Starting Chemo April 2009

Helen, that sounds great! What was the article about? Thanks for asking, I am ok for the most part. My husband is having a hard time, I can see that it is going to take a while for him to be able to process losing his mother. It is hard to watch him like this; I can't do much other than be supportive. But it is hard for me to have to carry everything at the moment. The kids also don't like to see him so sad, but I believe that we can't protect them from something like this. It is part of life and we need to deal with it all together and support one another. I am sure that the fact that my MIL had cancer is somewhere in the back of everyone's minds.

Titan, thanks for your support! My eldest is nearly 17 and although we get along very well and talk alot, she often doesn't want to listen to what I have to say. I suppose that is normal for her age. But as you said, sometimes it is more important for us to keep our stress levels in check, so often I will walk away because I know that I need to stay calm and look after myself too. Before the BC, I was much more confrontational, now I find I get less worked up in these situations. She always knows I am here if she needs me.

Geri, how are you feeling?

Sending you all hugs for a great weekend, Judy x

Judy, so sorry to hear how your family is suffering. There is no easy answer when you lose a loved one. 

I was asked to write my opinion about a new Africentric high school that has opened here in Toronto. I had approached the paper about writing education articles for them - that's how they had my name. So I am now officially a published "writer". I am in the process of writing a couple of columns for them that I hope they will find interesting enough to publish and that will lead to some regular contributions .... so we'll see.  

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. I went for a sisters weekend last weekend and came home to a home invasion/murder in our neighborhood. We were in lock down most of this past week. No going outside, doors and windows locked at all times. TG the guy was arrested today. He is a nut case that has a rap sheet a mile long. The sad thing is he killed a man, age 57, that just retired this past summer. His wife and him walked their dog daily and while they were out the guy broke into their home. I guess they came home too early and the guy stab our neighbor. Sad, sad, sad. We live in a normally very safe neighborhood, but this crime has jolted everyone. The house is on my daily walking path.

We are getting ready for our trip to New England. It should be fun. My biggest issue is how to wear my compression boot on the plane. I think I have it worked out, wearing a pair of flip-flops with it. I just know I will have to use the restroom and didn't want my boot to touch the filthy floors. Just the thought gives me the willies. I started taking aspirin to thin my blood per one of my drs. recommendation.

Geri - I'm sorry you are not feeling better. Sending you a big hug. I am loving my sabbatical, I don't want to go back to work. I feel better than I have in years. Stress does do a number on us. I hope you have cut back from work. I know you were really working hard over the past year.

Judy - losing a family member is never easy. It can take a long time to walk through the grief process. Wishing you and your family strength and love through this difficult time.

Helen- kudos on the published article. That is wonderful.

Titan - Sorry to hear your daughter is stressed. Thyroid meds can cause anxiety, at least they did in my sister. Hugs to my fav nut!

My younger sisters alzheimers is progressing fast. It is SO sad. I shed a few tears after my sisters weekend. We may have bodies that don't work right but to lose your memory and basic skills has to be frightening. Chemo brain doesn't even come close and you know how much I bitched about that! Sadness fills my heart for her.

Amy - I'm happy for your new launch, it sounds like it went well. Hang in there, hopefully your work will settle down soon.

Leslie - glad you are feeling better and are healing.

Sorry this post is all over the place.

Signing off...I won't be posting for awhile. Please stay healthy while I'm gone!

Betsy

Seems that lots of grief, sadness and health issues among our little group. It's such a comfort to have each other and a safe place to express our feelings. Important to celebrate the good things in life and to know there is support for the tough stuff. 

I've had a fever for the past few days - don't know why. Also my back still bothering me and will be seeing a new physio in a week. Also seeing plastice surgeon on Friday regarding DIEP - think I'm finally going to do it. Don't know if I mentioned it but my hair didn't grow back very well following chemo and now with Arimidex it is coming out in handfuls ... result - I am already semi-bald -- it's horrible. Recently I have had to resort to using a hairpiece as I can now longer cover it with those special powders.....it's awful being a bald woman with no hope for improvement. The doctors have given up on me. I know it's not life and death but it is a QofL issue.  

