In shock

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited January 2013

    Welcome valo-

    Web sister is so right. It is so overwhelming for everyone at first. Once there is a plan then it's attack mode. Feel free to vent. We got ur back here !!! Hang in there warrior sister !!

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  • Lesleyanne67
    Lesleyanne67 Member Posts: 225
    edited January 2013

    Valo -

    Welcome.  YOu can certainly come here to vent, cry, get any emotional/mental support, advice, and tips&tricks.  As for your gas getting shut off or other financial issues you may have especially if you are unable to work during treatment etc try contacting your local or closest American Cancer Society.  They will have a list of the various agencies that can provide assistance with the "real world" aspects of cancer including transportation to appointments etc.  I am sorry your children did not respond the way you would like but 17 is 17 not that that is an excuse.  In any case don't be afraid to ask for help you will be surprised by the kindness of strangers in this journey that may become friends and unfortunately you may be disappointed by family and friends.  These types of events show people's true colors and let you know where you stand with people.  In some ways it can be very liberating.  The beginning is very scary and stressful but breathe, ask for help, and don't be afraid to properly medicate!

    Hugs

    Lesley

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited January 2013

    Great advice Lesley !!!

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited January 2013

    Dakota, keep that chin up. x

    Bearcub, hope rad 3 went well and you stayed safe on the road. Bought some lovely tasty soft foods. Made a gorgeous mushroom risotto tonight, DH impressed, think we will cut down on meat intake toox

    Nihahi, Glad shoulders held  up for you to have fun with your dear friend.
    My best friend has been just that for 60 years now and we never fail to end up laughing so much when we meet, that we keep Tena lady in business
    .We met at infant school and even tho she lives an hour away we often get the train, meet up in Liverpool and shop til we drop.
    I have you- tubed Qigong and I am going to give it a go. Like you say more gentle and not so much to remember, chemo brain is kicking in Undecided x

    Lesleyanne, glad your chap found the book helpful too. My DH tells everyone about it and my BC nurse is going to recommend it to DH's who aren't coping very well.Hope you enjoyed your cyber snow shoeing with Nihahi x

    Liefie, what an adventure you had ! so glad  you had packed the wedding clothes in hand luggage, good thinking. Would have loved to hear your organ playing after all your practising, bet it was beautiful.
    Lovely that your Mum recognised you, and that you could spend time with her.x

    Websister, Hope your Mum has the start of a great social life now she is nearer the hub of activity.Her view sounds magical.
    Hope you didn't over do the shopping,I did by staying out one and a half hours, I had such a lovely time pottering around the supermarket then the catalogue shop next door where I used to work. Got home to DH standing in the open doorway with his coat on, about to come looking for me !!
    I had left my mobile behind and he had me collapsed or worse. OOPS x

    Valo, Sorry you feel so alone, it is so hard to  cope with what is happening to you. Your children may react in a way you don't expect but don't despair they will be there for you.
    We are here, talk to us please.  ((( HUG )))x

    Edi x

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited January 2013

    Just had bloods done ready for tomorrows chemo Laughing

    Bearcub, hope the roads weren't too bad, stay safe & hope rads went well :)

    Valo, welcome.....you have come to the right place and you can vent as much as you want ..... so sorry to hear you feel alone at this time. Come here any time as you will not feel alone, we are girls from all around the world and someone is always there to reply to you even in your darkest hours!

    Websister, as Edi said, wishing your mum a good social life, hope she is feeling more 'homely' there! shopping, oh I love any kind of shopping. Just went shopping for some new clothes on the weekend, grabbed DH and DS and went...welllll, next time I'll be leaving them at home....but a quick shop is a good shop and 6 tops later and 2 pants I'm happy :)

    Edi, too funny, DH on his way looking for his DW..... don't you hate when you forget your mobile at home, if I leave the house without it, it would be like leaving the house with no undies on....lol

    I think we should all meet in London and go shopping......ahh how great would that be, so all you girls come to Australia summer time for our beach parties then we'll head over to the winter paradise of London to shop Smile

    Ladies, got to leave this short and sweet, I'm at work today.....shhh dont' tell the boss I'm on line....lol (not that we are busy, think many people are still on xmas holidays)

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  • caitlin61
    caitlin61 Member Posts: 214
    edited January 2013

    Just back from a walk to clear my head - nice sunny day here, about 40 F.

