How do you get through the anniversary of their death?

My mother lost her mother and her husband (my dad), days apart as well.  It's been 30 years....My father died young and I miss him, as well as my grandmother who was my primary caretaker, EVERY DAY.  I miss them most when I am the most happy and celebrating an occasion.  All I can say is that it takes time to get over the pain.  You never get over the loss.  That's what love is all about.  But I've found strength in the belief that they're somewhere watching over me and my loved ones.

I wish you well.  I wish your husband well.

The first anniversary is tough, there's no getting around that.  So think about your mother, allow yourself to be sad that you lost her, miss her and remember what you loved about her, how you laughed together, etc..  The first anniversary of someone's death is the most significant anniversary because the memories and pain are still so fresh.  Rather than try to push it aside or try to forget it, I've used that day to help me deal with the pain of the loss and to move on from there.

What I've found is that the first anniversary really is most significant because until that day, every day of the year is the first time you've lived that particular day without the person you lost. But once you pass the first year anniversary, you are now living each day for a 2nd time, and then a 3rd time.... and it does get easier.

But as VR said, you don't ever forget. I've lost two of the most significant people in my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them. I feel sad that they are missing something wonderful, I wish I could talk to them when something good happens or when something bad happens. I wish they could hear the joke. But after a time, I've found that this is just part of my life, it's part of my normal thought process. It's not upsetting anymore, it's just part of who I am.  And I like that.  They are not here, but I haven't 'lost' them because they are in my mind every day.  When I experienced the first loss, I worried so much about the memories fading.  They do fade, as all memories do, but they don't disappear. And the presence of this individual is as strong as ever. I wish that I had known that this would happen back when he died because it would have given me great comfort.

I hope this helps.  (((Hugs))) to you and positive thoughts to your husband.