Sept 2012 chemo

Mariposa123

Marian:  just read your blog post- wow!  You have been through a lot!  And I can see why it would bring up alot given your dad's history.  I am glad you are okay.  The view from your room was fantastic:-)  It is interesting how those kinds of small details can make a world of difference.

I am like you- writing my blog and drawing pictures helps me to organize my thoughts and find ways to process what is happening and start to feel better.  It does feel kind of like I am a raving narcissist that keeps talking about myself incessantly.. but I am doing it for me - and maybe one day I can put all of this somewhere for my kids to see when they are older. 

I watch Parenthood every week.  I love it.  The show has done a pretty good job of capturing the day to day adventures of bc- although I kind of wonder why she isn't bald and why her doctor's didn't give her a port.  She is her2+ so she will be needing herceptin for a year, which seems like a good reason to get a port.  (I know it is television, but still)  :-)

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bearcub

Has anybody been through the ct simulator before radiation, I have to do it in the morning and am wondering what to expect?

Amy4978

Found parenthood on netflix ! Watched episode one and cried...On to episode 2

Timbek2

I love parenthood. But I agree She better be bald by the end of the season. Mariposa your blog is so spot on! I am sorry that your chemo ended abruptly. I pray that your side effects diminish quickly. My mo said i could skip Christmas week but I'm afraid to give these cancer cells any opportunities. If I'm physically well enough to get treatment then that's what I feel I need to do. I did make a video clip for my family like on parenthood. It's on my computer. I wanted to capture how i feel right now at chemo midway point. My little girl is 7. Not sure I will live long enough to raise her and I wanted her to have something to remember me by. I also want my husband to know he can remarry. Not planning on them needing to view it any time soon but I'm a planner. Back in the chair again timorrow. Number 9. 7 Togo. Downhill. Have an se free day. Xo

Hopex3

Toastiecat: I too was feeling a little bit like my old self, forgetting I had cancer and then BAM! Saw my bald head in the reflection of the window. Knocked me right down again!

I said a few choice words and put on a hat. It's so surreal!



Cindi74: I get what you mean about the taxol. I do crawl in bed and hide. I have found that hot baths and also a heating pad wrapped around my legs really help. I do have good days though and you will too. It's a roller coaster ride! You will be off before you know it!



Patricia: I am on taxol and my hair is starting to grow but my eyebrows are thinning. I also have continued to work. Some days are really rough but I make it. I take a little half hour nap at lunch in my car.



Mariposa: glad you are doing better!



Having my third round of taxol tomorrow! That benedryl puts me out!



Night ladies,



Erin

Timbek2

Marian loved the blog entry. Hope you feel much better quickly. What a roller coaster ride this is....the holidays and chemo don't go together!



I also watch private practice which has sheldon with prostrate cancer going through radiation. He meets a woman there with breast cancer. Just can't get away fromit. Can we?

Amy4978

For those of you who havd a hard time sleeping my MO told me today to buy benedryl and take 50 mg.... This is what I get in my Iv every round of chemo and it def knocks me out! Just a friendly lil tip for you

Cindi74

Mariane,  You write so well.  I read much of your blog.  Interesting.  Charming, Informative.

I immediately foundd the Emperor of all Maladies at Audible.com where I had a credit coming.  Ordered it without even pre listening to the sample.

You are so brave.  The  Himalayas,  Wow.

Sorry for your SE pbms.  Nuesta needs only one for 7 Neupogen,    but neupogen is cheaper for the provider.  It is the patient who pays in time and travel (a real cost).

Hang in there.

Odd thing.  I felt rotten Tuesday on the 7th day after first Taxol.  Then this afternoon after the second, felt better.  Go figure. 

Got to go start listening to new book.  Know I will fall asleep.  'Nite.

patriciahurtado

Hopex3 .... I hope that taxol dosent wipe me out and continue to work through until surgery .. I will not push it.... I start taxol today..... Not nervous just worry about SE....



I will watch parenthood and see how much I cry Amy!!!!!



Well ladies wish me luck... I hope everyone is doing great today!!!!

Amy4978

Good luck Patricia I'll be thinking of you! Are you on weekly or dense dose?



