Sept 2012 chemo
Comments
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I get the horrible taste in my mouth from taxotere. I drink water with a little lemon or lemonade in it. It is especially bad after I eat anything sweet (which sucks because that is what I love most). I get a horrible bitter aftertaste. On taxotere, it only lasts maybe five days then it is gone until next time. I try to remember that.
Hope everyone has a nice Sunday!
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Having a really bad day. My husband and I had the hugest argument. I just feel so unsupported. Laundry is piled up, the house is a mess, the kids need attention, dishes in the sink. I just can't keep doing such a huge portion of the work. And on top of everything, I have chemo next week which always makes me an anxious mess. I don't know what to do. When I asked for help, I got anger and sarcasm and statements like, "I don't ask you to clean up." But who is going to do it if I don't. I have been crying all morning. Our relationship has always been like this. I work more out of the home as well as in the home. I pay all of the bills. I take on all of the responsibility.
He can be very nurturing and he is super smart and funny... but I am beginning to think that isn't enough for me. I am feeling pretty hopeless about my marriage. I feel so angry that this has to be happening when I am trying to focus on battling cancer. I guess that is probably why it is happening now.
Sorry to complain - just feeling like I have no one else to talk to about this. On top of it all- my body aches so bad today and my eye is twitching like crazy.
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Becki, my taste is off for a few days after the Taxol treatment but gets back to normal after 5 days.
Question to those doing rads or starting soon - are you working? When are you doing treatment (morning or afternoon)? My plan is to be back in my office working during rads and was wondering if anyone has had concerns. I was thinking on way home would be best.
Thanks for any input, hope all are having the best day you can! -
So sorry mariposa. This cancer creates so much stress on a household. My dh just left for overnight business trip. I feel terrified. Not feeling great today at all. Hang in there. Things can only look up from here. It's like we're in the bottom of a well looking up. I feel your strife!
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Mariposa,
We're all here for you. And remember, no one here need apologize for how they're feeling.
I think the physical and emotional things we're dealing with are so hard for others to really understand - and it's made even more difficult because we're going through them over such a long time. Stressfull on any relationship. Add young kids to the mix, and financial pressure/expectations, the holidays, and that's just a LOT to deal with.
I hope you're able to find the balance and support you need, especially as you're going through all of this. Is there anyone else you can lean on for some extra help so that you can focus more on taking care of you right now?
BIG HUG!
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Mariposa - I understand, have a very similar situation. In addition to the house work, my husband has a new need to go out bar hopping, along with starting fights and slipping out the door to go to bars. Very frustrating.
I wish I had some great advice, but feel exactly like you do.
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JoJo I do rads starting in January, they asked what time was best and I said at least 10 as the snowplows would have been out since I am on a school bus route. They said then they would schedule between 10-1 pm ...didn't sound like I could pick a time. No I am no longer working.
I just want to say I was a bit shocked that my Tamoxifen was free, I thought I would have to pay at least the dispensing fee. No pharmacist said courtesy of British Columbia Cancer Agency..at least something good for the next 5 years. -
Mariposa and Butterfly: Huge cyber hug to you both! I don't have any advice for you on your hubby's as mine is an alcoholic! I told him when I was first diagnosed to please cut down on his drinking as I need him to be here for me. Grrrr... However, he does cook and does the dishes and he is happy and very good to me. So, I guess I can't complain too much!
Have you ever thought of getting a cleaning lady while your going through this! That was the first thing I did. Every other week and it has been a godsend. I still have to do the laundry and grocery shop. But having someone come in and clean takes a lot of stress off me! Just a thought!
This whole cancer thing is not only stressful on us but our families as well. Thank God we have each other to rant and rave too. I would be lost without these threads!! But our families don't have an outlet like this. Sometimes I feel as if my DH doesn't know what to say or do when I have a meltdown. They should have a class for the caregivers right from the beginning.
I'm rambling....good luck to everyone this week. I have my 3rd taxol. Just dreading it as I'm just now feeling better.
Take care of yourselves! -
Mariposa, go ahead and rant. Tell us about it. This is hard, really hard on all concerned. i'm sure your husband is worried aobut you, appreiates what you do, and like most men, takes advantage of it. Is there anyone who can come help? Mother, sister. friend? Now is the time you need them.
Let what house stuff you can go. Do the easy meals. Pray and count your blessings.
Before dh comes home, pin this on the door to the bedroom.
I don't choose to be walking.
I don't choose to be talking.
The only thing I'm choosig is to be here woozy-snoozing
So won't you kindly go away.
I am NOT going to get up today!
Any chance someone can take the kids for a couple of days?
Those people who said they wanted to help--ask them.
By the way, even though it stretched our budget, I hired one of my good college students to work some hours during the Christmas break--cleaning kids rooms, taking them to park, putting up decorations--and I didn't have cancer then.
She needed the money, and I needed a break.
Hugs.
