Mom Has Just Been Diagnosed :(

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J92
J92 Member Posts: 61
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Hi...my name is Jessica and I am 20 years old. Unfortunately my mom has just been diagnosed. I have decided to join this site because I have been on these boards a lot lately and I find that many of the posts I have read from these wonderful courageous women have been so helpful and inspirational, especially with many of the Breast Cancer survivors who still post their stories to give hope to others. I would like to share my story just to vent, and hopefully get some responces from people who are going through or have been in my mom's situation (or even mine since this is really hard for me to deal with) at some point in their life. Here is my story: 

A month ago, my mom was Diagnosed with Stage 3, Grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (ER+, PR+, HER2+). She underwent a Modified Radical Mastectomy almost 3 weeks ago. The surgey went very well, and she is so far recovering very well. The pathology report said that they have removed all of the cancer and they got very large margins (which is great news). The surgeon removed 13 lymph nodes, and 7 out of the 13 were positive for cancer. The cancer was not on her chest wall. Of course she requires Chemotherapy (6 Months), Radiation and Herceptin since her tumour was HER2+. Her surgeon says that he is happy with how everything is going so far. He said that even though her tumour was a grade 3, it responds the best to Chemotherapy. She will be starting Chemo within the next 2 weeks (they want her to recover a little more from her surgery). I am not really looking forward to watching her go through Chemo but I know that even though it will be a rough 6 months, it's going to kill any of those little ******* that could potentially be in her body :). I am just going to try to keep in mind that all of this treatment is for precautionary reasons and it is the Chemo that will be causing her to feel crappy, NOT the cancer. We are from Toronto and her surgery was at St. Michael's Hospital (they were excellent). She will be receiving her Chemo at St. Michael's Hospital and she will be doing Radiation at Princess Margaret Hospital. 

If anyone has been through this, or has had a similar (or the same) diagnosis as my mom, or has had their treatment in Toronto and would like to share their story with me, that would be greatly appreciated. :)

Thanks!

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  • marywh
    marywh Member Posts: 2,280
    edited January 2013

    just a little note to let you know that alot of times the thought of the chemo is worse than the chemo itself. There are a lot of meds out there that will help your mom get through the chemo pretty well. Im glad to hear that her margins were so clear and she is healing well. The one thing I would like to stress is that she should drink plenty of fluids during chemo to flush it out of her system and to take her anti-nausea mds.on time and not wait till shes feeling sick. The farther ahead she can stay the better off she'll feel. Glad you have found this site and there are a  lot of ladies on here with great advice.best wishes to you and your mom...

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    Hello!! Oh honey...my oldest just turned 20...she was 2 years younger when I was diagnosed. My daughters were free to express themselves and feel every feeling they needed to...at any time. She even took me to the hospital and treatments. She looked at it like you did...we are taking the poison to kill any remaining cells and we are using the best of modern medicine.

    Ok. I was horrible sick on chemo. I did not want anyone to "watch" me. I just needed fluids, food, and an occasional "how ya doing". The absolute worst part of this entire experience was the pain on the faces of the people I love. You wont be able to hide that...just be aware. Keep her room clean...do laundry, dishes, cleaning etc without asking if she needs anything. This will be one of the greatest gifts to her. Dome people have no problem with therapy but I was not one of those. Remember, its ok to feel however you feel...you have to take care of yourself...especially emotionally...mama needs you: )

    Talk to her...be her best friend. Tell her to be open and honest with You because she can (unless you are not able to handle it...be honest about That).

    Cone to the boards...pm me anytime if you like...I could have you talk with my daughter if you like...she's an amazing woman and im sure shed have great words of encouragement.

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  • mgdsmc
    mgdsmc Member Posts: 332
    edited January 2013

    J92



    Sorry to hear about your mom. I had one less node positive for BC than your mom but her-

    Grade 3 does respond best to chemo since its the most rapid growing type,still scary to hear. Great your mom margins are clear.



    Not sure what type of chemo she will have but mine wasn't bad at all. Not one day of nausea or vomiting plus gained weight. When I first heard I needed chemo I thought just like you. I would be sick frail and stuck in bed none of that happened, I was shocked. The thought of chemo is much worse than it really is.



    My daughters are 21 and 17 at my diagnoses and they came here like you to find information to help me. You mom will be ok and very lucky to have a caring daughter like you😊



    Michelle

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  • GoldenGirls
    GoldenGirls Member Posts: 608
    edited January 2013

    Hi Jessica,

    My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer over 11 years ago and also went to Princess Margaret for her treatment. Chemo made her nauseous and she lost her hair, but it was easier on her than expected. She always says the key was to force herself to eat even when she wasn't hungry because it helped with the nausea --even though eating was the last thing she felt like doing--and it also kept her strength and cell count up so she could get through chemo without interruption in treatment.



    I wish her the same wonderful recovery my mom made :) Feel free to message me if you want to talk, share or just vent. Hugs

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    Just want to thank all of you ladies for sharing your stories and offering all of your advice and support. It really means a lot. Xoxo

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  • Homebody
    Homebody Member Posts: 35
    edited January 2013

    Oh Jessica, you are young to be going through this. So sorry. I was 24 when my mom was diagnosed. (38 now). I did not handle it well and fell into a bad relationship. Bad men sense when you're vulnerable. So try not to do as I did! But seriously, I think your judgment can get hampered when you are in such a stressful situation.

