Thanks Goodie!  Also great suggestions....I am a cook and even have a key to her place!  I never thought about sneaking in and delivering dinner,restocking the fridge, cleaning the litter box, or even snagging some laundry to take home and then wash it for her. 

Today was day 4 of radiation and she is still feeling good but she knows the tiredness can approach at any moment.  I send a silly text to her at the time of her radiation appointment that rhymes with the number of treatment she is on.  Tomorrow will be "here's a high 5 to get you through #5!" corny but I just want her to smile since I can't be there with her.

Thanks again and lots of love, hugs, and smiles to all of you!

I am done with treatment, except for my new boob sx next year. I feel much disappointment in my friends. I know it is hard to know what to say or dowhen someone you know is dx with such ahorrible disease. I didnt want for much. A occasional text would have been great. Just texting that they were thinking of me would have been great. Every single one of myfriends disappointed me. Guess they werent reallymy friends. Am making new friends while keeping the old ones at arms length. Hope like hell none of themget dx with life changing illness.

I'm so sorry Fredntan....so many people can't deal with it and you can never know who can and can't until you are in the situation.  I also found no support where I expected it and great support where I did not.  But thinking back on it, many of the "surprising" supporters had been through cancer with another loved one.  Maybe it's something that many people have to learn.

I know none of this helps except to know - it's not you.  It's them.  

xoxox 

I wish I had a friend like you. I asked a close friend to go to an appt with me twice and twice she said no because it was her day off. Another "close" friend sent me an ecard asking me to not talk to her about my cancer because she didn't want to hurt me. Ok, but how about just calling me everyonce in a while and taking me out to lunch or a walk. She did go to an appt with me, but I'm so angry with her I'm having trouble accepting that as enough. It's all confusing and I've come to a place of recognizing it's all about me right now. I need to take care of myself and choose who I should have in my life. I'm single and my family lives on the other side of the country, so I've really felt alone a lot of the time. I'm tired of being strong and confident in my single aloneness. I don't think it's normal or healthy. Time to find new friends. Nice to vent some here

I am new here...just trying to find my way here.  My friends are not there for me at all.  I never usually ask for help, am pretty independant, but this "Cancer" journey scared the tar outta me.

 I have always let others know I am there for them, even by sending cards, and warm socks when I know they're going thru treatment, so as not to bother them.  Emailing their spouses inquiring, and just letting them know I think of them every day.

I have had friends be ignorant, rude, turn their backs on me when diagnosed, or before I got the nerve to spell it out, asked for help.

One friend of 45 years, I got up the nerve to call her and tell her (I found this very hard to do at all), and she said she'd call and visit after her 4 day holiday.  I haven't heard from her in 9 months, we grew up side by side, and at any time I could, I was there for her.  She works for a hospice!!! 

One friend is a medical know it all, I can't say one word or one sentence without 3 know it all comments shot at me, and she knows it all, I don't even after going thru surgery and treatments. 

 I'm not good at asking for help, she told me "just ask", but when I did, it didn't happen.  I felt she wanted me to beg or something.  She wanted to know how many stitches before I even got out of the hospital, but it didn't matter to me, I didn't ask... I had much bigger fish to fry and worry about.

I am on my own, with elderly parents not close by, one ill, and a brother who cannot handle everything.

 I have always helped others with compassion and empathy through many things in life.... I don't understand why they aren't there for me.

Well that was quite the essay for my first time here.... thanks for reading.   

Hi Blu et al,

You are not alone.  I think some of this is timing and luck of the draw:  some of us have great experiences with friends, others, not.  For me, it's not that I couldn't do without a couple fewer friends, I have lots of wonderful ones.  And yes, some really came through in ways I never imagined.  But I had a couple that really dropped me flat out, and it was terrifying.  I think part of it is the anxiety of knowing we can never be totally sure where we stand, and this is hard to accept.  I think about my friend who stopped writing me during my treatment every day, she is still such a huge question mark for me.  I hope that will pass with time.

For me, I think some of it was also age.  I was diagnosed quite young, and I think people really want to run and hide.  I remind them no one is safe.  I still have a friend who says over and over "I don't have any genetic predisposition, I'm sure I won't get it."  Hon, that's only a fraction of the issue.  We all want to pretend illness won't come knockin'. Us BC gals are a bit more sophisticated after our experience.  As I said to one friend, "No one gets out alive."

Isthisforreal.....I completely understand how driving can be exhausting.  I used to think nothing of driving 6 hours to visit family.  Funny when I got sick, they ran and hid, they were busy......I know my brother has cancer and his a lot worse than what I am dealing with but still, you would think his family would get it?  Yeap, got long time pals who dropped off the face of the earth.

But the amazing thing, I have bonded with a new circle of pals who when asked, are open to helping!  I have learned to speak up, I live alone and it is at times down right scary.  If I need to do a mastectomy at some point, I am going to really need someone to help me.

Mardibra,

Hugs i hated those pity parties in bathroom. I had to go pull my sister out of her depression so she could help get me out of mine. I kept venting and venting to my dh. He did stick by me. Granted he isnt the best nursemaid. But he did know what to say to me. Dont think i can ever truely forget how my friends dropped me. I think they all still feel awkward around me. They seem to look at me funny sometime.

Yes,it does suck. Thank you julielynn and fredntan for the kind words. This weeks pity party is over but I'm sure there will be another one!

Everyone let me down.  Mom and siblings don't think about me or check in with me because they didn't like my husband.  Now husband left me a year after diagnosis.  People at work tell me how strong I am.  Well damn it strong has gone out the window after almost 2 years of this crap.  I am very very depressed. 

I haven't been here for awhile, but wanted to check in today and send my love to you all. It is very hard to lose people. I am so sad for anyone who has had that happen. It's so unfair and such a cruel and shocking discovery when that happens. And, we may or may never understand why.

But keep heart: It is also wonderful to find true friends.

Your open hearts make this world a much more beautiful place for me. Thank you. 

Congrats Denise! Me too! Clear mammo and MRI.

I am working on making new truer friends.

Yea!!! on the CLEAR!!!!  Me too!!!!  I got my CLEAR on Monday. Sooooo grateful.

On another forum, this morning, someone posted this forgiveness meditation:

http://www.wellnessgoods.com/forgiveness.asp

It's simple and healing. It is not about allowing people to continue behaving badly, but about clearing your own heart and field. Too often, the hurts or upsets we feel get locked inside of us. It is very healthy to do what we can to feel our feelings and then safely release the toxic ones as we can.

I wish I could read words that would make me forgive...just wont happen for me.  sigh.