MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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AMP47 ......Thankyou x
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You guys sure are a noisy group...my pockets were jumping! Lol...BTW I feel like shit.
Mondays chemo was terrifying, I had an event, the anti nausea drug almost did me under...I had the dangerous side effects, loss of motor control, incoherent, sweating, BP shot to 180/100 they called the onco he said it was taxol, not! It was like my mothers stroke which I was there when she had it but my symptoms were on both sides of my body. They could have yelled fire and I couldn't move a muscle, good thing hubby was there he knew I was in distress and insisted they stop the drug for a bit. Sure enough I started to recover and my treatment took a lovely 6.5 hours. I get why people give up...
Tuesday, well that was port install day, I was sick all night from Mondays fun day so he really examined me to make sure I was able to withstand the surgery....I had to have the port as they poked my only good arm 4 times. Didn't hurt on install but hurts like hell ever since. Today my sister, bless her brought me to the care clinic to have the tape and badges refreshed, did I mention that I'm so allergic to the glue on the tape that I bleed? So I'm told that removal of the dangles and tape for the port is scheduled for next Tuesday..oh joy! I'm not gonna shower, I don't care, just doing the important parts!
My sugars dropped drastically today, probably cause of the multiple BM visits to the toilet since Monday, and no wonder I'm not hungry!
Sis and I had to go to cosco and had the free snacks which picked me up a bit but I'll have to see a dietician as I don't know what to eat anymore..onco doc said easy on dairy eat crackers, drink teas....jeez...they also know I have a weight problem....
Tomorrow is bloodwork, glowing body cat scan and I just found out I have to drink something as well....shit...there is a nodule on my adrenal gland so they want to see if its active...hmmm...little bastards are everywhere! The back of my left knee hurts, told to pay attention for blood clot...
When I'm alone I can pretend none of this is really happening...soon as I see anybody I'm jolted back to my reality and I cry, a lot.
Reading all the encouragement makes me cry as well but they're happy tears! Xoxoxox -
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Jo. You have certainly had a rough go. It's about time you catch a break. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending gentle ((hugs)) and warm thoughts for a brighter tomorrow.
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JoC, You were having a real chemo DAYmare! It sounds very scary and horrifying for both you and your husband. Good thing he was there as you got so incapacitated by the chemo. Please keep in mind, just 'cause we read how "doable" chemo is, don't think for a minute that if something starts going wrong that you are being a lightweight and maybe things have to be individualized or customized for you. We aren't all the same and we don't all react the same. Hopefully they will find a way to administer that it will be more tolerable next time. Oh, and my port was uncomfortable for 2-3 weeks (even tho' so many said they were good two days later.) I think that sounds like a good plan for you to work something out with a dietician. Everyone on this thread knows what a formidable opponent B/C is.
The fact that we are just average women stepping up to deal with something like this is incredible all by itself!!!
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I was so happy to find this category for middle age women!! I have a very strong family history of BC, maternal G-Ma, Mother & 2 paternal Aunts. Mine was found during routine mammogram, Stage 1, Grade 2, HER/PR+, NEU-, 0 lymph nodes involved. Had BM 08/30/12 & starting reconstruction 01/18/13. Started Tamoxifen 09/01/12.
I lost my Mother 2 1/2 yrs ago to Satge IV BC - she was given 5 yrs to live and made it 4. I was the one who cared for her every day during those 4 yrs and always wondered how I would cope if I had to go through this as she was always graceful, kind, optimistic and positive. Well, now I know how it feels and she is my inspiration.
