Finally found myself......

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Momof2inME
Momof2inME Member Posts: 683
edited February 2016 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Singing to the radio today. First time in 9 months. It would probably seem trivial to some but I know you all will get it. I was spending a "girls day" with my 4 1/2 year old daughter before she starts Pre-K next week. The sun was shining and we were driving to have lunch with my dad. I didn't even notice I was doing it but when I did, I really took in the moment.

I was also crying like a baby 4 hours later hugging my little girl but I think that's the Tamoxifen talking.. Smile

So what have been some of your "finally" back to doing something normal moments that you just one day noticed?? Would love to hear them.

{HUGS}

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  • kathleen1966
    kathleen1966 Member Posts: 793
    edited August 2012
    Oh soo happy for you that you had this moment!  I never stopped singing along to the radio but I did stop looking at my UK Country Living magazines for a while. I can't remember when I started looking at them again, and reading about cooking, gardening, travelling and decorating but I just bought one last night and spend hours indulging!!! And I am starting to think like I'm in that "I will live until I am 97 ignorant bliss" that everyone else lives with who hasn't been through what we have been through.  I feel lucky to KNOW That this will never be the case though and plan on using my time wisely, taking vacations, NOT fixing that crumbled ceiling, building the tree fort instead, this type of thing!  Congrats on your moment with your little one and many, many more!!  Smile
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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2012

    What lovely moments! Thank you for inspiring all of us to watch for and appreciate those little things that say "normal."

    • The Mods

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited August 2012

    sweet girl. all totally understandable.  enjoy these simple pleasures. soon you will find  bc will be a memory!

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  • katyand4
    katyand4 Member Posts: 171
    edited August 2012

    Probably about a month ago I got out the shower and wrapped the towel over the hair withouth even thinking about it.......and then I thought oh wow this is cool!  In that moment everything felt a little normal again.....this past week we dropped our third child (daughter) off for her first semester of college and yesterday our youngest (boy) started 4th grade.  All good my friends....all good!

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited August 2012

    Momof2inMe - LOVE the thread!  Thanks!  For me it was reading a travel book and a novel this week.   I've always been a voracious reader, but through BC treatment, I could only read BC books or internet reading about BC.  It was a delightful moment when I could go to the library, check out these books, and actually read them!  My heart still sings just thinking about it!

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  • Karina121293
    Karina121293 Member Posts: 370
    edited August 2012

    Momof2, lovely topic!!!! Congrats on your happy moment!!!! 

    I realized lately, that I wake up earlier and brighter, clean the house, go to work, do the shopping after it, come home , make food, feed my family, tidy, clean afterwards and chat and laugh and joke and still full of energy. Whereas only few months ago, it was either one or another, as I was getting tired or depressed too quick. It feels great!!! I also noticed, that I am again pretty much the same outgoing person and do not get miserable like before.  Having hair and losing some of chemo weight contributed a lot in it.  And one more thing - less crying (only sometimes  Tongue out ). 

    Lkc, love your words - bc will be memory, sooooo uplifting!!!! Thank you. 

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2012

    Last week I was walking my dog, he is some sort of shepard, not as big as a German Shepard, but big. Because of the lymphedema issues, I put his leash on my belt instead of holding it. It was late and quiet and he was happy to be out, so I started running with him, which he loves, and which 6 months ago, I simply couldn't do.

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  • lanagraves
    lanagraves Member Posts: 596
    edited August 2012

    OMG - I remember the feeling when it hit me that I could actually feel "normal" again. For me, it was being able to plan family outings and weekend trips again beyond tomorrow. That's always been huge for our family. I remember the day I surprised myself by saying "when we go to Disney World next year, the new Fantasyland will be open..." Then I stopped and realized, there was going to be a next year.

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  • geewhiz
    geewhiz Member Posts: 1,439
    edited August 2012

    Awesome topic ladies...love it!!



    My "moment" that sent the energy through my toes was buying a cookbook and cooking a full wonderful meal from the Candle 79 cookbook, a restaurant in New York City.



    Prior to my diagnosis, I LOVED to cook. After changing my diet radically...no cookbook inspired me, and I didnt know how to cook vegetarian. It became a serious chore to feed my family of 5.



    One day, I bought the book...got goosebumps from all the wonderful recipes, and hit the grocery. I found that zen again that cooking used to bring me. It just snuck up, but I knew I was finding joy again.

