In shock

Bennymuffins, while I don't know your entire treatment history I can sort of relate to what you're going through.  I've had the huge, 2" black bruise from the IV (took months to disappear); another time pain where the needle bent trying to get it into my arm.  Before my last chemo, on Dec. 24th, 2012 they couldn't find a vein and ended up putting it underneath my forearm.  Didn't even know that was possible.

During the 6 months of chemo I never, ever felt well due to the brutal chemo drugs.  There were several times when a sip of water would send me into excrutiating pain.  I went days without eating much too.  The toilet would be full of fresh blood with the diarrhea which happened several times a day. There was horrible pain going down my whole digestive tract and there were days where I could barely lift my head.  Then I had the bloody, pus-filled sores over my body and to top it off horrible, horrible muscle spasms from the Cisplatin.  Apparently I wasn't complaining enough and got told off by the hospital staff, lol.

I was positive that my whole digestive tract was ruined and I would never be the same.  But here it is not quite a month later and I feel on top of the world.  I'm eating too much now and need to lose weight.  Watch your diet during the times you feel like eating - raw vegetables and fruits were not my friends during this time.  Like you, I said that I would never, ever go through it again even if it meant saving my life, but it's like childbirth, you forget.

Keep a positive attitude because it will soon be over.  Try not to dwell too much on things because you will have a lot of down time when your mind will wander.  And in the end the doctors will congratulate you too on getting through it!

I'll be at the finish line waiting for you.

Benny, just want to add to what Scottiee had said. Please never ever think that you are a pain in the ass. We want you to tell us exactly what is going on with you, and to post regularly. You are living alone, and we want to be your lifeline and your sounding board. I have been following you from the beginning, and I really care about you, as do all the others here. Please promise me that you will go get help if you don't get better today. As a dietician Scottiee can tell you better than I can how important it is to get enough fluids to prevent dehydration. Dehydration can happen in a very short time, so you must stay on top of it. Sorry for the sermon, but we want you to be okay.

Dear Benny, I understand what you are saying, and agree that "educating" your docs, nurses, etc. when you are ready to do so is so very important. I hope you don't feel I was trying to minimize what you have been going through. No, I cannot say my cancer experience was a good one. It was years ago, and the journey was basically one of "you have cancer, this is what we are going to do to you". 

I guess I was trying to present thoughts from my side of the fence. I was a therapist on the burn unit at Foothills for many years. I know that most of what I "did" to my patients seemed horribly cruel and uncaring, but I know how necessary it was to put them through the dressing changes and exercises. I think you will be a wonderful advocate for future patients when you have regained "yourself" and had some time pass. Many (but obviously not all) of your experiences are a result of "the system" not necessarily the "person". But I do understand how it doesn't feel that way, because to you(us), cancer is such a personal thing. 

Glad to hear you had someone drop by, be careful with the ice cream because of the sugar in it. 

Benny, so glad you are getting something down. Did you ever try club soda ? It contains bi carbonate of soda / baking soda and does help the burning pipes ease some. Let it go flat if you dont want the bubbles to give you gas.Also handful of baking soda in warm bath will ease your poor bottom I couldn't have got through the last lot without both of these.I know it wasn't as bad as yours but to me it seemed like the worse thing I had ever experienced at the time.
Will check back in the morning, drink lots and try and sleep. x

You sisters are all wonderful bless each and every one of you x

Benny, I am so sorry you have had such a terrible time, Try and rest and healing hugs being sent your way. My first IV I had just above my wrist and I ended up with a bruise that was embarrassing, looked like I had been manhandled...all the others have been good though.

Benny make sure you see the dietician as soon as you are able, you need to keep up your strength.

Nahiha your pictures are beautiful. I was going to write that I haven't really seen any wildlife lately and then on my way to rads I saw a moose in a neighbours yard this morning. It surprised me as I haven't seen to many moose this year...I love to see them just not on the highways.



Everyone stay safe....and have a good week!