Everyone diagnoised with BC learns how fickle BC can be. Finding the cancer early is best but doesn't promise a return down the road. I just had my 4 mo follow up with my Oncologist and the anticipation waiting for the appointment/test results were nerve wracking. I have my faith, boyfriend, great family and friends but I find most people who haven't experienced cancer and the fear have a difficult time understanding the fear(s) we face. I feel like my boyfriend wants to keep moving forward and don't look back though he has been more than 100% supportive/giving care, etc. Friends want to make me feel better by telling me not to worry. Rationally I know there isn't any way to know if my BC will come back and I don't want to allow it to rob me of anymore time by worrying but the irrational part is there and I can't pretend it's not in the back of my mind
I didn't join any support groups because the loss of my Mother/best friend is still too raw to allow myself to think too deeply and reflect with others while going through my own experience. I didn't think I needed support but I am learning I do. Cancer taught me the lesson that I need to chill out, quit stressing so much, more strict diet and enjoy each day, person, etc. with more clarity and love. So any words of widsom for those who have traveled this road/and or still are would be appreciated.
Thank you and Blessings to all of you!!
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Welcome, acaligirl! There are several of us here who have been in the caregiver role. As demanding as that can be, there is a deep satisfaction to be able to give back to a parent on that level. Good for you stepping up to do that! Have you any daughters to be concerned about genetically?
re: Rationally I know there isn't any way to know if my BC will come back and I don't want to allow it to rob me of anymore time by worrying but the irrational part is there and I can't pretend it's not in the back of my mind
Truer words were never spoken. Very impressive that you have already discovered what it takes some a few years to come to appreciate...that to live in a way that is not dictated by the cancer or by the fear of the cancer returning is our best bet to getting to some kind of normal feeling again. The magic 5-year period is not all that meaningful for those with hormone positive cancers, and I kind of feel that I will be looking over my shoulder for cancer for the rest of my LIFE, but it really is up to us as to how much of our lives we give over to cancer. WE owe it to ourselves to KEEP IT TO A MINIMUM because there is a lot more to life that deserves our attention.
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When attending statistic 101 in college, the professor told us that we were now going to learn about lies, lies and more lies. He further went on to explain, in case you are wondering what I'm referring to - that would be the study of statistics. And, by the way, if you think you are and A student - I don't give,"As" so,good luck. .
After my surgeon, he told me that my chances of recurrence are either 0'or 100. I have made this point many times on this site with strong resistance to the statement from my doctor.
A very sobering awareness of breast cancer - Native Maine is correct. -
Caligirl, glad you found your cancer early, but agree that it is a fickle beast, and it can be hard to remain calm.
Welcome to our group.
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Elimar - love the picture at the top! That's going to be me when I can afford a new motorcycle, lol. I still have the Kawasaki 250 I learned to drive on when I was a young teenager. Needless to say it needs some work, but they aren't all that hard to work on. Just gotta convince my ex-husband he should do it - haha!
Actually, lately I've been thinking about getting a Vespa and ride it around à la Sophia Loren. Probably wouldn't look quite the same, nor have the same vibe. But I've been looking at them - I like the baby blue color. But it is doable around here - I'm within walking distance of everything, it's just not safe to walk around here because of the traffic.
I also signed up for some drum lessons today! I get two 1-hour lessons for $50 from a woman drummer who was in the Top 25 Women of Indie Rock or something like that
Then I'll try to teach myself via classes on iTunes and YouTube. Yeah, I think my 2nd childhood is starting....
acaligirl - you've got a terrific attitude! I need some attitude readjustments every now and then, but mostly I stay on the positive side of things. Welcome to this fun board!
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Welcome acaligirl - You sound like you have a great attitude to help you through whatever life may throw at you. Glad to have you join for fun, merriment, support, encouragement, laughter and tears.
heartnsoul - I'm sure you would look every bit as elegant as Sophia on a vespa! Drum lesson?? Sounds like a lot of fun - I have been thinking about getting back into the guitar (used to play a bit about 20 some years ago). Maybe you could post a video of your talent once you get rockin!
Happy Friday everyone!
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Biopsy went okay one spot was not a irregular node but a cyst the other suspect area may be scar tissue but will know next Friday as BS is on vacation, ok I am going on vacation nex month no matter results. Feeling crppy today cold or flu is back think my body is staying stop rest so no work no nothing but here and tv!