I got three episodes in of parenthood are there more than this

first season?

Dakota212

Patricia

Good luck.

jojo2373

Good luck Patricia - I hope the SE's for you are very minimal.

Marian - been following you and your struggles.  Remain positive!  That view, oh incredible but I bet you have seen tons of incredible views?

I  watched Parenthood for the first time yesterday with my daughter.  She asked me to since she said "it hits close to home".  I watched the most recent one where she goes to the hospital.  Did she just start chemo in the show cause her hair still looks good!

I was in bed by 8pm last nite - so physically exhausted and cranky, but I guess you don't do 8 rounds of dose dense chemo and feel like dancing.  

EnglishRose75

Bearcub: I had a radiotherapy planning session a few weeks ago where they did a CT scan.  Is this what you mean?  It was pretty uneventful.  They drew some marks on me and put some kind of stickers in various places, made me lie in a still position with my affected arm raised in a stirrup type thing, shoved me through, and then did two pin prick tattoos, one on my chest and one under my arm which they'll use as markers to line me up when I have my radiotherapy sessions in January.  It was a very quick and painless procedure.  The worst bit is lying on the "bed" which is like solid rock and lying absolutely still for a few minutes.

bearcub

Thanks English Rose, yes that is what I am expecting today, rads start in Jan, and I was hoping they won't make me keep the markings in place until then. I really wanted to continue to use the hot tub through Christmas.

allurbaddayswillend

Cindi, I had 6 months of chemo too. It does really get to be an awful lot of time for some of us but it too shall pass, ok? I found the side-effect-timing of Taxol was different than AC also. I'b be ok the day before chemo, the day of and a couple days after and then, wham! the side effects would hit me whereas with AC the SE's start almost immediately. I hope you have something working for the achiness, if not, get on the horn with your MO and get it, cause it's worth it! I hope you're doing better today! And I agree that hot baths and heating pads tended to be the best for the aches. I'm only 3 weeks PFC so I'm still using the heating pad a lot.

Good luck, Patricia!

bearcub, I was given little tattoo spots on my ct simulation day. I didn't even know I had a choice between just pen marking and tats! they are small but on my fair skin the little black dot at my cleavage is very noticeable and I will be having it removed some day, I just know it. My port scar is almost in the middle of my chest too and I'm thinking of asking my dermatologist about a serious chest peel someday if that'll reduce the scarring.

Hang in there everybody!

patriciahurtado

Thank you my ladies!!!! I woke up so ready in not even on steroid.... Home made oatmeal....cooked some lentils with salad and rice ... Made my DH some breakfast to go and for my daughter... Vacuum the house and mopped.... Paying some bills .... And will be off to taxol.... So I'm ready to come home and relax after..... Oh yeah cleaned out the refrigerator......



I'll let you ladies know how it goes today!!!

Dakota212

Patricia- please do keep us updated and good luck. Everything crossed for no S/E!!!

twinsplus1

Amy, Parenthood has been on for a few years now. I started watching a couple of years ago when my mom said there was a boy with Asperger's Syndrome on it. One of my twins is an Aspie. From that point on, I cry nearly every week watching that show!

Amy4978

Twinsplus... Thanks I am now six episodes in on season 1 I hope netflix has another season! I feel an addiction coming on Lol

QueenKong

I have my surgery tomorrow and I'm afraid, trying to stay calm & distract mysel reading all your posts and trying to get some xmas shopping done on line for my 7 to daughter. I've done nothing. I'm afraid to go to stores and get sick after the pneumonia, I'm still still weak and so much crap going around.

I had steel cut oatmeal this morning, for the second day in a row. Why did my cholesterol go way up after chemo & pneumonia? It was borderline before and I've lost almost 20 lbs! How did that happen. I can't even deal with it til after surgery & more chemo.

I've been watching Parent Hood at the urging of a friend. I too wonder, why does she still have hair? Where's the port? They capture some of the other shit we go through well. The familt troubles, the sickness, the drama with kids around. It's so hard. Sometimes, I have to turn away. That beeping of the machine during chemo made me cringe. Why does my husband not bring me weed? geez.

Anyone read Anti Cancer?

QueenKong

Allyoubaddays: a tat? is that necessary? I don't think I'd like that either.

