Sept 2012 chemo

Mariposa, I hear exactly what you're saying about the stress of the situation magnifying problems that were already there.  I've had a few similar arguments with my husband over the last few months.  I did find that if I framed the conversation more in the context of "I need more help" rather than "You don't do enough" (which is what I wanted to say) I always got a much better response.    And YAY to you for being done with chemo.  I had three Taxotere and don't think I would have been able to cope with another.  Four rounds of that stuff is badass! Tomorrow is three weeks from my last one, so the day I would have been having my next.  I don't have any problems in my hands or feet, but my legs still really ache.  As you put it, it feels like I've just done a five mile run.  Do you know when this goes away?  It's getting boring.

Toastie, an interesting theory.  What would Freud say?

Jojo, I start rads on January 3rd and am planning to work throughout, either from home or in the office.  I've asked for mid-morning appointments, to avoid rush hour traffic, and so that I'll have all afternoons free.  I've also drawn up a radiation rota and asked all my friends to "Help make radiation fun!" and break up to monotany of four weeks slepping back and forth to the hospital.  I have to go to a hospital an hour away where they have the "big kit" as my MO calls it.  Anyway, on most days, I'm going with a friend, family member or work colleague, and we'll probably go for lunch or something afterwards (it could get expensive, but to heck with it!).  I figured it would make it much easier to spend the travel time chatting with people I enjoy being with.

Butterfly, I have quite alot of "peach fuzz" which started to grow towards the end of the Taxotere.  I actually had to shave my legs/underarms a few days ago for the first time since August.  Seems that hair in the places where I don't really want it is growing back faster than in the places that I do. Sod's law strikes again! And still no sign of my eyebrows or eyelashes returning.

A friend sent me this comic...made me laugh so thought I would share with you ladies.

Butterfly, it's difficult to tell right now.  It looks like it might be my normal colour (although I've coloured my hair for so long I'm not sure I can actually remember what my normal colour is!) but it's also very fine, like baby hair, and although my hair is naturally brownish/reddish, in certain lights it looks very blonde.  I'm fascinated by it--another biological experiment inside my own body courtesy of cancer.  I posted a hair question on the triple negative thread where many of the ladies are months or years post chemo, and some said it came back exactly the same and some said it came back a different colour, or curly when they had been straight, or vice versa.  One lady said it came back wirey and curly and she shaved it off again, and then it came back straight, like it used to be.  Personally I can't see myself being brave enough to face the world without my wig (which I really love and is the way I would like my hair to be naturally) for at least another six months.

Thank you EnglishRose and Sherbab for the information, I am going to check out the hair thread. I am with you EnglishRose, I don't know if I can go without hat/wig for awhile.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

English, my friends took turns driving me to rads for the first few weeks and it was great to have the company. I have driven myself for the last few weeks.

Re hair, I'm fuzzy all over my head but it is so fine and it looks almost transparent. It will be a while until I can go without hat/wig but at least something is growing!

I'm on the final stretch now! 3 more radiation boost treatments and then I'm done! I will start Tamoxifen and see my MO in January but that's it! I should be so excited right? Instead I seem to burst into tears all the time and feel worse than I did before. What's going on?

Twins -

Thanks !! Makes sense to me!!

Jojo-

Enjoy the rest of ur week!!

Anybody use the latisse??? I have it not sure when to use it??? Any suggestions???

Chemo number 11 tomorrow! The taxol is making my nose worse everytime I get another dose... at this point I blow blood contantly, get spiratic nose bleeds, and I cant not breath I am so stuffed! hate it..... but I'm on the home stretch only 5 more weekly treatments after this...

My hair is def growing back its about 1/4 inches maybe a lil shorter. It is baby fine and looks lighter than it was before chemo but I heard this is normal and will darken. If I rub or pet my head forward it reminds me of a newborn babys hair so soft and fine.

I am going to see a plastic surgeon on the 27th. I am still torn about surgery... Question to you ladies who had mastectomys...

How are your scars healing and are they noticable? also did any of you have a skin or nipple sparing mastectomy? I think I may be a good candidate for this but will find out more after talking with my breast surgeon in January.

Dakota212...I have been using latisse since the beginning and never lost my eyebrows or lashes they def got thin though. Once I started taxol they started to fill back in and seems like they are getting long fast not sure if its the lattise that is making them grow this fast. Im just happy they are coming back and I never lost them all.

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays as best as they can... Much love

Amy - I had a skin / nipple sparing BMX with tissue expanders.  The scars are definitely there and I talked to my PS and he said not to worry about 'scar management' at this time because they are going right back into the same incisions for my reconstruction.  The best way to describe it is they opened everything up along the bottom of the bra line like a clam and I had incisions from the left to the right side on each side.  I have elected a DIEP Flap that should happen in the early summer.  I do not like the scars at all but I am trying to rely on the advice of the PS and not worry at this time.  For me, I do not regret the BMX since I had dense and complex breast tissue.  It is definitely all a personal decision and I wish you the best!

cgesq!  I will so be thinking of you on Wednesday, December 26!  I will be hoping and praying that we both (and anyone else out there receiving treatment that day)  get thru it without any complications and can claim our lives back!

This past treatment really knocked me down.  I was so uncomfortable, still can't eat food and have developed a rash on my arms and legs.  I'm debating whether to call the doctor about the rash but I can't imagine what's causing it.