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Take care of yourself, Carollyn. Hoping for an uneventful week until you can get the results next Friday.
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Thank you for your posts. I tried to learn from my Mother to have a good attitude and I will say it is easier to have that when you seem to have a good prognosis. Not so sure how I would do if it was more advanced.
My Mother was my best friend and there wans't any other place I would rather be than with her helping her through that terrible time. I miss her greatly but I have peace knowing she is no longer suffering. I don't have any sisters or daughters to worry about thank goodness but we have discussed it with my brother to watch (since men can get it as well).
Just like everyone else, most days I do pretty well, stay positive, live, laugh, love but I will admit fear always seems to creep back around. I feel it will be up to me to use my own inner strength/faith again to get through this. I thought it would be nice to find others (in my age group) who could understand what this is like for us.
Thank you again for your words and I look forward to more on this board!!
Have a fabulous Friday Girls!!
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acaligirl,
I also lost my mother just over two years ago, but to ovarian cancer. She was a stoic and very independent woman, and did not go to the doctor for a long time after discovering lumps in her gut. When she told me about them, I made her make an appointment, and she learned a week later that she was stage 4.
Her diagnosis scared the hell out of me, for her, but also for me and my girls. After helping her through chemo and radiation and other surgeries to try to prolong her life, after five years she said "no more." She lived in her own home by herself until two days before she died (she went to a hospice facility on Friday and left this earth on Sunday. She would not consider moving in with us or going somewhere else that offered living assistance. She wanted to stay home with her two elderly dogs, so I set up daily care assistance and was there every weekend for the last year of her life. I got to know who she really was and treasure that time with her.
One of her dogs (they were sisters) died in the night two weeks before Mom did. I truly believe Mom was waiting for them to die, and they were each waiting for her to die. When Mom went to hospice, my brother and I put the other one down (she was very sick herself). So they had each other for 14 years, and all went together. We buried her dogs in her backyard and sprinkled Mom's ashes over the two graves. Mom lived her life on her terms and for that I am grateful.
Your post made me emotional. Mostly I am ok with thoughts of my Mom, but I miss her.
When I was diagnosed, I had to remind myself that my Mom's diagnosis was not my diagnosis. I also choose to be vigilent about my health, and if I notice something, I will not wait to have it checked out.
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Carollyn,
Hopeing you feel better asap. Being sick on top of all of this is never a good time. Wishing you love, health and a great Friday!!
I too am going on vacation soon. (Well, in March) We go to Key West every year for spring break. This time my vacat will be totally different. No swimming and water activities b/c I'm sure the water, the chlorine and the sand and salt won't be good for the hair folicles, while using the cold caps. And then there is the sun exposure. LOL! I'l be sitting on a lounge chair under a palm tree enjoying the view and the family. But hey... it's all good, right? A vacation is always good. Smile! where are you going?
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Elimar,
LOVE the bike picture at the top! Riding is a love of mine. I don't own one, but will some day. I have a ton of friends who take me riding when I go home to Boston. Big love for that!! You look awesome! And drum lessons, huh? I was thinking about guitar lessons myself. One of my boys takes guitar lessons and his teacher comes to our house on Saturday mornings. Brandon (the teacher) told me anytime I was ready to start to jsut let him know. Your drumming might jsut be what I need to kick my ass into gear to get going. Thanks!! TGIF!
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Staynsane,
I am sorry to hear about your mother as well. My mother's mother originally had BC & it came back in her ovaries 7-10 yrs later. She also ignoored it & by the time she went to the doctor it was too late to save her. Because of that my mother & I have both been vigilant about screenings.
Her diagnosis scared the hell out of me too & when they found mine - Deer in the headlights, numb & thought I would pass out. I watched her mother go through mastectomy, chemo, etc. when I was 15 yrs because my mother was caring for her mother in our home. Then years later I watched my own mother go through it all over again & it was very surreal. Possibly this has all heightened my fear(s). My Father was diagnoised with an aggressive form of PC 10 yrs ago, had radical surgery and did well but it returned last year. Had rads and is now in remission.