Someone mentioned they made a vid for their kids. I haven't done that. I am not organized enough. 

Joemommy

Mariposa - I am HER2+ and didn't get a port.  I have very good veins but asked the nurse at my last treatment if she thought I had enough to get through the whole year.  She told me that the chemo treatments destroy the veins but the Herceptin does not, so basically if you have enough good veins to get through chemo then Herceptin won't be an issue.  Thought that was interesting and I hope true because the thought of a port or line gives me the heebie jeebies.    Plus, surgery adds a lot to my hospital bill!

Dakota212

Queen-

Good luck. What procedure r u having ?

Mariposa123

Joemommy:  I have pretty good veins, but they didn't even give me a choice about a port.  It totally freaked me out too- but now, I love it.  I don't feel a thing when they access it.  It is weird having this odd little thing in my chest- but it has been good for me.   Nice to know that the herceptin doesn't further impact veins.  You are totally right about the bill though!  I totalled up all of the bills thus far that my insurance has been billed and it came to $229,000.  And I haven't even had surgery yet!!!!  Yikes!

Queenkong:  After the Parenthood episode where she gets pot, I was totally investigating it online.  It would cost me a hundred bucks for a license- and then the minimum cost for delivery was like 65 bucks.  I was definitely thinking about it.  Now I am no longer getting chemo, so I guess I don't need it anymore.  What surgery are you getting?  You will be in my thoughts tomorrow and I will send you tons of healing energy:-)

Amy & Twins:  I am also always crying watching Parenthood.  It is hard since she is going through what we are all going through- but at the same time it is so validating to see it on television.   My husband watches it with me. 

Patricia:  Good luck with the Taxol! Hope it is super easy with no SE!!!

Cindy:  Hope you are still feeling great today too!

My energy level is getting better- but I am anxious about getting my surgery scheduled.  I don't want to wait a long time in between chemo and surgery... nervous.

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bearcub

Joemommy I also was given the choice, did AC and am now doing herceptin. I am so glad I had the choice to not have a port.



Queen Kong, good luck with your surgery.



Cindi I hope you keep feeling well, I was so done with chemo, I could not imagine having to continue, you are certainly in my thoughts as you continue on.



Allurbad I did do the ct simulator today only took about 20 min. Yes I had 3 tats, the one in my cleavage is very far down, plus I have freckles so I don't think it will be much of a problem for me. It is hard to tell though as they drew on me with black felts and it is kinda covering it.



Everyone have a great Thursday!

marianelizabeth

Saw my RO for the first time today. As I totally expected, it is the usual (at least to me) "you have to decide what is best for you." Said many ways, over 45 minutes, I have to decide whether to have rads first or surgery first. What I wanted was a cut and dried, you should have rads first then surgery. But it did become evident that is that is likely better to have mastectomy and axillary dissection and skip the immediate reconstruction if I did choose surgery first. It is all kind of a crap shoot but I do agree that to do the surgery and immediate recon (T/E only choice due to lots of reasons) before rads has an element of risk in that if anything went wrong and healing took longer etc. then there would be a bigger gap between chemo and rads. Since my cancer is aggressive, with cancer on a margin and close to the rest of the margins, lots of positive nodes as well as the extensive lympho-vascular involvement, I suspect, but again have to decide myself, that it is better to have rads first and take my chances with recon down the road. I did ask to be on next week's breast cancer team meeting and though the MO basically said that all that will happen is more opinions at least I feel like I will have got the best I can. Meanwhile my rads are to start Feb. 25 if last Taxol is on schedule Jan30. 

Mariposa, I am with you being nervous about gaps!

Hopex3

Patricia....how did it go today?



I guess I'm missing out on Parenthood. Wondering if I can catch up through Netflix.

I am into Revenge. No BC there, just lots of money and affairs!



Onc reduced my taxol today because of the neuropathy. My legs got really restless during treatment. They told me it was the benedryl. I had to get up and take my pole for a walk many times so I didn't get much of a nap! Had a patient next to me. He must have been in his 60's. his wife wanted him to take a DNA test to see if he was "Jeremy's" father and he started cussing at her. Tis went on for 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. Thankfully my curtain was closed.



