Starting Chemo April 2009

BetsyBuzz

Amy,

Was Mt. Rainier clear while you were there? Isn't it spectacular! Glad to hear you had a good trip. It sounded like you had a lot of driving planned when we spoke. We ended up visiting Sequim and went to two lavender farms...I thought of you as we looked up to Hurricane Ridge. I was hoping you hit it in the afternoon when the weather cleared. In certain months I know I will truly be able to relate to you. I worked for two months in advance to get ready for my sabbatical...it took a ton of planning, plus I plan to log on to my email once a month just to delete and forward emails. I know it's going to be a nightmare when I return to work.

Judy...I had my lumpectomy on March 13th, 2009. It was Friday the 13th no less. I will be definitely thinking of you that day. I agree with Geri you are the heart of this forum. Thanks

I'm only two days into being home on my sabbatical and I have already re-arranged and organized some of our files. More work is needed on this front. Today I went through a box of old photos and put them in piles to give to my siblings and cousins. It was a trip down memory lane. I plan to chip away at one drawer a day, that should keep me busy.

Geri...your work schedule with commute sounds down right crazy. Hang in there...

Helen...ditto on Geri's question, how's the hip?

Last but not least, to my favorite nut, how's your summer going? Is Ohio hot and muggy?

Hugs to all.

Betsy

JudyNaomi

Amy, so good to hear from you and that you had a good trip. What a touching story about the Memorial. I think Geri's idea of the local newspaper would have been great. Sometimes, those special moments warm the readers' hearts, like it did ours. I can only imagine the amount of work that must have piled up, but so pleased that the vacation was worth it.

Betsy, nice that you are using your time to make some order at home. Nothing like going through old photos. Thank you all for your kind words, but I think we are all at the heart of this group, each and every one of us. Like I said, not sure how I would have got through without you all. I am trying not to think too much about the surgery yet, it is still a while away. I do have a lot of tests to do beforehand, but not just yet.

Titan, you have been very quiet and Helen, hope you are ok.

We have had another busy couple of days; friends over on Monday night and we were out for dinner last night with very good friends from the US who are here visiting. But that is it for this week, need to wind down and watch what I am eating. All the hosting and restaurants makes it much harder for me.

Work is crazy busy, but that is ok.

Sending you all hugs as always, have a great day, Judy x

JudyNaomi

Wishing everyone a great weekend!

Hugs to you all, Judy x

inthemoment

Hope everyone is well - I am going to enjoy two days off and get ready to orient the new Diretor starting Monday. I also made the difficult decision to back away from my relationship with Kevin, which has caused me a lot of stress as you know. I still speak to him on the phone a few times a week, but haven't seen him in 3 weeks. I'm ok with that right now and have been keeping busy on the weekends with friends and my daughter. Always tough choices, but I think this is the right one-time will tell.

JudyNaomi

Geri, good to hear from you! I am sorry you have been stressed over your relationship, it must have been difficult to back away. These choices are tough, sending you hugs. I hope you enjoy your two days off.

We have just come back from 4 days at the beach. We had a really good time, lots of family time, the hotel wasn't very good unfortunately, so we had to spend most of our days either out and about or at the beach. On the whole it was a good break, back to work next week. I don't feel as rested as I would have liked, but I am not complaining.

Hope everyone is doing ok, off to get unpacked now. Sending you all hugs, Judy xxx

AmyIsStrong

Just checking in briefly. VERY busy here, but work is booming and that is a good thing! Working on hiring a p/t assistant now, which will be a new thing. I have always had admin support, but since 4 years ago, when I switched companies and moved my office to my home, I have been on my own. I've gotten used to it and enjoyed it but it is going to be too busy now when my new big project launches (next month!). Wish me luck.

Remember when I said I might have a surprise?  Well, what happened was...our gym went up for sale and the owners approached Kevin and me about buying it.  We initially dismissed it, but then gave it some thought.  Then the owners told us they had a contract, so we forgot about it again. Then the  deal fell through, so now we are thinking about it AGAIN.  I thought it would be an easy decision, but it really isn't - this really has become a chance for us to clarify our values and decide what is important to us for the way we spend our energies over the next decade. Very interesting process.

