Starting Chemo July 2012

Melanie - I also surprised myself by feeling more "down" mentally the better I felt physically. Part of it is like an ultra marathon runner. They run over 90 kms through terrible hardship, and when they turn the corner and see the finishing line they collapse. We are the same - I think we put all our energy into getting through the chemo, and not worrying our family and friends and when it is finished we have time to mourn and reflect on what we have lost. Unfortunately my family and friends all think it is over when the chemo is finished, but I realised my life is never going to be the way it was before BC. I am working through it slowly, and coming to terms with it all. Our lives will never be the same, but it is life, albeit a different kind of life, and it can also be good. Peace and big hugs to you.

skimommi - the neulasta injection works well, but your counts go up and down. My counts were the lowest once when they should have been at their highest. It was the one cycle though that I didn't have the neulasta injection. Always be aware of germs without being paranoid, and don't let anyone near you who is sick. Theoretically - you counts are lowest days 7-9.  Oh be careful handling money. It is full of germs. If I am not mistaken I read that is how the saying "Filthy Lucre" came about. Good luck with your chemo. Hope it goes really well for you.

It was my first day back at work today. I am on phased return, so do reduced hours for a month - gradually building them up. It felt like my first day at school! Anyway my colleagues were very kind, and are easing me into everything gradually.

emilybrooke - have you made your final decision yet? 

I remember my mother telling me when she finished chemo 3 years ago she went through a depression and felt totally lost for a while.  When your days are filled with appointments and so many people asking how you are doing and truly concerned for your well being almost daily.  Your entire year is consumed with cancer and its treatments then it all stops...  People think you are done, cured and will bounce right back and continue on where you left off as if nothing happened.  She said she even missed the Doctors appts. (not the treatments of course) 

It takes a while to get to some kind of normal again and you should try to find whatever helps you get there; support groups, counseling, antidepressants etc.

I know I seem extra chatty today but I have to share.

It still amazes me how ignorant some people can be!

I live in a condo and booked the party room for my family Christmas.  I had to sign some papers and submit a security deposit.  I went to the office with my usual hat and no make-up.  The woman wouldn't even look at me!  While holding a pen in her hand she asked me to sign on the dotted line.  I clearly had no pen on me.  I had to ask, "may I please borrow your pen?"  She actually hesitated and begrudgingly said o.k. !  It's cancer lady, you can't catch it!!!

Hi Emily,

Hope your return to work goes well.  I teach at the college level and was worried about germs too, but I do not have as many students as you do.  I am trying not to worry too much about it, but only recently started going into more crowded places.  The sense of normalcy at my office is helpful, but I find that I am far less patient than I used to be.  Little details of faculty meetings and minor concerns just seem so silly to me now.

Lifeonitsside - Your writing is beautiful.  Thank you for sharing that.  It really touched me.

I am a week away from a normal life!!!  My radiation appointments are counting down (4 left).
I am so close to the end that I have started the cycle of follow up appointments.  First one is this afternoon with my MO.  On Friday I realized they'll be checking my CBC and I just dread the thought of being stuck again!!  I haven't had any needle sticks since 9/4 and don't want one now!  One would think that after all I've been thru, a blood draw would be a piece of cake by now but NOOOOOOOO lol.  I also realized I will be leaving with my script for Tamoxifen.  Not sure how I feel about that yet.  The question at the top of my list is "How does taking Prozac affect the Tamoxifen?"  I've read a study that prozac or it's generics has been shown to decreast its effectiveness so I am concerned about that.  But God knows I wouldn't have been able to get thru the past 6 months without it.  I actually started taking it over a year ago because of some health issues my husband was going thru on top of finding out I suffer from PMDD.  Oh the things that would come out of my mouth!!! I felt so bad when I would explode and no matter what I did, I just couldn't stop myself!  Been so much better since I started the meds, much more level moods.  When it came down to it, it was pretty easy to swallow my pride and tell my GP what was going on rather than face my DH of 25 years walking out on me.

Confession-it is me who did not take sick days. But a bit of history--besides strong German stock. Early in my nursing career I worked in a pediatric isolation ICU for very little very ill children. I was probably exposed to--and then immune to almost everything. Then, I had 3 children in 4 years--another bit of immunity building. My 4th was born 8 years after my 3rd so more immunity to kid crap. Intermingled some acute psych--again not a healthy group and home health peds. I was probably immune to any and everything. Just did not catch anything or get sick. Have taught nursing for the last long period of time--exposed to adult infections from students and still did not catch anything.  Until my whites dropped to squat with chemo and have been on antibiotics twice since starting Taxol even with neupogen. Was able to avoid during the AC protocol. 

