comfortable telling people... then don't.  We can all help you come up with some good cover storys! :)

    I spent the first week after the diagnosis in a shell.  I wasn't so much embarrased about a male having breast cancer, I was in shock about having cancer at 37.  Then I made the decision to "come out" to my friends and the world of facebook.  There was shock, disbelief, and sympathy... and several of my friends contacted me to discuss lumps that they have in their breasts.  Thankfully I don't know of anyone yet who found cancer, but everyone is more aware because of my publicity.

    The reason I decided to be public with the news is that there was no reason to keep it hidden.  What would it change in their minds if they knew I had cancer?  Not much.  I have a friend who had cancer as a teen.  He is still here and I don't think of him differently.  But if I were to keep it hidden, there would be no benifit to anyone and it would be a mental strain to always guard the secret.  The benifits outweighed the cons.  I came out and there has been more awareness and self screening among my friends.  I may have lost a nipple, but I could be the one that helps someone else save their life!

    The decision is your and a personal one, but I urge you to think about it and analyze the pros and cons for yourself.  

    Don't think that I am a walking advertisement for breast cancer.  I don't bring it up at every opportunity, but I don't hide it if it does come up.  I simply don't avoid it.  It makes for a good story and always raises awareness.

    In any case, you are always welcomed here among the mammory-challanged. ;)-

    Brent

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited March 2013

    THank you Brent - I live in a town with a tight knit expat community in a country that is not my own and have seen how they have reacrted to other people who have had cancer - those people become "that´s the woman/man with cancer you know" said in a whispèred tone......and I don´t want to be defined like that!  I also want to be treated the same and not have to talk to people about cancer or being brave (exactly what I do not feel!) or being the subject of gossip but I do know what you mean - for me I hate being like this lop sided and forced to use a prosthetic to look normal I call myself Cyclops in my head and I hate it......

  • bobdevito
    bobdevito Member Posts: 6
    edited March 2013

    Brent...

    I too have had male breast cancer and I also "came out" to my friend and family on Facebook. I also saw no reason to keep it hidden. In fact, I'm looking to reach out to others for support and education. Men need to know to check not only the family jewels as it were but also to check their "breasts" for lumps and changes. My cancer was stage 3a. I lived in ignorance even after mentioning it to my doctor. It was misdiagnosed as gynocomastia.

    There are a couple of awareness projects you might be interested in if you'd like to share your story. Let me know. My email is mymalebreastcancerjourney@gmail.com



    Best wishes,

    Bob

  • tim73
    tim73 Member Posts: 6
    edited March 2013

     well, finally they " sentenced" me to chemo followed by rads and I just could not pull him off....He said, he just won't take any chances with me and the first treatment is what will count in the end or towards the very "end"... .This argument of his took the wind out of my sails and I just surrendered...This all will begin most likely on 22nd but in the meanwhile I intend to seek second opinion.....

    lily, please do tell , what exercises you do.....my physio told me couple of but they were more of rituals than actually needed....Mostly these exercises are intended to stave off the possibility of stiff or frozen shoulder and to enhance lymph drainage especially in cases where there has been formal axillary dissections.....If axillae have not been fiddled with, they are not much needed.....I never had a problem with the  range of motion of my arm.....I could overcome that annoying drag or pull in my muscle and skin........I wish if I could stretch it even further. But it didn't cripple me as it does or can do to those whose axilla is  done...But about this numbness and altered sensation problem, I am totally clueless......Frankly as doctor , I never gave it any weightage.....so chickens are coming back home to roost :-), I guess.  

    Please know , being in your thoughts and your being here does help enormously  and I always look forward to it....In fact every word of every one of you matters a lot to me.....Sometimes I feel , this is all I have or am left with now.....Yours , momine and brents experiences about my insensate chest are the silver linings, I am so desperately looking and now waiting for.

    thanks ariom for your very kind words....melmcbee, you are going through a lot....I wish a very excellent recon at the end of all this which should make God review His craftsmanship.

    farmerlucyd...............I see myself in you...............I  am having "fits" these days.......sometimes very normal and in a very positive frame of mind , all praise for God, thankfulness for not having something even worst, trying to console myself that I am just being tested and if went through well with patience and courage, I will be rewarded on the "day" and at others, as you said very ugly towards him, all complaining, grudging , abusing, crying , shouting  and what not.  Yesterday though already knowing what was most likely to happen , I had probably hoped against hope and when they as usually got shattered, I just crashed out and this time it was the most steep fall I ever had.......At one time I felt , I would blow my head off....I was driving then and I thought I should stop or  I would run into something but then gradually came back to senses though didn't cool off  entirely.....It was the worst so far..By then I literally wanted to bump my car into dividers and terribly wished if somebody could put his gun on my  head and just blast me away..A swift conclusion to this misery, and now a scarred existence would be much more of a blessing on God's behalf than having to prove all my life that despite my some very silly genes acting so bizarre, His making has so much resilience and is so remarkable that I can still manage to live on and that there is always some "good" and lots of wisdom in his doings !!!

    Was there ever a God......or all our lives , we just followed an illusion ? first creating  Him and then defending him ! That said , people like me are all the more in need of Him than any one else....if He were not or never there......then truly we shall be doomed............with  no hope will ever be left to cherish.

