Don't Know How To Have Cancer

Time will certainly help your mind heal. I was diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago & time has help. I'm trying to return to normalcy. I had a bilateral mastectomy because of cancer on both sides & location of tumors would leave unacceptable results in my mind. Did not consider recontruction. Honestly, my scars don't bother me. I dodged the chemo bullet also. Doing 5 years of Tamox. People can say all the stupid things they want to me, no longer bothers me. One thing that helped me was taking a 2 month break from these BCO boards. It got to where I was checking in 3 times a day. I'm back at work fulltime & have returmed to my pre-BC level of fitness. I'm looking into volunteering for the local "wildlife rescue". It's something I've always wanted to do. I hope this further diverts my mind from BC.

Hi CarolynVM.  It's a slippery slope.  When you hear your name in the same sentence as cancer, it's tramatic.  Technically if we have a lumpectomy with clear margins and no node involvement, it's gone, but we are still considered survivors because from now on, we live on watch.  It does not have to consume you, it's just a fact.

Not to discourage you in any way, (hopefully just the opposite), as life WILL eventually return to a new normal.  A time will come when you are ready process what has happened to you, and you will be ready to go through the thought process of realizing you were diagnosed with cancer, went through the treatment(s), and are ready to move on.  I don't think it's possible to move forward without processing all of that first.

 It's unfortunate if our friends and family members have a different view.  Not only are you not over cancer, you are not done with your treatments yet.  Be kind to yourself.  Crying won't change anything, but it is a release.  I say go with it.  Your husband is doing what he needs to do to deal with your cancer, and you must do the same.

Best Wishes

xxxooo

Carolyn, you are probably stilli shock, and as has been mentioned, you need time to process all this. 10 days is not enough!

Docs have to be cautious and vigilant. Personally, I dislike those who sugar coat the diagnosis more than those who present a more negative position. Cancer is sneaky and can get out of the breast even with no positive nodes. Those of us who follow the prescribed treatments have a better chance of survivial, IMHO. I went into surgery with no clue that I had micromets in 2 nodes. The surgeon and radiologist said repeatedly there was absolutely NO indication that nodes were involved. I didn't want the sentinal node dye put in my breast (ouch!) and even tried to talk the doctors in the hospital, on the day of my surgery, out of giving it to me to check the nodes! Thank goodness nobody listened to my somewhat loopy and tearful request (had already gotten anesthesia to insert a clip). My point is that even with every reassurrance that cancer was not in my nodes, it was. Do everything you can to beat this beast! Best wishes!

Carolyn:  I'm with you.  I am also cancer free at this point.  However, I am still having complications and undergoing reconstruction from bilateral mastectomy over a year after being 'cancer free'.  I was spared chemo and radiation, but am in my first year of Tamoxifen. I am still getting treatment.  I am still feeling mutilated by my surgeries.  This is definitely NOT over.

I just want to say, about the 7-10% risk.  PLEASE understand this is a risk of recurrence NOT a risk of death.  That was hard for me to put into the right pocket of my brain.  It is a risk that you will have  a recurrence.  Consider the initial risk of getting BC in the first place and try to imagine you are at the same risk of all other women.  That is how I categorize my risk.  It's the best I can do.