To my girls. Love, Mama
Comments
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My girls inspire me everyday. I love them with my heart and soul (bigger than the sky and the earth and tons). I want to say so much to them, but I don't want to seem like I'm "wrapping things up" if you know what I mean.
So here is a place to just write it down ... I hope this inspires others to do the same.
Beans you made me laugh in every conversation we had. Your sense of humor is outstanding. And when you laugh, oh man ... that belly laugh is awesome! And Boo, you did it. You've been so honest and I'm sure that wasn't easy. I am so proud of you both. Love, Mama
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wow...this is heavy. I think my girls know what i want to say, but there's prob a lot i never said to them, ya know? the first thing i think of is ... I hope and pray you never have to go through what I went through. L & S ,....you are my life. alwasy have been, always will be. i don't want you to ever need BCO but because of me and what i went through, you know it's here if you should ever need it.
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You're right...it is pretty heavy. But, the boards have always been "my place". My oldest is in college, the youngest is a busy senior in high school. So, when I have something to say, it can all be here. Maybe, if they ever see these posts, they'll appreciate it: )
Dear babies...I've thought about you a lot today. Just like every day. I love you both for who you are. Every day is a blessing because I have you. I wish I didn't have to leave for a week, but I do. I'm hoping you'll call and text! I was looking at photos today. As hard as it was, I'm so glad we took so many photos!!!
Love, Mama -
fuzzylemon
I love your idea. I have two daughters too, one 11 and the other 15 and I pray to God every single night that I can see them graduate college. Yes, like you, I want to tell them things daily but worry about scaring them. As it was, last Christmas, I gave my daughter one of the Hallmark books whereby you record your voice and I thought it to be just a wonderful thing because it was her favorite story. Long story short, it has been put away on a back shelf in a dark closet because it upset her so and she thought I was telling her something with that book. Soooo...here is the place to say it, I agree...
I love you snuggle bunnies. You are my life and the love I have for both of you is greater than any love I can describe. You are both smart, beautiful, responsible girls that I am so very proud of. My only wish for you both is that you live a happy long life. You can do or be anything you want as long as it is something that makes you happy because that is what is all boils down to. Happiness and everything else will follow. Love you Mama
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Anna- I'm so glad to hear someone feels the same! It is difficult to explain and, like your girls, they can get upset quickly after mom is diagnosed. So, I'm glad you're here! Write away!
Goodnight Beans &Boo. Learn everything tomorrow. Sleep sweet today. I love You bttseat!! XOXOXO. Love, Mama -
I started a journal for both my boys when I was pregnant with them. They are now 24 & 26 and I recently gave them the journals. They loved them. I didn't mention BC in their most recent entries because they just lost their dad 16 months ago and I didn't want it to seem like I was saying goodbye just yet.
Denise
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Denise that is wonderful that you committed to that for your boys...so sorry for the loss. I fear sounding like I'm preparing them...but somehow it seems like the right thing to do...live every day like its your last, ya know?
Darling Angel Face Sugar Butts...I laugh so hard at the way you talk about me and The Baby!! It's so funny because it kinda is like the way I played with you two...get on the floor, play play play, see and do everything, go night night, eat....but you know there's no deeper love, respect,pride and honor than what I have for my girls. I love you and miss you. Sweet dreams.
Love, Mama -
Hello babies; )
I think writing these messages is helping me sleep better! I'm always thinking about my little ladies and I know you know that! Being in the north and lots of alone time really gets me thinkin'! LOL Its a winter mess up here and it'd be way more fun if you two were here. I'll send you pics! Ily! Love, Mama -
Beans, I love those shoes! You will be a spectacular image at your school event. I Really miss arranging the photo shoots for things like that!! I'm so glad you're not very far away!
Boo, John was worried about you tonight! LOL You've been doing a great job with him and I appreciate that! I'm super excited about getting your senior pics back....they really are beautiful.