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Twinsplus 1--I had been on Tamoxifen for 3 years before my cancer came back. I don't have a clotting disorder, but my medical team really wants me to get my ovaries out and then put me on AIs. I haven't done enough research yet, but I know a lot of people who start on AIs instead of Tamoxifen.
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Morning ladies,
Hope everyone is doing ok....really do love hearing about people finishing up and moving on to the next steps....reminds me I'll be there too. #5 is scheduled for this Friday, so gonna try to take advantage of this week of feeling pretty good and get some things done, shopping, cards, visits with family and friends, and dr. appt. I have an ECHO and chest X-ray scheduled for tomorrow, my 12 week follow up to see how things are going with my heart after being on herceptin....so hopefully that all goes well, I'm sure it will.
Mariposa- vent away! I hope things get better, this experience is so stressful, it takes a toll on so many aspects and relationships. I second the house cleaner suggestions, if you can swing it, it's really helps ease the load for everyone. She comes every two weeks. Also my eye has been twitching like crazy too, it's so annoying.
Thinking and praying for everyone as we march on and kept moving forward, it's a tough road, but we can do it! -
Butterfly -
I can totally relate. My husband thinks he's in college once again. Doesn't even live at home. I decided I have to get they this first before I do anything. Doesn't even ask how I am feeling nothing no responsibility whatsoever!!
Cocobean-
Yes!! I got a cleaning person and have my groceries delivered. I don't have time to do it all. I highly recommend it if u can Marioposa then u will have more energy for those kiddies they are good therapy ! -
dakota - thanks, good to know that I am not alone. Friday night he picked a fight, acted like he was going outside to smoke a cigarette and did not come home until after 230. I used to get upset and call him, now I just ignore it, still bothers me, just not giving it the energy that I used to. It would only stress me out and not change a thing.
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Yup, tried to tell me he was Xmas shopping for me alone Friday and Saturday night. But he also says he's moving home... Heard it so many times. I just want to get thru chemo then decide what I am doing. I don't call anymore either. His loss we are great people. There is a better life in our future!!!
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So sorry to hear about unsupportive husbands! I second the cleaner suggestion. Mine is thankfully very supportive but we had this horrible time just recently when we thought he had cancer as well. Then we found out it was a benig tumor and would require surgery and now the surgeon has decided he doesnt need surgery right now. Just watch and wait. He seems ok with it but wont talk about it. It still worries me but I can't seem to communicate with him. Why is it so hard to talk to most men!
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Having my lunch and staring sadly at the two dexamethasone pills that need to be consumed. Am feeling great, and not eager to start experiencing those darn dex SEs. I kinda feel like it might be the Dex that affects me worse than the taxotere.... but as my MO says, the Dex is helping protect me from some of the more terrible taxotere SEs.
BUT.. YAY!!! My nurse just called and said that my WBC were so good this last time that I only need to take 5 neupogen shots this tx (instead of the usual 7!!) Happy dance!!! hahah... simple pleasures. But honestly, I hate those shots, and needing two less is really making me happy!
Ok, now back to those two little steroid shots tormenting me on my plate.....
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With taxol the only dex I get is via my iv. Anyone else? I take nothing orally this treatment. Other than b6 for neuropathy. Just curious about others. I agree about cleaning lady. Mine comes weekly. This is something I'm keeping after treatment too. We certainly deserve it! That and some diamond earrings. Who doesn't need some bling with the baldness. Lol?!
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Becki, I took 20mg dex nite before taxol, then right before treatment. MO said to take 4mg morning and nite for 3 days after treatment to help fight inflammation of joints/muscles. Helped me!
Mariposa, been thinking bout you and hope things are better :-)
I have been doing my own cleaning, I gotta change this! -
Becki - I only get the get the steroids in the IV during treatment also. Does the B6 help with neuropathy? I am hoping it is not permanent.
Dakota - you are so right, we are good people....their loss.
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Becki - I only get the get the steroids in the IV during treatment also. Does the B6 help with neuropathy? I am hoping it is not permanent.
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Just got back from my oncology appointment. My neuropathy appears to be pretty extensive- and so they are stopping chemo early:-( I am terrified. I wanted to be able to do the last two (I did four of six taxotere/carboplatin). My doctors fear that if I continue I will likely be wheelchair bound - and it wouldn't reverse itself for a year. So, now I am trying to understand that I am done with chemo and I am on to my next step. I just want to do all I can to make sure that it never comes back. Feeling depressed and kind of like a failure. They pricked me in the foot with pins and I couldn't feel anything. The numbness tingling is pretty much constant in my feet at this point. And my legs feel like I just finished running five miles all of the time. The neuropathy takes a while to go away... my doctor said it could be a year and sometimes longer.
Going in tomorrow for my herceptin. They also want me to consider an oopherectomy when I go in for surgery. I feel like I am being gutted.