Entertainment at its best! Lol



Erin

Cocobean

Marian-

Hope you are feeling better, you definitely had a rough go. I was in sorta similar situation with the rads/surgery question. I had the bmx with expanders in July on 25th, my PS really wanted to do my implant exchange surgery before I had rads. He told me more than once how challenging radiated skin can be for PS...(geez thanks) Well, I ended up with delayed healing issues with the incisions and my chemo got pushed back 4 weeks. My RO said we needed to start rads within 6 months of my bmx surgery, which would be Jan 25. I will finish chemo on Jan 4th. Which would give me about 4 weeks to heal from exchance surgery IF there were no complications with the incisions. At first the drs were like what do you want to do??? I was like umm I don't have a medical degree, aren't you supposed know? I did say although I do want the best comestic outcome, my main focus is my overall health and being cancer free. So my RO and MO basical told the PS that they were ok with me having the surgery before rads, but when the ball was in the PS court he was like no, it's too risky and assured he has had sucess with exchange surgeries after rads. He also added there is always a plan B, which he meant a flap surgery, which I do not want. So I am trying to not worry about the reconstruction, and remember the big goal is to be living healthy for a long long time! 

bearcub

Marian it certainly is a journey this Breast Cancer stuff. Tough decisions when all the options seem to be things we do not want to face, and we have to pick one. I am thinking of you as you move along. This is one tough mountain to climb...but you will get there.

patriciahurtado

Queenkong.....i will be praying and sending lots of energy to you...it will be ok ....not that i have had it but i always think of getting there and saying F*&^^$#% it.....im getting it off me and and i will win this one...im pretty sure by this time tomorrow you will be feeling relief that you are almost done.....im just 1/4 there ......We are all here for you....

Amy my infusitions are every week for 12 weeks...but the nurse said that i get a break after the 3rd so ill ask my onco cause the one the of the ladys from scheduling has me for 4 weeks ....

I went to the big girls chair with my daugther she held my hand she was so cute we watched parenthood together and she loved it she will continue to watch it she said....she wants to be speech therapiest for kids so she loved the first episode...

Today my port hurt i dont know why....i had benadryl first and i couldnt sleep i was very fatigue i tried to and the nurse was telling me about the SE but came in through one ear went out the other i was drowse.......whie all the chemical were run through my port my boob was cold...lol...nothig to worry about i drank all my glutimine....10 grams is a lot.....i came home and slept for a few hours and im wide awake now.........my pain on my port went away ....im glad my baby girl drove cause i pased out in the car after 10 minutes ...lol...im feeling ok right now.....

My DH always comes with me to all my chemos but i took my daughter cause i need her to also share my experience....when my DH came home from work i started to cry cause i read ALL the SE that may occur ........how i hated all those scary side effects like  DEATH MAY OCCUR but very rare...damage to heart muscle and so on 50 SE..............really i know that it may not occur but shit really!!!!!!!!!!! and he hug me and cried with me and said that at least your hair is growing baby...........and he said that he was sorry that i was going through this but we will win this one!!!!

i feel that it was my MEDS making me cry cause im right back up and saying "i got this"....i do!!!...

Just wanted to share this....i get alot of hot flashes during day and night not alot but maybe 3 times a night and day....but when i get it at night i like it!!! i feel that hot and sweat and then it goes away ...and i wake up it just feel cool after that....i might be going crazy but instead of getting mad i just go with that nice flow..call me weird but it feels good.....

@mariena .....Having to deside what to do specially us that we just want the experts to say  firts you need this then that and so on would make it much easier!!!........My surgent told me to have chemo firts to shrink the tumor so it would be much easier to remove it..then she suggested to have surgery..after surgery she recomended radiation to kill any cells that she was not able to see...and i would have 7% more for survival...i love my surgent and my PS is one the best here in MIAMI ...i hope that this helps....My RO also agree on surgery first then radiatio...also she said that if i had implants before chemo it would shrink the implants .........why would i want then reduce...i got to take avange and get then BIGGER (36B o-o)  to  (36C+++  O-O)lol...just saying!!!

If i get any SE when should i expected???

"Jeremys' father" Jerry Jerry Jerry...........lol........