    Maureen and Traii, thanks for the advice re: finger/toe icing.  I'm going to give it a go on Friday, with some combination of frozen water bottles, peas and ice.

    Edi, glad you had a nice day out shopping - mushroom risotto sounds yummy! 

    Dakota, I hope your hands are feeling better.

    Liefie, it must have been so hard to leave your mother - but good that she recognized you and that you had some quality time with her.  Websister, here's hoping that the extra visual and social stimulation provided by your Mum's new location will give her a boost.  I feel so fortunate that my own Mum, after dealing with some cardiac issues last year, has returned to good health.  She has been so supportive to me in trying to help me get my head in the right place to deal with cancer, having been through it with my Dad.  For them, I really believe it brought them closer together than they had been throughout their entire marriage - they became an instant team, and never lost hope.

    Lesleyanne, what you say is true.  I have already been stunned by how generous and supportive people I barely know have been with their kind words and sincere offers to help in any way they can.  Every such gesture feels like it lightens the burden just a bit.

    Valo, very sorry that you are having to face this on top of other difficulties - but having observed these ladies over the past month or so, I know you can count on them to help you get through it.  It's important to be able to vent and have caring, supportive and active listeners available at any time - you will find them on this board.

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited January 2013

    Caitlin -

    Thanks they are better. I am so glad I was nervous that they would continue to get worse.

    Traii -

    Good luck tomorrow.

    Edi-

    Good luck to u tomorrow too. What a wonderful DH u have looking out for u!!!

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  • carlads
    carlads Member Posts: 241
    edited January 2013

    Hi Everyone,

    Busy weekend.



    Nihahi, thank you for asking, I'm good... Chemo got moved up a day.. First day Thursday instead of Friday



    Traii, how are you feeling with the new regimen?



    Hope everyone else is doing well..



    Love you all,

    Carla



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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2013

    Welcome and hugs to Caitlin and Valo, you have many of us now "on your team", or as my friend says, "you've got people"!

    I'm sending good thoughts to everyone having treatment sessions tomorrow. Each session is one you never have to go through, ever again!

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2013

    Carla, our messages must have crossed in space! So glad to hear from you. You've been in my thoughts. 

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited January 2013

    Thats good Carlads, get the first one out of the way on Thursday :) I'm tomorrow and I'm liking this new CMF regime i must say (knock on wood I remain SE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)!!!!!!!!!! lol

    Have you got that ice ready Carlads for that Taxotere ? Lemon Drops for your mouth ( you can ice it too but feet and hands were enough ice for me...lol)  moisturise and drink drink drink plenty of fluids to flush it all out.

    So true Nihahi, . "Each session is one you never have to go through, ever again!" Laughing

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  • Dakota212
    Dakota212 Member Posts: 1,153
    edited January 2013

    Hi ladies -

    Traii - goid luck today and soctrue what u said about one down never god willing to be done again!!! Love ur picture!!! U cute little thing u 😄

    Carlads -

    U will breeze thru Thursday! And then hopefully breeze they everyday after that. The first one is the hardest! We are here for u!!

    Nihahi

    U are correct we are one big family we are here for u!!'

    Edi, Benny, web sister , luv, Caitlin anyone and everyone have a fabulous day!!!

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited January 2013

    Hi gorgeous girls>
    Not long got home from last epi chemo Smile had to wait 3 1/2 hrs to see Onc Doc and the place was heaving with people. Backlog due to all the holidays. The amazing onco nurses were practically running from bay to bay all of which were full. About 21 patients all needing constant attention.
    Got out after 5 hrs but was so well looked after and they never stop smiling, those nurses are angels.

    Traii, Dakota is right you are cute, almost as cute as your Cyber Mummy lol.
    Almost cracked the photo thing then DH got his mitts on the computer and it all went wrong. Will ask ED for help tomorrow when he is at work.
    They told me about CMF today and it sounds really great. Tablets for 14 days, C. M and F by iv over the same two weeks. She also said it will be really quick as just big syringe full into vein. Is this how you have it ?
    Consultant says I am coping so well they are also going to give me rads at same time !!
    If all goes well will be finished end of April  Yay.
    Hope all great tomorrow, will be there in spirit. X

    Dakota, hope hands keep improving, have you done the cream and gloves overnight ?x

    Nihahi, Your words are so true, kept them in my heart today. x

    Benny, you are too quiet, please, please be having fun with Di x

    Love to all Edi x

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited January 2013

    Dakota/Edi...cute....lol u both crack me up....cyber mummy ....like mother like daughter ....lol!!!