Traii...hope the lymphadema can get sorted out soon for you. What a pain, eh! Hope the PS appt. went well too. Wednesday is my LONG awaited PSurgery consult, and it cannot come soon enough. Of course, there will still be the wait for the actual surgery, but at least it'll seem like some progress at last.

The flower/wildlife photos are from various hikes of last spring/summer. Yes Edi, that is a moose, a baby one. I really want to have the recon surgery soon, so I can go hiking again. I've been able to do some snowshoeing, but I think skiing is not going to happen this year, which, like lesleyanne, I really, really miss doing.

Thanks for the group reiki healing too, I truly believe it exists. I was doing some qigong this afternoon, sending healing energy to all of us, too. 

Websister..I had bruises on top of bruises during and for awhile after chemo. Looked like someone had taken a bat to my legs. But I never remembered any bangs or bumps. I think everything just gets thrown out of whack from the drugs, poor nutrition, and stress. Hope your tamoxifen troubles settle down soon, it took a couple months for me, but like I've said before, the other chemo was certainly worse re: side effects. 

Carla....how's it going?

Hugs to all.

Hello bennymuffins , wondering How Are  You ???

Read your posts , was told I have BC Dec.28Th (need lumpectomy and Radiation). This roller coaster ride began last Oct. 2012

Waiting is 1 of  the hardest things to do.

Met the surgeon on Jan2ND .She was reassuring ,  but I  wonder is this primary or secondary????

My mother had BC  it went into her bones, she was 65 .

I just turned 65! 

 Lumpectomy  surgery scheduled Feb.27Th .

Such a long time to worry , stress  is it growing is it getting into lymph nodes etc.

Will be a zombie before the surgery !

Wondering if you have any suggestions on how to cope since you already walked this Journey???

Thanking you or anyone for useful advice it is muchly appreciated.

I have been cleaning , discarding  items, re-arranging cupboards etc. Busy during the day it's the night when I awake and the mind wanders in a Dark Place.

Hope your doing greattttttt Love to hear from you . A  Sister Canuck.

Bennymuffin.....how are you? Are you feeling any better today? You are in my thoughts ❤

Bevlee !!! where have  you been ? thought you had been barbequed in the fires  So glad you are still here, phew. How you keeping ?x

Bearcub, I want a moose in my back yard !! they are super cute.You are smashing through the rads, hope to be not far behind you soon. Consultant said they might overlap them with next chemo. Talk about adding insult to injury lol. Wig just gone flying across the room, prickles are catching in it and itching like mad, baldy is beautiful. yay x

Benny, bless your cotton socks, you are really being so brave, don't ever think that the sisters will give up on you, so don't you even think about losing hope. You have had lots of the Red Devil and sure it has massacred all remaining bad cells. Hope you are getting some nourishment ? x

nihahi, hope healing reaches everyone. Trying quigong via youtube, loving it ! Don't do going out to strange places at the moment. Confidence gone, afraid I will have a panic attack.
Baby moose sooo sweet.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow, one step nearer yay !x

Traii, you are so right. some amazing ladies on here, if the world had more of them it would be a better place. x

DH and I have spent ALL day picking a new bathroom, think the girl in the store wanted to kick him, he needs every detail of everything !! She was so patient, Fingers crossed all will be done in a few weeks. can't wait only took seven years to get DH to get it done.

Better give him dinner he looks quite weak, his wallet looks even weaker.

Lovsya all xx

Back from doing some errands...still no Benny?????

Edi, you wouldn't want any size moose in your backyard, or elk, or deer.....if you have shrubs or trees. They consider those things to be free meals! I'm trying to find the photos I took of the moose I almost skied into last year. He was a stubborn guy and showed up in the parking lot at the end of the day. They like to lick the road salt off cars in the winter. If I can find it, I'll post it for you. Warning....he was bigger than you think!!!!!! A new bathroom, cool, of course we want details!!!!!! Your confidence will come back, but I understand how sometimes now you feel like there is a giant "C" flashing over your head for everyone to see. I often found that when people thought I was handling things really well, is when I actually felt most exposed and depressed. The disconnect is hard to sort through, but give yourself credit for what you've been through. Your doing awesome!!!!!!!!!!! Has the ice age receeded yet for England?