So no surprise yet, but I will keep you posted on what we decide.

Hope everyone is having a good week. If I ever figure out how to post photos, I will put some on here of me hiking.

Love to all

Amy

ps  Geri - the first few weeks are the hardest. If you're three weeks in, it should start to get easier now bit by bit. Sending hugs.

JudyNaomi

Amy, great to hear that your business is booming! Wishing you luck in your new big project!

Buying the gym could be a really interesting project for you both. Would that mean that you would have to give up your current business? You seem like someone who would be great working with people and staying fit and healthy is important to you, so this could be a great opportunity for you. I can imagine it being a difficult decision to make, but I am sure you will make the right decision in the end. Good luck and keep us posted.

Betsy and Titan, hope you are both doing ok. Geri, hope with each passing day that it is getting easier for you. Helen, I am worried about you, please come by and let us know what is going on with you.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Sending you all hugs as always, Judy xxx

Titan

Helen is fine...just got a pm from her saying that she can't find us with this new format!   Not sure how to help her...

hrf

Titan, thanks for the tip. Somehow with this new format, this thread got deleted and I couldn't find it. Sorry to be missing - have missed you guys.



All is well here. Son #1 and DIL just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary - time does fly. So had all my kids and spouses and grand kids as well as DIL's father and his girlfriend and her sister and boyfriend. My house is not big so we were "intimately" seated but it was fine. I was worried that there was not enough food but there was more than enough with plenty leftover. New baby is doing well. He's such a sweetie - almost 4 months old and full of smiles and giggles. Son #2 and DIL are expecting a baby girl August 30 so technically any day now. I'll have to read back to see what I have missed. Hope everyone is doing ok.

JudyNaomi

Helen, Very relieved to hear from you. I was beginning to worry!

So lovely that you are enjoying your family; Looking forward to hearing good news soon.

Hope everyone is ok, have a great day, hugs to you all, Judy xxx

Lesleyanne67

OK I have had a crazy last 1 1/2 to 2 years with 2 failed reconstruction attempts using silicone implants on my radiated side but because my tissue held up I gambled and lost so I have had 5 surgeries in 18 months and just had a hip free flap in New Orleans with Dr Dellacroce on 8/14.



As a result I had a good deal of time post op and decided to go back and read each and every post from the last 18 months or so. I was never a big poster, but a terrific lurker.



Suffice to say it was a very emotional Sunday for me because I learned that in my absence Lena has left this earth. While I never want anyone to suffer,I have to confess that her postings got me thru many a rough moment.



I was diagnosed when I just turned 41 and thought I was hitting my sexual prime and finally had a partner to enjoy that with after an 11 year empty marriage.



Of course my treatment threw me in immediate menopause and I lost both breasts including nipples due to my BRCA status. I had a very high sex drive and my breasts were a significant part of my sex life. I was not one of the lucky ones that other places took over.



I am still with my great partner, but the weight gain, body image, constant surgeries ( my choice) to capture some of what I once was and ZERO hormones - I have had ZERO sex drive for the last few years. I frankly never think about it anymore and when it comes up I mourn and wish for my old sexual self. Lena's postings were my ray of sun in my dull sex world. 50 Shades of Grey has nothing on her in my eyes!!!



There have been many highlights in my life these past few years and I promise to share those in a follow up posting!!! It has not been all surgery and disappointment.



You were all so important to me during a really major point in my life!!!! Today, Aug 20 is the 3 yr anniversary of my double mastectomy. That is when they considered me cancer free. I had neo-adjuvant Chemo and my port was put in in April and my first infusion was late April and I actually posted if I should join the May group....I have stopped by and read here and there but not for over a year....