    I am so sorry if I hurt any of you by saying all this but I am just venting out my feelings as they  are......Take it all just as my catharsis....what else can I do after all ?

    I will just have to wait to see if I could really could get to that "other side" all of you have talked of so fondly and with so much certainity.....Is there any other side at all and if it is there, is it really that peaceful ?????? 

    firstcall, you are really amazing and made me smile even in these hardest times of my life........

    thankyou so much every one.................I need every one of you..

  • 1NippledBandit
    1NippledBandit Member Posts: 78
    edited March 2013

    Lily - It appears that in your case the cons outweigh the pros.  I don't think I would like that type of situation either.  It may be happening already in my case but I am to oblivous to realize it.  Who knows? 

    I like cyclops.  I would use that one too if my remaining breast was large enough.

    Brent

  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited March 2013

    Tim - I have been there.

    I too thought about driving the car off the road or into a tree or something like that, but was too afraid that it wouldn't do the trick.  I might survive in worse condition.

    God forbid.

    Or maybe I could drown myself in the farm pond, or hang myself from the barn rafters.

    And speaking of God, you absolutely positively do not offend me with your stream of consciousness. I have been there.

    I spoke earlier that I felt abandoned by God. But looking back I cannot tell you how many times the perfect person was put in front of me when I needed them most. Like the PT who goes to my church and had a MX 5 years ago. Or the lady who was in my prayer group years ago who I had not seen in years, literally ran into me in the atrium two days after the fateful call, and consoled me, and said with the wisdom of her seven decades "everyone has something". She brought me a lovely book of daily devotionals on Psalm Sunday and invited me to her Thursday bible study. At said bible study I saw another dear friend from years past, we taught the kindergarten sunday school class together for about five years. I literally had not talked to her since her son was born, and he is driving now. (We have a really big church.) A day or so later she stopped by my house with a prayer shawl, and the story of her 40 something sister who had stage 2 BC about ten years ago, and is thriving now. How about the Stephen Minister who just so happened to be the Cancer Social Worker for the large nearby teaching hospital. Now there's an angel for you.

    When I crashed for the second time in late July we were on vacation in Co. I'm telling you, I was ready to be put in the funny farm. My husband took charge and called our PCP to see if they could get me in as soon as I got home. The PCP Doctor X was booked, but I could see the Nurse Practitioner on Friday. Ok. My husband also called my BS who has been our A #1 Go-To-Guy for everything since the beginning, to ask where they should take me - Mayo's or elsewhere. He knows my PCP and said "I know Doctor X and he can do this." When he hung up the phone just a couple minutes later Dr X's office called and said he wanted to see me Friday instead of the NP.  And no, it is not what you're thinking. . . based on later discussion with the BS I don't think the BS called Doctor X that day.

    I know this is long and confusing but I am getting to the good part . .  .

    That Sunday we went to church. I was still a shaking, weeping mess. It was communion Sunday. As I went to the altar, who was there to serve me the wine but the PT (SEE ABOVE), who also was serving communion - my 70 something prayer group friend (SEE ABOVE), when I looked to the left who was seated and smiling at me, my Stephen Minister (SEE ABOVE). That alone shook me to the core, so after I had taken my turn at the altar I raced to the bathroom to compose myself. One stall was occupied, so I went in the other one, waiting for that other person to leave. No such luck, as the person in the other stall exited the stall another person entered the restroom. They started talking. I was dumbstruck to recognize the voice of our Care Ministries Coordinator (the lady who arranged my Stephen Minister), and the voice of my dear co-Sunday school teacher (SEE ABOVE). I swear on The Bible - this all happened in the span of ten minutes. All I could do was look towards the heavens, smile through my tears, shrug, and think "Ok God, I get it. I get it."

    Signs are everywhere.

    It is all about faith. If we knew for sure there would be no point in faith. I like to think that I was a little like Job last year. You might want to take a look at his struggle again. Of course, it turns out great in the end. Job is better than ever.

    I also like to think of last year's trial as a refining fire. Talk about being stripped to the core, mentally and physically. That was me.

    Early on I had what I like to think of as "tumor envy". If only it had been DCIS instead of IDC. If only it had been 1 cm instead of 1.1 cm. That would have put me in a whole other statistical class!

    Now I realize that maybe it was what it was for a reason. DCIS might have been easier, perhaps more of a guarantee of survival.  Smaller might have been easier. . .

    Now I think it is a good thing that my prognosis is shall we say "open ended"? It makes me appreciate my life and my family and the little things much more than a guarantee would. In a weird, twisted way I am very grateful for the blessing of BC.

    It is too early for you to have a very good perspective yet. But that will come. Just give it time. I promise. For someone as bright as you, you can't help but learn so much from this struggle. I promise that too.

    In the mean time get some good meds, and talk to someone. It really does help. If you would like me to find a Stephen Minister Program, just PM me and tell me your ZIP Code. A Stephen Minister does not preach, they are not formally trained, they just listen. You meet with them once a week for about an hour. If you'd rather not that is just fine too.

    Ok, one more plagarism from Guiliana. Right now you cannot imagine NOT thinking about BC every waking moment. Believe it or not, that is gonna happen, and it will take as long as it takes! :)

    Hang in there my cyber friend.

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