Stride--so good to hear from you again. And good to know surgery was easy compared to chemo. Mine is upcoming--not sure when--but hope prior to mid-January. What is next on your laundry list?

Taxol #7 for me tomorrow. I hope. 

s

Here's something that only other chemo patients will laugh about.
It's Friday afternoon at work and I'm a bit bored.  I've been using my cell phone to take pictures of the back of my head to see how much hair is there and I was SHOCKED when I saw how dark it was!   I'm not seeing any curl yet, but at least it is coming back in the same color it was before.  

I hope that treatments are ending for everyone and this thread will soon be July 2012 chemo GRADUATES. I was so glad to have this board to go to in those wee hours of the morning when sleep wouldn't come.  I drew such comfort from knowing I was never  going thru this alone because there were cyber angels with me.  

PAeagles--

What a good use of your cell phone!

Stride - Congratulations that is terrific news. It must be such a weight off your shoulders! Does the clinical trial for chemo involve having more chemotherapy? 

Emily - good luck with your first day back at work. I have just finished my first week back at work. It went well, but I felt like the new girl at school. Couldn't seem to remember anything. By Wednesday I was totally finished and threw a bit of a wobbly - shivery and feverish, but it settled down, and next week should be better. It was lovely to see all my colleagues back at work.

I had some wonderful news on Friday, and wanted to share it with you all. My BS told me I could only have the permanent implant put in after chemo had finished. I thought that included Herceptin, although I know it is a targeted therapy and not strictly a chemo drug. Anyway it appears I can have the surgery on Herceptin, so if I have the operation whilst on Herceptin I will be totally finished with all the treatments in July instead of October. The TE is also so uncomfortable, I will be glad to exchange it for the real implant. I could have skipped out of there!!

PA eagles - love your hair story. I keep looking at my stubble. If I look at it in a certain light it looks a bit longer. The bald bits haven't filled in yet, and it may be wishful thinking about the length, but hey you take what you can get!

To all those who are counting down - hang in there. Thinking of you. Please stay in touch once you have finished to let us know how you are all getting along. WE can compare hair stories.

stride, congratulations on clear margins!  Maddie, it must feel good to be back at work *and* get to finish treatment earlier than expected.  Yay for you!  My hair is growing like crazy all over.  It's mostly blond and fine but my head has definite brown shadow all over.  Lots of gray I never had before too.  It's still nowhere near enough scalp coverage to stop the headcovers though.

Well I only have 5 Taxol left but I'm getting a PICC line put in next week.  I'm tired of getting a hard painful bump at every IV site.  What's more I'm going to travel over the Thanksgiving holidays, which will be my first trip since July.  Heck with it, I haven't had any trouble with infection or anything yet so I'm going to risk it.  It will be a 12 hour car trip followed by several days in the mountains with about eight people.  There is a wood-burning hot tub that I will do my darndest to get the OK to use to use despite the PICC line.

I've kept up with the L Glutamine and still only very minimal symptoms of neuropathy.  So grateful to this board for that info.

SusanHG123 - So sorry to hear about the new areas of concern. Glad you are getting in for surgery sooner. Hopefully this will do the trick. Stay strong!

Susan - I am so sorry to hear the chemo has not had much effect on the tumour after all the harsh chemo regime you have been through. I hope the surgery goes well. Take it easy and try and build yourself up before you go. Sending healing vibs your way.

Ann - hope you have a great Thanksgiving. It will do you good to get away, and a car is so much better than a plane, as at least you can sleep better. Take a blanket, pillow and an eyepatch so the on coming headlights don't wake you up and try and sleep as much as you can on the journey. Hot tub sounds super!!!

My eyebrows and eyelashes still seem to be coming out even though I am 6 weeks post chemo. I had hoped I would hang on to the last ones, but not sure if I will now

Sending love to those who are struggling right now and cheers to those with successes!



Tonight, I'm having my "No Mo Chemo" party to celebrate the end of that section of treatment. In January, when I'm done with rads and all, plan to do something to really celebrate. Until then, this will do.