I love you girls! Night night! Love, Mama -
Oh ladies....I heard about a tragedy tonight and I'm so sad for the final hours for a BC sister....one at the end of the battle and a BC sister who is her friend.
I do worry that my girls may have to watch this process someday....and I NEVER WANT EITHER OF YOU TO SUFFER THAT WAY!!! I'm sure that's easier said than done and I know that's why I fear it so bad.
The way I love you two, not even death could keep us apart. We will be together for all of forever. That gives me comfort. With all my heart, I hope my legacy carries on through my little girls and the memories of your Mama are joyful, bring laughter, is full of love and keep you, hold you and comfort you - especially when you really need me. I will be there...I will always be with you. Just the way I always have been. You two are my life. You two have all my love. You two are my everything.
I could never say these things at this time...and I'm thankful to have a place to express this without interrupting the way everything is right now. I am so happy and proud of both of You, of our lives and who each of us are.
Good night my sugar cookies. I love you. Sweet dreams.
Love, Mama -
Baby girls....I'm almost done with my week away! I'll see you tomorrow!! And I can't wait! I know that its challenging sometimes for both of you to deal with what alcohol does....but I'm glad you're able to be better than that and work with me on issues that come up. Neither of you have ever doubted me - we have 100% love, trust and commitment to each other. That's what truly matters....I bet mamas boy is missing me, eh?? LOL. I thought about starting a Facebook page for him today!! I'm pretty sure you laughed at that! Cause you know I might just do it!! Hahaaahahaaa! Well, its getting late. I'm going to bed so I can get up early and get home!!
I love You girls!!!! Mama -
Baby faces...today is my one year. Just like one year ago, I am thinking of you!! Its not the same though...today I'm reflecting on the strength, love, support, guidance and kindness that my girls give me and how beautiful and wonderful you are. The past year wasn't easy for you....but you grasped the challenge and held me close.
I love you girls. I cannot adequately express how deeply I do.
Love, Mama -
Hello darling angel supar pies - I read a very interesting artical today on the power of femle friendships ... yes, I thought of you two. You have carried me through my entire life ... my purpose is my girls. My best friends are my girls. My happiness and joy and everything is my girls. Power is my girls. I love you ladies. I just can't say that enough.
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LOL!! Love, Mama
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Ladies ... totday really sucked. Funny how when everything seems so bad, that I think of my girls and everything feels better. You two always bring a smile. Boo and Ben are making cookies for me today (yummy). Beans, you just went back to school yesterday and I miss you already! I just needed to send you this message tonight. You two are my best therapy. Even when I just imagine I'm talking to you.
Stay on your paths ... don't ever give in, or give up. Make your lives exactly what you want them to be. You are talented and deserve to be treated with respect. If anyone messes with you, sick me on 'em...I'll give 'em a whoopin.
Love, Mama
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Bigger than the sky and the earth and tons!
Love, Mama
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I also keep a journal for my boys ages 2 and 4- I did it pre BC and continue to. Mine are both boys and are busy boys at that, I tell them about the weird foods they like, how they drove me nuts, how they made me laugh.
Today sucked, my oldest fought me every inch of the way, my youngest was getting over a stomach bug. I was in tears doing laundry getting ready to take them up for bed.
The highlight of my day today was having my two year old read Brown Bear, Brown Bear to ME! The way those boys smell, how they hug me and kiss me, rub noses with me. I love them more than anything.
I am a stay at home mom and at night I vent to my husband about how one pooped in his underwear, the other poured dish soap all over the floor etc. But (thank God) there is always a pause and then I will laugh and say all the funny things they said today, how they shared, what they learned. How they made me smile. Then I remember- Oh this is why I quit my job!
So here was my happy moment from the other day-
My two year old took a pile of books and set himself up on the living room floor- I was starting dinner- after about 5 minutes he yells- "oh no Mommy!!!! Oh No!!!!!" I rushed over and asked him, "what's wrong?" He says " I can't read!"
