I feel like I am living to prepare to die.

Same here. I am convinced I will die before turning 40.

Yes, i feel that way also just had a masectomy sept5 , but this is my second time with cancer in 2009 i had a different kind of cancer and I was just about gotton to the point where cancer didn't cross my mind everyday so now i'm back at square one feeling that doom and gloom as soon as i wake up.i just try to tell myself god is in control some days are easier than others.

I'm in the same boat...But I have really neat and clean closets now!

My Aunt and Cousin are both long term BC survivors. I asked each how they stay positive. They both said the same thing. Set goals, achieve them, then set more goals. Don't let fear run your life.

My Onc spoke at an event recently. She said something that gave me an AHA moment. She said "Remember, it's not about waiting out the storm.  It's about dancing in the rain!"  I've been so fixed on the "storm" I forgot about the rain.

I feel the same way.  I think about what I would like to do since I'm feeling good right now.  I'm thinking about taking a trip to Europe next July.  I wonder if it's realistic to plan something like that since I don't know how my health will be.  It affects ALL my decisions.  Should I save money for retirement or should I spend it all living for the moment.  I do not have an answer at all.  I am desperate to live a long life.  I just know that since I had a 16 cm tumor, this is probably unlikely.  It is very, very difficult.

Dearest Ladies, I was exactly where you are when  I was  was recently dxed and going through Tx.

Gradually each yr went by and I was still here!

 The fear subsides as time passes. I actually  forget sometimes this BC beast came  and visited me.

I feel the same. I was depressed for a long time after being diagnosed. I wonder if I will be around to see 3 year old graduate from kindergarden, high school or even college. I get really sad some times but I snap out of it. Either way we have to live our life day by day. Being sad won't change our health situation. Might as well live our life to the fullest at this point. I have lots of plans to travel as soon as I finish reconstruction. Bc really does suck, just have to make the most of your healthy days..

Well said, Diana!

 Each day is a gift! 

Just finishing my second battle with breast cancer.  The first was 6 years ago and both times stage 3b with 2 and 3 pos. lymph nodes. I stay terrified all the time.  My son is in college and I want to see him graduate, get married, have kids, but sometimes I feel like I won't be around for all of that.  I guess it is normal to feel that way.  Breast cancer has definitely turned my life upside down.

My boyfriend's aunt Evelyn had stage III breast cancer when she was in her late 40s. She had a unilateral mastectomy, and that was it. There weren't many treatments for breast cancer in the early 1970s. Evelyn pretty much got back to living her life after that. Over the next 40 years, she traveled extensively and saw not only her sons grow up, but the birth of her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Evelyn died last year at age 86 from a variety of old age issues (heart trouble, broken hip, etc.), but breast cancer wasn't among them. Imagine all she would have missed if she spent her life looking over her shoulder.

I wish I could remember who uses this as their tagline, but it always resonated with me.

If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose? ~Robert Brault

I try to remain cautiously optimistic, and some days are differently harder than others.  One of the biggest changes for me, was my attitude towards my girls who were only 10 and 8 when I was dxed.  I was never in a hurry for them to grow up, but now I think another year towards independence, another year that I was able to influence the type of adult they will become.

It's a strange world to to live in - not being able of make long range plans with the same confidence prior to bc.  I struggled with making a committment to build a new house after dx, but I ended up feeling so much better when we decided to build because it felt like I was placing a stake in the future.

   My daughter tells me, Mom , live!!   Do everything you always wanted to do and enjoy life! So i always wanted to learn to play chess, taught myself, will eventually go back to writing a book I had begun writing, and when i think of new things to add to my bucket list --I'm gonna do 'em.  i still would like to travel, see the Kentucky Derby in person and wear an outrageous hat to the event.   That's just the beginning.  I bought a target pistol and began target shooting which i had given up years ago.  I've developed big time arthritis in my thumbs (no thanks to Tamoxifin and Astrodole)  but that will not stop me.  So goals are a good thing to have on your mind rather that dying from b.c.  It may get me in the end but we have to die  of something. Hospitals are full of healthy fit people dying of nothing!

I know my Onc said I'd have a few years if I had a higher stage (I was 2b before neo chemo "backed" up to 1b but not sure if it "counts"). So each day I'm not progressing I feel like the next 2 years are within reach. I know I decided to do the big no no and go ahead and pull some money out of my retirement and buy a boat (now that I was able to secure my life insurance policy so worst case husband could bury me and pay off the house). Whether I'm here to enjoy it for years or not, I know as a gift to my husband, he and my son will be able to recreate the memories and embrace my love for the water and outdoors as I did growing up. That boat is going to keep famiy together, make for some great fish stories, and teach my son the balance and athleticism to water ski, tube and drive the boat. It's also a hobby (fishing) he and his dad can enjoy throughout childhood, teenage years and adulthood. Just paying outright for the damn thing (used but in great shape) and told husband if you take it out 4x a year and enjoy each time (I think we'll do more than that) but that is a success if he keeps it the next 20 years. F_U cancer. My son will not grow up sad and lost. He will have friends, family and a hobby totally independent of his grades, school bullies, anything thrown at him that I wouldn't be here to help him overcome. Meanwhile I'm looking forward to getting our driveway done and expanded and getting it in here so I can start to wax it and clean it up, ready for our first full year with it next spring. Gosh I hope I have more hair then!

Wow ladies. I know there are many people who recur from earlier stages, but there are more that do not. I may be one of the (un)lucky ones that it happens to, but I refuse to believe that I couldn't possibly be one of those who never recur. As I've seen many on here say, it's a crap shoot. So I'm gambling on 40 years. I may lose, but there's always that possibility that I won't.

I said I would be happy if I could make it to 5 years.  It didn't look promising. But here I am!  Now I am selfish and want more.  I am shooting for 10!!

I believe mine was 2nd generation.  My friend who was stage II had 1st generation.  Mine was a year later and considered a new approach so I that is why I think it was 2nd.  Are you in Canada?