I lost my mother 04/20/2010 and then lost my kitty exactly 1 month after that. By that point I was so numb I don't rememeber much pain, just plodding along each day through a soupy, numb world. I am OK to talk about my mother but when I hear how much & many people loved her & feel others losses, it overwhelms me. You are correct, my mother's diagnosis is not mine and rationally I know this but after all the family members having cancer, I just feel like my future is going to be short. But nobody really knows so I am leaning on my faith and taking that part off my shoulders. All we can do is be vigilant and watch the things we think can contribute to it returning.
Thank you for your comments and I am sorry about your loss(es). I have learned to live on without my mother and I am going to enjoy my life just like she did hers - she would be dissapointed in me if I did anything less!!
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Amrdbit, Oh no, that is not me on that cycle, but that woman had a good "I'm livin' my life" look, so she can represent for a couple days up there. I find most of the pics on image hosting sites, and they are not ladies (or pets!!!) from here.
I am easily amused and one thing I like to do is change that picture every few days to reflect a mood or our struggles or just to display how wild and silly some things look. Those pictures are my whims. Enjoy!
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heartnsoul, barsco, amrdbit & I can start a band! I had my 2nd guitar lesson last night (My 1st one was back before Christmas, but with the depression, the cruise, etc I called the teacher & indicated I'd start back in 2013). Anyway, it got me all pumped up again. I can play the 1st 4 measures of "Smoke on the Water" on each of the 6 strings!!!! I will be just like the Nancy Wilson from Heart in this link in just a matter of days (hahahaha
)http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JK_DOJa99oo
My momma's passing is still so fresh...all your memories kick started my tears yet again, but it's OK. It'd been a few hours; my ducts needed cleaning.
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Eph3 12,
Count me in for the band, once I learn how to play. Ha ha ha!! I lvoe that your taking lessons! How very fun! Think of all the fun names we could come up with. LOL!!!!
elimar, oops!! I totally love the picture and the changing of it frequently. Good ideas!! It is a great picture! And yes... one of these days that will be me on a bike like that. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but.... he's probaly right. Hee! Hee!
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Eph I can add little piano not good with both hands but can keep one going!
Amrdbit we go to Kauai our third year
we just hang around,walk.float and snorkel,love to sit on the cliff and watch for whales long ride but great scenery we find we can truly relax
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We have all kinds of guitars in the house. One of them is even mine. I don't have the discipline to put in the practice time so I can't play more than a few chords, but I can always shake my tambourine as needed. Music is GREAT therapy.
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I was talking with a friend last night and we came up with a band name. We were talking about a problem and I said we needed to put our heads together and hobnob. And that is how the Hobnobbing Heads were born! So there's one possible name!
I actually have a newish guitar and I seemed to have lost it! I can't figure out where on earth I put the thing! How do you lose a guitar?
Key West and Hawaii sound so nice right about now as I sit under an electric blanket.
Time to watch some more Breaking Bad. Finally catching up with the rest of the world, lol. -
heartnsoul - check in the fridge for your guitar. I know I have found many things in mine that don't belong. LOL
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Heartsoul check under the bed especailly if you hve a guest room I am still surprised what I find under there!!
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Haha, two very good suggestions! I thought, I don't have a guest room then I remembered I have a day bed in the sunroom! I didn't think to look under there. I'm so excited, that might be where it is! I'll be back later and let y'all know...omg
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Heart soul, thanks for the laugh about losing things! I can so relate. Yesterday I found my DH's keys that have been lost for about a year. We've decided to make our daughter the scapegoat.
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Hobnobbing Heads
We would be sooooooo cool specially when we add carolynn79 & her piano (electric keyboard-then you can do LOTS with just 1 hand!) & Elimar with her chords & tambourine! Maybe Kleenex could be our band director!
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