The Flat Look Vs Prosthesis (with Pics)

Frapp, are you considering immediate reconstruction, like TE's with your surgery? That makes the recovery a bit longer. Otherwise, as there are no organs, muscles or bones involved, the surgery is surprisingly low in pain. I found the time that the nerves started to regenerate - about 10 days out - to be the most annoying with the zapping and all, but you'd get that no matter what you decide to do. I went back to work full time 2 1/2 weeks after my double mast. It's do-able. And you can defer recon until a time when you're ready (or not).

Frapp, I also opted for a double, for practicality, symmetry and so I wouldn't have to monitor the "good" boob for cancer. The first surgeon tried to talk my out of it, so I found a surgeon who supported my decision. As some others here, there was pre-cancer/stage 0 in the supposedly healthy breast. I definitely saved myself future trouble. It seems to me that an argument can be made for the wisdom of it in your case too.

The surgery is not pleasant. What surgery is really? But, to my surprise, the pain really wasn't too bad. I had way more pain after the C-section with the kid, for example. On the other hand, I also found the recovery to be a bit of a slog. I was tired and mildly out of sorts for quite a while. 

twisted, we share beliefs! I, too, wear my flat chest as proof that I have survived something bigger than me!! I am not ashamed of my fight, but am certainly proud that I'm up and walking. I see people look and watch as the penny drops. Then they look at me and I don't see pity, I see admiration. I am a happy person and I'm here to prove that a mastectomy is NOT the end of anyone's life!! Being flat is not a shameful thing...

I saw that episode.  It was inspiring and aired at the perfect time for me. 

I just got a call by from my onc and she said she agrees with me and has talked to the surgeon.  It looks like I'm up for a dbl mx the end of this month.  I'm XL, tall at 5'9", so I'm guessing I'm going to end up looking like a middle aged man with a beer belly.  Lord, what have I gotten myself into?

Linda, your pictures give me strength.  Thank you for posting them.

Frapp, at first you will notice your belly. It will look HUGE!!! For one thing, you haven't seen it "from above" over your huge breasts in a long time!! You will have a ridge of fat that is resting on your ribcage right where your underwire bra sits. It is a protective ridge against the underwire. That doesn't get removed during a mast. Frustrating but true!! Ask your surgeon if they would remove it during surgery and see what s/he says...

You WILL learn to stand differently without the weight of your breasts, I promise!! At first you will hunch to protect your tender chest and it will irritate you when someone gives you a huge hug. It will feel WONDERFUL to have SOFT and silky fabrics against your bare chest. Very, very sexy actually....!!

As time goes on, you will notice the fat ridge begin to disappear and as you are learning to stand better, people will marvel at how much weight you have lost!! hehehehehehe  I STILL feel thin and sexy and I'm almost 4 years out!! I have bought my new clothes based on how soft they are against my chest wall. I was able to wear almost all my work clothes as before except obvious ones with darts for breasts. I dressed the same and no one noticed. Seriously. I worked with someone at a new job for 6 weeks before casually mentioning it and her jaw literally hit her desk! She was truly stunned and went red and apologized and I said for what?? The fact that we worked together and she didn't notice was very validating for my "attitude".

Oh yah, you WILL get a new attitude!! I'm SO glad you are getting a bilat!!! Your healing time will be done in one shot! 

Frapp - I am hearing resignation.  Yes, it seems almost certain that at first after a MX you will have a  noticeably larger belly to some degree or another but don't think that what you see at first will always be that way.   With small changes and tricks of the eye you can change the impact of that image.   Here are small things that worked for me.   Take the things that can easily be worked into your life and reject the others.   As you review things you will probably find your own small things that will make a difference without trying to take on too much.

1.  Be kind and gentle with yourself.   As you would do with a small beloved child that was sick, make your space as comfortable as humanly possible, wear only the softest most gentle fabrics and be kind with the internal dialogue.