I stopped making dinner for ten minutes and read him two books- after I was done laughing. Need to put that one in the journal.
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Hey snuggle butts...I thought you'd get a kick out of this...I hand fed the baby his dinner tonight!!! LOL he had to eat before he got his bedtime snacks!!
I didn't really get to talk with either of you tonight but I know how that goes. I'm really hoping that I'll have more free time to do things with you...like, shopping time is near and we need to hit the Dells!
I love you girls. Dream sweet!
Love, Mama -
Angel faces ... I talked to both of your boyfriends today. They are awesome. They really think a lot about you and I feel pretty special that they include me! I know you know I'm going through a lot right now, but I have nothing but love and joy with my girls. I wish I could be more expressive and more detailed on this site, but that's not possible...I love you both with all of my heart and soul.
Love, Mama
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Darling angel faces ... I seriously love looking at photos of you two. Any age, any photo...every emotion I have and memory I remember just tells me the most wonderful story about the two most amazing people. I know I don't have too much to say, but I want you to know that I think of both of you all the time. That's what tons of love and tons of pride does I guess!!! LOL
Love, Mama
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Sugar Babies ... I'm sitting here watching your baby brother ... here's the visual ... he's totally exhausted from playing with another pooch all night with John and the boys at the fire pit ... he's covered in mud (as John did not give him the promised bath before bedtime) and he's got his little baby eyes rolling all over .. oh...there he goes ... his feet are twitching (he'll be chasing a rabbit or chickmunk in no time).
Ok. He freaked me out. His totally unfocused eyeballs just got really wide and creepy lookin!!!! Ew! Ok, I'm waking him up!
Love, Mama
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
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Oh little angel faces! I want to tell you a few things that might seem a little weird or ... a lot weird ... but this really bothers me ... I don't know what any day holds. But, I do know that I never want you to watch if this cancer decides it's going to do it's thing. That is my fear. That my babies would have these burned images of their mama on those final weeks. Please, do not feel like you have to torture yourself. Please don't remember me that way. I love you and I know you both love me. We will always be connected, that's for sure. Death could not keep me from you. But, as always, I need to protect you. Death is just a transistion, it's a movement from one energy to another ... but I can't let you be hurt by anything. If you are in pain, then my fighting was for nothing. You girls are my world. All you have to do is be happy. That's all I want. I know this message is not going to reach you until I decide it's time. Just another way to help ... I am writing this because I wouldn't want you to think I made a decision at any last second. So, I ask that you only do what is comfortable and protects the valuable memories of who I am, what I mean to you, what my legend is, and how you will carry me with you. I will watch over you...I will help you...I have stayed true to you and you know me better than I know myself. I am certain that you understand this note and why I would want to tell you this now. There are some pains that you never need to experience...one of them I can't take away, but I hope to lesson the sharpness. One of them just doesn't need to happen and I would ask that you keep yourself from it...and that would be the topic of this note. Whew. That feels better. I just love you more than anything. muah muah mauh
Love, Mama
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My baby cake powder puffs...I finally have my "Wall of Beans" and "Wall of Boo". I'm so proud. I stare at your pictures a lot. The beauty that each of you have is breath taking. But, you have this inside and out. Two of the greatest people on earth shared their lives with me. I am blessed. I am so proud.
Love, Mama -
Oh my little sweetie snaps ... I had a mamo today (yeah, I KNOW you wanted to know that!) Super strange...but all seems well. I was so relieved to hear Beans was feeling better yesterday...I was so worried about you. When Boo was just sick it was bad - but only a few days long. Oh I don't like it when my babies don't feel good! Geesh...but, it's all good now. YEAH!
So giant huge butt was absolutely obnoxious today. I would never want to live that life. She's one of those people where, when I think of her/see her/talk to her/etc. I get the greatest feelings of satisfaction for my baby girls and what we have. She will never have anything like that and she can't touch what I got - hard as she may try and as angry as she gets - she can't touch it. So, another way that you give me strength and hope. And, you might not even know it.
