I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

Blue - we'll wait with you!  Delighted that you picked Wendell - like his name too.

Hugs back at you, Mary. I'm not even a parent and, frankly, I don't think I would have the strength, endurance or ability to be one. You parents are all doing something I can only bow to. As for those with difficult/mentally ill/developmentally delayed or otherwise disabled children, I can't think of anything that would do justice to your burden - what comes to mind is what faithandfifty (remember Saint's dear friend?) always says as a sort of self-affirmation ((((strength and courage))). Which you obviously all have in spades.

Even though I am a lifelong nutso I wasn't really symptomatic until early adulthood and I had no "outward" behavoral problems so I never presented a "problem" for my parents. Partly this was due to the very rigid, ultra structured environment I was in, and partly it was because everything was so quickly and meticulously swept under the rug. You could say I was the baby who eventually stops crying.

I had to handle the volcano when it erupted, by myself, as an adult. As with the cancer, I never expected people to "understand" or "know what I'm going through" - I thought that was a luxury I wasn't entitled to, perhaps. Not sure. I am conditioned to expecting no empathy, but I have also made it my life's goal to feel it, show it and express it. 

But I think it's easier to be self-contained if you are tending to yourself than if you are dealing with the troubles of another - a cub, especially.

I hope I wrote this clearly and properly.

Finally, I think I found the best sleep aid of all. Had to read the most BORING article today for work. Man, this is better than Ambien!

Edited to cut content.

Athena, I was posting at the same time. Good idea to delete these posts after a while. I would hate for my kids to find that I wrote about their problems. I just feel close to all you gals and this topic is near and dear to my heart. Thank you for being so open with us about your problems.

Athena thank you for sharing.



I went back to that article about the plans to commit the young man and a paragraph was added which, though so true, still hit me like a truck. ETA not dismissing the loss of all those precious children.



From a forensic psychiatrist at Georgetown Univ in DC. she said that when a psychotic person does become violent it is usually the mother who is killed......"She's the only one who never walked away".



Heartbreakingly true.

My eldest daughter is four years out of ReHab. She and I started out on different trips four years ago. Me to try to understand what it was to live with a disease. She to try to take back her life from substance and alcohol abuse and depression. Madeleine has been mostly successful. She says its because she's good at quitting things. I have been lucky to be NED for most of this time. Time savour the transition of my 6 year old granddaughter (who we had custody of 4 years ago) to a self confident, happy, empathetic 10 year old) and to welcome a new baby girl 8 months ago, and to see my daughter blossom into the generous, happy, artist and mom that I knew she could be.

Those of us who deal with the hardship that parenthood can sometimes be would rarely say that they are sorry that they became parents. Only that they wished that it wasn't so hard for their children. And that things will get better. They sometimes do.

My 28 year old son-the one who was hospitalized for depression-has found his joy in potery. He is a great artist.

In fact, I was at an art show and one of the other exhibitors called him a genius.

The guy said,"I don't know how ou feel about your son, but he is an artistic genius."

How I feel about him? I love him with all my heart. I wish life was easier for him but with his graeat talent comes some trade-offs.

Yikes, this thread is moving quickly.

To Chickadee: Yes, absolutely.

And I think your children know this, whether or not they have good outcomes. I know that the pressure to "succeed" (whatever that is), "stay out of the papers" and "carry on the family tradition" (whatever that is), etc.... helped me even if it hindered me in other ways.

As much as I may complain that those in my life have the ability to sweep elephants under a rug, the good side of that is that it kept me on my toes. That pressure may be overwhelming - it sometimes feels huge -- but it works for me.

And love for your parents does too. I know, Chick, Glenna, Mary, Kayfh, that your children are thinking of you with love, and that they want nothing more than to make you proud in some way. My love of my "elders" has sustained me.

The fact that different people have different outcomes is due to a million things, but I think the love and pride of a parent can be an enormous source of sustainment and inspiration.

That's beautiful. I love the flowing leafy designs.

Wasn't it Einstein who couldn't tie his shoes?

Rosemary-the turquoise bowl is especially beautiful. 

Mary

And while we are on the topic of mental illness, I would like to sing the praises of my superb psychiatrist. Good help is really hard to find. I had had my share of dunces in the past. I have to pay privately, and THAT shouldn't have to happen. I am so, so lucky and so many people are not getting the good care they need. It is thanks to him and his always going way above and beyond, his faith in me and his tenacity, and his care, that I function so very well --especially in areas like career.

It's not fair. Because if you are not able to pay in this country, the mental health care you get can be from non existent to terrible if you have a serious mental illness. That has to change. The care can be so bad that you are almost better off without it - not exaggerating.

Insurance companies continue to discriminate against the mentally ill despite the Mental Health Parity Act.

Our perpetrator did not have that p[roblem. I think his family had money. The question is whether his mother and/or father had a mental illness and whether they were impaired in their ability to spot the signs and advocate for the child.

Re psychiatrists and scrips ... I sometimes wonder if all the meds my son was on was a factor in his use of illegal drugs. When he left home at 18 because he didn't want to go to school and hated rules, he quit going to the psychiatrist and quit taking his meds. It's been alcohol and drugs ever since. My mom has always worried that he would hurt me. When he has had violent outbursts the past few years he has always directed his anger at things .... That I can deal with. Holes in walls can be repaired! There is no way I would ever have a gun in my house. We have found machetes, knives, etc., and taken them to the landfill without telling him



Rosemary ... Your son is very talented. I love his pottery especially the freeform shapes!



Chevyboy .... I hope my son is not still homeless at 52. I feel for your brother! How sad for him to have lost his daughter.



Kay, your daughter's success gives me hope!! Does she still go to meetings? My son is so against the 12 step program format. The rehab he is in now is faith based and he says it's not the place for him. Since he has no where else to go, I hope he stays. Since he's there voluntarily i think he can walk away anytime he wants to. They do job training, have psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and hopefully he will get to that place where something strikes a chord in him.



Chickadee, how old is your son? Both Roy and Lena were given hepatitis prenatally from their mother's drug use. Fortunately they have no symptoms. We found out when they tried to donate blood.



Kam, I need to look up the chained CPI you're talking about. I have told my DH he can't retire until Jan 2014 when I get Medicare!



Yeah for Time's Person of the Year. Well deserved!



I had my 2nd taxol treatment today and it went well. So far no SE's. Got a copy of my ct report from last week and my onc was NOTsugar coating. My cancer really is stable. I find his interpretations are sometimes more positive than the radiologist's so am always anxious til I get the written report.



Too long again, sorry!!

Glenna, he is on his way to 24. Some holes in the wall but lots of broken cellphones, remore controls, flat screens and screen doors.

But we are here, still alive and taking it one day at a time. To his credit he doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs. He dabbled when he was in the thick of teen stupidity but thankfully walked away from it before something bad happened. I count that one as a win for all the nagging, er, counseling I gave him.

Waiting for Ativan to kick in. It's taking longer and longer now.........

Yes she would have had to obtain detailed evaluations, most likely from a neuropsychiatrist as well as any records of routine psych visits. Involuntary committal is a complex process as it should be.......but one wishes there was an expedited process for an obviously dangerous ramp up of violent or threatening behavior.