To my girls. Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited March 2012

    Hello Baby Faces,

    I really should be getting some work done but it has been proclaimed:  HONORARY FUZZY DAY!!  Oh how I love my sisters here.  So, I was trying to find a cute picture to post for my day and I came across something veeerrrrry interesting ... you HAVE to check this out!!! 

    http://wwwscas.cit.cornell.edu/landeval/le_notes/s494ch5p.htm Concepts on fuzzy logic and continuous classification

    You know what's happening 'round my little world but I am very excited for tomorrow.  This little discovery made tomorrow so much more exciting.  Everything on their end is so black and white ... I cannot be conformed into a linear thinker and "fuzzy logic" really makes a whole lotta sense!!!  Too funny!!

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited March 2012

    My babies, I have to share this with you.  The book is Man's Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl.  He has an amazing process and perspective on life, meaning, purpose and our choice.  As I am fighting on the good side of a big mess, this book has provided me with fuel that I am doing the right thing...that all of this is meant to happen to me...that I am using it/them to help me live my purpose.  It's a story that would be difficult to forget, but really fits in with what ever is happening in anyone's life at the time.  Very powerful and you must read it.  Page 18, 66 and basically every page after that has words to live by - thoughts to hold on to - and support for whatever it is that you know is right.  This has inspired me to write - I am beginning my speech - the speech I plan to deliver to audiences everywhere to build strength in people who didn't think they had any left.  To stop the non sense and bring to light the suffering that is caused, who has caused it and exactly what it looks like.  Interesting road you mama takes lol ... but you know, when it's purpose, it's purpose.  No sense in fighting it. 

    I love you darlings...so much more than I can say.  Love like I have for you isn't something that anyone can speak...and I don't know that everyone gets the chance to have...I am so thankful and blessed and happy in my soul that you are my babies.

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited April 2012

    Oh little ladies ... I just think of you both contantly and I come across pics that seem so fitting...check em out and laugh!

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited May 2012

    It's MAMA'S DAY!!!!  And, just like every day...I am so proud to be your MAMA!!!!  It was a wonderful day and they all are - because of my girls.  Beans is at college and Boo had a busy busy day but that isn't what matters. What really matters is how wonderful you both are and and how amazing we are - we!  Our family.  I love you ladies bigger than the earth and the sky and tons!!!  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

    Happy Mother's Day to YOU ... because that's really why I feel so special.

    Love, Mama 

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited June 2012

    Hello my Baby Darlings....so, tonight I found a lump. And, I can't explain how sucky this feels. But, my thoughts go right to my babies. This cancer thing sucks at times, but my life is truly a gift everyday...because of my girls. It makes me crazy to think of this disease making either of you sad or angry....so try hard not to do that....for mama. I'm going to get this checked out....of course I hope its Nothing....and with Boo graduating in 2 days, I just couldn't say anything. I want this summer to be "ours". The whole thing!!!

    Beans...our "Jamaican Vacation" was super special....thank you for being so awesome!!!

    and Boo...the trip to get icecream on our "bikes" was so cool....I loved riding with you! Thank you for being so awesome!! And, I am bursting with pride as you near graduation.

    Bigger than the sky and the earth and tons....

    Love, Mama



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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited June 2012

    So sweeties....the lump seems to be nothing...just going to keep a check on it. So glad I didn't worry you two with it!! Whew!!!

    Boo graduated and I'm so very proud...and happy. High school is only a few years long but you are ready for the next steps!!

    Beans, every other day a thought goes thru my head (sometimes more than one...LOL) but I'm still so happy you went to WLC.

    My girls...the greatest women on earth...

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited June 2012

    Oh my Turtle Girls....camping Wait you has been incredible. I could spend every day With you two just like This...its been heaven! The kayak trip (as in tripped in the river LOL)....swimming (or almost swimming LOL)...catching the turtle....the breakfast cafe....all of it has been incredible. You both still do things just like you did When you were little. Its sooooo cute to see. We are three like no other....

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited July 2012

    Lady Beans & Boo....