Ohhh Helen, I am so sorry. Big hugs!!!! I hear you, like Judy, the hair loss was huge for me. I was 41 when diagnosed and my first chemo threw me in immediate menopause. I was BRCA2+ so I had to have ovaries removed so we decided to put me on Arimidex not Tamoxifen. Well I had a HORRIFIC time with it. Really bad joint pain, hot flashes, bad hair and I gave it 6 months but I literally could hardly walk across the room in the morning or after a 3 hour car ride. It did get a little better when I started moving. BUT I felt like an 80 year old arthritic woman. It WAS a quality of life thing for me. I accidentally forgot it on a three week trip - really, honestly, an accident and I am very organized almost to an OCD level : (. Anyway I felt great pretty quick so I was going to just STOP.



After a very sad heart to heart with the oncologist and statistics that were pretty astonishing, I decided the numbers were too big to ignore so we switched me to Femara. That was just about 2 years ago. I don't LOVE Femara, but it has not been nearly as bad. I had a friend who could not tolerate Arimidex either and Aromosin (sp?) was more tolerable for her as well but she still had significant hair thinning with it. My hair cane in pretty thick when it came back and is drier than it use to be and thinner on Femara but not as bad as Arimidex. Sooooo if you have not tried any of the other AIs you might see if you can change.....you never know : ).



I am now 6 weeks post SGAP and I am so happy Helen and Judy, so if you really want to do it I think you will be happy too. I have my stage 2 set for Dec 14. I so look forward to stage 2 & 3 and cannot wait to get nipple tattoos after 2 years with various "barbie doll" boobs : ). It will be the icing on rhe cake. This 2 years of chasing successful reconstruction and the clinical trial I did left me in breast cancer land more than I wanted, it has been a

pain so I really look forward to completing this and really getting back to "normal" life. Funny the one year wait after radiation felt more "normal" than the last 18 months EXCEPT I was BALD which is NOT normal : /



Now I have hair but since Nov of 2010 I had expander put in on radiated side, two failed exchange surgeries, emergency removal, now SGAP, and Dec 14 stage 2. So that is 6 surgeries in 24 months so I have averaged 1 every 4 months. Hard to ever get back in shape before I got knocked down again. 2013 will be my year : )



I do REALLY love my new chest so much warmer and natural feeling than those implants. I had implants for vanity before breast cancer and I liked them, they were not cold because I had my own breast tissue over the top. That was not my experience post BMX.



Helen and Judy, I recommend the DIEP thread and even the one called NOLA in Sept even though you are not going to NOLA others post and there is so much great advice, experience, and info. I would have been lost without rhose gals!



Sorry this is so long and hope everyone has a terrific week!



Hugs

Lesley

Ok so I am trying not to panic. BUT...I started spotting yesterday. it was just a TINY spot yesterday so I put it out of my mind. But I woke up with cramps and bleeding and have been bleeding all day. It was that old-brown-blood look before but now is bright red. (Sorry if TMI.) I feel very crampy.

I have not had my period since the first chemo (4/09).  Recent blood work showed me fully in menopause.  But this FEELS just like a period. SO - IF it was that endometrial thickening, or uterine cancer, or whatever from the Tamoxifen - would it just spot/bleed but not have cramps like a period?  Does anybody know?

If it continues (which it currently IS), I will call the doc tomorrow morning. I think I will call the GYNO not the ONC - does that seem right to you? She is the one who found my lump initially and we are very close - she is aware of the Tamox (and has mixed feelings about it).

So questions are:
COULD I be having a period 3 1/2 years after the last one?
SHOULD I call the GYNO first or the ONC?
HOW worried should I be?

HOW MUCH is the cramping a factor? 

Thanks, all.

Where would I be without you?
Love, A. 

Amy



I am no expert and will guess it could be nothing to a million things NOT cancer related if that is what you are worried about but I would get to the GYN ASAP just tk put your mind to rest! I would FLIP if I got a menstrual cycle at this point. I, like you, have not had one since April '09 either....

Hi Ladies,

Lesley, thank you for all the support and info. Really appreciate it.

Helen, you are an amazing woman, we are always here for you.

Amy, I don't have the answers to your questions, but please see your GYN as soon as you can. Please let us know what she says. Can I also ask you (and I really don't want to overstep my mark), but please stay off the internet, it can give you all sorts of information that can send your imagination running wild and cause you all sorts of worry that you don't need. One step at a time, let us know what the GYN says and please know that we are all here for you. Sending (((hugs))).