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited August 2012

    I continued to do things I love all through treatment, including cooking.  Just dialed it down as less energy.  That said, there have been defining moments since.

    Will try to think of a few startomg about six months post radiation......

    • Feeling the wind through my hair the first time.
    • Getting my dreams back.
    • Planning a weekend cycling adventure, and driving there via a new route over the Cascade mountains.  The  Yakima Canyon ride was magical.
    • Being asked to collaborate on a White Paper with two male business associates.....and getting an extract published.
    • This year's New Year's Resolution.....to cook a new dish every single month.  Something I haven't cooked in decades counts too.  Reminder that I need to think of September, as did Elk Ragu Bolognese in July and Veal Satimbocca earlier this month.
    • Realizing that I just LOVE my post chemo look.  I had to recreate everything, and ever so much better now.
    • Climbing up to the lookout point at Silver Peak on my skis and looking out more than 100 miles to the Olympic Mountains on the most glorious winter day ever.
    • Realizing that I really am on top of my game professionally.  Plus the courage to try new things.
    • Doing the ride to Vancouver BC (192 miles) two weeks ago.....including all hills but one.  I am stronger than ever cycling.  Certainly couldn't do this in my 20s!
    • The ferry ride picture from last weekend showing absolute joy on my face.  NYC skyline in the background.

    I am hoping to add "hiking on Mt Rainier" this coming weekend, but only if I recover from this cold thingie.  BLECH!!!

    I think this post is fascinating.  I made sure I did great stuff throughout this entire process, but admit that the defining moment for moving forward was the cycling adventure followed by the realization that "my dreams are back".  The biggest change is that I am much more deliberate now in making sure I include fun and joy in my life.  I was already down that path, but almost feel an obligation back to God for granting me this extra time on earth.  I do not want to squander it.

    Looking back, I would say that the real change came about one year following radiation, but also included a number of false starts.  This is the year I am really getting to enjoy. - Claire

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  • kestrelgurl
    kestrelgurl Member Posts: 266
    edited August 2012

    .....riding a roller coaster (actually ALL the roller coasters Laughing) at Disneyland, something I NEVER would have done before BC. I was always afraid of rides, but I guess taking 28 "rides" on the radiation table helped me get over that.

    Went with 4 girlfriends, one who just completed her treatment, and had an absolute BLAST! One of the funnest days ever! I smile whenever I think of it.

    Now I want to take my kids (24 & 26) for the first time and am planning a girl's trip to Magic Mountain. Whoda thunk it?

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  • sugarplum
    sugarplum Member Posts: 318
    edited August 2012

    THAT'S IT - you & I had the very same defining moment! I have been musical my whole life & love to harmonize with whatever's playing in my car at the moment. As I went through chemo I found it difficult to talk (let alone sing) because I was so nauseous  - my mouth & throat just didn't want to do any more than absolutely necessary. I think it was about 8 months later (after I started driving back & forth to work again) that I realized I was singing in the car.

    I've told this story to people many times but never met someone else who mirrored it - until now! Sing on, sistah!

    Julie

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited August 2012

    For me, it's all the simple moments in life that are so much sweeter now.  One of them is waking up in the middle of the night and finding the nine year old asleep on one side, the eleven year old on the other, and the (very big) dog snoring at the bottom of the bed-not a lot of moving room, but it's all GOOD.  It's also snuggling with them on the couch and watching a great movie together...peace, that's what it's all about, however it looks to you.

    Love

    Bobbie

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  • Momof2inME
    Momof2inME Member Posts: 683
    edited September 2012

    Thank you all for the lovely posts. I enjoyed reading every one and hope there will be more to come.

    It is comforting to hear that the little things are what bring the "new normal" into focus. Smile

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  • LyndaMarie
    LyndaMarie Member Posts: 92
    edited September 2012

    I am ten days PFC and this thread is so encouraging!! I have kept many normal things in my life but chemo has compromised so very much. I still have surgery and possibly radiation, but it is so encouraging to hear how well you are all doing and that normal plus a heavy dose of appreciation for normal is coming!

    Thanks for a great thread Momof2!