    Glad all went well Edi....but I dont have needle in vein....IV us quick....15mins for 1 and 10 for the other then dex for 5mins first and fluids for 5mins or so!



    Omg how excellent, Edi u will be fine doin both CMF and rads.....eezy peezy girl......and just after Easter you'll be done :) ))))))



    I'd better get out of bed and get ready for trip to hospital....dont u just hate when you're all nice n cosy and u got to get up!!!



    Talk later on. xxxx

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited January 2013

    Edi, not out with Di, not doing well today. Woke up with serious mucositis pain again left side of chest and throat. Can't even get mashed potatoes down today. I tried the yogurt the past two days but that might have been what inflamed everything again? So tired of discomfort.

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited January 2013

    Oh benny..not happy you arent feeling the best today hun . Not whst we wanted to hear.

    Are u able to eat soup...not hot but even warmish?

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited January 2013

    Benny, oh cxxp ! have you finished anti biotics ? you must be so pissed off ? really hoped you would be sitting on that healing saddle pad and trotting around on Di.
    Have you tried club soda it did ease burning in pipe to stomach and beyond.
    Had good chat to my onco doc today, he said everyone is started on the same dose of a chemo and if se's bad it will be reduced but still as effective, no two people react the same. Also the neu shot, only se's may be muscle and joint pain due to the fact it is working on your bone marrow.It has definitely helped me.

    Hope your pain eases soon, try the egg custard ,very gentle food.

    Big hug  Edi x

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2013

    Benny, Benny, Benny....Since it probably hurts to yell in frustration, we'll do it for you. Hope you've got something squishy you can give a good thumping to. There, now it's back to business. This is going really hard for you, but you have got to keep in mind, this will not last forever. How you are feeling now is NOT your "new normal". You will get through this!!!!!!! 

    It will probably be very helpful for you to be keeping a food/activity/journal. You may find a connection you're not aware of, between what you are eating/drinking/doing and how you feel. This might also be a great help for your docs and the nutritionist to find better ways to help you. YOU HAVE MADE THAT NUTRITIONIST APPOINTMENT HAVEN'T YOU! (older sister looking overtop of her bifocals as she says this to you!) 

    Grey skies today and colder weather coming in, probably aren't helping your mood either. Hang in there, we're all behind you.

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited January 2013

    Oh Benny, so sorry you feel like cxxp still...are you able to drink ensure or boost? It is very important to get calories in and not lose so much weight. I think you said you have lost 30 lbs. since this started, that is a lot and may be making you weaker. Yes, you definitely need to see a nutritionist. I hope tomorrow is a better day. When is your next chemo?

    Traii that is a great picture of you. I hope you will be SE free.....

    Carlads not long now, we are in your pocket on Thursday..

    Edi wow your clinic does sound busy, the ladies really are angels.



    To all you other ladies, may you have a wonderful Wednesday!





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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited January 2013

    Traii, the problem is finding soup that is bland enough to eat. All the packaged ones have spice in them and I don't seem to be able to digest milk or milk products? I am sooooo sick of mashed potatoes. I love your profile pic.

    Edi, I finished the antibiotics yesterday but the lungs are still inflamed. My Symbicort doesn't seem to make any difference? I tried the club soda but it burned badly going down. I'm afraid to try the custard for fear of pain as digesting protein seems to be an issue. I'm on day 21 and, just like last time, should have been well over SE's by now.

    Nihahi, I keep trying to remind myself of the fact that this will pass but it takes so long. I should be healed up and ready for the next chemo by now. Onco is going to delay it again. The first chemo was so hard on me he delayed the second chemo by two weeks. That's how long it took me to heal. I was supposed to go for third chemo this week but that won't be happening. And with all these delays, what's the point? The cancer cells are definitely getting the advantage. My poor old body. I started keeping a jounal back on December 19 and it's very detailed, but so far the only thing I can eat is mashed potatoes, and today that was an issue.

    Bearcub, I can't digest Ensure or Boost. I have a refrigerator full of Boost and can't even drink it without severe pain about an hour later. I am continuing to lose weight and after today (one bowl of cereal, which hurt like the dickens, and a small bowl of mashed potatoes) I'm sure I'll weigh even less. I don't know what to do. If I tell the oncologist he is going to threaten removing me from chemo altogether again as he knows my body does not tolerate it at all. I'm scared. I can't win for losing.