2.  I am alone and probably one of the most fiercely independent people you will ever meet. "I can do it for myself - Thank you very much".  In those first weeks and months, consciously cut that attitude back and let people help you.   I broke my wrist a few weeks before the BMX though I would not find out it was broken until nearly a month after.  A particularly bad bone to break that takes many months to heal.  After the first 10 days after the surgery, I was on my own to clear the drains, bathe, take care of my Yorkie daughters, and figure out how to bandage (without tape) and re-wrap myself with one hand - I did it.  When I decided I could also mow the lawn with one hand, my dear neighbor's grandson with a lawn service business could take no more and took over the lawn for the rest of the season.  I told him I can't pay you and I can manage. He didn't take No for answer and I wisely stopped arguing. Do things for yourself, stretch and keep extending your range of motion, all extremely important.  Just do it slowly, gently, smoothly and wisely.

3.  I found that incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables in my diet and trying to cut back on the processed foods was a very positive change in my life.  Tried to keep the all things in moderation at the forefront. 

4.  Increased exercise slowly over time.  I mostly walk at a good pace or get on my Gazelle - both low to no impact.  At first do not hesitate to use the machines that they provide to drive around the store.  Part of being gentle with yourself in the beginning and really helpful at hiding the drains.   Which BTW, I think it is nearly universal to HATE HATE HATE the drains - just keep saying this too shall pass and it will.

5.  Consciously stand up straight, head up, shoulders back, and suck in your stomach every time you think about it especially when walking anywhere even a few feet.  For me that can be as simple as from my desk to the copier.  Very small things that will strengthen your core and will not cure but will have an impact.

6.  Clothes:  Anything that increases volume on top not only camouflages the flatness but helps to balance and smooth out the transition to the stomach area.   If you like and wear scarves they would be perfect.   I hate them, ALWAYS have, so not for me.  A good example of pick what works for you and reject what doesn't.   You know those shoulder pads? well guess what they can be great for balancing the top to the bottom.  Ruffles, rousching (sp?) and busy prints can seem almost inspired in creating illusions. Jackets, the popular flowy cardigans and vests tend to create smooth long leaner lines.  I have found the really wide stretch belts to be particularly useful in controlling the middle and creating more of an hourglass look.  Being very short bodied and short waisted with a flat butt, the belts have become for me a favorite accessory.

You will come out of this with a new body.   It is a challenge to make the transitions necessary to embrace the new body image and to learn to dress it.  I think the bigger challenge was learning that first of all most of the time nobody even notices and if they do, so what if they do?  Chances are pretty great that those that do have a connection to MX either themselves or someone close to them.  Most likely just happy to see you alive and upright.  Don't forget there is so much more about you than this and just because people look at you doesn't mean it is negative or even about the flatness or tummy.   You don't have to be flat to be self-conscious about your tummy.  They may be thinking how beautiful the color, the design or how it might look on them.

There are mean hateful people in the world, fortunately fairly few.  Eventually you will run into one of these idiots.  At most pity them for their lack of humanity, blow it off and move on.  They are not worth the air they breathe.

I am 2½ yrs out now.  I can honestly say I love the new me.  You will notice I made small changes, no crazy diets, no long hours at the gym, just small changes that added up to big changes very slowly over time.  I was a plus size girl when this all started.  BC is not my only health issue but it seems to have been the catalyst to finally inspire me to make more healthy choices in my life.

Barbara 

Crystal, sounds like your friends wanted you to literally share their grief!!! NOT!!!!

I only had one crass comment from a guy I used to work with when I went back to visit a location I used to work from. He said "Women are supposed to have curves." What I SHOULD have said was "Men are supposed to have big cocks." But I didn't.....sigh. I was just too stunned. He was a guy that used to lust over my body though, so I guess he really did miss my curves!!! Talk about sexual harrassment at work! I really had a case while I worked with him but didn't do anything about it. 

Frapp,

I'm not surprised you still feel some ambivalence about the upcoming surgery--it's a major change in your body, though hopefully not in your body image. But I'm so glad that your team has listened to your concerns and that your onc stepped in to support your inclination to have a BMX. I hope you'll find, as so many of us have, that being flat has its benefits in comfort and symmetry.

