Mom diagnosed, minimum information!

Yes, there is a page built by the moderators to help educate people after first diagnosis -- but honestly, each breast cancer is amazingly individual.

The more you learn, the more you can help your mom, and reassure her that you won't 'freak out' -- and that you are ready to step up and have an adult relationship with her -- one that is honest and open. After all -- you are in the military and married! Some mom's have a hard time making the transition to viewing their children as equals-- but now is a wonderful time to get past that barrier. Frankly -- I think we worry much more about the unknown than the known.

The fact that your mom has cancer after 50 is probably good news for your own health -- but if she were 80 it would be better.  A BRCA test would tell your mother if other women in your immediate family may have cause for concern about their own health... but if her docs truly are convinced she doesn't have that mutant gene, they may not ask for it (and some insurance companies will only pay for it in certain likely circumstances).

Your mother may not know much yet.  The breast cancer dance unfolds slowly sometimes. She may only so far have had a mammogram and follow up sonogram which are showing problems that are so far not diagnosed. 

Find out if she has had a biopsy, and if so -- ask for a copy of the pathology report. There is a wealth of information there that can help you and your mom determine what the right course of treatment will be. Surprisingly, the docs don't have pat answers anymore -- and most expect their patients to co-cordinate their treatment options. Your mom may just be assuming she needs chemo -- not every cancer patient does. 

Find out if she has had: MRI, CT-scan, sonogram, lumpectomy. BRCA test? Does she know her stage or oncotype yet? Is she estrogen and/or progesterone positive? 

Has she talked yet to a medical oncologist (who prescribes hormone therapy) or a radiation oncologist (who administers radiation/chemo)? She may be making fearful assumptions that may not pan out to be true in her case.

Has she spoken yet to a plastic surgeon about reconstruction, and when is her next test/surgery?

What 'lump' in the arm? Does she mean lymph nodes? Recent studies show that in some cases lymph node removal is necessary -- and in some cases it is not reccommended: "Less is More" seems to be surfacing as the new trend in the 'standard of care'.

This is a great opportunity for you to become closer to your mother. And for you to become an expert about breast cancer -- something that happens to 1 of every 8 women -- potentially may eventually happen to you, or your sister, or your mother-in-law, or best friend. You are so smart to begin the research yourself, because your mother may be too nervous right now to do that research for herself.

Very best of luck to both you and your mother -- this can be a huge "opening" in your personal relationship with your mom. She may very well need you soon... Probably not for long periods of time, but occassionally. 

Not every cancer is the same. I was surprised to learn that some women are FIFTY year survivors!

Personally, I was diagnosed in May, and in November had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, utilizing my excess belly fat to construct the new breasts. AMAZING. I had no clue something like this was possible. And, 7 weeks post surgery -- I feel surprisingly 'normal' -- and with all the breast tissue removed -- I now have no more chance of breast cancer! Not everyone has the sort of cancer I have -- so not everyone can choose what I did. 

A couple things to remember: Probably nearly everyone in their 50's and older has some cancer cells in their bodies. Cancer is not some 'outside' disease that we catch -- it is only some cells that get over-active and forget how to die -- so they keep eating and growing. Our immune systems have natural defense against these over-achiever cells -- including the lymph nodes, which filter out cancer cells that break free and attempt to travel through the lymph system to new sites (other organs, the bones, etc).  This is why lymph nodes often contain cancer -- they have done their job well -- collected stray travelers, protecting more important body parts.

Some cancers are aggressive and grow fast. These respond (in general) well with treatment (chemo and radiation). Other cancers are extremely slow-growing (like mine) so chemo and radiation do more damage than good. 

Some breast cancer is fed by estrogen and progesterone -- the cancer has receptors that lock onto ER and PR in the circulatory system -- and can be tricked by hormone drugs like Tamoxofen or Femara (probably the 'pills' that your mother said she would be taking). 

Please feel free to private message if you want -- but posting her publically will bring you a wealth of information, and help others in your same situation.

Good luck, 

Linda

Mom without- Sorry to hear about your daughter, I know how upset and worried you must feel, my daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple years before me and remember how helpless I felt. At the time I didn't know about BCO. And didn't have all the support and advice you will get here now, glad you found us but sorry you have to be here. I'm assuming your daughter is ER+ sounds like she will be taking one of the hormone pills that is taken for 5 years. As far as being able to sleep laying down, I was able to but also slept in a recliner which was more comfortable for me, I also was able to sleep on one side but only has a uni masectomy so I'm sure it will be harder for her to do so. She should wear something comfortable when she goes in for surgery like a button top. Sounds like your daughter has a lot of support from you and her husband which is great, she is lucky to have you for a mom! I'm sure others will chime in, the weekends and late evenings can be a little slower or you can also start a new topic under just diagnosed. You can also pm me of you want. You and your daughter are in my prayers and thoughts.

Love and hugs

Debbie

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