    Tomorrow is the grad party. I can say that I am so glad to be here for this. I always hoped and prayed that Gma would be able to see this...and naturally I hoped the same for your mama. And, VOILA! We'll both be here! LOL

    I think This is the first year I missed the fireworks....but party prep was extensive....and we just need to get through Tomorrow. The Baby sure doesn't like this holiday!!

    So, off to bed with me. Putting my foot up for a bit and thinking of my girls....

    XXOOXXOOXXOOXXOOXXOO

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited July 2012

    Babies....I shared a secret with Beans tonight and I should not have done that. You are merely 20 and my issues should never be on your shoulders. I'm very, truly sorry that I did that to you.

    So, depression and anxiety....it happens and it can get hard to control. Please know me as the incredibly optimistic and strong woman I have always been. I went too long in an environment that was really bad....and now I need to heal from this.

    Boo...your party was great. But, it was tough getting there. I hope you loved it and know how much was done to make it happen.

    I love you ladies...more than anything. I'm still in here....I'm still me....I'm hurting and don't know how to fix it. But, I am getting help and have been since last year. I love my shrink....she's great. Remember to get a career that You love, stay in control of it and never tolerate bullshit from any employer....its not necessary when you are both so talented and intelligent. Your mama knows how beautifully perfect you both are...

    Love, Mama

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  • Adey
    Adey Member Posts: 3,610
    edited July 2012

    Hi Fuzz.  Hugs.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited July 2012

    Adey....how you doing???

    So so much better...my baby girls got my back; )



    XOXO

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited July 2012

    Beans....Your letter goes wherever I go. Your words are beautiful magic and your heart has healed me. I can't thank you enough. I will be writing to you when I'm at my vacation. You are a gift to me sweetie. I love you.

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  • ductal
    ductal Member Posts: 65
    edited July 2012

    Is this also for stage 4 or shall I begin elsewhere?   Thanks!

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited July 2012

    Oh my little sugar cubes....Two more days and the three of us get to spend time together!!! Your baby brother wont be there so you'll need to help me out...maybe one of you could curl up by my feet? Or beg for my lunch? LOL! I watched you two in the kitchen the other night....poking fun at each other. It was great to see....and I smile about it a lot. You both have come a long way babies!!!! Caitie and I were talking tonight on the way home from Gmas Bday and....yes....you both have always been my #1 priority....every piece planned and thought out! I love my girls. We did this right!!

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    Good evening baby faces...today was our first day after vacation and Boos 18th bday. Our vacation was stellar. A dream come true. Thank you for sharing that time with me. I will carry this with me forever! Loved it!!

    Boo...at dinner tonight when tattoos came up and I told that I have them from radiation, I noticed the look you had. I am sire you get tired of cancer talk, but I know you will understand that this is my life...it will be a part of me forever and something that I am proud of because I lived through it...at least enough to see your 18th bday!! And I hope to see many more. But, I hope you'll forgive me for not silencing myself.

    You're mama is proud of her history...what hasn't killed me, makes me rock solid. So, I talk about it sometimes and I know you will understand and its ok.

    Now...go get some double stuff oreos and dip them in cherry koolaid and watch Shrek or Kung Fu Panda....

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    Honey Bunnies....I just read a post from the daughter of a BC sister who recently passed. The daughter was talking about how she found strength during the caregiving process and everything she went through. Very inspiring and it made me feel warm and fuzzy!! My biggest fear is what my girls would go through....she said she found the strength because her mama raised her to have strength...and she brought it out when it was needed. Her words were much more elegant. I hope, of ever needed, you will find support on these boards....they have been so good to me and for me...and would be a great place to learn from others. I dunno...it just felt awesome to hear that this young lady took what her mom worked so hard to give her and then shared it with us....

    love love love love looooove you...

    Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    My flower petals...I'm just amazed by you two every day. It can be from a smile or laugh, the way a sentence is structured, how beautiful you are or any thing that is uniquely yours. I'm a lucky woman...for sure.

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    Good times Babies...

    What a great summer with my girls.  Beans moves in tomorrow and Boo moves in on Sunday...I love you girls and I am so very proud to be you mama...