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited January 2013

    Oh Benny, I wish I was there to give you a hug. It's not hopeless, and even if you get delays you are still fighting the cancer. I know you didn't want a feeding tube but if it keeps you getting nourishment and calories to keep you strong it wouldn't be so bad. My oldest grandson has Crohns disease and 2 years ago had a abscess in his colon, he could only have boost for 4 months while he was in hospital in Vancouver children's hospital, if he couldn't tolerate it they would have given him a feeding tube. He has friends that did have the tubes. It is usually temporary. It is so important to get your strength up. Please try to stay strong for Benny and Di.

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2013

    Benny.....I do know how hard this is, how lonely the journey feels, how dark the future seems. But, you have to use every resource available to help you, and that means being completely upfront with all your medical team. Keeping your fears, and your physical struggles to yourself makes it impossible for them to help you as fully as possible. It has been a long time since I was being treated at Foothills, but I'm sure they still have patient support for you. They are not there to do or not do things TO YOU, or to threaten you, they are there to do things FOR YOU. If you feel you are losing the "fight" physically and emotionally, it doesn't mean failure, it just means you need more help. The time to seek more help, is when you need it. ((X))

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited January 2013

    Benny - I agree with Nihahi and I do think that it might be time to call the Breast Cancer Supportive Care Foundation, they provide many different kinds of support, including nutritional, I have an appointment with them every month - Sylvia is wonderful to talk to and help out, you will like her, I promise

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited January 2013

    Benny I totally agree with naihati and Websister.

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2013

    OMG...websister, I just googled the foundation, wow, awesome resource!!! I wish I had that available years ago. Benny, come on girl, there is a whole team of people who understand and are there to help you! Do you need help in getting there? 

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  • bennymuffins
    bennymuffins Member Posts: 412
    edited January 2013

    Bearcub, Nihahi, Websister, thank you again for the sympathy, understanding, and helpful ideas. I will call the BCSCF tomorrow, along with the oncologist to let him know I still have pain. It's hard to know what's lung pain and what's esophageal pain? Anyway, I'll get in touch with the BCSCF tomorrow. I can't see them tomorrow because the farrier is out and Di is getting her feet done, but I could see them on Thursday. I know my health should rule over Di's feet but if I miss the farrier she's not back again for 2 weeks so not an option to skip. Because I hardly ate today I am hoping my pain is reduced tomorrow. I just keep thinking tomorrow will be better, but it doesn't seem to. I had a few days that were okay, now I'm back in pain again.

    Thank you ♥ ♥ ♥

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2013

    That's great to hear, Benny. Thanks for letting us know. Try to rest tonight. You've got lots of angels on your bedposts! (Hope that thought doesn't give you nightmares Wink). (((((((((XXXXXXXXXXXX))))))))))))

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  • bearcub
    bearcub Member Posts: 485
    edited January 2013

    Benny we don't want to see you suffer without getting help if the help is there. Enjoy the day with the farrier and Diamond. That is excellent therapy, and you are right you have to show up when the farrier can come. Give Diamond a pat from me! Take Care

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited January 2013

    Benny, surely you can do both ? Understand about Farrier but sure if Di could speak she would be telling you to get help !!!!!
    No excuses Benny, please just DO IT TODAY.
    Rant over.
    Edi x

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  • Traii
    Traii Member Posts: 1,138
    edited January 2013

    Benny, at least make the call today thats a start :) They might not even be able to see you today but at least the appt has been made and we can all get off your back and stop nagging you....lol

    Now for my nag, you will NOT feel better if you haven't eaten anything today, I know that you are sore, but you MUST eat SOMETHING PLEASE PLEASE get something into that body of yours, you need energy to go and meet with the farrier and see Di......xx

    Good Morning Cyber Mummy, now why aren't you in bed sleeping, isn't it only 6 or 7am there?? how are you feeling after your treatment ?

    I waited 3 hours for my treatment today.....and mind you I told my mum to come with my son today and go for a walk in the park as I'd only be 1 hour tops......!! They hadn't followed up on my bloods so had to wait for that then needed to make up the chemo !! Patience and Traii just sometimes don't mix.

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