I am sorry too that so many of us are having husband issues. I don't know what I am going to do about mine. The issues have always been there- they are just super noticeable now. I wish I had someone who really could support me through this so I could focus on healing. I also wish I could afford a housecleaner- but things are tight around here. They have the free housecleaner service during chemo- but it wasn't in my part of the bay area:-( Oh well. At least us wonder women have each other!
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I'm sorry to hear that Mariposa! Both that you're having such bad neuropathy and that you have to stop early. But you were able to get more the majority of what you were supposed to get, and it's good that your doc is being cautious. You still have herceptin and tamoxifen in your corner, which are powerful drugs. For me, it's easy to forget that they are also good cancer killers because they don't cause the terrible SEs. But these drugs really work wonders, and are are a very important part of your treatment.
It breaks my heart to hear you say you feel like a failure, because you are absolutely NOT! You are a fighter! These drugs we get are crazy toxic, and it's a wonder any of us make it through in one piece.
At yoga last night, the teacher was talking about the mathematical concept of zero...ancient Indians were one of the first civilizations to come up with the concept. She talked about it quite a bit, but one thing she said really stuck with me. She said, "Before you can go anywhere, you have to start at zero." It really struck a chord, and as has become the norm at yoga, I started crying. So much of the pain that has come with breast cancer for me comes from the fact that I can't be who I was six months ago, and feeling like I'm missing out on my life, feeling like a failure because I'm not accomplishing anything. I decided last night that I would try to just focus on getting back to "zero," and then worry about moving forward. Does that make sense? Maybe chemo brain makes these things feel more profound than they are, but it felt big to me.
I'm very sorry to hear about problems with husbands people are having. I wish that every one of us could get the support we need from our SO's and family.
I have this silly/ridiculous theory, that totally gives me away as a graduate student in literature who has read too much psychoanalytic criticism. I think breast cancer is especially difficult for some men, because of that connection between the breast and the mother (and safety, love, security). The breast becoming a focal point of emotion and energy turns them back into babies. Eh? -
Regarding the bad taste with Taxol...yes, I have it too. I guess I just eventually got used to it. There's still a lot I don't want to eat. I only want sweets...savories like beef taste disgusting.
One thing I found to help with the taste of water is this stuff called Elecro-mix. It's made by Emergen-C, and it's a lemon flavored drink mix that adds electrolytes to your water. The taste is pretty mild, but it masked the bad taste enough so that I could drink tap water. -
Mariposa you are not a failure . This is the hardest thing you will ever go through and you are a warrior . I am so sorry to hear that your DH is not being supportive . I really believe that men block things out at times .
We are moving after Christmas and I have been packing like a crazy lady. Keeping the Christmas stuff up and that will be the last I pack . It sucks because I have chemo on Friday then my last one on the 28th and we are moving into our new place the 30th. I am praying that I will be able to unpack. I feel so overwhelmed right now but I know that this too shall pass but I just need to keep trusting god and have faith .
This neuropathy is horrible . My fingers and toes ache -
There are no failures here Mariposa, we are all here with our own set of problems yet one common bond - the will to live and beat cancer. As Toastie said we are all starting at zero as we will never be as we were before. Your body needed to stop the chemo for now, but you have other treatments coming your way and a strong will to survive. Remain the strong spirit we have grown to care for and admire!
Praying for all suffering with neuropathy! I sit in my chair tonight with the regular after taxol leg pain, but know it will get better! Hugs to all. -
Mariposa: you have not failed at all! I think your doctors have made a wise decision. You have had over half of chemo already and besides you will be taking the other meds too that will beat those shithead cancer cells to death! I feel sad that you are feeling so bad. I think you should take a hot bath and have a cup of tea! Always works for me!
Timbek2: I like the diamond earrings idea....
Cherioo: Are you moving to a different town? -
Hopex3 no, we are staying in the same town
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Mariposa - you are not a failure...the neuropathy is awful, my hands and feet are constantly numb, and now my right arm is joining in. I understand the fear that you are having, my oncologist said last time that he may weaken the dose or stop if the neuropathy does not improve. I just want to push through and make sure this never comes back.
I am getting the oopherectomy as well. I tried to get them to do it at the same time as bi lateral mastectomy and expander placement, but they wouldn't, said too long under anesthesia, and the above surgery was over 6 hours.
I hope everyone has a great night with min side effects.
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Marioposa -
As these wise ladies said u are a fighter not a failure!! We all have come so far from dx to now. Only uphill from here! -
Thanks everyone:-) I knew I would get wonderful support here. I threw an ice cream sundae party for my kids and am feeling a bit better. My doctor said that my tumor has shrunk to next to nothing- and that with the herceptin and tamoxifen (or whatever they decide to give me) my chances are excellent... but it is just so hard to always have to be changing my idea of what is happening next. I am trying to focus on getting stronger each day and spending the next week that I would have been sick, having fun with my kids instead.
Much love to everyone! We are all fighters - I felt knocked down for a moment. But I am trying to get back up and get ready for the next round.
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