I will always have enormous gratitude that I was part of you wonderful ladies. The regulars were so great and I know several of us lurked more than posted and the fact you have all kept together and kept in touch is a testament to what you have done for those of us that just wanted to "read".



I feel a bit guilty I did not pipe in more because I am pretty witty and insightful too. I do wish I had been there a few times for Lena this past winter.



Thank you for 3 years of laughs, tears, and u conditional support. This is the only place I have really ever been able to come where someone really GETS IT!



Hugs and much love to all of you!



Lesley

hrf

Oh Lesley, I am getting emotional from reading your post. There is indeed much that has occurred since you last visited. I also continue to mourn Lena. Last year each of us did a random act of kindness in her memory. I plan to do it again this year. I agree with you about her posts and how much she contributed to all of us. I am also BRCA and feel the same loss you do. I still get emotional about it and find it difficult to even think about it. I'm sorry you have been through so much in regards to recon. I am actually planning on doing a double DIEP this fall. I'm very nervous about it and hope it goes as easily as possible. We continue to be a (small) but tight group and I hope you will check in with us often.....or lurk if you prefer. Just know that we are here for you.

BetsyBuzz

Lesley, glad you posted and welcome back. Sounds like you've had your fill of surgeries, sorry to hear of your struggles. Yes, I think we all miss Lena. To me she was the definition of shock and awe! She is probably rolling over in her grave that I used a political saying to describe her. LOL. But shock is what she routinely did to me and I was in awe of her.

Helen- what about your hip pain? Was it anything? I am also celebrating our 10th year wedding anniversary this weekend.

Geri- sending you a big cyber {{hug}}. Maybe time and distance will give you the clarity you need, for your sake, I hope so.  

I love my sabbatical. I am so freckin busy. This week I'm cleaning, brightening and sealing my deck. I've been gardening to my hearts content. I made two batches of applesauce this weekend (17 pints). Plus two apple crisps. My brother gave me a box of gravenstein apples. So I'm thoroughly sick of peeling apples. Next is pickles.

I started reading the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks after my latest blood draw for the Cleveland Clinic P10 study. It's a really good book so far.

Wow...Amy a gym. Sounds like quite an undertaking. I have the same question as Judy, will you keep your regular job?

Titan- what's happening with you these days?

Judy- You've been on my mind. Are you feeling any anxiety over the escalation of rhetoric re: Iran? I heard people were buying gas masks there.  

Oh...last but not least. My edema is really improving. I think not sitting all day has really helped. Plus reducing my stress. Guess that means I can't work anymore. Somehow I don't think my dh will agree with me. Regardless, I'm feeling very good!

JudyNaomi

Lesley, good to hear from you and sorry that you have had such a rough ride. I too had surgery failures and hope to do the DIEP in March 2013. I am really hoping that it will succeed and improve my self image, maybe even close the circle for me. I have also gained some weight and my self confidence has definitely taken a knock from this whole BC experience. Would love to hear from you again, we are always here for whatever any of us needs.

Betsy, sounds like you are having some fun at home! So happy for you! And feeling better too! We are ok here, following the news, and hoping for the best, not much else I can say at the moment. We just carry on with our daily lives.

Helen, great to hear from you. I am also nervous about the surgery, hope it goes well for all of us.

Thank you for bringing up the random acts of kindness, I think it is a great idea to honor Lena in this way again. She was such a central part of this group. I think of her often.

Titan, hope you are doing ok. Geri, sending hugs and thinking about you. Amy, hope you are not working too hard ! Have you given any more thought to the gym idea?

Back to work now, sending you all hugs as always, Judy x

Lesleyanne67

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you are all doing mostly well. We are all changed from this experience and just have to do our best to pull our pieces together!



If any of you undergoing DIEP have any questions I am happy to answer whatever I can. I apparently did not have enough tummy tissue so they used my hip/flank/butt. But it is a free flap no muscle and even just a week out I am super happy!!!



More later. I fly home today and nervous about that!