Traii, hope your physio and PS appts went well yesterday. There are so many choices for reconstruction out there now, that were not possible 20+ years ago. I am desperately hoping that I will be approved tomorrow for the type of recon I'm hoping for. I've forgotten (again) how to sort out the time/day difference, so for all I know you could be reading this message in July!

Bearcub - glad to hear the moose wasn't on the road!

Heading out again, trying to stay busy before tomorrow's appt. Could use some "pocket pals"!

Waiting to hear from Benny - I sincerely hope she is doing okay.

Bearcub, speaking of moose on the road, we once almost hit one east of Edmonton. It came running straight for the busy Highway 16, jumped the fence, ran onto the road, then stopped in its tracks right in front of our car. DH slammed on the brakes, and we came to a dead stop. The bewildered moose looked around, turned in its tracks, and ran back the way it came. Scary. Up close a moose bears a close resemblance to a camel - not pretty. I've heard people call them swamp donkeys - lol.

Nihahi, will be with you in the spirit tomorrow.

Welcome back, Bevlee! Good to hear you sounding so upbeat. Aloe vera juice? Do you take sugar with it? Just joking.

65, so sorry that you have to be here. Although our reason for being here is really serious, and most of us have lost some body parts, we have not lost our sense of humour, and that is what keeps us going. Keeping busy is the best thing you can do under the circumstances. Cancer normally grows slowly, and it takes years for a lump to form, so you can relax about that. Worry won't change the outcome, but it does cause stress, and sucks the joy out of living. It is what it is, so try to relax, and go with the flow. Hugs to you!

Sandwiches will be no problem...lol



Ditto....Bennymuffin, please post if your are at home.

Nihahi - In your pocket tomorrow. Make it nice and warm, pleeeze.

Dakota - (((HUGS))) to you dear girl. What an a**  D(not)H is. Feb 14th can't come soon enough.

65andcounting - Welcome aboard this train.  Keep busy.  Get things arranged where you can reach them.  Make freezer meals.  Get button up the front shirts; easier to get into. I could not staighten arm out fully for several weeks and when I went back to work had to choose more loose fitting scrubs to be able to get into them. Check what kind of bra BS wants you to wear and shop for them.  Mine had no particular pref. so I bought front hook sports bras cheap at WalMart.  They were good for rads too as all the lotions/potions washed out of them.  The squishy look not so attractive but liked the support and still wear them for active wear.  Ask away; probably one of us has been there or can point you in the right direction.

Bevlee - good to hear from you. How is treatment going for you?

Traii - staying cool?  How is the arm?

Bearcub - do I count only one more rad?  Going to celebrate tomorrow, I bet.

Edi - Riding a camel??? Oh my.  Glad you're having the big thaw.  Nice afternoon here.

Liefie - I previewed this and read your "mooseballs".  Just about spit out my tea on computer screen.  Does it taste like venison though I haven't had any in several years.  DH not a hunter/gatherer type more like a couch surfer type though he has been painting the patio on his vacation. But his time comes Friday. He gets the colonoscopy I went through in Dec.

Benny oh Benny where are you????  Please post if just a word or two.  Websister or Nihahi have your heard from her?  Worried (see my big frowny face).

Been absent. Had mammo yesterday one year from diagnosis.  Radiologist said see you in 6 months for leftie.  OK so had to go shopping afterwards to celebrate.  Catching up on chores today.  I need to keep my little notepad by keyboard to take notes on everyone.  Isn't that your secret Edi?  I saw Benny's coffee cup yesterday at Marshall's.  Keep calm and carry on.

Liefie - Ah what a nice French word and so grown up - accoutrement.

No, not looking forward to DH's colonoscopy.  But I guess I will keep him after 37 years.

Thanks for the shoutout about the mammo and in your pockets for your's next week.