Hope everyone else is ok. Judy x

Going to doctor at 3:15 today. When they told me I had to go in, I could barely respond. The nurse was like "Hello? Hello?"  I am SO TERRIBLE at this medical stuff.  You have no idea.

Will let you know what happens.

I KNOW you ladies have been through so much more than me, and this is such a small thing, I have no right to even complain about it. But it just BRINGS EVERYTHING BACK.

I hate this. 

So it wasn't so good.  I met with the nurse practitioner who was the one who discovered my bc lump in the first place. I LOVE HER (and she loves me and is very protective of me) but it just felt like the WORST deja vu. I cried. I am SO MUCH not a baby, and the strong one, and all that, but this was just so triggering.

So she said it was probably nothing (hormonal blip, causing some post menopausal bleeding) but ...you know what is coming here...because of my history, they HAVE to be so careful. So she wanted to do an endometrial biopsy to see how the cells were in the endometrium.  My husband came in and stood next to me as she tried to do it. IT REALLY HURT and she couldn't get thru the cervix b/c it is post-menopausal and not flexible, I guess.  It was awful. So she gave up.
I am getting an ultrasound tomorrow for them to see what things look like. She is going to discuss the findings with the doctor. IF they are  not satisfied that it is nothing, they will want to do the endo biopsy under general anesthesia at a surgi center. And possibly d&c. And depending on the outcomes, possibly hysterectomy.

I KNEW all this was coming as soon as I saw the first bit of bleeding. My husband keeps saying it is going to turn out to be nothing, but I feel like I"m back on that merry go round again.

Again, I am so sorry to be so upset on here. Geri's heart thing, Judy's upcoming surgery, Betsy's ongoing challenges with lymphodema, Leslie - your failed surgeries - all this stuff is SO MUCH more serious.  

I just feel like I built this facade - I'm all strong and healthy, work out, live this busy life etc etc etc. But I am reminded AGAIN how it can all change in an instant. My husband says that has always been true, for many reasons - a late night phone call, car accident, heart attack, all that stuff, and that I am just reminded of it now. And that is probably the case. But I still feel very shaky. I even put on this hoodie that I wore back when I first was dx. I just feel like curling up into a ball.

BUT of course (haha) there is always work to do, and staying busy is always therapeutic for me.

Again, forgive my venting. I know this is PROBABLY nothing, but that isn't even the point anymore. It's the reminder of our reality that has hit me so hard, harder than this specific medical thing, which, one way or another, will be dealt with.

Amy, so sorry you had such a difficult day. I know it looks daunting but please don't think the worst. For all of us, our memories and feelings are just so close to the surface that it doesn't take a whole lot to bring it all out again. We know too much. As you know the waiting is the worst part. Take deep breaths, put one foot in front of the other. We are all in your corner and here for you. Your nurse practitioner is probably right......just a hormonal blip. Lots of hugs

Amy, sending you big hugs. So sorry that you are going to have to go through all the testing again. That in itself is traumatic even if there is nothing to find in the end, which we are all hoping for. And remember that whatever obstacles we all face along the way, no one is more or less important or more or less serious than the other. We all completely understand you and are here for whatever you need.

Sending everyone love and hugs, Judy x

Amy, sending you hugs for a very "Happy Birthday!" and may this year be a wonderful one for you!

Please keep us posted and enjoy your day.

Hugs to all, Judy x

Wow...lots going on around here! 

Happy Birthday a little late Amy...even though you are freaking right now...try to have a little fun..ok?  My birthday is today!  I'm almost as old as you are...53...! 

I hear you on the medical stuff....I dread the thought of any medical procedure at all...I was supposed to have a tooth pulled on October 1st....and I cancelled it...the tooth is way back in the back of my mouth and there is no reason to go through this....

I can shop at Walmart now and fit in

Wow...lots going on around here! 

Happy Birthday a little late Amy...even though you are freaking right now...try to have a little fun..ok?  My birthday is today!  I'm almost as old as you are...53...! 

I hear you on the medical stuff....I dread the thought of any medical procedure at all...I was supposed to have a tooth pulled on October 1st....and I cancelled it...the tooth is way back in the back of my mouth and there is no reason to go through this....

I can shop at Walmart now and fit in