Be well

Lesley

hrf

Lesley, have a smooth trip home. I have lots of excess tummy tissue - don't think that will be a problem...LOL

JudyNaomi

Lesley, have a safe trip home!

Not a problem for me either I am afraid, no lack of tummy tissue here!

Hope everyone is doing ok, sending hugs, Judy x

Lesleyanne67

I said "they" did not think I had enough tummy tissue but of course I totally think I have plenty.



There are DIEP women in their 50s and 60s on the NOLA board talking about bikini shopping post stage 2. I am 44 and there will be no bikini in my current ab situation. Wink wink



I have confidence they will fix me up. Everyone says they will nip and tuck and lipo anything you don't like while you are under. If they can male me look better than I did before cancer that will be the big bonus of this entire process. : )



Hugs

Lesley

JudyNaomi

Hi all, hope you are all doing ok. My girl friends say that they would be happy to donate to my reconstruction LOL! I do hope though that I feel better after the surgery and gain back some self confidence in my body.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, sending you all hugs, Judy x

hrf

Judy, do you have a date yet for the reconstruction? I'm going for abdominal CT this evening as ps wants to check out blood flow/veins etc. I see ps end of September as it's been a long time since I first saw her. Then hoping for DIEP end of November/early December. I want to wait until new baby is a few months old ... and hope to lose a few more pounds by then. I've lost about half of what I need to lose ... it's slow going .... at the best about 1 pound a week. And it's hard work to even do that. But I am down a few sizes so that is good. Have a great weekend everyone.

JudyNaomi

Helen, my date is 13th March 2013. I wanted it in the winter months, but that was the first date they had. I hope that I don't get moved later. I had my CT in March and it was all ok. I am trying so hard to watch what I eat and walking 3-4 times a week, but nothing seems to be shifting. I find it very depressing. My clothes still fit me, but I just don't feel good. I really need to lose those excess pounds. Hope the CT went ok for you.

Apart from that, all is ok. Though, my MIL has taken a downward turn, so my husband will be making a trip to see her. The kids are back to school tomorrow, I don't know where the summer has gone!

Sending you all hugs, enjoy your Sunday, Judy xxx 

hrf

CT went fine. Only took a few minutes. Although I probably won't get results until I see ps at the end of September. Her office told me I could get done this fall but they don't usually give an exact date and just call the week before. I will ask for the end of November - 3 months from now. Hopefully if baby comes this week, then she will be 3 months by then and everyone will be settled. Also gives me lots of recovery time and time to buy a dress before May wedding. Having family barbque this evening at my sister's. Have a good Sunday everyone.

AmyIsStrong

Hello all - Just back from a few days at a lakeshore 'resort' in Minnesota for a convention with my company. it was RUSTIC (to put it lightly) but I just loved it. Very beautiful, relaxing, non-corporate.  The last night they had a bonfire at the lakeside and they played some music and we all stood on the shore, arms around one another, singing along. Very touching and inspiring.

AND I got an award. It was at the awards ceremony the first night. The American Eagle award, which is for exemplifying the company's values and helping others. It is peer-nominated, which makes it SO special. I was so stunned when they called my name. I just gasped and said "OH that's ME!" and sat there, and everyone around me was laughing and saying I had to go up and get my photo taken with the founder. I got a nice eagle statue. Very very huge honor for me.

I think we are going to pass on buying the gym. The plan was for us to KEEP our current jobs and add it in, paying someone to manage it, and overseeing it. But I think it is just too much. And while I adore my husband, I have to honestly say (to you gals, NOT to him) that I know that most of the oversight would fall to me.  So that's where we are at this point.

My big website launches on Friday. It is not ready yet, but crossing my fingers it will be.
AND I hired a p/t girl to help me 10 hours/week starting this week. That is a huge step for me. 

Ok enough from me. 

Lesley - so glad you checked in.  Yes, we have become quite a close group, haven't we?
Helen/Judy - so some more surgery scheduled for you two. I know there will be ups/downs but we will be there with loving support every step of the way.