Barbara

I haven't been online for several months because life has just been crazy.  It's a nice coincidence that you seem to be in the middle of a discussion about removal of the second breast, even though it is not yet cancerous. (though I'm sorry that you are in this situation).  I have been feeling so down in the dumps trying to find someone to talk to who would understand.  I had my left breast removed last November, and I have been for 3 follow ups since then regarding the right side.  I finally convinced my surgeon this week to remove the right breast on this November 28th.  My husband sort of understands but isn't happy about it, but my family doesn't understand at all.  They think that if I am going to have surgery, I should have reconstruction done on the left, not removal of the right side.  (I'm not a good candidate - almost no tissue and very tight skin - implant could be done, but result not great; not enough fat elsewhere on the body to make a boob - and I think I would hate the result anyway)

One reason I want the second breast off is because I feel like a ticking time bomb. I want to live and stop worrying about when something is going to happen in the remaining breast.  people who haven't been through this don't understand what the constant anxiety is like - especially leading up to tests, and then waiting for results.  I also want the breast off because I want to finally feel free.  I was always small breasted through highschool and college and always hid my chest and felt embarrassed about it.  Now, I'm 50 and I hide my chest because I feel like a freak being lopsided, even though the remaining breast is only a 34B. I tried a fake boob a few times, but I hated it - in a way, it made me feel like I was ashamed of the reality the situation. To me, it's the presence of the right breast that makes it noticeable that the left is missing. I think that I will finally feel free once I am flat. I think I will be able to stand up tall and straight and proud.  No more uncomfortable bras! No more waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Bottom line, I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking about my boobs!  I really, really hope that I am making the right decision.

The other thing that is hard to make people understand is, that even though I am making this decsion of my own free will, it doesn't mean that I am not going to be crazy scared going into it, or that I won't have the same pain and fatigue, and the same anxiety and other emotional ups and downs that go with the whole surgery process.  I will also still worry until the pathology report comes back clean.

Djustme, I totally get the freedom feeling you are looking for! I haven't worn a bra for 4 years!!!! Woo hoo!!!! I recently bought a night gown with bra-like straps and sure enough, spend a lot of time pulling them back up! Forget the notion of what others think, it is totally up to YOU! I am a bit concerned that you say your DH isn't on board, though. Is that going to negatively affect your marriage? He is the only one that has a right to ANY input as far as your breast is concerned. That's why I don't understand why so many DOCTORS feel the need to pipe in!!                                   

Djustme, if removing your breast ends your marriage, then it wasn't strong enough at this time anyway. It already had too many cracks to hold together on it's own. What makes a woman a woman? Certainly not two mounds of fat on her chest and a hole between her legs!!! I think compassion, gentleness, passion, love and so many other wonderful words is what makes us different from men. I'm pretty sure if you had your eyes closed you know if it was a man or a woman kissing you. Good luck on your decision sweetie, and NO it isn't selfish of you to make the decision to take off your breast, it is selfish of your husband to want you to keep it when it bothers you so much! On a similar, but not so serious note, I had a boyfriend once that wanted me to grow my hair long!!! Um, no. My hair, my decision.

I also agree with having the second breast removed. I did, 18 months after the cancerous breast was removed. I did ok up until I had my first mammo on the one side, and then I started getting upset, the results were good, *but* the mammo results were also good on my cancer side. So I asked for a MRI, which was granted, and 3 spots turned up suspicious. I totally freaked out, it was reliving the horror and I knew I could not spend my life like this.

no one told me that once you had Cancer on one side, they will poke and prod the other side eternally.

I did not have cancer in my second breast, but wow, am I glad to be "breastfree"

Yes. it does change us. As I have said on other threads I am certain I have some PTSD from all of this, I am not confident, I am not who I was 2 years ago...but I am "becoming" a new woman, slowly building her inside of me with all the help from the women here!

Where in Ontario are you? I`m in Ontario too....