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited September 2012

    I went dancing last night! Had on sexy skirt/tank top. I've lost weight with chemo, so I look better than ever. Hair coming in nicely. celebrated my sisters 50th birthday.Had dinner then I think we went to 4 bars, danced at all. most of the time no one else would get up and dance. but me and my sister did. We had a great time. the last bar we did lemon drop shots, and danced with strangers , music was blasting, took taxi home. my legs are killing me today.

    Does PFC mean Post F...ing Chemo? 

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  • kathleen1966
    kathleen1966 Member Posts: 793
    edited September 2012

    Well it it doesnt, it should!!! (P F...ing chemo!)

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  • fredntan
    fredntan Member Posts: 1,821
    edited September 2012

    ha ha I finally looked it up. Final!! that makes sense. still using my version

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  • LyndaMarie
    LyndaMarie Member Posts: 92
    edited September 2012

    I think we can use whatever F word moves us in the moment!!! I am just ridiculously glad it is over!

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  • KSteve
    KSteve Member Posts: 486
    edited September 2012

    I actually booked a vacation to Jamaica for May 2013 to celebrate my DD's college graduation. I'm finally comfortable making plans for more than just next month. It made me realize that I'm no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop! What a great feeling!!

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  • Momof2inME
    Momof2inME Member Posts: 683
    edited September 2012

    KSteve: I love that!! DH and I went to Jamaica sveral years ago pre kiddos. What a fantastic time and celebration you will have!!Smile

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  • _Ann_
    _Ann_ Member Posts: 769
    edited September 2012

    I'm a bit earlier in the process than most of you but I had a nice moment this weekend.  Spent time at the DH's house (we're recently married and still have 2 houses) and I was able to enjoy being there and helped with yardwork and cleaning, and thought this is my house now too so I want to take care of it.  Last time I was there it just made me sad and terrified because I associated it with "where we spent time before BC" and I felt marooned from everything "before BC".  I thought I might always feel that way, but now my life is connecting itself back together into one whole.

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  • mary625
    mary625 Member Posts: 1,056
    edited September 2012

    Just returning from a cruise started on my one year anniversary of diagnosis! I sang karaoke and danced. Also drank a little too much but thats another story. I am starting to dream again, renew some of the plans I had in place BC and rethink certain friendships. I am feeling somewhat in control again.

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  • Karina121293
    Karina121293 Member Posts: 370
    edited September 2012

    Ok ladies, since this is such a positive and happy thread, thanks to Momof2, and we share happy moments here, why don't we post some pictures as well!!! It will also be a good place for the new girls to get inspiration.

    Mary, I am so happy for you!! Having dreams means feeling ALIVE...

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  • Dianarose
    Dianarose Member Posts: 2,407
    edited September 2012

    I started back competing in baking competions last moth. I had to prove to myself that I could do it. I am proud to say I kicked ass and won every catorgory I entered and recieved the judges choice award for my decorated cake. It felt good to be me again. I was tired for a week afterwards, but I had the drive back which was a good feeling.

    Mary625- I too had forgotten about dreams of things I wanted to do before this dam BC, but I want to get back on track with them again. I too have found out who my friends are through all of this. Time to weed the garden of friends and plant the new ones I have made along the way.

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  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited September 2012

    Thanks, ladies, for all the inspiration!!!   Love the stories!

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited September 2012

    My moment was in McDonald's eating a Big Mac.  It ...  tasted ... wonderful!

    The irony is that we very seldom go to McDonalds (maybe a couple of times a year?) but when my taste buds were so bad the only thing I could stand was Cambells chicken noodle soup.  I was so hungry but getting things past my taste buds was very difficult.  And from somewhere, I started this yearning for a Big Mac.  So when I got my taste back and my husband wanted to take me out to enjoy a good restaurant, I told him McDonalds! 

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  • Momof2inME
    Momof2inME Member Posts: 683
    edited November 2012

    Bump....

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  • CherylinOhio
    CherylinOhio Member Posts: 623
    edited December 2012

    One of my defining moments happened this Sunday. My sister and I were coming home from a horse show and as we were driving I realized I hadn't thought about bc all day!! I had a great time with my horse and won a 2nd place ribbon!!  I hope these moments come more often and the moments turn into days and weeks....

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  • Momof2inME
    Momof2inME Member Posts: 683
    edited December 2012

    Terrific post Cheryl! I look forward to the day I can go a few hours without thinking about cancer.

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