Love to all

Amy 

JudyNaomi

Helen, glad the CT went ok. I hope they give you a date that works for you. How long do you stay in hospital in the US after the surgery? It is so nice to read about all the good stuff going on in your family.

Amy, your post made me emotional. Well done on your award!!! You deserve it!

Was it difficult to make the decision not to buy the gym? I can imagine it being tempting to take on a new project like that, but at the same time, it is good that you thought it through and saw that the practicalities may not be so straightforward for you. You sound like you have quite alot going on with your current job. Hope the assistant works out well for you. Good luck with your website and keep us posted!

All is ok with me, I am very very busy at work, which keeps me going during the day, but I am worn out by the time I get home in the evening. I do feel quite low some of the time, but then my mood will lift. I would really like to be able to work less hours if I could, but we just cannot manage that at the moment.

I imagine that this evening will be spent with all the kids' tales of the first day back at school! LOL!

Hope everyone is ok, Geri how are you doing?

Sending you all hugs as always, have a great day, Judy xxx

hrf

Amy, congratulations on your award. I agree that the ones that are peer nominated are the best. That is something to be proud of. Thanks for sharing with us. Hope the website goes well. Seems that you are making a wise decision on the gym as you sure don't want more stress in your life. Judy, don't know about the US but here in Ontario, I've been told it's about a 5 day hospital stay for a dbl DIEP. And there will also be a home care nurse assigned who will visit every day as long as I need nursing care.. I'll know more when I see the ps at the end of September.

JudyNaomi

Thanks Helen, of course, you are not in the US, I knew that, sorry . They said I would be in for 7 days here, with at least a month at home to recuperate.

I am having the most crazy day here at work today. I am taking a few minutes for lunch, but it is one of those days where you think you will never go home again! LOL!

Hope you are all ok and sending hugs to you all, Judy x

hrf

I am worried about the long recovery. I'll have to make sure that I cook and freeze the meals I like. I live alone now so I don't have to worry about anyone else.



My DIL is in labour so baby is on the way. I am very excited to meet my new granddaughter.

AmyIsStrong

Helen - SO THRILLED for you about the new baby. It must feel so wonderful to have your family enlarging around you - and little ones bring so much energy and joy!  If you feel comfortable sharing it, please tell us what they named her.

My website project launches on Friday. It is absolutely crazy here. But for the FIRST time today, we did a walk through of it, and I could see it really coming together. I started to feel a (little) sense of relief. This is really the biggest (work) thing I've ever done. I'm going to be pretty proud of it once it goes live (and works properly!).

Re cooking and freezing - you can freeze individual portions in those freezer ziplock bags and just add a fresh vegetable and have dinner. In some ways, you probably would eat healthier than normal if everything was precooked and measured into single portions. I know when I cook, I taste and snack so much, that I feel like I've already eaten dinner by the time it is ready. (BAD HABIT, I know.) My husband does most of the cooking and he never ever puts anything in his mouth. I should learn to follow his example. So eating a single portion with NO snacking along the way would definitely be an improvement for me!

But re the recovery - I think if you think strategically, and get prepared, and have a bit of help from family/friends, AND are ok calling for delivery sometimes (which usually makes at least 2 meals, with leftovers), you will be ok. 

But for now - enjoy the baby. The surgery will come soon enough.

Love to all!

Amy 

JudyNaomi

Helen, how exciting!!! Is there any news yet? I hope that the delivery went/goes smoothly and we look forward to hearing good news. I am also worried about the recovery, but I am trying to stay positive. I hope to have things at home in order, (meals included) as much as I can beforehand, so that we can at least all eat whilst I am recuperating. It still seems like a long way off.

Amy, good luck for Friday! Really hope it all goes well with the website.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Sending you all hugs as always, Judy xxx

hrf

Amy, good luck with the website. I'm sure you will feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment.



DIL is still in labour. Hospital sent her home last night but they are back at hospital again now as contractions have become stronger. It's a first baby so this may last for a long time. I will definitely let you know when she arrives.