The baby isn't eating his food. I don't know how long I can take the torture...I don't want to give him "our" food but if his little belly starts growing at bedtime, I don't know if I'll be able to resist!!!
I put cheese in his food and everything...he just picked out the cheese...:(
I love love love love love my girls!!
Love, Mama
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Oh my beautiful sweethearts!! You both had a lovely evening with your sweeties...just makes me smile.. they both were texting me today too!
DH made me a very special dinner, bought me a new plant and helped the baby get me a little something!! All after he had a super frustrating day at work.
On this Valentine's Day, I will tell you...with each of you, I learned true love (even before you were born). Until then, I did not know love...how wonderful and powerful it is...or that it cannot be measured, cannot be damaged and it is pure and perfect. Thank you both for giving me and teaching me Living, Laughing and Loving. (Three L's...like 3 Flowers...like three of us...)
love, mama -
Oh my sweetie cheeks....I met with my oncologist the other day...he has a bunch of babies and we talked for a bit. He said to me, "They grow up so fast. Don't you miss them from being babies."
This is going to sound strange...but, you know your mama so I'm sure you totally know what I'm saying.
I loved you both every step, every minute, every second with all of my soul. I did every thing I knew to do, gave it 100% and loved every minute of it (even if it seemed hard at the time). I look back and think of how wonderful it is to be your mother, your friend, and an inspiration to you both. How amazing it is to have a heart full of my girls. How you grew, and learned, and observed and applied, and got stronger, smarter, more focused, rounded, experienced and more and more and more amazing!!
How could I ever want you to be babies again. You both are everything I poured my heart and soul into. You are perfect. You didn't grow up to fast...you grew up just right. Stories every night, all three of us tucked in together...pictures, school events, practices, friends, parks, etc etc etc ... nope. I wouldn't go back. We did it right the first time.
Love, Mama
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Both of my babies were home this weekend!! That is such a treat for me....LOVE IT!
Beans...honey, you have to know...it's ok. But don't get rooted into anger/saddness/frustration. You are too great for that. You really do have it all and you CAN acknowledge your greatness. It's not arrogent or selfish - it's knowing yourself and not letting any one or any thing determine who you are. You are beautiful and perfect. Connect with that and love it sweetie.
Boo....you and Ben have so much fun. I love having the two of you in the house. He really makes you smile and I LOVE seeing that!! "You'll make a good wife someday." HAHAHAA You two crack me up! I always want to see you happy. That's it. Just happy ... just let the world feel your smile honey. It is truly magnificent. I know you have fun, I just like to see it, that's all
Love Mama
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I have two girls and I have a Boo too! One is a freshman in college and I LOVE when she comes home and Boo is a junior in HS and I LOVE that she is home. Love, love ,love them girlies. Fuz- if you're ever in the neighborhood..... (c:
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Adey - I LOVE CHICAGO!!! Harry Carey's has the BEST Calimari in the United States (we search for better ... can't find it). I would LOVE to meet up with you!!! We should work that out!
If you PM me, I will give you my phone number incase either of us decides on a road trip!
((((hugs))))
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Hello my angel face darling sugar lips,
I see it ... I see that you are worried. Your mama is a kicker and a screamer for injustice and it will all work out in the end. I hope that you look up to me and see that it is worth it to have your dignity upheld and healthy. To be driven by principles. To never accept anything less than the truth. My driving force is my soul. No matter what the outcome, I have followed my heart, my purpose and engage in battle for the greater good of all!
You mama loves you. I do not want you to worry. I want you to see that no matter what the odds are, no matter what it appears "they" can do to you - YOU ARE IN ABSOLUTE CONTROL. "They" cannot take anything that you don't allow them to have.
Rock on my babies - and rock hard! When you do what you love, the rest is easy
LOVE, MAMA
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Bigger than the sky and the earth and tons!
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