    Love, Mama

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  • Adey
    Adey Member Posts: 3,610
    edited August 2012

    Both your girls off to college this week?  Just dropped my oldest at her sophomore year and youngest is a senior in high school.  Next year I will be in your shoes with both going away.  Boo.  Surgery for me on Monday 8/27.

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    Hello Adey!!! Oh its so great that they are doing so well.....but I will miss them so much!! Its really strange that the house will be so empty! Does your daughter go to school in state?

    What's this surgery all about? Need any help? I could try to come by You this time!

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  • Adey
    Adey Member Posts: 3,610
    edited August 2012

    She goes to Valpo in Indiana.  Only 1 1/2 hours away.  This year she is going to study abroad for the second semester...... in Africa!  Sheesh.  (c:

    This will be hopefully my last reconstruction surgery.  We do need to get together again.  I'll harass ya in September!

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    Wow!! Africa...that's incredible.

    Best wishes for recon! Oh you must be excited. I'm still waiting to start that process!!

    September works for me!! Can't wait!

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited August 2012

    Baby girls....today was just one of those very special days. You were both so kind and sweet to me today...especially when it came to saying goodnight.

    So, good night sweeties. I love you. Sweet dreams. Tomorrow, learn everything.

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited September 2012

    Oh my sugardarlings...I haven't posted here in a while because I was in a funk for a bit after moving Boo in...but I'm back on track now and we are better than ever I think.  It was really hard having both of you in college this year.  I really don't enjoy this house when you're not home.  It's lonely...it's lifeless...you'd be shocked at how often me and the baby talk about you both!!  Fall is coming and I am ready for that!!  October is my favorite month so I hope this year is as good as last years!  If you remember, I am still in the kayak in October..I'm the only person out there, but it's so pretty!

    So, you're in school and knockin' it out!  I'm very proud of both of you.  Definitely reaching your dreams and that just lights up my world. 

    I love you girls. Learn everything.  Dream sweet.

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited September 2012

    Hey baby sweetie sugar pie peanut butter kisses,

    I read a post today and...thought I would just put this out there...when I'm done with this body, there's a few things I'd like you to know.

    I love you more than this life could ever show you...bigger than the sky and the earth and tons.

    I'm proud of you.

    I live within you and I will never let you go.

    I need you to live and to find peace.

    I need you to forgive me. I am sorry.

    Focus on my legacy...I worked for it: )

    I'm not suffering. Its ok. Keep your faith.

    Take care of John...he took great care of me. He's a great man and I was lucky to be with him. He needs you. We are his family.

    And....talk to your baby brother, spoil him and give him constant love!

    I would have never known life or love without my girls. I owe you everything.

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited September 2012

    Oh my little coo-coo-coodoodles....you were both home this weekend.  It was great.  The house was just like it should be - full of us!  LOL!  I'm still giggling about the shock collar experience!!  Oh I am so glad you both did that while I was there!!  If I would have missed that, my life would be very incomplete!  LOL!! 

    I just wanted to thank both of you.  You're both doing so well and this is what we have worked so hard to get to...but dang I miss you two a lot!!!!  Bigger than the sky and the earth and tons...

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited October 2012

    My darlings,

    Thank you for never making me feel like I was ever a burden to you. I know you are proud of me. I know we are connected at our souls. I know I have two best friends. I know people go their whole lives without knowing joy...but I've known this every day through the two of you.

    mushy ushy gushy lovey kisses....



    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited October 2012

     

    Thinking of my baby girls...always...

    Love, Mama

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  • thefuzzylemon
    thefuzzylemon Member Posts: 2,630
    edited October 2012

    You two are so neat...I need to thank each of you. So many times you will say something that just tells me "mom, you did good...you did it right." And, that's very special to me because my girls are me everything, my reason for everything and I do give you both everything I've got...because I want to. You girls make me so happy. And, I know I make you happy too.

    Love, Mama

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  • jenlee
    jenlee Member Posts: 504
    edited October 2012

    I've enjoyed reading your thread.  I just happened to come across it on a night that I'm annoyed with the most special little girl in my life that I love more than anyone can imagine.  Your words to your girls reminded me of how precious our relationship is, even when we disappoint each other.

    thank you!

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