I have gone mad

Hello...I'm almost a year past active treatment. I am a very angry person and have terrible sleeping issues. My anger is triggered. Is yours?

Sorry to butt in on this forum as I'm not stage III, but the topic jumped out at me.

ali68, I was where you are at about the same time (except the marriage bit as I'm single ) Thefuzzylemon, it continued for many months after active treatment 'though maybe not quite as intensely as initially. And I was on an anti-depressant (was on one before BC and still am). 

I still get very angry sometimes, and my triggers seem to be 1) people who don't "get it" and 2) frustration over things I can't do or mess up, and how long it is taking to recover. However, my mood (and other SEs, including sleep) improved when I had a trial separation from Tamoxifen for 4-5 weeks. I'm now on an AI instead, Femara, and feel more like myself (whatever that now is ) ... I've only been on it about a month, so I hope that lasts.

If you aren't on an anti-depressant, you may want to try one. I switched mine this year to one which is better for both depression and anxiety. Also Tamoxifen may be wreaking havoc with your mood.

Well...I think coming here and venting is a great step in the right direction. I've started to recognize that NO ONE without a cancer diagnosis will ever understand what we have gone through, are Going through and will go through...they just can't. I've been beat up pretty bad mentally and my shrink says that, now that I'm angry, I've made "progress". This disease is a bitch. That poison is for real. I will never be who I was again...and I have to surround myself with people who are ok with that...including myself. I have to embrace this reality and that's a work in progress. I call it my "shitstorm".

You're husband may need his own counseling...and you might want to look into a DBT group...that's where I'm headed for group therapy to be able to manage my emotions.

So come on girl! We'll do this together. This is added to my favorites and I'll be here for you until you don't need me: ) I really do get it. Its sucks. And...I REALLY hate it when someone tells me to "get over" anything....that's just so wrong...

As for the Tamoxifen...I've heard others that have had bad trouble with it too. Definitely check with your oncologist to see what other options there are if you want off of it. You need to do what's right for you...

((((Hugs))))

ali68 -

My onc told me to keep a log of my symptoms during my 4-5 week "trial separation" from Tamoxifen, to determine how much effect it had been having. When I saw my onc again, we decided I should switch to an aromatase inhibitor based on the improvement in my symptoms.

I had been worried about going off hormonal therapy for that period of time as I am ER+++/PR+++. My onc said it wouldn't affect my risk since hormonal therapy is given for such a long time. Taking the break had to be looked at in that context.

I'm now on escitalopram (lexapro) for depression ... it's a very close cousin to citalopram (celexa), which I had been on, but possibly helps more with anxiety as well.

I am right by your side! I tried tamox for about 6 weeks. Couldn't tolerate it, it gave me crazy hot sweats. I was about to quit work. I thought how silly to go in and give my 2 weeks because of this crazy sweating hot flashes, but I could not deal with it and was miserable. I have been off for about 1 week now and I am not sure if I have improved. I go in to work today, I only work a couple days a week so you would think I could handle it! I am only 3% er pos so if I feel better I do not want to go back on tamox. I already tried aromasin, that made my whole body hurt so I had to stop taking that one, so 2 down!

As far as recovery, I am almost a year out from chemo and I am still weak. Had bmx in Nov. and finished rads in March. Thought I would be better by now. My husband is having anger issues and is yelling at me for the stupidest things, I exploded and told him if I could leave him I would, and he said go ahead! Problem is I am financially strapped, with no insurance without him. He just doesn't seem to care and I know he is bothered by me not having boobs, although he would never admit it. My reconstruction isn't until next year. We have absolutely no intimacy and live more like roommates since my diagnoses. We just sorta do out own thing. Sorry to vent on your thread but it struck a cord with me and I have not told anybody about any of this hubby stuff until now! I am angry, he is angry. Thing is I hold mine in and he lets hos out, usually I try to smooth things over but I am done doing that. I deserve to be treated better, or to just enjoy being by myself.

Sorry I don't have any suggestions for help. Nothing has seemed to help me. I do therapy, am on effexor, I walk every day. Still angry and depressed. I just want to sleep and do nothing but I keep on trying.

Hi CK, you are always so sweet! It is funny, when my husband and I get along, we get along great, but when he gets in his moods he is unbearable! I used to ignore it and just walk away, but now I realize he needs to knock it off, as it hurts me.

We live on an acre so the goats have a shelter and room to roam. They have been bad lately as they discovered they can jump the fence! Yesterday we came home to find that they had trampled my sunflowers, ate some of them, ate my husbands grape plants and some of my tomatoes! BAD goats!

Ali-I am sure they will find one of the medicines that you can tolerate. Have you been over to the hormonal threads? I wonder if the se's do get better after time. I know I could not go on like I was for 5 years, but if I knew there was a chance of se's getting better I may be able to. I just don't know how much good do they do me.

Oh those drains! I had to have them reinstalled twice because my fluids kept building up. I had them in initially for 3 weeks! I hated them and they were painful. The last time I had a drain I had to work with it. Terribly uncomfortable as I am a haircolorist and move around a lot at work. The thought of the drains are one thing that may keep me away from reconstruction!

Ali...are you off the Tamoxifen? Is that what helped?

That's Great News!!!