I miss my hair so much.  I have wanted to just stay in the house and not go anywhere but it's the Christmas season and there are concerts, friend invites and shopping to do.  I look at everyone around me and wonder,  Where is the 1 out of 8 women that are diagnosed with cancer!  I only see me!

But!  2013 should only bring us the good.  2012 let us live hell on earth, it's time to sing in the rain. 

Amy - I would say it is around 6 inches or so long on each side, it curves up and actually matches the underwire line of most of my bras I no longer wear.  It is definitely hidden by my bras though it is not pretty right now.  My PS assures me I will be very happy once I get the reconstruction.  My tissue expanders are under the muscle and they stink.  That is the best answer I can give on them for me personally but I have others tell me they had no issues with theirs.  The TEs are not as flexible as actual implants so they don't move with your body like an implant would move.  Again the PS assures me any of the reconstruction surgeries I would have decided upon will be far better than the TEs.  For the reconstruction on a Diep Flap they will use my stomach tissue and it will basically end up being a tummy tuck and what they would normally discard will be used to reconstruct the breasts. 

Terri - I am with you on the missing the hair so much!  I have had many moments of cryng over the loss of my hair.  I think it is the entire process and the fact that this is such a public display of cancer.  I also agree with looking around and wondering about those around me and only seeing me with cancer. It is a very weird feeling. Only those who have joined the club no one wants to join can understand and one that is hard to explain to anyone!

Here's to 2013!!! 

Cindi, please vent all you want! that's what we're here for. Yes, it will get better! For me, hot baths really helped with the body aches, better than any medicine. I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard. I found that some weeks were worse than others, and not in a cumulative type order. I suspect it had to do with stress and diet being worse some weeks. So take heart, this may just be a tough week, it's not necessarily going to get worse every time.



Has anyone else had to have their tissue expander out? Mine it getting swapped on Monday because of seromas. And I have to have a drain. Yuck.



I find I have a hard time dealing with other people's upset reactions. My mom knew I was going to have this surgery, but today when I told her the date she burst into tears (then tried to say she wasn't crying, which is totally annoying). I know this is really hard for her, and everyone in my family, but dealing with their reactions makes it hard for me to express my own feelings. I feel like I have to constantly be comforting them, telling them it's no big deal. Anyone else feel that way?



I hear you ladies on the hair. I caught a glimpse of my very shiny bald head reflected in my living room window and I wanted to scream!



Hugs to everyone, hope you're all well.

xoxo

Hi everyone,

   I am adjusting to my new life without chemo- but still feel upset I couldn't finish.  I just feel like I didn't get enough... but I just need to focus on the next step.  Kind of weird, but I wish I was sick right now and had finished my fifth today.   The neuropathy is still pretty terrible- and the weird eye spasms are really irritating me.

I am also growing some hair.  It is about 1/8 of an inch- but then there are these weird rebel hairs that are interspersed.  One is over an inch long... odd.  I tugged on it, but it didn't want to come out so I left it.  The color is dark with some gray.  A woman in my support group has the most beautiful silver hair coming in everywhere.  I think she looks gorgeous:-)

Sorry some of you are feeling so ill- hopefully you will be on the mend super fast in time to do all of the things you want to do in December.  It is so hard going through this at the holidays.  Terri- I am worried about you and that rash too!  Let us know once you get it checked out.

And thanks everyone again for all of your support.  The encouragement and feedback I get here means so much to me because you understand.  Now on to figure out what I am doing for surgery!  I appreciated everyone sharing what they did.  So much to think about!

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Amy- on my lft side I have a 6 in scar across the middle, had a modified rad mx...on my rt (no cancer) I have a 3 in scar where my nipple used to be. I have had delayed healing with both of my incisions, but this isn't the norm, my PS said it only happens about 4-5% of the time...lucky me. I have expanders in, have gotten 2 fills, not great, but not that bad...have been told the implants are much more comfy. I'll have my implant surgery after rads, anywhere from 3-12 months....nervous about how the implant will be effected by having rads, but my PS has said there is always the option of a tram flap, if the implants doesn't work....I really don't want to go that route, but I am glad my PS has a lot of experience with flaps, just as a back up. If you have any questions feel free to ask...it can be an overwhelming choice, but get informed and that will help.



Mariposa- you are soooo not a failure! we are going to be cancer free and living it up in 2013, not in a wheelchair dealing w/ side effects from chemo! Trust your drs, trust yourself...I saw a quote the other day that resonated w/ me and I try to keep it in my mind when I start feeling fear and doubt.



You ability to heal comes from knowing ~ that you will heal ~



I too have about 1/8 in and have a few rebel strands....it's weird. Yes, still missing my hair...can not wait for it to come back.



Toastie- I know exactly what your mean about comforting others and it's hard to express your true feelings about things b/c you have to be strong for everyone else because they are freaking out.



I was out yesterday, wearing my hat...looking like a chemo patient, I was even at the hospital getting tests done and I swear I was the only person that didn't have hair, that looked like something was going on...it sucks sometimes.



I hope those of you who are dealing with aches and pains and crappy SEs are feeling better and getting through. Good luck to those with upcoming treatments, keeping moving forward. It will get better.