Mom just diagnosed with invasive ducal carcinoma

Hello kathi~ Your mom's going to be alright and so are you and your new baby. (Congratulations by the way!) Cancer is scary stuff, it is very awful to know that some little part of you would like to kill the rest of you, but 4mm is tiny and it is extremely unlikely that it has spread. If it makes you feel any better, I had mammograms every year, never missed and then one year, bam, I had a 1 cm IDC tumor and DCIS that had not been seen previously.  You are in a great place here, for love and support, don't be afraid to ask any question, there are no silly ones.  Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book is a great resource and explains every aspect of every sort of breast cancer, I'd recommend that to you right now. It's all very understandable, she also has a great web site with lots of good information.  I'm a few months away from 3 years since I was diagnosed and I have finally learned to live with this, I'm not so afraid all the time and it doesn't occupy so much of my thinking, but I have had to work on that.  I don't want it stealing any more of my life than it has already and I, and I know your mom would say the same thing, don't want it stealing any of your life either.  I'd be happy to help you with any questions you may have and I know others here would as well.  I'm holding your hand from afar and sending you a big hug. Your mom is lucky to have a daughter like you.

Kathi, welcome to Breastcancer.org.

We're glad you found this wonderful community to help you and your mother get through this. The main Breastcancer.org site has a wealth of resources to guide you: the Your Diagnosis section, for example, will take you through every line of the pathology report. Also, the Search function on the main site will explain the meanings of any tests, treatments and medicines your mother will want to know about.

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The horror of the first time hearing is devastating, but she will adapt. Things go very fast in the beginning (lumpectomy, biopsys to determine the characteristics of the cancer, maybe radiation for a few weeks). Then it will be up to the lab reports and the oncologist to determine treatment for the longer term. Talks with the oncologist slow Down to once every one to three months or so. You will find out if the cancer is hormone positive (ER/PR), how fast it is growing, what stage it is at (1-4, 1 being the best case). The oncologist will take these into account as well as her age and other factors. Breast cancer has some of the most research of all of the cancers, so there are quite a few treatment options.

Stay off the web surfing for now (and maybe latter too). The data takes time to compile, and the studies take years, so at best you have old information, at worst you have misleading technical jargon or one off non related cases. Every case is different.

Chemo is not the end of the world, in fact it could mean that the oncologist believes an aggressive treatment will put her into a long period of no cancer detected. Listen to your mom closely because she is scared too, trust the oncologist, and don't be mislead by everyone else's case. You will know the ropes a little better later.

Please put your Mom's grandchild first, I am sure your Mom wants it that way.

No need to apologize for asking questions, you should congratulate yourself.  The more good, solid information I have, the better I feel.  My imagination goes to a bad place in a hurry and knowing is much better than not.  Your mom is most probably Stage 1, after the biopsy they will be able to tell you all the detailed charachteristics of your mom's specific cancer cells - and they are all different.  If chemotherapy is recommended, she can opt to have her cancer tested to find out if the benefit is worth the risk with an Oncotype test.  Chemotherapy was recommended for me but the Oncotype test told me that chemotherapy would be of no benefit and would, instead, probably shorten my life.  That is to say the chemicals they have to fight cancer with would have no effect on my particular cancer.  That test took the guesswork out of my decision making entirely.

Try to remember to breathe, be outside as much as you can, it's where I am the calmest.  Pray, meditate, listen to soothing sounds, music.  Be as healthy as you can be for your and your baby's sake. That is the best help that you can give your mom right now, the knowledge that her baby and grandbaby are going to be just fine.  And you will all be, I promise. 

Kathi...  I agree with the advice to avoid googling everything in sight.  You will have information overload that is not productive.   I have been through this journey when my mom was diagnosed over ten years ago... and then I was diagnosed a year and a half ago.  Let the oncologist and surgeon answer questions rather than friends and computers.  IF your mom goes with radiation, it will mean a daily trip for a while, but if she is like most, it will be doable--just tiring.  Once the initial shock wears off, place yourself as priority.  You cannot be there for your mom if you are not feeling your best.  Take joy in your growing baby... the kicks, the nutrition you both need, the love you can look forward to.  Take soothing baths if you need to.  Go to a funny movie together.  Make once-the-baby-is-here plans.  Look forward together, and you'll get there.  You have opened yourself to a world of advice here, and if you feel overwhelmed, choose a personality or two that you feel offers grounded advice, and pm them.  Personal messaging works great for some, and others prefer open forum.  Best of luck to you.  Breathe.  You will be amazed at how this journey unfolds.  It is not a death sentence.  Remember, one day at a time is all anyone can handle.  This is a great place to be for "veteran" wisdom.  I'm sure we all send hugs your way.

An MRI is good, it gives the Docs a very clear picture of what's going on in that boob.  I had one, my breasts are very dense and my surgeon wanted to make sure she didn't encounter any surprises during my surgery.  I think cancer is a thief in many ways, it steals a lot of things from you. Your peace of mind, your time, your focus and energy.  Find things to be grateful for, that you have access to good medical care, that you have a mom you love, that you have a new life growing in you.  Try to focus on that, with gratitude.  If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone.  I shared your post with my (adult)kids, they said they pretty much felt the same way.

Kathi,

I know this must be very difficult but your mom needs your support and comfort. Please allow her to be the one being taken care of and not worry about you. I don't mean to sound harsh but one of the things that made me so proud of my daughters was how they rose to the occasion. Were they upset and worried? I'm sure they were but they kept that away from me so I could focus on recovering from surgery and the unforeseen complications I had as well as treatment. We talk about it now but when I was at my weakest they were my rocks. I hope you have others in your life you talk your worries over with but try to keep it away from your mom. BTW, I am stage IV and lead quite a normal life!

Take good care of yourself.