    No advice for chemo as my mom didn't have it. She was cancer-free for 13 years and now it's back for good, Stage IV (terminal). Perhaps if she had had the chemo we wouldn't be here now. So longterm, chemo is a positive thing, really.

    Hugs to you ((((Jessica)))) There can be few worse things for a young girl to go through. I feel for you SO much. That was such a dark time in my life, at 24, and much worse in terms of handling it than at the age I am now. Perhaps you could also seek counselling for yourself? I hate to think of you suffering as I did.

    xxxxxxx

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  • overjoyed4life
    overjoyed4life Member Posts: 239
    edited January 2013

    Hello Jessica,

    I am so sorry you are here, but we welcome you with open arms. I want to first start by saying, I commend your mother for raising such a loving and caring daughter. My sons were 22 and 17 when I was diagnosed in 2010. My best advise to you is to try to help around the house as much as possible. Mom's seem to worry about those sort of things no matter what is going on in their lives. Your mother probably will not feel like eating too much, but make sure she gets something down. Light foods are best, Yogurt, jello, apple sauce, soups, fruits. Try to have her drink lots of water to prevent dehydration. She will also be very tired, let her sleep. It will sometimes seem like it will be never ending, but she will start to feel better after treatment. Just know that we are here for you if you need us. 

    Love and Blessings

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    Thanks ladies. 

    Homebody: I think at any age, having to see someone you love, especially a parent go through something horrible like this is hard and you are never prepared for something like this. I am so devastated. My mom and I are so close and I love her more than anything and I wish I could do something to take this pain away from her. I have considered councelling. I think I will need someone to talk to while I am going through this. I think it will help me get through this and it will be good for me since it isn't good to keep things bottled up inside. My mom and I joined a support group near our house where we can talk to people who are going through / have gone through this, and we can do lots of activities together (yoga etc.) Thanks :).

    srbl62: Thanks for your advice. I have been and will continue to help my mom around the house and with anything else that she needs. I will almost have to take on the parent role for a little while, which is okay. Anything my mom needs, I will be there. All I want is for her to get better and beat this monster of a disease. Thanks for the support!

    My prayers and thoughts are will all of you wonderful ladies :) xoxo

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    You're mama did a really great job with you: ) I think you're both going to get through this and be stronger for it.

    One step at a time...that's all you have to do...

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    Thank you Fuzzy xoxo. I hope we get through this and can help others who are going through the same thing one day! 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    J...that's the way...looking forward! LOL I'm just Really impressed with how proactive you are for your mom. Nothing like having an advocate that only has your best interests in mind. You just Keep on keepin' on...

    I might have missed it but...what's happening next? Appointment and planning?

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    Thanks xo. Someone from the hospital called my mom today for her appointment...she is seeing the team of Oncologists (and who ever else is involved in her treatmeant) this Friday...I'm happy about that because that means she will be starting Chemo sooner (probably next week sometime)....It's a long appointment. I will definitely be going with her. I am just a little nervous because I don't know what to expect. I hope we both feel a little better after Friday.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    Well...if its like my first appt, they will be 100% ready to tell you all of the details and plans. They will probably take really good care of you both. If you go to livestrong.com, you can find checklists and questions already set up...you just print it off. Then, you might want to check out the Chemo Shopping List threads on here...that was super helpful for me...I think Baby Wipes are still the best tip!!! LOL

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited January 2013

    Hello and welcome albeit under the circumstances. I'm sorry to hear about your Mom but it sounds like she's on the right track. This site is invaluable an d helped me through some terrible moments. But there is light at the end of the tunnel! I am over 3 years out and never thought I'd be here today. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask any questions or jut come here to vent. We get it..



    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    Hey Pup!!! Good to see ya!!

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    Hello Sharon...thanks for the reply...this website has really been amazing...it's great to feel and know that you're not alone. So happy for you that you're over 3 years out, that's wonderful :) I can't wait until my mom will be able to say that :) Thank you. I have a feeling I will be venting quite a bit.

    Fuzzy: Good news...there's an oncologist who is very well known in the Toronto area...we have only heard great things about her and a few of the doctors my mom has spoken to also spoke very highly of her. My mom was not assigned to her so she was a little disappointed, however this morning my mom called the hospital to try and see if there was anything they can do in order for my mom to get treated by her. My mom's nurse (who is also a stage 3 grade 3 Breast Cancer survivor) said it's not something they normally do but she would try to pull some strings....an hour later my mom got a call back and she is now under the care of the Oncologist she wanted :) So great news...I am happy about that. We will be meeting with her this Friday. 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    THAT is worth celebrating!! Over one hurdle already!!!

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited January 2013

    That is great! It is so important to have trust in your docs.

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    I agree...so far we have had nothing but good experiences so lets hope it stays that way.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited January 2013

    Incase you would like to check this out....it really helped me.  And sometimes, you don't really know what you need and this list helps with that too...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/706846

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  • J92
    J92 Member Posts: 61
    edited January 2013

    Wow thank you!! Such helpful tips. I will be sure to pass this along to my mom as well! Thank you <3 

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